The Flesh Diaries
by iluvbrendonurie
Summary: "If we don't stick together, then neither of us is going to make it!" she yells, and it's the thought of being swarmed in an alleyway that makes her chest rattle. He spins around on his heel and draws her face closer, his gaze as menacing and strong like earlier. She trembles in her Chucks. "Neither of us?" he asks. "Sweetheart, if you stick with me, you'll be the bait."
1. the world is dead

Prologue: The World Is Dead

The first time Caroline Forbes figures the world is ending is in the middle of the night.

She's normally a heavy sleeper. It'll take a whole army and navy for her eyes to even flicker, but somehow she wakes up because of the faintest noise. It's not under her bed, it's not in her closet, it's not out the window. It's just outside her door.

She swings her legs off the mattress and slides into her slippers and starts for the door.

The noise stops. Silence so quiet you can hear a pin drop.

She locks her door just for safe measure. She turns around and crawls back into bed, settling back down on her pillow. Her eyes shut. Slowly she's drifting off again. Slowly her mind starts to shut down. Slowly...

There is an ear piercing scream coming from the opposite side of the hallway. She shoots up in bed, her heart beating in her ears. It's a burglar. Her mom. Why didn't the alarm go off? Oh, that's right. Her mom's the sheriff, why would they need an alarm system?

She pads across the room and gets her tennis racquet out of her closet. She picks up the landline and starts to dial 9-1-1, but she gets nothing. The line is dead. No electricity. Bastard must've cut off the power outside.

"For Christ's sake," she groans under her breath. Of all the people to rob, it has to be her family. It isn't like they have something of value.

But still. it's happening. She grabs her cell, and luckily there's a signal. She punches in the number and it just keeps ringing. Ring. Ring. Ring. No operator. She's waiting for an answering machine to come on, something, but nothing. Just eternal ringing.

Now she's panicking. She drops her phone on the bed and dashes over to the door, one hand on the knob and her other hand firmly around the tennis racquet. Her mother could be hurt. Her mother could be dead. But she didn't hear any struggling. Just a scream. A sharp shriek. Like surprise. Yeah. That's what it was. Her mother was just surprised. Not in pain. Not hurting. She just needs to open the door and get a good peek out of it. That'll confirm everything and she'll be able to help, even though there will be nothing to help with because her mother is fine. She is fine.

She unlocks the door slowly, anxiously listening to the click of the lock. She turns the knob and backs away from it. She bites down on her lip as the door cracks open, revealing the darkened hallway. Her mother keeps the hall light on during the night, but the power is out. Right.

"Whoever is out there I have a gun," she warns even though she doesn't. She wishes she did, but in all actuality, she doesn't even know how to shoot. She'll probably end up blowing her brains out if she pulled the trigger.

"I'm warning you," she says again. Her voice is shaking, her breath is rattling in her throat, her palms are sweaty and the racquet can barely stay in her hand. "I know how to use it."

And the award for Biggest Liar goes to Caroline Forbes. She's too scared to give her acceptance speech right now, though.

There is nothing but silence. She opens the door wider and reaches for the light flicker on the wall, but then she remembers again that there is no power. With her only source of light the tiny bit of moonshine that's coming out of her bedroom, she's basically completely blind. She takes a step forward, praying that the floor doesn't creek beneath her. But it does. Oh, how it does. If only Bill had uprooted the flooring like he promised when she was ten. Goddammit. Now she was going to be found out and gagged and raped and bound to the freaking furnace to rot until someone found her. Of freaking course. That's what happened in all those burglary stories, right? No? Well, she could be a little melodramatic.

She calls out a gun, warning that she has a gun even though if the intruder is watching her they can clearly see that all she is wielding a tennis racquet unless she somehow is hiding a gun in her nightie. She calls for her mother, but she doesn't answer. She just hears silence. She moves over to the banister and touches it before immediately snatching her hand back.

_What the fuck is that?_

Her hand is wet and sticky and she brings it to her nose and god! What the hell did this guy bring in that smells like rotting flesh and piss and shit? She wipes her hand on her nightie and tries to shake the stench out of her nostrils, but it's everywhere. Literally everywhere. She can't even breathe without it suffocating her. It's like a freaking corpse just decided to waltz on into her house and dance around a bit.

But there isn't any time for jokes. She has to figure out if her mother is all right, which she is. She keeps telling herself that. Nothing is wrong with her. She's just-

"Mom?" Caroline's voice is merely a whisper. A whimper. It's a little prayer to whoever is sitting up in the sky on a big throne because_ holy hell _she needs a little heavenly intervention right now.

She's standing in the doorway, her heart is racing, and the room is so dark but she can see it. She can see it as if it's bright as day outside.

The bed, her mother's bed, is covered in blood and other things she doesn't even want to think about. There is blood everywhere. Everything she can lay her eyes on is covered in crimson.

But that's not the surprising part. It's not the part that makes her nearly piss herself. It's not the part that wishes she could have paid a little bit more attention to Jeremy Gilbert playing those god awful video games. It's this part where she's looking down at some inhuman monster devouring her mother senseless. Its head is buried deep in her mother's gut, Liz's eyes are open and vacant. Gone. Empty. Her hair and face are covered in her blood and her lips are parted as if she was just about to say one last thing, but couldn't get it out.

Caroline's throat closes as she watches this thing feast on her mother. This monster. This creature. This...person. She should run. She should turn around and run back into her room, lock the door and climb out the window. She should get in her car and drive to Elena's house. She'll know what to do. Elena always knows what to do, even if it isn't exactly the best plan. It's an idea and ideas are better than nothing.

But Caroline can't move. She's rendered completely immobile. She can't tear her eyes away, she can't breathe. She can't register what she's seeing because it can't be real. It's not real. Things like this don't happen. They only happen in movies. In _Dawn of the Dead_ and _Resident Evil_. They happen in Hollywood on a set. They happen in someone's basement as they create the final touches on the next successful video game franchise. They belong in publishing buildings in a big city as a guy draws his heart out, pouring all of himself into every tiny little detail from the gnashed teeth to the milky white eyes.

The sad thing is that everything she can remember from that world has it pinpointed. Right down to the sunken eye sockets to the greasy hair and rotting flesh. It's so surreal. She's waiting for the cameramen to jump out of the closet and for this zombie to get up and start laughing and for her mother's eyes to blink. Caroline wants to start crying because of how good they got her. How terrible, yet perfect this joke is.

But it doesn't happen.

She drops the racquet.

It notices her presence.

A deafening noise leaves its mouth as it gets ready to lunge for her, but Caroline bounces back into the hallway, slamming the door shut in front of her. Her heart is going to explode, she's going to have an aneurysm.

She's going to die.

She never takes her hand off the knob, but the animal is clawing at the door. It buckles in, pieces of wood fly at her. She winces. How did it even get in? Why didn't it go for her first? Her room is closer to the stairs than her mother's. She should've been the one. She can't survive this...whatever it is. Not without her mom. Not by herself.

The door buckles in again. Her stomach wretches. She's going to be sick. The smell, the look, her mother. God, no. Not her mother. Not her. Anyone but her. No no no. She is not alone in this world. Caroline is _not_ by herself.

But she is. She so is and she can't deal with this. She can't deal with the world ending and her mother being gone and being alone and having close to no survival skills and not knowing what the hell is going on and knowing that no one is here to help her. No one's going to come save her.

A large chunk of the door breaks open and the infected creature has plunged its arm through, trying to get to Caroline. She lets go of the doorknob and retreats backwards to her bedroom, her eyes never leaving its arm. It tears, hisses, screams, shrieks. It smells her. It smells her fear.

She shut her door and scrambles to push her dresser and vanity and nightstands in front of it. She crawls up on her bed and hugs her knees to her chest as its incessant screeches become louder than a bomb going off. Louder than a fire ripping through a small forest. Louder than her breathing and her heart in her chest. Tears roll out of her eyes as the noise gets closer and she hears it just outside her door.

It's a wail.

It's a plea for help.

It's a hunger.

"Please just stop," she cries. "Leave me alone!"

One of the nightstand topples over.

Caroline runs into her closet and slips out of her clothes, changing into jeans and a long-sleeve shirt even though it's the dead of summer. She puts on a hoodie and zips it up, pulls the hood over her head and ties it tight. She laces up her Chuck Taylors as tight and as high as they can go.

The other nightstand falls.

Quickly she runs over to her window, jumping up to break down the curtain bar. She rips the sheer fabric off and thrusts the bar through a belt loop and opens her window.

The world outside is dead. The air is thick with grief.

The second time Caroline Forbes figures the world is ending is when she climbs atop her roof and sees her town up in flames.

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**A/N: **Please please _please _be honest with me! I wasn't supposed to start this until after I finished my other fics, but I'm in the middle of reading a zombie book and I just had so much inspiration to put our favorite characters into a similar situation. And when the muse strikes, it's best not to ignore it. So, please tell me if you want to read more and if this prologue actually interested you even in the slightest. Every little bit counts. Thank you so much!


	2. late dawns and early sunsets

Chapter One: Late Dawns and Early Sunsets

For a foreigner Nik Mikaelson is pretty deft at navigating his way around the broken town of Mystic Falls.

He hasn't been here that long-four days-but he knows where to go and not to go. The "not to go" areas unsurprisingly outnumber the "to go." And "to go" doesn't necessarily mean a safe haven. It doesn't mean protection. It doesn't mean stay here and help will be on the way. No. It doesn't mean any of that. They just haven't reached it yet. Haven't discovered them.

He started out in Atlanta. What was supposed to be a relaxing trip to visit his eldest brother after-how many years was it now? seven?-and a lovely stay at the St. Regis turned into a makeshift melee fight to the closest stairwell and then having to leave through a fire escape. He watched as the city fell before night. Buildings set on fire, exploded. Cars blown up, wrapped around telephone poles. Civilians running up and down the streets and roads, bloodied and crying out _Lord Almighty have mercy on the sinners_ and others spouting of their conspiracy theories _the Mayans were only off by a few months!_

It was frightening.

It was terrifying.

It was exhilarating.

Nik found his way to the car garage, but really there was no use in trying to get to his car when it was all the way up on the seventh level and there were so many vacant cars right in front of him. Oh, how he would miss his Porsche, but a Lamborghini Aventador couldn't really stand up against his baby.

Somehow he got the door to swing open (everyone has a little bit of super strength when the world is ending) and he when he got in, good lord the technology. Buttons, buttons everywhere. He was like a kid in a candystore. He saw a little red hood and he flicked it up. In the middle read "engine" and on the top it said "start." Start it was.

He peeled out of the garage, frowning at how disgustingly fast this city fell. It was like nobody noticed anything was wrong. He didn't, but in his defense, he hadn't even been there a day to notice anything serious. He was tired, jet-lagged from what seemed like a million hour flight from Wales. Sure, the people looked different, but didn't they look different in every country? There was a sickness going around though. That old lady he sat next to in first class kept coughing and having to get up and go to the lavatory and, what he figured, vomit. She looked kind of on the gray side too. But Nik just brushed it off as maybe her time was just coming. Oh well. Death happens.

But then at the airport, it was even worse. A place filled with virus and bacteria and impending deaths. The old woman collapsed on their way to baggage claim. She didn't get back up. She wasn't the first to do so, and she certainly wasn't the last.

The further he drove through the city, he saw just how bad it had gotten. There were so many cars trying to get out of the city, so much traffic that the police couldn't even control that people began to just drive on the sidewalk, grass; anything but the road. Outside of Atlanta was progressively worse. The authorities had lost all control; the US government was keeping hush hush about the whole situation, playing it off as another swine flu epidemic. But the people knew better. People who had swine flu didn't die and then come back as some hissing, raging monster.

A zombie.

It sounds weird. He isn't the type to be sucked up into pop culture, but the term has never been more accurate. Ex-humans running around aimlessly with whitened eyes, sniffing around for blood and their next meal. Their hunger never sated, thirst never quenched. An eternal starvation at the pit of their stomachs. Sickening.

It got worse the further north he drove. He had a set destination, Mystic Falls, Virginia. His baby sister and brother had been residing there for the past year. He tried to call them, but no one ever picked up. Either the phone lines were dead or...well, they were dead. He liked to think that they left. They got out in time. Rebekah wouldn't let anyone get more than four feet to her if she didn't like them, and Kol would have protected her with his life. He's protecting her with his life right now.

Nik likes to think that, because in Mystic Falls, there is nothing. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust; someone has already tried to dispose of everything before it began. Bodies lay strewn across the sidewalks and streets, charred or just devoured to the point of not being able to return. A high school, "home of the Timberwolves", looks more like an abandoned warehouse than anything. Not a place of education. Today is the third time he's passed by it. He travels in daylight, scrounging up every little bit of supplies he can manage. He's been into infected infested drugstores and supermarkets, taking them out with a single shot to the head with a silencer. If he hadn't stopped at police stations along the way and cleaned up the arsenal, he'd probably be a straggler by now. Wandering around and picking at dead bodies just because he could.

His SUV (had to let go of the Aventador because, well, a sports car was good for speed and speed meant noise and that meant the horde) is filled to the brim with supplies he could manage (read: fight for): water, a few pairs of clothes, foods that can't spoil like canned vegetables and fruit, and guns of course. Automatic and semi-automatic. Sniper rifles, shotguns, pistols, assault rifles of different breeds, and a few grenades (which is nothing short of a miracle, but apparently the South is prepared for anything). It isn't like he plans to ride this thing out until the end of time, but he won't stop fighting until he finds his siblings or at least knows that they're fine. Which they are. They have to be. They're Mikaelsons, and Mikaelsons don't go down without a fight. Nik's father was always fond of that motto-may Satan torture his soul.

Nik parks in the desolate parking lot, being sure that there aren't any undead lurking about. He's not particularly in the mood to shoot anything, but if need be, he tucks a handgun in the back of his jeans and hitches an M16 over his shoulder. The only reason he's going into Mystic High is because there has to be something there. Whether it's Rebekah or Kol, or just food, there has to be something worth a little value.

He slips easily through the front doors, which aren't even doors anymore. Just busted out blackened glass. The halls are silent, they reek of smoke and sadness. He's been in other schools before, but there's something about Mystic High that screams not to be forgotten. Like this place has a legacy that needs to be upheld at any rate. From the trophies in the display cases to the pictures of happy groups of students on the bulletin boards on the walls.

The prom queen is blonde and blue eyed and all smiles as she stands next to a matching blonde boy with blue eyes in a winter scene. She looks so mystified as if she can't even believe she won the crown, but there's a flash of confidence behind her eyes that the camera catches. Nik sees it.

Below her is a picture of the cheerleading team. Prom Queen must be the captain judging from her being the sole girl with a yellow shirt on while everyone else wears blue. His eyes glaze over the girls until he stops at his sister. His breath catches in his chest a little. Her shoulder-length hair is in two pigtails and she's winking, holding out a peace sign in front of her. Her smile is contagious, her eyes are twinkling. Even in the dimness of the situation, Nik finds himself smiling along with her, if only for a second. Maybe he won't ever get to see that smile again. Maybe he won't see her eyes twinkle or hear her bickering with him or one of their brothers again. Maybe he won't and the image of something biting into her neck or any part of her body forces him to shut his eyes tightly and rip that picture down. He folds it a few times before stuffing it in his pocket and wishing the thoughts to just leave.

Rebekah isn't dead. Kol isn't dead. None of the people he cares about are dead. They're all...somewhere. They're hiding out in a bunker or up in a bloody treehouse or something. They're safe. Completely safe.

Nik continues down the halls of Mystic High. Lockers are buckled in, hanging open, or simply missing. Classroom doors are gone and desks are scattered about the rooms. Windows are gone, a fish tank has crashed and dead fish coat the floor, drowned by air. He walks through a corridor and enters the big and empty gym, save for a few scattered basketballs and blue mats. If he listens closely, he can almost hear the high-pitched squealing of fans at a championship game. Rebekah probably cheered at one.

He makes it to the cafeteria and stops at the entryway.

He's not alone.

Nik reaches back and takes the gun out of the waistband of his jeans and holds it up to eye level as he creeps stealthily into the cafeteria. There's a figure at the opposite end screeching and causing a ruckus, knocking into tables and chairs searching for anything to swallow. It moves around easier-faster-than any other straggler he's seen, and _that_ is electrifying. He pictures that thing wandering in, dumb and clueless, believing that there would be something lying around just for him. Who would ever seek shelter in a school of all places? Especially in one where you could literally walk through walls.

But this beast is here, soaking up the same stale air as Nik and losing its mind. It's bigger than any other one Nik has unfortunately came in contact with, maybe a football player or wrestler. He's sloppy in his movements, bumping into walls and stumbling around like a drunk. Nik figures it's best to just put it out of its misery while its still so unaware.

He walks out into the open, taking long strides to the monster. Its back is to Nik as it roars at nothingness. Perhaps the emptiness in its heart is escaping through its lips and this is the only way it can plead for something. He closes in on it and fires. The loud crack of a shot erupts through the cafeteria and a bullet flies across, headed straight to the undead creature.

It misses.

"Shit," Nik mutters under his breath as the straggler turns around. His hair is as dark as night and despite the rotting flesh, he has a strong jaw. A strong face. His nose is completely missing and one of his ears is sliced in half, but something about him seems like he's alive still. That deep inside is still a high school boy who's fighting for his life. Nik wonders if this boy knew Rebekah.

The monster lunges at Nik and throws him off balance as he fires another shot, hitting it in the right shoulder. But that doesn't act as an obstacle. The zombie knocks Nik to the ground and falls on top of him, doing his best at clawing at his skin and extending out his neck as far as he can to get the tiniest bite. Nik rolls over to the side until he's on top of the monster and reaches for the gun that has skidded across the floor a few inches away. He grunts as he tries to reach for it, but the zombie is pulling at the fabric on his long-sleeve shirt, smelling the blood coursing through Nik's veins.

The zombie writhes beneath Nik's body as he keeps one arm on his throat and the other extended, trying to get the tiniest grasp of the gun. His sleeve gets torn open and he has no choice but to release him and dive for the pistol. He scrambled with it to get a firm grip and twists around just as it dives in for the kill. Nik fires, hitting him right in the forehead. Black brain matter splatters behind it as the thing falls face first and Nik rolls out of the way.

He lets out a breath and looks down at the monster, shaking his head in disgust. He inspects his arm for any skin tears, because if that's the case, then he might as well do himself in right here. Anything is better than turning into one of _them_. Anything. But everything seems to look okay, so he gets up and starts to the kitchen.

Nik stops short.

It's like a breeding ground. An endless pit of milky eyes and dead skin. They walk slowly towards the doorway, alerted by the noise of a struggle and three gunshots. It's like they all died and turned in this room like a family. Like they just gave up before even trying.

Is that what happened to Rebekah and Kol? Did they just stop and throw in the towel?

No. They didn't. They _wouldn't_.

Either way, it's too many to kill and it doesn't appear that there is anything left that can be salvaged. Nik turns around and starts back to the entryway of the cafeteria, but when his eyes set on the far distance of the caf, there's someone else standing there. He can't make the figure out completely, but he can tell it's not dead. It's alive. Very much alive.

A human.

A threat.

Survivors aren't good. They're a liability. And if this person saw his truck outside, then who knows what they looted. They might be in a group and his truck could be gone for all he knows. His weapons, his food, his supplies. Everything gone.

Before he can even react, the figure retreats hastily and Nik follows suit after them, weaving his way back through the cafeteria. The grip he has on his gun never wavers as he dashes back up the stairs and into the corridor where the doors are swinging shut. He pushes through and navigates back to the main hallway where the figure is just about to leave through the doors. A few yards away she stands and he can just make out a mop of blonde hair.

"Rebekah?" he asks, his voice so small and heavy with disbelief. It's not her. It can't be her. She would've recognized him and stopped. She wouldn't have just ran away from him.

"Hey!" he calls out to the person. "I'll shoot you if you take another step!"

She freezes, one foot on the outside world and the other still in the dark abyss. She lifts her hands in the air as if she's under arrest and turns around slowly.

"D-don't shoot," she utters as Nik steps closer, still keeping his aim straight on her. "You'll attract the horde."

"Where did you come from?" Nik demands. The girl looks scared to death, like she's never stared down the barrel of a gun before. She probably hasn't.

The girl swallows and sucks in a shaky breath, a thin layer of cold sweat forming over her forehead and under her layers of clothing. "P-please," she whispers hoarsely. Her blue eyes start to water and soon she becomes hysterical. "I just saw your truck and...and it was new so I thought it was help. Please don't shoot me."

Nik regards her with a softened gaze, but doesn't lower his gun. If he took pity on every survivor he came across on his journey to Mystic Falls, then he isn't so sure that he would even be standing here right now. This girl can't be an exception. She won't be an exception.

"You from around here?" he asks her.

She nods quickly and swallows down the lump forming in her throat. "M-my house is a few blocks from here." She points to the east.

"Who are you with? Where's your family?"

She doesn't say anything and bites her lip.

A slight pang of guilt burdens his chest, but again with the pity. He can't afford to take care of her. She's not his problem. If she survived this long, then she must be doing just fine.

"Very well then," he says and places his gun back in the waistband of his jeans. The girl lowers her arms and wipes her face dry of any tears as Nik steps past her and out into the daylight. He walks back to the truck and examines it, seeing no signs of any changes. Funny, because she had ample time to steal anything she wanted, yet she didn't. Why is that?

"Is it bad?"

He lets out a breath and turns around to face her. She's pretty. In that "there's only one female left on earth you can screw and it not be considered taboo." Well, okay. Maybe not. He'll put it this way, he can look at her and assume she's a pageant queen who has friends out the wazoo but is too insecure to even notice how many guys have their tongues rolling out of their mouths. Therefore, she is attractive.

"Is what bad?"

"Where you came from," she responds as she casts her gaze down at her bright red Chuck Taylors. "Is it worse? Is that why you came here?"

He narrows his eyes and walks around to the driver's side. "It's none of your business why I came here."

"Well, what's your name? I'm Caroline."

Great. Now he knows her name. When a stranger has a name, there's a little sliver of responsibility that is pegged on to you whether you want it or not. And it won't just go away. But this is the apocalypse. Kill or be killed. His death won't be because of her stupidity, and she's probably more stupid than she looks. What, with her bright yellow hoodie zipped up to the top and a long sleeve shirt underneath that. It's practically eighty degrees outside and she's dressed for the next freaking Ice Age.

But regardless, her name is Caroline. Caroline who just won't shut up.

"Yes. Well, lovely speaking with you," Nik says opening the door.

"If we don't stick together, then neither of us is going to make it!" she yells, and it's the thought of being swarmed in an alleyway that makes her chest rattle.

He spins around on his heel and draws her face closer, his gaze as menacing and strong like earlier. She trembles in her Chucks.

"Neither of us?" he asks. "Sweetheart, if you stick with me, you'll be the bait."

The color drains from Caroline's face and she takes a step back. Her heart rate picks up speed and this man's hard gaze puts her in a darker place she's never been before. He'll leave her here, to die. He doesn't care. She's no one to him, just like he's no one to her. She doesn't even know his name, and maybe it's better that way. It's easier to hate someone without a name.

But still. The last thing she wants to do is be out here on her own. It's already bad enough that she's practically starving and has been camping out on her roof for the past week, too scared to even think about sleeping somewhere else. Not that she can even sleep anyway. Whenever she tried to ever close her eyes the image of her mother splayed out across her bedroom floor always flashed behind her eyelids. She couldn't shake it out of her system.

She stands up tall and meets his eyes, the color of darkened sapphires. At this point, she doesn't even care if all he'll ever do is use her. He's...safe. Sort of. In a gun-toting British air kind of way. "Then I guess I'll just be bait then."

Nik studies Caroline for a quick moment, how serious her face and tone suddenly is, and he throws his head back in laughter. Sure it's the end of the world, but this is just too funny. Willingly she'll come along to be bait. Willingly she'll stay with him while he uses her to lure away any straggler or horde that gets in his way. Why didn't he think of this before? It probably would be even better than just ki-getting rid of the other survivors that wanted to accompany him. Strength in numbers and all that jazz, but more people meant more mouths to feed, and he wasn't about to give away everything he found for random strangers. It was all for Rebekah and Kol. God knows where they were and if they were starving.

"Are you serious, love?" he asks her. She places her hands on her hips and purses her lips. "You'd come with a strange man who could kill you at anytime?"

She tilts her head to the side. Any sign of tears are long gone. "If you seriously think I'm afraid of you after spending a week out here by myself with absolutely no hope whatsoever, then you're sorely mistaken. _Love_."

She rolls her eyes walks around to the other side of the truck and gets in. He looks at her through the driver's side, taking in how annoyed yet utterly terrified she is. She's good at hiding her emotions to an extent, but he can see right through that exterior. There's nothing there but a scared little girl. Fresh meat.

"You don't know what you're getting yourself into," he mumbles as he gets in beside her.

"No, I don't," she admits, fastening her seatbelt in. "But anything is better than out there."


	3. slip into the tragedy

Chapter Two: slip into the tragedy

An uncomfortable silence looms in the vehicle as Nik drives slowly down broken streets and roads.

Occasionally, he steals glances at Caroline who keeps her gaze fixated down in her lap, twiddling her thumbs to an imaginary beat. Her breaths are shallow and she's a strong little thing despite the fact what inevitably awaits her in the near future. Probably within even just a few moments.

But she's not thinking about that. Dying, that is. Because, honestly, if it was going to happen, then it would have happened already. There have been plenty of times this week where she actually cheated death. She was a walking target for her own personal grim reaper. If Hollywood still exists, then she should have a cameo in the next _Final Destination_ film.

Seriously, though. Her backyard is infested with the damned monsters. It's like they know she's up there on the roof so they just wait around, hoping that she would just fall off already. The one that was in her room had long since been gone, but she still wasn't ever going to go back in that house. The only way she ever got down was jumping into the tree and then easing herself onto the neighbor's roof to climb down. It wasn't an easy life, but she had to make do with what she got.

Looking for something to eat was especially hard. What she gathered from houses she snuck into, which was only three because she was scared shitless (there's only so much you can do with a curtain holder), she stuffed in her pockets and carried them back to the roof. Walking through town was horrible. There was literally no one. It was like somehow during that night the world just vanished into thin air. People she once knew were gone. Or gone as in undead. People she didn't even think about ever turning into something so gruesome.

But her main concern was her friends. Elena and Bonnie. She'd walked by their homes, but Elena's was literally nothing, and Bonnie's street was completely overtaken with infected. If Bonnie was still in there, then she wasn't alive.

"Caroline, huh?"

She looks up, startled and slightly forgetful that she was even picked up.

_This guy. Right._

"Yeah," she answers. "What's your name? Or is it none of my concern still?"

Nik smirks. "Now you're getting the hang of this. You don't ask the questions; I do."

She rolls her eyes and scoffs. "You know, you remind me of this girl I used to go to school with. She was a real bitch."

"Must've been lovely," he muses.

If lovely suddenly means_ venom spitting swine_, then lovely she was. Very lovely. Her name, Rebekah Mikaelson, stepped right out of the British version of _Mean Girls_. With her sophisticated vocabulary and the way she literally turned up her nose at someone who dared to even ask her a simple question like what time it was, Caroline was convinced that Rebekah was Mystic Falls' very own Regina George. Or just a really big super bitch. And that was not how the story was supposed to go. New students, _especially_ new girls, weren't allowed to be bitches on Caroline's turf. It wasn't like she ran the school or anything (she totally did: cheerleading captain, head of all dance and festival committees, student body president, founding family member, etc.), but Rebekah coming and stealing her thunder away wasn't something that could just be overlooked.

Yet, everyday that she stayed in the town a little less of Caroline was visible. Everyone seemed to fall in love with her for some strange reason. So she had a cute accent? So? So she was a little on the adorable side? So? So she was rich? So? Did she spend her entire junior high and high school career planning out her prom queen campaign? No. They didn't even have proms in England or wherever the hell she was from. And, you know, Caroline was pretty damned sure that Rebekah didn't spend majority of her life crushing on everybody's favorite Matt Donovan only to have him dump her on graduation for Rebekah herself.

So yes. If lovely meant venom spitting swine, then Rebekah was very lovely. If the gods are looking down on Caroline, then Rebekah has to be dead. Matt too for that sake.

But now isn't the time for petty high school bullshit. Caroline got over Matt-or, rather, she thought she did-after three weeks. At the moment, it was the worst time of her life. Endless crying and headaches and blemishes and extra weight that she didn't really need to gain if she was majoring in physical therapy in the fall at the University of Miami. But over time, her heartbreak began to fade. She was moving to Florida, and Matt was planning to just stay in Mystic Falls and take care of the house that his mother was never a part of. He had scholarships from colleges all around the country, but he decided to just stay in their little town and do dishes at the Mystic Grill just like he'd been doing for the past four years. So maybe it was for the best. Caroline was destined for bigger things, and Matt...well not-so-big things.

However, if by chance, they are alive, then hopefully it won't be for too much longer. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

"Where are you from?" Caroline asks, trying to get her mind on other things as desolate and sad as those other things might be.

"Born in Wales, grew up in London," he responds never once taking his eyes off the road. He takes a left turn off the main street and city hall is at the end. They past the Mystic Grill, which is nothing but a broken box now, and Caroline feels a slight hint of nostalgia. He continues to drive until he hits a tiny side road that she's been on maybe once or twice and within a few more moments they're driving over freaking corpses that are just lying around on the road.

She clenches her stomach and ducks her head in between her knees.

The vehicle bounces up and down and Nik isn't even trying to go about it subtly. He doesn't care. Used to it. He's driven on this road everyday since he's gotten here and he's not stopping just because of a little car sickness. Not like she hasn't seen a dead body before. Puh-lease.

Caroline coughs a few times, tears bud in the corners of her eyes, and she begs for it all to just stop. This is too much. She's going to be sick.

She rolls down the window and sticks her head out into the sunlight, smelling the scent of death in the air. She vomits up every little bit of cereal grains she's eaten that morning , and it's still not enough. It feels like she's going to cough up her stomach, her heart, her lungs. Her insides are on fire, her face is the shade of a freshly ripe tomato, she can barely breathe. There is no air in this world. There is no oxygen.

Nik glances over at her, her back unstable and her hair clinging to her forehead. Her crystal eyes are shining and wet and sad and she's terribly sick. This is exactly why she should've just stayed where she was. Survivors are a liability. Extra baggage that doesn't need to be carried. yet she's here, and he doesn't really know why. If she were anyone else, then he would've killed her by now. But there's something about her that just...

"We're here," he says as he pulls into a large driveway. A large fountain sits in the center of it and Caroline looks up to see that they've arrived at a mansion of some sort. Since when were there other mansions besides the Lockwood mansion?

"What is this place?" she asks softly, her throat still raw from the coughing.

"It's a house," Nik answers as he gets out and starts towards the front door.

Unlike the rest of Mystic Falls, it isn't dilapidated and blown out. It doesn't look like there's any damage whatsoever. Not even a trace of undead, but Caroline isn't too sure. If it seems too good to be true, then it probably is. But if that is indeed the case, she's not going to wait in the car and be a sitting duck. There had been too much of that already.

She gets out and catches up to him as he looms at the doorstep. Had the doors always been this big?

Caroline regards him carefully, trying to picture just what he's thinking about. She's no psychologist, but something tells her that he isn't as mean as he tries to be. She's had enough experience with dickheads before (cough Damon Salvatore cough) to know that there's always just a big softie underneath.

"What's wrong?" she asks slowly.

He snatches his head up as if he's just remembered that she was also here with him, and he actually did forget about her altogether. There was just him and this door. This lonely door that hides a lonely and empty house with bare walls and no memories. Nothing but desolation and nothingness. No Rebekah. No Kol. Nobody.

He tells her that it's nothing, that she just needs to shut the hell up and do as he says.

There is nothing wrong whatsoever. He just needs to suck it up.

He twists the door handle and opens it up in one swing and suddenly he's stepped over the threshold and he's in this ridiculously beautiful house that he can't even imagine his siblings occupying with just the two of them. But, maybe, eventually, all of them would have lived here. Him, Elijah, Kol, Rebekah, Finn. In a perfect world, that's how it would be. But Elijah and Finn aren't even here anymore. Kol and Rebekah are missing. It's just Nik. Always only just Nik.

The place is eerily quiet. Empty and desolate. There is furniture, but it looks brand new. Like it's never been used before. There are paintings of landscapes on the wall, a black signature NM in the right hand corners. There are pictures of little dark-haired boys on the mantle and two blonde children with piercing blue eyes. They are all smiling and hugging each other and full of love and exuberance and the innocence that is a child's soul. The innocence that has long disappeared.

He walks into the marble covered ballroom and he can almost picture his sister dancing with some boy and smiling the way she always does when she's truly proud of herself, which is all the time really. Nik can almost envision his cocky little brother trying to womanize some poor unsuspecting girl in the corner, falling for his charms over and over just like they all do.

He walks up the stairs and Caroline follows close behind, her eyes straight on his stiff back and shoulders. She cocks her head to the side when they enter a study with nothing but a desk and a bookshelf. He starts to take them out one by one, flipping through the pages. She wants to ask him what he's looking for, if she can help him find it, but he'll just shut her out. So she just stands in the doorway and watches him flit from the desk and to the bookshelf frantically as if if he can't find whatever it is, then a bomb's going to be set off or something.

He mutters words under his breath, but she can't make it out. His breathing is loud and heavy and the way his eyes go wide and wild are enough to tell her that he's scared out of his mind.

Then it all clicks. Everything is set into place like puzzle pieces and Caroline mentally kicks herself in the shins for not figuring out sooner.

He's not just some strange British guy.

This isn't just a random house that he chose to go to.

This is the infamous Mikaelson mansion that she was never invited to go to.

Rebekah lived here.

Caroline backs out of the study and leans on the wall in the hallway, covering her face in her hands. And after she wished death upon the poor girl like she was so disposable only to find out that this man had some type of connection to her. Whether she liked her or not, Rebekah was a person. A living, breathing person with a family just like her. And Caroline completely disregarded all of that like it was nothing. So blinded by her own fury and heartbreak that she didn't even stop and actually look at the person hurting like mad right beside her. She didn't ask enough questions. She just went along, hoping for the best. Thinking that, well, they didn't need to know each other since the world was ending. But how wrong she was. How terribly wrong.

Now that she thinks about it, she can see the similarity. The blue eyes, the snarky attitude, the confidence that just seems to be radiating off their skin. Caroline was always envious of that confidence. That strength that seemed to run deep in Rebekah's veins.

Nik continues to flip through the pages, trying to figure out any type of clue as to where his sister and brother might be. When they were children he remembers that on the last day of the semester in school, Rebekah would bring home her progress reports and stuff them between the pages of an Oxford or an encyclopedia and pretend that she never received it. Other times she would sneak into his room and hide little stick figure drawings in his textbooks while he was out and sign her name at the bottom like she was a world-renowned artiste. And then, there was the last time, when she tried to suppress her memories of that night within those stationery pages of her lock & key diary.

She was always good at hiding things. Leaving little secret messages here and there for one of her brothers. She'd even hide herself from them; under her bed, in the pantry, in a cupboard, in the closets, in the garden. And they'd always find her. Or rather, Nik always found her. Always the one to humor her just for a bit, letting her know that even though she was the only girl in the house that he'd always cherish her just so like a little princess. That he'd always be there. He'd always find her.

And now he lost her.

There are no messages in pages, there are no drawings of the family with U smiles on their faces, there are no progress reports with a minus strikes on them for misbehavior. There is nothing.

Nik sets down the last book and holds onto the edge of the desk until his knuckles turn snow white. He clenches his jaw and he shuts his eyes tightly. He doesn't know what he was expecting to find here. He's looked at this place for the past four days, checking every little nook and cranny for some type of inkling as to where his siblings are, but nothing. There is nothing. It's like they knew what was going to happen. Like they were prepared.

"I'm sorry," a voice says from the doorway. He turns to look at his newfound companion and notices she's taken off her hoodie and now the only thing protecting that flesh of hers from a vicious bite is a thin cotton yellow shirt that will do close to no good.

There's black blood splattered across her chest.

"For what?" he asks, and now he's bitter. Pure anger and frustration because this situation shouldn't even be happening. He shouldn't know Caroline. He should be in Atlanta drinking a cold beer with Elijah and indulging in all the simple pleasures Atlanta had to offer. Not this.

"Because." Caroline chews on her bottom lip and shifts her weight to one leg. "I knew...Rebekah. That's who you're here for, right? Rebekah Mikaelson?"

He swallows and his face turns into a stone.

"We weren't exactly the best of friends," she admits, "but I don't think anything happened to her. I think she just left."

Just left. Right. Rebekah just left. As if things would be that easy. You don't just leave. You can't just leave.

"Did you know Kol?" he asks her and she shakes her head.

"I may have saw him once or twice in town, but she never talked about her personal life that much. Who are you?"

"One of her brothers."

"Oh."

And that's the end of it. Caroline looks at him with gentle eyes because she's been in this exact same position-hell, she still is in this exact same position. Elena and Jeremy Gilbert, Bonnie Bennett, Stefan and Damon Salvatore, Tyler Lockwood, Matt Donovan; all her friends are missing and she has no way of finding out where they are. On top of all that, her mother is dead. The single person left that was never supposed to leave her under any circumstances was gone and here she was all alone searching for people who might have already kissed death.

"What's your name?" she tries again, hoping for an actual answer this time. Maybe if she had tried to befriend Rebekah a little more then she would've already known. But it's too late for that now, isn't it?

He brushes past her and closes the door behind them. "Nik," he says and it's like a weight is lifted off her chest for some strange reason. Now Caroline knows his name. She knows the name of a brother of the girl she absolutely loathed, and she's stuck with him.

"I lost people too," Caroline says as Nik goes back down the stairs. She stops at the top step and thinks to ask him why he hasn't checked the other rooms, but then stops herself once she realizes that he's probably been here before. He's probably turned this place inside out and looking through those books were probably his fifth time doing that. You start to repeat things over again once you realize how desperate you are to find something. Anything.

"I don't know where my friends are," she continues as she keeps an even four feet behind him. Her fingers graze the edge of the railing as she descends and she's caught up in a daydream about what this place must've looked like when it was alive. When it was open and free and warm. Not closed and obstructed and cold as ice.

"I watched my mom get eaten."

Nik stops at the bottom step and slowly looks up. Caroline grips the rail hard as the memory flutters back into her mind. She didn't plan on telling him, but maybe if something as tragic as that could maybe place some type of optimism in him. There's a certainty in her mother's death. She saw it. It was an ending. There was no hope, no what if, no redo. There wasn't enough praying or hopeful thinking to bring her back, but maybe there was still something to wish for with Rebekah and Kol. There isn't a finality to their story. They haven't ended.

"I couldn't save her," Caroline says and Nik turns to look at her.

His eyes are soft yet waning. His lips are in a straight line and she's staring right back at him, her sky blues glossy and frustrated. "Why are you telling me this?"

"If you give up now-"

"And what makes you think that I've given up?" he spits. He storms up the few steps where she is and yanks Caroline to her feet, his grip on her wrists tight and unrelenting. Give up? Give up? He'd never give up. Who does she think she is telling him that he's given up? She has no right to.._.that man_ had no right to...

She struggles to get away from him, but his grasp never wavers. He practically drags her down the steps and throws her into a large armchair in the corner of the parlor. Nik paces back and forth as Caroline rubs her reddened wrists. Her mouth quivers and she wonders if maybe, just maybe, being out on her own was better than being here, but then her eyes catch sight of the large French doors that reveal the terrace and she knows that she'd rather be here than out there.

There must be fifteen of them. Twenty. Grey and rotted faces, white eyes, mouths hanging open, jaws broken or dislocated. They break through a wooden fence like throwing rocks at a glass window. They push, they fall, they call crawl their way to the manor and Caroline curls up into the seat afraid to even speak. She points her finger to the door and gets Nik's attention.

"Get up," he demands, but she's not fast enough so he grips her upper arm hard and pulls her back to the front door. His heart is pounding in his ears even though he can't understand why because he's been in bigger messes than this, but have they ever moved so fast? He doesn't think so.

Something crashes in the parlor and Caroline lets out an ear piercing scream. Nik opens the door only to see an army of infected crawling around the property, hissing and shrieking at the fresh scent of a new meal. His car is only a few yard away, but it's a risk that he's not willing to take. He's not going to make it there with a pistol and five bullets. It's not going to happen.

He slams the door and rushes to the parlor door as infected start to push on it and Caroline dashes to his side immediately.

"What do we do?" she asks frantically, struggling against the weight.

If he knew what they were going to do, then he would've have told her already. But right now, he can't even think. Nothing is coming to mind that doesn't end in their demise. His demise. And he can't die without knowing whether Rebekah and Kol are okay. He will not allow this to be the end. It won't end.

"Remember what I said earlier?" he asks her quickly.

She shakes her head as her eyes roll up into her head, searching for the answer. He hasn't said that much, so what could it be? What could be so damn important that it'll help when she's literally on the verge of being the main course in an all you can eat buffet.

"About you being the bait?" he yells and pushes harder on the door.

Her head falls back against the door and she lets out a tiny breath. Right. If she sticks with him, she's the bait. But what good would it even do if she's going to die either way? But, would he really be that dumb and use her just to get out of this? There has to be another way out of here. Maybe upstairs and climbing up on the roof like Caroline is so skilled at doing. Anything but going out there just to be a distraction.

"You want me to create a diversion," she sighs knowingly. She shouldn't be so willing to do this, but after all those bad thoughts she wished on Rebekah, she figures it's only fair. "What if they get me?"

"They won't," Nik tells her through gritted teeth. The door bucks in and a splinter of wood flies across the floor to the other side of the foyer.

A bead of sweat trickles down the center of her forehead and stops on the bridge of her nose. Her lungs feel like they're about to burst and she's pretty sure she just might be about to go into cardiac arrest, but she still manages to say, "So what did you have in mind?"

Nik smiles devilishly and Caroline realizes that she's just given up her fate to this guy who hates her guts.

Damn her bravery. Damn it all to hell.


	4. real big plans and such bad thoughts

Chapter Three: real big plans and such bad thoughts

Caroline doesn't really know why she ever agreed to going along with this madman. This mad British man with an eye for getting her bitten or killed. Or something equally life-threatening because that's the only reason why he would ever suggest that she make a run for it to the closest tree, which is a good forty yards away from the front door, and climb it since she's so goshdarned good at climbing trees. When she draws them all away, he'll run to the truck, hop in, drive by the tree, and she'll hop on the roof and slide in through a window.

After Nik explains this through gritted teeth and a sweat covered brow and splinter laden fingers from the damned door, Caroline is still very wary. What's stopping him from just leaving her up in that tree? He said that he'd come back for her, but can she really trust him? Especially when he's so stuck on having her act as bait?

"We're running out of time, sweetheart," Nik grunts, pushing harder on the door with his back.

Caroline's eyes dart from the shadows coming closer to the front door and the thudding behind her back. If she stays here, then they're as good as dead. If she runs, then there's a good chance she'll be the one dead. So does she really want to risk it all? What does she really have left to lose?

"Promise me something," she says suddenly.

"I don't think now is the time to be making promises-"

"Just listen!" she yells, narrowing her eyes at him. "You've talked enough. If...if I get bitten, you have to promise me that you won't let me come back as one of those. You have to kill me right then and right there on the spot. Just do it."

Time seems to stop in this moment. She isn't sad. She isn't angry. She isn't distressed. She is determined. She knows what will happen to her body if she gets bit. If she gets so much as a tiny scratch from their fingernails. If the tiniest drop of their blood enters her system somehow. That's the end. It's all over after that, and anything seems better than to die and come back as one of those flesh eating demons. She's accepted this fact, though, over time. If push comes to shove, then she can die with no regrets. Nothing on her shoulders and nothing in her gut because she's whispered everything to the wind. She's confessed her deepest secrets to no one but the lonely world because that's all that's there. That's all that was ever left. She can die a free woman now. No sins, no transgressions, nothing.

"You didn't have to tell me something I would've already done," Nik says, and he doesn't even think about it. And the way he says it, it's like he's been anticipating that it will come to that. That he's eager to just put a bullet in her head just to shut her up. Like she's so fucking annoying and such a goddamned liability.

But, despite the anger and betrayal that she should maybe be feeling. Fuck maybe. She should be feeling it. She just smiles brightly and answers back, "You can count that I'll do the same for you. And just know that I don't know how to shoot, so it'll hurt."

He grimaces.

"Gotta run!" she yells and trots off to the front door. She stands in front of it, her hands on both of the handles and shuts her eyes tightly. They're just outside the door, waiting for them to just open. They can smell her. They can smell her fear.

"Any day now, love," Nik quips from behind her.

"_Shut the fuck up._"

She grips the handles hard, her palms are sweaty and her skin is clammy. This could very well be the end. Oh hell, who is she kidding? You can't just run into a horde of infected and expect to make it through. This is goodbye, she decides. Goodbye to whoever.

There is sunlight and there are clouds and there is a sky the lightest shade of blue you can imagine. It's almost a slate color. There are trees covered in green and a flowing fountain and a nice brick driveway. These are simple things that Caroline cannot marvel at.

There are dead bodies walking, crawling, dragging their way towards her. There are dead bodies on the doorstep reaching out their arms and hands to her, extending out their necks and widening their jaws for a taste of that delicious skin. Just a little nip here and maybe a nice chunk of skin right there. These are things Caroline cannot help but to be afraid of.

She runs, pushes. Her feet can't move her quick enough, her arms cannot flail the right way. She's going to get her hand stuck in a mouth and it's going to bite and it's going to hurt and she's going to see the blood pour out from her wound and she's going to fall and die right there on the fucking driveway like a true loser. She won't have saved Nik. She won't have even saved Rebekah if she's still out there, because she will have destroyed the one person that she's probably counting on.

Her lungs feel like they're about to collapse one at a time. She feels dead on her arms, pulling on her, latching on to her hair. She screeches as it pulls her back into its body and she's digging her nails into its face while others see that she's trapped. Her belly is exposed as she continues to dig her fingers into something. Anything. The eyes. But she's pushing and suddenly she's trying to kick while keeping her balance, but it's not enough.

She calls out for her mother, tells her that she's coming to be with her again and she won't dare talk back to her again and she won't ever leave for college because that was the one thing Liz was always nervous about. She calls out for Bonnie, apologizes for being such a shitty friend when Jeremy broke up with her for some weird girl with a flat face. She calls out for Elena, explains to her that if she really loves Damon, then go for it. She's not going to hold what he's done to her over Elena's head anymore. Caroline tells her that she's completely over it.

But then she's on the ground standing up. She reaches back and her fingers touch the back of her neck and it's wet with...saliva. Not blood. She spins on her heel and sees that the zombie is lying on its back, a fresh bullet wound coming straight through its forehead.

"Three in one," she hears from the distance. "That's a new record."

She sees Nik standing in the doorway, but then he abruptly shuts it. She hears another shot fire within the walls.

She turns back around to face another five zombies headed straight her way, so she decides to use her feet again. She looks at her arms as she picks up speed. No scratches, no tears, no open lacerations. Nothing. She reaches back and touches her neck again and feels nothing. She hasn't been bitten. She's still alive. For now.

She extends her arms out and pushes the weaker infected who have no sense of balance and direction when they lunge at her. It's like they're drunk on some unknown substance and can't even walk straight. She grunts as the lower part of her palm connects with one of their chins and the head surprisingly snaps clean off the neck like a doll. She looks down at it for a split second, marveling at how easy it was. She's never killed one before.

That was her first kill.

Her first kill.

That used to be a person.

She killed an ex-person.

Which is kind of like an actual person.

Oh god.

Now is not the time to be feeling guilty. It's not murder, she thinks to herself. It's _not_ murder. It's...self-defense. Or something like that. These are monsters. Brainless monsters. Ruthless killers. A different breed of cannibal.

Her legs feel weak. Numb. Like they're going to give out from underneath her. She's lost so much weight and strength from the past week that she can feel it in her bones. She can feel it in her bloodstream. The struggle it is just to take one more breath, how her heart races so fast that she's sure it's about to stop beating at any second.

But refuge is so close. She's closing in on it. The more her feet slap against the hot brick, the more she shoves infected away from her as they pull at her shirt and arms, the closer the tree gets. She just has to reach out for it.

She leaps up and grasps onto a lower branch, kicking her legs back and forth furiously. She pulls the upper half of her body all the way up and manages to stand tall enough to hook onto the next highest branch. The bark tears into her hands, opening sharp lacerations into her palms and she squeaks as she catches sight of the bright red rolling down her forearms.

Caroline looks back down at the horde closing in around the tree. Gathering around it's a fucking mosh pit and she's the star they've been waiting to see since forever. One tiny slip-up and she could go tumbling down and it would really be the end then. Nik wouldn't be able to save her. There was no amount of headshots that would save her from the inevitable.

Caroline climbs higher and gets a better view from the scene at the highest branch. She can't see overtop the home, but infected are coming from both sides and they're all coming for her. She stuffs her hands in her pockets leans against the trunk, trying to stifle the scent of her blood. But it's too late. It's already in the air and it's like a drug. It's an aged wine, perfected over years and years of sitting in a cellar. Their screeches are battle cries, a symphony of harmonic hunger pains in a deadly hunger game. This place isn't a world anymore. This place is just a game. It's a struggle. It's the storm after the clear. The nightmare after the dream.

It's the end.

* * *

Nik is on his last bullet and he's not going to waste it on a damned zombie in the house. He runs back to the front door and slips out and discovers that his little blonde distraction has made it safely (well, at least she's alive) to point A and she's perched atop said point looking down and possibly weighing her options. If she jumps, then that's all on her. He's certainly not going to risk his life just to save her suicidal ass. She's collateral damage. Nothing more, nothing less.

A few stragglers follow him as he jogs his way over to the vehicle and slips inside. He reaches into the backseat and pulls his shotgun up, chambers a round, and places it the passenger seat. A straggler fists at his window and the other couple stand in front and climb onto the hood and claw at the windshield. He sticks the key in the ignition, turns it, and slams his foot down on the gas pedal and makes a sharp U-turn.

And goes right past Caroline.

* * *

"You bastard!" Caroline yells as she watches Nik drive off the estate.

Unknowingly, tears fall from her eyes and land on the tops of her shoes as she realizes that she's fucked. This was her own damn fault. She should've known better than to trust him. He was Rebekah's sister. Anything that had to do with her couldn't have been good. Much less trustworthy.

Foolishly she had believed for a brief moment that he actually did enjoy her company for some strange reason. She certainly did enjoy his, because it didn't matter if he was rather unpleasant. He was a person. An actual person who could speak and didn't have clouded eyes and only thought about eating people. And, perhaps even dumber for her, she actually thought that they could be friends.

Well, look how wrong she was. Her naivety had gotten her in a spot that she couldn't so easily escape from.  
She could stand up in this tree for hours and they still won't be able to get to her even though they are persistent enough. Caroline could just jump down and get it over with. She's already accepted it, so why not just get it over with?

* * *

Nik's laughing his head off as he speeds down the road until he eventually slams on the brakes. Caroline must be scared shitless. Wow, he's such a dick for leaving her there like that.

He doesn't even care.

Okay. That's a lie.

He does care, but only to an extent. She's annoying and doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut, but he...well, he enjoys Caroline. So far, anyway.

He turns back around and heads back to the estate. The tree she's in is swarmed with infected and she's-wait. Is she swinging her legs over the edge?

* * *

Caroline isn't thinking.

She has her eyes closed. She's on the lowest branch. Her legs kick out back and forth, slamming into a few fingertips in their wake. If they could just grasp her ankle and pull her down, then maybe it wouldn't count as suicide. She would just be caught.

But it'll take forever for them to reach her.

She slips off the branch.

* * *

Dead skid across the lawn as Nik slams on the brakes in front of the tree. A loud thud comes from the roof and a pale body rolls down the hood of the car, seemingly lifeless and unconscious.

An expletive leaves Nik's lips as he hops out of the car with his shotgun and runs over to Caroline. Her eyes are closed and a thin streak of blood runs down the left side of her forehead. He doesn't think when he lifts her up and throws her over his shoulder, forgetting that maybe she could possibly have a spinal injury. But that isn't going to matter if he doesn't get her in the car soon because infected are coming right for him and he can't shoot a shotgun with one hand with a human body over his shoulder.

He backs up and stuffs her in the backseat gently, but then slams the door shut. He takes out one, two, three zombies not even two feet away from him. But there are more still coming. A swarm of soulless corpses wasted off the scent of a pretty little girl's blood. He won't let them get to him. He won't let them get to _her_. The last thing he needs is another murder on his record.

He trades in his shotgun for the M16 and locks the rounds in at the bottom. He stands next to the SUV and swears he's fucking Tony Montana unleashing his wrath on Sosa's men. But the thing is, he doesn't really know why he feels so angry about Caroline getting hurt. Partially, he figures it is his fault. If he'd just stuck with the plan, then they would've been driving out of Mystic Falls by now, but of course he had to act on impulse and try to be funny. Which it wasn't.

Zombies fall down like dominoes. Some get their limbs blown off, others drop instantly with a bullet to the head. The consistent and unrelenting shooting of the gun going off makes Nik's eardrums feel like they're about to burst, but he can't stop now. Not when he's almost finished. Not when there's only one more and he needs to end this monstrosity for Caroline's sake. For Rebekah's sake. For Kol's sake. They should never be on this land, tainting it with their death. They shouldn't be here at all. Ever.

He puts the last bullet in a fat ones head and it drops to the ground instantly. There is a pool of black blood splattered across the brick, collecting in the little crevices between them. Nik lowers his rifle and surveys all the bodies. All these disgusting things that he just rid this place of. But for every ten, there is another fifty, and for every fifty is another five-hundred. And a thousand and a million and a billion. He knows the world must be overrun with these things. If there is even the tiniest bit of human left, it's in the single digits percentage. There probably aren't even enough to populate a small country.

He opens the backdoor and checks on Caroline. She's still passed out, but she's breathing all right. A quick survey of her body doesn't give him any sure signs of broken bones. Just a few bruises here and there. She probably has a concussion.

He goes around to the other side and clears out the other side of the seat and places everything in the very back seat and trunk. He stretches Caroline out on the seat, wipes the blood off her head with a cloth, and props her head up on a blanket. He buckles her in and looks at her one last time before closing the door and getting back behind the wheel.

It's time to leave.

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**A/N: **Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I didn't think that this would be as popular as it is, but you guys totally proved me wrong. So thank you for boosting my confidence because I so needed it.

Sigh. Nik is such a douchenozzle, isn't he? Well, we'll see how this plays out. Caroline won't take this too well, will she? Yikes.

Oh, and I know close to nothing about guns, so if something doesn't sound right and you feel you know how to better reword it, then please tell me because I'd like it to fix it.

Anyway, thank you so much guys! I really really appreciate it!

And if you're not already, check out my good friend liar. faker's fic **Killer Instinct. **If you aren't reading it, then I suggest you go hop on the bandwagon before it ends in August! Get ready for feels overload! And read the rest of her stuff too because it's all. Freaking. Perfect.

Toodaloo!


	5. bang! bang! bang! boy!

Chapter Four: bang! bang! bang! boy!

Night falls fast and Nik's been driving for hours, stopping just to fill up the gasoline tank. Several times he thought to stop and maybe look around for some sign of his siblings, or maybe the people Caroline knew (it was the least he could do), but he never did. It was too much of a risk with her out cold in the backseat. And besides, it never looked like anyone was in the towns he passed along the interstate in the first place.

What he assumed earlier was most likely correct. He came across no survivors, only corpses or actual dead corpses that couldn't get back up. In addition, the sun was setting so it wouldn't be such a good idea to go scouring through a town when in the end he could come up with nothing.

The time on the radio says that it's quarter to eleven, so Nik pulls into a motel on the side of the road. There are no cars in the parking lot and it looks pretty safe, but he can't be too sure. He parks and takes a gun with a silencer on it and locks Caroline in the car. He creeps silently by the check-in office and sees nothing but a television and room keys hanging on the wall. He busts out the glass of the window and takes a key for the second floor off the rack. First floor would provide problems if they were to be discovered. Second floor rooms have a back window that open to a fire escape, and fire escapes are always good. Sometimes faulty and weak because of weight, but they'll do.

Nik checks each door on the first floor to make sure they're all locked, which they are, before he goes up the second. He tries the key, B20, and opens the door to a small room at the end of the floor. It's dark. One bed, an armchair, a small rinky-dink table, a bathroom with a shower so small that it can barely fit one person comfortably, and of course the fire escape window. It smells like dust and moth balls, but it'll do for tonight.

He goes back down to the car and lifts Caroline out of the backseat and carries her up the stairs, trying to keep her back as straight as possible. He places her on top of the mattress stacks the two thin pillows up and props her head atop them. He studies her for a moment, looks down at her hands and sees the abrasions covered in dirt and dried up blood. And then at her face and how silent and serene she is. Her features are soft and angelic, not sharp and cunning. She's not the type of girl to survive in this type of situation, yet here she is. Too young and innocent for any of this.

He makes a silent vow that he'll protect her.

Nik leaves her there in the room to get a few items from the SUV. A few cans of food, a change of clothes for the both of them, and a few more guns. He doesn't see the point in taking everything out, because if push comes to shove and someone so much as comes near the car then he'll just shoot them. Kill or be killed. He certainly wasn't going to be left for dead.

He lines up everything by the wall next to the television, and when he's done he walk into the bathroom and slips into the shower that only spits out freezing cold water from the water tower behind the motel. When he's finished, he comes out wrapped in a towel and dresses in black jeans and a black henley. He wets one of the washcloths and sits beside Caroline and wipes her hands clean before wrapping them up in white bandage.

Once he's finished, he sits in the armchair across from her and just watches her sleep. Watches her chest rise and fall so slowly and quietly it's like she's not even breathing at all. Watches her eyelids slightly twitch under the dim light from the window.

He regrets everything.

* * *

_"You lay one more finger on her and I'll put this right between your eyes."_

_The dust settles in their home. Stares are shared, breaths are inhaled, fists ball up, jaws clench and teeth grit together. The world loses its color and turns into a horrible shade of gray. _

_A broken, weak woman stands in the corner of the room, shivering with a busted lip and two black eyes. She keeps shaking her head, mouthing words to her bastard son for him to stop. Put it down. Please, just put it down. He isn't worth it._

_And he isn't. _

_The older man laughs and yanks the woman by the hair while the others watch. A small girl, five years of age and blooming with light, is scarred for life. Her older brother by two years tries to cover her eyes and ears, but she's crying as if someone has just died._

_Maybe someone has died._

_No. Something has died. It is lost. _

_Humanity is lost_

* * *

Dawn breaks and Nik wakes to a gun pointed directly at his skull.

He parts his lips to speak, but the girl pushes it even further into his forehead. Well, that will leave a mark.

"Don't speak, don't move, don't do anything," she says, her voice quivering with each syllable.

He raises his hands in surrender, but she grips the gun tighter and presses it even further into his skin.

"I told you not to move!" she yells. "What is so hard to understand about that?"

Nik's mouth quirks up into a smirk. Oh, so she's mad. Rightfully so, he reasons. She could've died trying to save him. She already hit her head on the top of the jeep, so who knows what the hell is going on in that brain of hers. She should be happy that she's even standing right now.

"Are you_ insane_?" she shrieks, taking a step back, but never lifting her gaze from him. "You left me. You fucking _left_ me! What the hell were you thinking? Oh, wait! You _weren't_! Did you think it was funny? Did you do it for fucking shits and giggles? Newsflash, buddy! There are dead bodies walking around that chased me into a tree and I was going to fucking kill myself just to get it over with! What is _wrong_with you?"

Well, it was funny at the time. But now that he's thought about it, it wasn't so funny. She really could have died and that would have sucked. Not only for her, but for him too strangely enough.

He clears his throat and raises his eyebrows towards her as if asking for permission. She narrows her eyes and her lips form into a straight, pissed off line.

"You have twenty seconds to explain before I put this right between your eyes," Caroline says, her voice low. She's dead serious. She doesn't know how to shoot properly, but she'll do it if she has to. She'll blow his brains out and take his car and get the hell out of here. No regrets.

"Twenty seconds isn't a lot of time," Nik says hoarsely.

"Seventeen, sixteen, fifte-"

"Okay, sweetheart. Let's just let bygones be bygones and put this behind us. Is it really worth losing trust over something like this?"

"You're talking about trust when I could have died?" Her eyes grow wide and she's about to start laughing. Is this guy serious right now?

Nik smiles and he gets up from the chair and yawns. Twenty seconds is over, but she still hasn't lowered the gun.

"I was always going to come back for you," he says as he takes tiny little steps towards her. "I was just having some fun. Don't you like fun?"

She stares blankly. Angrily. "Your idea of fun and my idea of fun are two totally different things." She shakes her head and takes another step back. The back of her legs hit the bed and she loses her balance for one split second, yet it's the only amount of time that Nik needs to swipe it from her hands and knock her down onto the mattress.

And, as fate would have it, she brings him down with her.

There's a moment of complete silence between them with Caroline swallowing and Nik blinking. Well, this is awkward.

They stay that way for what seems like an hour. Her hair fanned out in the most unattractive way and his breathing just brushing over her cheeks. Caroline can feel her heart thumping a mile a minute and she silently prays that Nik can't hear it, because she can. She can hear it like it's right in her ears. She tries not to notice how close their hips are together. Tries not to imagine the way it might..._nope. Not imagining it. Not today_.

"I am truly sorry," Nik says, and she can't figure out why he's saying this while he has her straddled on the bed. "It was foolish and...impulsive of me to do such a thing. For that I am sorry."

She locks her eyes with his for a moment, and there's this tiny slip of manipulation that she mistakes for genuinity in his irises. What a bastard.

She knees him in the groin and the noise that comes out of Nik's throat isn't human. He falls to the floor with a loud thud while Caroline stands over him and gives him one more hard kick in the back. Nik howls on the dirty motel carpet as Caroline looks on in glee. She can feel her head starting to feel better with each little groan Nik lets out. Caroline's a lover not a fighter, but she can defend herself from douchebags. She's had to take out the garbage before and she knows how to handle it.

On her last day at being sweet sixteen, frat boy Damon Salvatore blew into town with his dark hair and disarming smirk. Caroline's friends had thrown her a birthday party out in the woods that lasted well into the a.m. hours. There was too much beer, there was too much dancing, there were too many sloppy kisses with random Mystic Falls boys, and then there was Damon.

He stood there at the edge of the forest standing beside Tyler Lockwood's dad's Lincoln Navigator. He had his head tilted, his hair as black as a raven's feathers, slightly covered his blue eyes. A black leather jacket, black shirt, black jeans, and black shoes completed him, and Caroline had never been so freaking turned on. Boys rarely ever paid attention to her, always flocking to Elena instead just because she was sweet and innocent and so freaking naive, but here was this guy that seemed to only have eyes for her. And sure, it should've freaked her out that this random guy just shows up at her party in the woods, but sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old Caroline thought it _romantic_. That it was their destiny to meet this way.

"Hey," she said when she walked over to him. She felt his eyes scan over her short pink dress. "Who are you and what are you doing here?" Caroline asked with an accusing tone.

"Wasn't aware anyone owned these woods," he said, running a hand through his hair.

"Well, the Lockwoods do," she said matter-of-factly.

"You kicking me out?"

She laughed and shook her head. "Not a Lockwood, and it's my party. So, as of right now, you're on the guest list..."

"Damon," he told her, matching her smile. "Damon Salvatore."

"I'm Caroline Forbes." She extended out her hand. He took it.

"I know."

The rest of the night they spent drinking and dancing and Caroline caught Elena staring at Damon a few times over the course of the morning, but she never said anything. Just kept her distance from the two as if she knew that if she said anything, then she would ruin everything for Caroline.

It was five a.m. and they were all passed out in tents and Caroline slept with Damon only after a few hours, then she went home with Bonnie and cried in her bed and called herself a slut for giving up her virginity to some random guy in college who probably didn't give a rat's ass about her. She couldn't even remember his name until he called her late that night. Told her that it was all his fault, that he'll make it up to her, that he'll never leave her. He promised, so she cried and blurted out those three little words the following week and she slept with him again and again and again, yet Damon still hadn't said he loved her. But she still stayed with him. Seventeen and in love and dumb. Then the other Salvatore, Stefan, came and whisked Elena off her feet and they had the relationship Caroline always dreamt of with Damon.

They kissed in the hallways at school. He held her hand and bought her flowers and candy. He did all the boyfriend-gentleman type things that a guy should do for his girl, but not Damon. No. Damon was rough. Damon didn't care. Damon picked her up from school and attacked her right in the passenger seat, most times without even asking her how her day went. Damon took her to the home he and Stefan shared and they only did what he wanted to do. He bought her a dress once, but it didn't fit right so she didn't wear it.

It fit Elena though. It fit her perfectly. Caroline cursed herself over and over that she never noticed the signs. How when Elena would come over, he'd either stay there just to be in the same room as her and tease her, or he'd leave abruptly as if she had some type of contagious disease. And maybe she did. Or it was just some type of spell that Elena put everyone under. The Elena Gilbert Effect. Everyone at some point falls head over heels for her and the rest is history.

On their four month anniversary, Damon whispered Elena into Caroline's ear right before he collapsed on top of her. Caroline cried quietly as she pushed him off of her and gathered up her things. She walked home in the rain feeling miserable about her life choices. Why wasn't she ever the one? The first choice? Why couldn't she just be Caroline Forbes and that be enough? What was she missing?

When she got home, she took a long look in the mirror. She saw a pretty enough girl. Not the most beautiful in the world, by far not the ugliest. Not the most delicate features, but certainly not the hardest. So what was it? Was it that she was just above average not enough somehow? Was it still too low?

No. That had nothing to do with it. She was great. She was awesome. It wasn't her problem that Damon was a dickhead and couldn't see what he was missing. It wasn't her fault that Elena naturally had that magnet that some girls are born with. It wasn't even Elena's fault. Nope. It was just one of those things.

She dried off her hair and face and put on some lip gloss at her vanity. She stared into her blue eyes and nodded her head, hearing the mantra fill her thoughts.

"You're beautiful," she whispered, willing herself to keep staring. "You're strong. You're...you're full of light."

Yes. Those were the words that Caroline needed to hear. She tried to banish her insecurities, became involved in every little thing she could to take her mind off of Damon and love and anything else that could be distracting. She worked even harder on her prom queen campaign even though she was still only a junior, she got a job at her favorite accessory retailer, and things like Damon Salvatore and love were long forgotten.

But then there was that one day towards the summer where the cheerleading squad ran a car washing fundraiser to buy new uniforms next year. She went inside the school to get more buckets from the janitor's closet, and suddenly there was Damon just standing in the hallway with that mysterious smirk she could have sworn she fell in love with.

"I miss you, Caroline," he said to her and her insides twisted into something evil.

He didn't get to miss her. No. Not him. Not after he toyed with her emotions and tossed around her heart like it was some sort of ragdoll. Not after he manipulated her into believing that they were actually something. That she was first choice.

"You do?" she asked as sweetly as possible.

"Like crazy, blondie."Damon took a few steps towards her and when he touched her shoulders, she exploded.

Her right foot connected with his crotch and her left fist collided with his jaw and Caroline was suddenly Wonder Woman. She stared down at Damon rolling around on the floor shouting expletives at her, and a satisfied smirk crept its way onto her face. _You're strong._

So, she knows how to handle trash.

Nik stops groaning and slowly gets up from the floor, gripping the edge of the mattress for support. She runs over to get the gun that has skidded across the carpet. Caroline then goes to the door and keeps one hand on the handle and the other on the gun. Nik sits on the corner of the bed, looking up at her as if he can't believe she would even think of doing such a thing. This girl. This girl who can't be a day older than eighteen just manhandled him. He should be ashamed. He is ashamed.

"I'm taking the car, your supplies, guns, and getting the hell out of here," she tells him, confidence beaming in her voice.

He just looks at her. Is she serious? How can she even say that with a straight face? As if she'll survive out there without him. All the guns in the world couldn't protect her.

"Caroline, you go out there and-"

"And what?" she questions bitterly. "You know, I have the strangest feeling that without you I wouldn't have to worry about being left alone in a goddamn tree on purpose! At least if I'm in a tree then it'll be my own damn fault!"

Is she ever going to get over the tree thing? It's been like eighteen hours since then. It's time for her to let it go, Nik figures.

"I already apologized for that, so I don't know what else you would like me to do."

She can think of several she can do herself. For starters, it'd be nice to shove this gun right up his-

"What was that?" she asks as she spins around and backs away from the door. Jesus Christ, not another horde. She hasn't even gotten over the one from yesterday.

"Go into the bathroom and lock the door," Nik whispers harshly as he leaps up from the bed and makes his way over to where she's standing. "_Now._"

She keeps her gaze fixated at the door and the light noise coming from the other side. If it really is another horde, then they're really dead this time. There are no distractions and no being bait. There is no way out.

Panic mode sets in and her walls breakdown once again and tears stream down her cheeks just like every other time. She's been in this type of situation more times than she can count, but it's never gotten any better. Knowing that she could die at any moment and not even be remembered by anyone for anything. It's kind of like her whole life was just a waste since everyone's gone. And soon, everyone who is still alive will be gone too.

"Caroline," Nik says, gripping her shoulders.

She meets his eyes through her bleary ones and tries to shake the anxiety away, but it doesn't work. She's still shaking madly, her thoughts are racing as fast as her heart, and she can barely breathe. Where is all the oxygen? Who took the air?

"Caroline, love," Nik tries again, his voice low and smooth as silk. "Take this gun and go into the bathroom. Nothing is going to happen to you if you do as I say. Do you understand?"

She blinks, trembling.

He leans closer to her, just a breath away from her lips. "_Do you understand me?_"

Caroline nods dumbly. Bathroom. Gun. Lock the door. Right.

She disappears in a blur and the bathroom door slams shut behind her. Nik turns his attention back to the outside world and picks up the AK-47 leaning up against the wall. He loads five cartridges into the magazine and rotates the spindle, removes the last two cartridges and replaces them and then locks the spindle into place. After he's finished setting up the rifle, he looks through the peephole and sees nothing but the dirty railing in front of the door.

He sucks in a deep breath and closes his hand around the door handle. He's vowed to protect Caroline and that's what he fully intends on doing. He owes it to her, even though she kicked him pretty hard and gave a new definition to the phrase "numb nuts." She's this incredible fire that can't be put out even though he's a waterfall crashing over her just by talking to her.

He opens the door fully and the sun hits him the face, slightly blinding him. There seems to be mostly silence, so he doesn't know where that noise was coming from. It was like a shuffling, a pacing up and down the walkway or something. He cracks the door behind him and walks down the walkway to the stairwell and sees nothing.

But then he notices something. In the parking lot.

Another car.

A scratched up blue Mustang.

He races down to the scene and peers through the windows and sees a few duffel bags thrown sloppily in the backseat. It doesn't look like whoever it is came very prepared, so he leaves and stalks about the motel looking for any sign of the mystery person or persons.

But two minutes in, he still sees no one. And the motel area isn't that big, so he can't figure how they disappeared so quickly especially with literally nowhere to hide. How can one disappear when there is nowhere to disappear to?

But then he hears a sharp scream from the distance that he immediately recognizes as Caroline, so he immediately thinks the worst. He should've just taken her with him, he thinks as he rushes back upstairs and into the room. He should've just took the key and closed the door. He should've just...

Time stops. The earth pauses its rotation on its axis. Stops revolving around the sun. Hell freezes over because right there in the flesh is Nik's baby sister.

"Bekah."

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**A/N: **Oh so many canon lines! Next chapter might take a little longer because I have to update my other fic Have and Hold since it's been awhile. And special thanks to **Devi Lethe **and everybody else who has promo'd this on tumblr. My heart is exploding with thanks and gratitude. I really can't thank you enough. :)

P.S. I went on eHow for, well, you know what I had trouble with in the last chapter. So if it doesn't sound right, **Devi **(miss gun expert over here), I shall fix it. :D


	6. rampant chaos, your reality

Chapter Five: rampant chaos, your reality

She doesn't say anything. She just takes her hands off the bathroom door handle and turns around to him, her face the portrait of a young life gone by all too quickly. Her hair isn't as golden and radiant as it used to be. No. It's dirty and greasy and stuck to her forehead. Her clothes are torn, caked with dark splatters of what he thinks is blood, and her lips are chapped and cracked. The scar that cuts across her left eyebrow that she's had since she was ten is more visible than ever before.

"Rebekah," Nik says again and slowly her eyes flicker across him like she can't believe it's actually him.

She's just imaging this. She has to be, because nothing has gone right for what seems like a century. Because the world is black and white and no one exists besides her and the walking dead. In this little world she is trapped in, she's already said goodbye to her brothers. There are no more of them. They have left her and she is all alone like she's always felt she's been. She's accepted this. When they were younger, they used to say "always and forever," but how foolish they were to believe that always and forever meant just that.

Rebekah shuts her eyes tightly and closes her hands over her ears. "You're not real," she says, forcing the hallucination out of her mind. "You're not real. You are _not_real!"

Nik looks at her sadly and takes slow and short steps over to her. He stands before her, watching her repeat the same phrase over and over again and shake her head with tears falling out of her eyes. To her, he isn't real. He's not here. She's just alone and it's just her head playing tricks on her like it's been doing since she first started out on her own. She just wants it to leave. She doesn't want to get attached to a dream.

He takes her hands and pulls them away from her ears and tells her that it's okay. Everything is okay and he's here and he'll protect her. He doesn't even ask where Kol is because he doesn't want to know. Not yet. He doesn't think he can handle that news right now. He has Rebekah and that's all that matters right now.

Nik pulls her into him and Rebekah reluctantly gives in and starts to sob. This isn't fair, she thinks. It isn't fair how it feels so real, yet he'll fade away in a matter of seconds and she'll be alone again. He always does. They all do.

But he doesn't.

Rebekah quiets and takes a step back as she looks up at her brother. The outline of his figure doesn't blur, she can actually see his face clearly and all the stress that has burdened him for so long. It's him. It's really him.

"Nik," she chokes out and wraps her arms around his back. "It's you. It's really you!"

Nik can't even speak. She's alive, she's breathing, she's here. She's a thousand reasons to cry and another thousand not to.

"It's been so long," she whispers. "I wrote you letters, but you never wrote back."

His mind flashes back to all the unopened envelopes stacked in a neat pile up against the hard gray wall of that room. He didn't take them with him when he left.

"I couldn't find myself opening them," he tells her, which is true. "Too paranoid that something might have happened."

She smiles sadly and blinks away the last few remaining tears. "If something bad ever happened again, I would have flown across the pond just to tell you in person, Nik."

Silence passes between them for a moment before they both sit down on the edge of the bed. She twiddles her thumbs and looks down at her dirty sneakers and breathes quietly.

"I haven't seen a person in days," she tells him, still focused on her feet. "I don't think anyone's alive anymore."

"What happened to Kol?" he blurts out. Why did he ask? Why?

She bites her bottom lip hard and starts to pick at her fingernails. "We...," she starts, but stops herself short. She looks up and stares intently at the wall across from her as if it holds all the answers in the world. "We were driving and there was a riot. A _mixed_riot; dead and alive. He tried to go around them, but they just swarmed us. We couldn't move. They...broke the windows and some of them pulled us out." Her voice starts to crack and she's burning holes through that wall. "I was holding his hand, Nik, and they tore me away. They tore me away from him, and I tried to find him, but I couldn't. Someone took the car and I was shouting for him, but he never answered! I couldn't find him!"

"It's not your fault, Rebekah." He throws his arm around her shoulder, but it provides no comfort. "He's probably still looking for you. And he'll find you."

She shakes her head violently as more sobs erupt from her throat. "No," she screams. "No, Nik! I kept calling and calling him and I knew he couldn't have gotten that far, so it didn't make sense. So I kept walking around and looking everywhere and then I found him! He was just...just lying there in the gutter with this...with this bullet wound right over his heart."

Nik's breath catches in his chest.

In a daze, Rebekah gets up and brings a hand to her heart and closes it. She turns around to Nik and tilts her head to the side. "I didn't hear a gun go off amongst all the chaos. But it did. And I don't know why."

"Rebekah..."

* * *

_She kneels down beside Kol and watches as the world continues pass by, yet she is frozen in time and space. Kneeling beside her dead brother, his cold head propped onto her lap, his eyes shut so loosely like he's just napping. She strokes his forehead with a finger and sings to him like a baby. She'll stay here forever if she has to. She'll stay and rock him in death. She won't leave him._

_But then, suddenly, he takes a breath. She looks down into his eyes and sees nothing but white and ignorance and hunger. She presses her lips together and swallows down the sob that is fighting to escape her throat. He hasn't been bitten. How? How can he turn?_

_He bites at her and she slides backwards, her mouth quivering. This isn't real. No. Not her brother. Not Kol._

_But it is real. It's all so real. So surreal. Strange. Kol turns around and gets to his knees and stalks towards her, but before he can reach her she gives him a good kick in the face. It eats her up inside as she watches him crumple to the ground but get right back up again. His face is gray and veiny and skin is already starting to rot and she can smell it, like sitting in a morgue with the air conditioning broken._

_He hisses at her, raspy noises that have no words. She wants to cry, wants to run away from this madness and jump in the ocean and float out to sea. What else does she have to look forward to?_

_But she's a Mikaelson, and Mikaelsons don't give up. No. They fight until their hearts stop beating, until the blood runs cold in their veins._

_"We'll remain together," she whispers as she picks herself up. Kol lunges for her, but his movements are slow and weak. He can't even recognize her anymore. "Always and forever."_

_She runs away from and never looks back. Never, ever looks back._

* * *

"We're infected," Nik states calmly. Dumbly. Why didn't he figure this out before? Of course he's infected. Of course. He should've known that it wasn't just a bite that could kill you.

"I didn't fight hard enough for him," she tells him and she believes it. She didn't look for him fast enough, she didn't call his name loud enough. She killed her brother and no one can tell her otherwise. She left him there like another common monster and didn't look back. She cried for him, but she never went back.

"We're infected," Nik says again. Infection means there's likely a cure, right? Some miracle drug that can help them. That can help save them.

"Did you ever think that it would end this way?" she asks, tapping her fingers on the television set. "That we would succomb to a deadly virus that turned us all into mindless cannibals?"

"We don't all get to choose our fate, now do we?"

"But this isn't our fate, Nik. It's punishment."

"Punishment?" he asks, cocking an eyebrow. "I've been punished, Rebekah, and this is no punishment."

"Our brother is dead, Nik! This isn't just our cruel fate! Yes, we were dealt a horrendous hand to play with, but we brought it on ourselves!"

"By _ourselves_, you mean me."

She bites her lip and folds her arms across her chest. She can't look at him after that, because it's true. It's so true, but she won't tell him that. She won't admit it to him, because she needs to spare the bit of sanity he has left for the sake of them both. So, she says it's not true. That nothing is all his fault. That all of them were in it together, not just him. That they plotted it down to a T; Nik was just the one to pull the trigger. Calm, calculated, and manipulative little children. The apples don't fall too far from the tree, do they?

"You say all those things, Bekah, but you don't believe them," he laughs, but it's nervous and his voice is cracking. His walls are falling. Everything is breaking down around him. His sister is here trying to tell him that nothing is his fault, his youngest brother is dead, he is infected with a virus that will turn him into a flesh eating monster, and he's never felt so alone.

"Nik," Rebekah whispers, meeting his watery gaze. "I should've stayed in England and waited for you. We all should have. I'm sorry. I'm _so_sorry."

"Is that what you think this is all about?" he snaps. "You think I'm angry about all of you leaving?"

"Then what else could it possibly be, Nik?"

He grips her shoulders hard and leans in not even two inches away from her face. She stares right back at him with a tight-lipped expression.

"Kol is dead, Rebekah," he says and her mouth quivers.

"I know," she says solemnly.

"We're going to end up just like him sooner than later."

"Not unless we don't fight, Niklaus!" she screams and tears start to roll down her cheeks once more. "Why are you so inclined to give up when we haven't even begun to live?"

"This isn't _living_, Rebekah," he hisses. Living? No. They're dying. They're becoming an extinct species, dying off every second of every single day and he isn't too sure anyone is doing anything to stop it.

"Maybe it isn't," Rebekah tells him, admittedly. "But I'm not going to sit here and say that it was Kol's fate that he left us that way. I'm not going to cry how we couldn't have prevented this, Nik. You know and I know."

He studies his sister hard. He's angry, he's upset, he's distraught. He could flip this motel upside down and go on a shooting rampage right now and take out a whole horde if he had to. His brother is dead and he never got to say goodbye.

Nik lets her go and goes back to sit on the bed. He holds his head in his hands and suddenly he can't breathe. It's like an elephant is standing on his throat, blocking all entry of air. He can't even scream. Guilt racks his mind and heart as images of Kol turning into one of those things and attacking Rebekah flood him so that he's afraid he'll drown. He should've been there. He should've been there with them and protected them like he used to do.

Maybe it is punishment, he thinks. Maybe being incarcerated wasn't enough for him. He had to find out that his younger brother was killed and his sister wasn't doing too much better on her own. He deserved this. He is shown no mercy. He has no saving grace. No salvation in any of this. No angel to redeem him. No-

His head snatches up and he bounds over to the bathroom must be scared out of her mind. How long has it been since she first went in? How much time has passed? What was she thinking when Rebekah was tugging on the door? She could've shot her.

"Caroline," he yells, pounding on the door. "Open up, sweetheart."

Rebekah's face twists into bafflement. Caroline? Caroline who? He can't mean Caroline Forbes, because that bitch must long be dead. She can't even find her way around a somersault (this is a lie since she's the cheerleading captain, but Rebekah must find joy in mocking a potential dead girl) let alone out of a zombie apocalypse.

The door opens slowly and Rebekah steps closer as the girl emerges. She's shaking and a gun weighs down her right hand. Dried tears stain her face and suddenly they make eye contact and all the sorrow in the world is gone and replaced with pure, unadulterated hatred.

It's Caroline Forbes. Of fucking course.

"_What is she doing with you_?" Rebekah spits venom.

Caroline doesn't say anything. She's not even angry. Just...confused. She's sat in the bathroom for an amount of time she's not even sure about and she's heard everything about Kol and punishment and something about plotting something down to a T. Family business, something or other.

"I invited her," Nik says quietly. "I needed her."

There's something that pangs in Caroline's chest at the word "need." She doesn't know whether it's a good thing or not. She still doesn't say anything. Just looks at Rebekah with a cocked eyebrow and regards her slowly. It's a good thing she's alive, for Nik's sake. Not for hers. She wonders what happened to Matt. She should ask, but then again, she doesn't really care.

"You needed her," Rebekah repeats, nodding her head and crossing her arms. "Right."

Nik rolls his eyes and turns back to Caroline. "Are you all right?"

"No, are_ you_ all right? I heard...about Kol..." Because she's so stupid and impulsive and actually seriously concerned, she brings a hand to the side of his face and she forces a sad smile.

He thinks to himself that he likes the feeling of her hands.

No, he's not all right. He's not fine. He's not good. Nothing is okay, and he knows she's not fine either. But she's putting on this brave face for whatever reason after all he's done is put her through shit the whole time they've been together. He can't figure her out. Caroline Forbes, an enigma.

Rebekah scoffs in the background as if she can't believe what she's seeing. God, what has gone wrong with the world? First zombies, and now this? This thing with this tramp? Oh no. No, no, no.

"This will not do," she says as she pushes Caroline hard into the wall.

Caroline grunts under the force as the gun slips out of her hand and goes off. A bullet hits the ceiling and chunks of drywall and dust fall down on top of them. Nik pulls Rebekah away and shoves Caroline back into the bathroom as the rest of the rot continues to fall.

A flurry of coughs and wheezes ensue before Caroline emerges covered in drywall. She looks down at Rebekah who's still on the floor pressed up against the opposite wall next to Nik. Rebekah is crying again and he has his arm wrapped around her shoulder and Caroline realizes that now he has someone, and she still doesn't. Maybe she never will, and that feeling sucks. She leans against the doorway and watches them, a silent reminder that she will never be put first. In this case, she doesn't expect it, but for however long Rebekah is with them, which will probably be forever, she should just get used to not being put first. Not that she ever was to begin with when it came to Nik, but still. She thought that maybe she would be. At some point. But not anymore. Miss Mystic Falls, second best always and forever; only first place for things that don't matter.

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**A/N: **More Carobekah drama, Klaroline awkwardness, and zombies next chapter. Really sorry aboout Kol :( Forgive me?


	7. where is your god?

Chapter Six: where is your god?

Caroline takes a shower and it's freezing. Ice cold water in sheets slams against her skin that she tries to pretend is actually scorching, boiling water. Her movements are slow, her head is pounding, and she feels sick to her stomach. Actually, she just feels sick all over. Like she has a disease or something. Oh wait. She does.

She didn't think about it that much. Being infected, that is. But now it's a reality. She should've known that whatever was out there that had originally turned people, that she was part of it too. That it ran in her bloodstream like an unstoppable rebel force. So, now she basically was a dead girl walking. They all were dead walking people, in a way.

She turns the water off and sits down in the shower, hugging her knees to her chest and staring at the wall. If they really were infected, then they would all turn eventually. If the saints were merciful and she lived to be ninety, she would still come back as one of those things. If that is the case, then what's the point in even fighting for survival? She doesn't want to be one of them. She'd rather get torn limb from limb by four 18-wheelers then die and come back as a walking corpse.

The balance scale in nature should never be tipped. It should be even. But it's not.

She gets out and dresses in a teal shirt that's a size too small and blue jeans that are too big, so she tugs a belt to the tightest notch it can go. Obviously Nik is terrible at picking out clothes, but there probably wasn't that much to choose from. Oh well. At least they're clothes.

She walks out of the bathroom with damp hair and joins Nik and Rebekah in the corner of the room eating out of a can of soup. She sits down Indian style across from Nik and he hands her a can of chicken noodle.

"It's not much, but we have to ration," he explains solemnly. "Only eat half and save the rest for later."

Rationing. Who would have thought that Caroline would ever have to ration food? She opens up the can and starts to ask for a spoon, but stops herself short. Sorry, but in the midst of just trying to get things that were absolutely a necessity, Nik forgot to look for appropriate silverware.

When she brings the can to her lips, all she tastes his salt and rubbery chicken. She's never been a canned soup kind of person, but she has to make do. It's the only way.

They eat in silence. Caroline doesn't look up from her can, Nik can't stop looking at Caroline's worried face, and Rebekah can't keep the look of disdain off her face.

"We can't stay here," Nik finally says, taking his eyes off of Caroline right before she looks up.

"Then where are we supposed to go?" she asks, scrunching her eyebrows together. "There's not exactly a designated safe haven for us to go to."

"As much as I hate to admit," Rebekah groans, "she's right. I've only left this place twice since I came here five days ago. This is the safest bet for us."

"It won't be safe for long," Nik goes on. "Eventually other survivors will come and we'll be threatened. We can't fight a potential group of ten with only three."

"You're just making assumptions."

"I am making educated guesses. We will be discovered. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but what about the next day? Or the day after that? We're not prepared to be overrun."

"But will we ever?" Rebekahs questions, putting down her can of soup. "Be prepared?"

He wishes he had the answers, but he doesn't. He doesn't, truthfully, know anything. But he's seen enough movies and television shows to know how these things always turn out. And it seems pretty accurate. Either way, he doesn't want to risk his life, his sister's life, and not Caroline's.

"We'll head off tomorrow morning," he says. "Stick to the coast, head North."

"But what if we're out here for months?" Rebekah panics. "By December we'll freeze to death. I only drove North because Kol thought he heard of a refugee camp in Rhode Island, but-"

"Refugee camp?" Caroline asks, her voice rising. "Why didn't you tell us sooner?"

"Because it can't be true!" she yells back. "If there were such things as places like those, don't you think that there would be one, oh I don't know, a little closer to Virginia?"

"Maybe they couldn't! We don't know how big this thing is, but they probably do. And there's probably too many infected for it to even be safe to start a shelter around here!"

Rebekah presses her lips together and wrings out her hands. As if it would even make a difference when she told them. She knows they're not going to make it, if the place even exists. Besides, it wasn't like Kol could really rely on something he heard in Mystic Falls.

While they were leaving town, the speaker system at Mystic Square was going off speaking of a refugee camp on the outskirts of Rhode Island just as fire set engulfed Mystic Falls in flames. Pipe bombs fell out of the sky, covering the darkness in crimson and smoke. Townspeople fled from their homes, screaming and covered in fire. But Rebekah was safe in the passenger seat as Kol drove through fire, over people and dead, and exited Mystic Falls. But the fire didn't stop. It got worse. Every town they drove through was progressively more worse than the last, yet when they got there no more people existed. It was quiet. So very quiet and smelling of a burnt forest. It was like they were the only two people left on earth until that riot. That horrible, horrible riot where they took him away right from her grasp.

And what has Caroline seen? Nothing? Could nothing be the answer? Did she watch her family get torn away from her? Did she witness them come back and try to kill her? What does she know?

"Why are you even here?" Rebekah scoffs and then she looks at her brother. "Was she whoring around when you found her?"

"Rebekah."

"No, Nik!" she laughs as she scoots closer to Caroline. Caroline's fist balls up atop the carpet. "You should know the dirt you've dragged along with you."

"Rebekah," Nik says more sternly and she glances over at him, flipping her hair behind her.

"Wait. You haven't been...oh tell me you haven't touched _her_, Nik."

"You are such a bitch!" Caroline screams as her can of soup goes flying over to Rebekah. The remnants dump onto her hair and clothes and she's fuming. Beet red. "You can keep your petty high school rumors to your fucking self because I don't give a damn what you have to say! You don't want me here? Fine! I'll fucking leave!"

Rebekah looks proud of herself despite spilled soup covering her. Caroline gets up and storms off to the door in a huff, but her head is still swimming so she loses her balance slightly. Surprisingly, Nik is there to steady her and it feels spectacular when her head gently bumps against his shoulder.

"Just sit down," he tells her, his hand on the small of her back. "You're not going anywhere."

Caroline blinks slowly as she looks at him, but then realizes what she's doing and steps out of his arms. God. No. What is wrong with her? Getting cozy with someone isn't the first thing you do when faced with zombies.

But regardless. She listens to him and sits down on the bed and pulls up her knees close. Nik takes Rebekah out of the room and the door closes behind them. Caroline plops all the way down and shuts her eyes. She's beyond done with this whole drama with Rebekah. Whether she likes it or not, Caroline is here and for some reason Nik wants her here too. She's not going anywhere anytime soon.

* * *

Nik takes out a cigarette from the pack in his pocket and lights it as he leans over the metal rail. Rebekah makes a disgusted noise and forces out a cough.

"I thought you quit," she scoffs.

"I did," he says before he takes one long drag out of it. "But since when was quitting permanent?"

"He smoked too," she points out as she picks off a noodle from her shoulder.

"And so did millions of other people in the world, Rebekah! What exactly are you trying to say?" He takes another drag and doesn't bother to look at her.

"He was the only one who smoked in our house."

"And I ask again, what is your point?"

She opens her mouth to speak again, but then closes it. She doesn't really know why she insists on bringing it up. She knows their similarities even if Nik won't acknowledge them. Perhaps since he was always the one trying to get the furthest away from him, Nik ended up being just like the person he despised.

"You said you needed her," Rebekah states as she leans against the door. "What did you mean by that?"

Nik sighs and turns around to face her, his cigarette almost halfway finished. His sister is still very ticked off and he still doesn't really know why. He doesn't really understand the whole high school rivalry thing. When he was in secondary school and college he always had too much on his mind to worry about whatever was going on in the hallways. He never even had a real girlfriend (pretty sure one time flings didn't count) even though a lot of them quite literally flung themselves at him like a slingshot.

However, there was one girl, Tatia, who was possibly the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen. Somehow she managed to have the perfect olive tanned skin in dreary England. Her smile was infectious, her laugh was contagious, her eyes were the size of a new moon, and she had the strongest fire in her that burned so bright. She was unattainable though, in that way that he would never give her as much attention as she deserved. So he sat by idly as his older brother, Elijah, moved in for the kill and swept her off her feet as if it was the most easiest thing in the world.

And Nik would have been green with envy, but he couldn't afford to when there was still so much to do. To take care of. To protect. Maybe Elijah should have been taking most of the punches since he was the oldest, not the middle child. But then again, no one ever loves the middle child, do they?

"For bait," he tells her. "A decoy. She was quite handy yesterday."

Rebekah laughs at this. Well, that's good. So Caroline's life essentially means nothing to him. She's just there for a good distraction if need be.

"What happens when she dies?" Rebekah asks.

Nik drops his cigarette and crushes it with the heel of his shoe. "Well, that's the thing," he explains quietly. "She's not going to die."

"Oh that's gr-what?"

Nik smirks. "She isn't going to die. At least while I can help it. She's part of this group now, Rebekah. It's time for you to put your juvenile problems to bed and get over it. We're all in this together and if you don't like it, then feel free to leave." He takes a step closer to her. "But we both know you won't."

Fury burns in Rebekah's chest as she processes everything that Nik is relaying to her. Together. They're all in this together. No. No, no, no. That's not how these things go. Caroline isn't part of them. She isn't always and forever. She is expendable. She doesn't deserve their company. Her spot should be filled with Kol.

"You can't be serious, Nik," Rebekah chokes out. "She...she doesn't belong with us."

"Oh, stop being such a brat for once in your life and put yourself in her shoes," he says sardonically.

"I don't need to put myself in her shoes when everything has been taken away from me!"

"Well, you two should be a pair then." Nik pats her on the head and walks back into the motel room while his sister continues to seethe outside.

Caroline doesn't say anything when he comes back in. She's too lost in her thoughts to even acknowledge that he's called her name, and she's in a complete daze when he sits down beside her. She doesn't know how she's going to deal with Rebekah. She shouldn't want her dead, she shouldn't hate her so much that she would love to see her suffer. Caroline isn't a monster, yet she feels this way, and the feelings are mutual with Rebekah. They could stay together and bicker with each other until the end of time, until one of them eventually succombs to this infection, but really what was the point? Caroline wants to survive, Rebekah wants to survive; logic states that collaboration is better than division. A divided group is a weak group, and a weak group means a dead group.

"I wasted my ration for the day," Caroline sighs, turning onto her side to face him. "Sorry." It wasn't a lot, but it was still food.

Nik figures he should be angry with her, yell at her or something, but he can't find it in himself to scream at her. His sister is aggravating. He'll let her slide this time.

"How are you feeling?" he asks her.

"I still feel a little dizzy and my head hurts a bit, but other than that I'm fine."

"Good, because we have no option but to leave tomorrow," he tells as he lays back and stares up at the ceiling.

There's something about being on the same bed fully clothed that makes Caroline wonder. She wants to look past him, at the wall or at the cheap generic art that's across from her or the flowered wallpaper. Anything but Nik, yet he's the only thing she sees. She wants to know more about him. She wants to ask him questions, pick his brain, find out every little tiny detail of his life just so she has that. Because right now, all she has are fading memories of friends she doesn't even think are alive anymore.

But instead of asking, or even indulging something about herself, she just says, "So Rhode Island, huh?" because it seems safe and the best bet. The last thing anyone wants to talk about when it's the end of the world is themselves.

Nik sighs and turns onto his side, looking into her eyes. "I don't know what Rebekah was talking about. I haven't heard anything, but if we stick to the coast while going North, we can't go wrong."

"But what if we do go wrong? Then what?" She doesn't mean to sound desperate, but she is. She needs answers. Definite answers. Probable guesses won't do. Confirmation will. She needs to know that she'll make it out of this. She needs to know that there is a place in Rhode Island with food and shelter, and maybe her friends are there. But she won't go that far in wishing because it'll just end in disappointment.

Nik doesn't know how to respond to her. He wants to tell her that she'll be safe as long as she sticks with him, but even he doesn't know that for certain. The girl who can't aim a gun.

"I've given you no reason to trust me," he starts, "but if you do now, then I can promise you that I won't allow anything to happen to you."

She shouldn't. She really shouldn't. But he's the only one here. She wouldn't trust Rebekah with a plastic spoon, yet she'll trust the guy who left her in a tree? It doesn't make sense, but she agrees. She'll trust him. She'll trust that he keeps his promise.

"Try to get some rest," he advises as he gets off the bed. "I'll deal with my sister."

She watches him leave the room and when the door closes she shuts her eyes tightly and suppresses a scream that's swelling in her throat. She shouldn't be feeling any type of attraction to the guy. She could've died, yet here she is wishing that he hadn't left. Now is not the time to develop feelings for anyone. But still. It seems so tempting...

* * *

The next time Caroline wakes up, it's pitch black and her stomach is growling like mad. There's another presence on the mattress with her, and she hopes that it's Nik because...well, she doesn't really know why. But it'd be nice. She turns around and reaches her arm out to shake him, but he's deadweight.

_Must be really knocked out_, she figures. She sits up and gets on her knees and pulls him over to his back, and her reaction has never been quicker. She shoots off the bed and lands on the floor, swiftly backing towards the wall. She notices that the floor is wet. Her hands are covered in sticky red film that smells of copper and a corpse. Not surprising considering what she's been sleeping next to.

Her mother stares at her with empty eyes stained with blood at the corners. Her abdomen is completely ripped open, her insides gone and her gut an endless cave of rotting flesh and maggots.

Caroline recognizes this as a nightmare, but she can't wake herself up. She bangs her head into the wall, but it does nothing. She gets up and opens the door to see a world blanketed in fire. She's back in Mystic Falls and she's on her rooftop looking over her broken little town. She runs to the edge and jumps to the closest tree to get down and she dashes down the street of her development until her lungs feel like they're about to collapse. Her feet ache, tears are streaming down her face, she's soaked in smoke and ashes, and she's all turned around. She has no clue where she's headed-where she is-but she can't stop now. She'll find someone. it'll be different. There will actually be people around. There won't be chaos and utter turmoil, yet that's all she sees. Not a single soul. Not a single _living_ soul.

It's a repeat of the night when her world ended. It's an exact repeat. As if the first time wasn't enough.

But suddenly she's jolted from the scene. Her already open eyes seem to get wider as she takes in the new scene around her. The same motel room. The same bed. She sits up immediately and looks around. No one is sleeping beside her. Nik is sleeping upright in a chair and Rebekah has taken pillows and a blanket from a different room and made a bed on the carpet. They're both asleep soundly. They're breaths are barely audible and they aren't even moving. Not a single shift or twitch. Just asleep.

Caroline slips off the bed and stretches quietly before padding across the room to the bathroom. She turns on the flashlight that Nik has left on the sink and turns on the faucet. She brings her hand underneath the cool water and brings it to her face to wake herself up some. She stares at herself in the mirror and hardly recognizes herself anymore. She's paler than she used to be, but her cheeks are stained pink like she's been crying. Also her lips are the color of blood and she wonders how anything can find that taste so delicious. That coppery, metallic tinge of disgustingness. She shakes the thought out of her mind. Whatever it is that's changing everyone, a virus or infection-whatever!-it's sick. It's sick and twisted and she doesn't know what the fuck she did to deserve any of this, but whatever it was she'd take it back without a second thought.

"If you're finished then you should turn it off to conserve the battery," Nik says as he stands in the doorway.

Caroline turns quickly, startled. She sighs and rolls her eyes at him standing there with that smirk on his face like he's so confident and arrogant. Oh wait. He is.

She turns it off and leans against the sink. "I thought I was being quiet."

"I'm a light sleeper," he says. "Rebekah's the one who can sleep through an earthquake."

She rolls her eyes again at the mention of his sister's name. He probably can't see.

"Anger is such a pitiful look on you, sweetheart," Nik sighs as he steps fully in the bathroom.

He closes the door and Caroline is suddenly aware of how cramped this space is. It's really not made for two people. What is he doing? What is he _thinking_?

"That's funny. Considering I've got every reason in the world to be mad. Literally."

"You know what I'm talking about."

"Do I?" she questions as she steps closer to him, closing the short distance. "Because I don't think I do. Not only am I here with your sister who hates me-and the feelings are mutual, let me tell you-but I'm dying. We're dying. We are becoming an extinct race, Nik. Do you think that I don't have a right to be angry? That I shouldn't be upset because I'll never get to do what I've dreamt of?"

"I wasn't saying that-"

"Because everything started falling apart in my life when Rebekah showed up," she confesses angrily. She throws it into the void because, hey, it's the end of the world. Why keep it to her grave? "I had everything. Everything for once in my life. And I tried so hard to get it. And Rebekah...she just came in and stole it all away from me. My title, my reputation, and this one is the kicker, my boyfriend," she laughs. "Your sister actually stole my boyfriend away from me."

There's more she could say. More she could confess. Like how she knows that she'll never be the one. She's never the one. She's just one of many. She's the test dummy. The one that you go to for a test ride, and if you like it, then you'll stick with her for a few weeks or so, but then someone better will come along and she will fade into the background. Just like with Damon. Just like with Matt. Just like all the other boys who have long forgotten her name. She's just another face in an endless pool of pretty faces, but hers is the one that always manages to sink to the bottom.

Nik is quiet because he doesn't know what to say. He should come to his sister's defense, but in all honesty, he doesn't know what to believe and it's not his quarrel to be apart of. When Rebekah moved from London, he was under the impression that she started a new life. But it looks like clawing at other people's partners was one of her most fond traits.

Yet, there is still a matter at hand. Standing right in front of him. This girl, probably just turned eighteen. She shouldn't be in this situation, she shouldn't feel like she's second best, and she shouldn't be plagued by something that's happened most likely months ago. She shouldn't worry about things such as boyfriends any longer or competing for affection or even just acknowledgement. No, because she's strong and she's willing and she's determined. It's only been two days, but he knows she's a fighter. He can see it in her eyes that are so full of light even in the dark days.

Which is why he does what he does next; he hugs her.

And it's awkward because he can't remember the last time he's actually felt some type of connection to anyone this way. The last time he's actually hugged anyone, if he ever has.

_"Nobody cares about you anymore, boy!"_

But did anyone ever?

Caroline clutches the back of his shirt and falls apart right in his arms and it's so comforting because she's never done anything like this with anyone before. Elena and Bonnie would come over and she would lay across their laps while they rubbed her hair back and patted her back, but this? Never this.

She's like a feather in his embrace. So light and fragile and airy, but would he be thinking these things if she weren't the only girl in reach? Would she even stand out from someone else? She's not the most beautiful girl he's ever seen. If he's being honest, Tatia could walk circles around her with her looks and confidence. But there's something about Miss Caroline Forbes that is very, _very_ intriguing.

She's told him most of everything. Well, not really. She never told him about Damon, she never told him about Elena or Bonnie or how she's really a bad friend and a control freak. She never told him about how she's neurotic and has horrible anxiety issues. She never told him about how she tries to forget her family life wasn't as tumultuous as it was and she never told him about how when she was eight Jeremy Gilbert proposed to her and they had a wedding with grass blade rings.

Some things she figures don't really matter to her anymore. She couldn't give a rat's ass about her father. She couldn't give a damn about being a bad friend right now. But that was her life. That was her life and now it's like saying goodbye to it in a cheap motel bathroom.

He decides not to tell her anything. The more secrets he keeps, the less he'll grow attached. The less he grows attached, the more she won't mean anything. And if something, god forbid, does happen to her, then it won't matter. It will just be another death. Another life gone too soon and that will be all. She doesn't ask him either, and hopefully it'll stay that way. In the dark where it belongs.

They break away in the blanket of darkness that is this tiny space and Caroline looks up at him but he can't see her gaze, but he feels her. She's soft and delicate and on his lips.

The last time he's kissed a woman was ten years ago, right before they took him away. She kissed him hard, let him know that she'd be there waiting for him by the time he came back, but she didn't. She left just like they all did. But Caroline...Caroline isn't that woman. No. Caroline is no _woman_. She is a girl, desperate to feel something..._anything_ and acting on impulse seems about right. It's the heat of the moment, they're both so close, it was bound to happen.

She feels good against him. Her body folds into his arms even more perfect than before and the way her hands glide over his shoulders and lace around the back of his neck is enough to send any man reeling. She kisses him so desperately, so hungrily like it's her first and last kiss ever and she absolutely cannot die a lip virgin. Her tongue invades his mouth and it should probably be the grossest thing ever for lack of toothpaste (because for some reason everyone decided that toothpaste was going to be a necessity, rather than ammunition) but he can't find anything gross about Caroline because she's innocent and fresh and _something new_. And she's here and she's breathing and she's a godsend from the high heavens with the mouth of an angel.

He pushes her against the opposite wall and she lets out a small grunt when the back of her head hits it roughly. Apologies tumble from his mouth before his lips are back on hers and she's maybe subconsciously grinding her hips against his, but good Lord it doesn't even matter if she's doing it on purpose or not.

Her head is dizzy and she's not thinking straight. She just knows that she's kissing Nik freaking Mikaelson, brother of her archnemesis while she's just outside the room sleeping like a baby. And Caroline is enjoying every single second of it. Is it for retribution? Or is it because she just wants to kiss someone and Nik is dangerous and mysterious and _something new_. And he's here and he's breathing and he's nothing like Damon or Matt because he knows how to put his lips to good use.

There is no competition, she thinks. She is the victor here, she thinks.

He kisses her neck, right on her pulse point, and she moans because she could die right there and have no regrets about it. He sucks on the delicate skin of her, surely giving her a nice hickey as a present. She threads her fingers in his hair as he continues to go lower and lower until her shirt collar can't come down any further before it's digging into the skin on the back of her neck. He reaches down for the hem of it, his finger slightly brushing against the skin of her abdomen before he pushes it up and over pulls it over her head. He can't even see her, but he knows she must be beautiful.

Caroline can't see herself, but she knows her cheeks must be flushed. Her breath tightens in her chest as he kisses her once more and holds her face in his hands, humming against her lips. She could do this. She can do this. It's not like her past. She won't make the same mistake twice. This isn't a mistake. It feels right when he touches her, when he kisses her. It feels _so_right.

"Nik?"

But then it feels wrong. It feels _so_ wrong.

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**A/N: **I said there would be zombies, but I lied obviously. I didn't intend for this chapter to be so long, but it happened so I didn't want to squeeze in a big zombie sequence and leave you hanging like that. So I'll just leave you hanging like this instead! :D

If you think that they're moving too fast, then by all means tell what you think, but here is my take on it: it's two people who have no clue whether there are more people on earth other than themselves, and we all know what happens when tensions get high. I mean, at least they didn't go all the way like Shane and Lori (Walking Dead characters for people who don't know) in the forest. I mean, a walker could've just came by and went nom nom on Shane while they were making babies! I mean, come on! Now they could've had some self-control.

Sigh. Anyway, next chapter will be here when it gets here.

Oh and I reached 100 reviews! Thank you guys so so so so so so much for your kind words! Really!


	8. i got soul, but i'm not a soldier

Chapter Seven: i got soul but i'm not a soldier

Is it bad timing? Or is it actually great timing? These are the questions Caroline asks herself when Rebekah opens the bathroom door.

She has a flashlight under her chin so she looks like she's about to tell a ghost story, but the irony is that she looks like she's seen a ghost.

When Nik moves away from Caroline to confront his sister, she stays in the bathroom and leans against the wall. Her heart is going to burst out of her chest and her breathing is sporadic. She doesn't know what came over her. What came over the both of them. God, how could she be so stupid? Now is not the time to even consider any of this. And the fact that she would've gone even further had it not been for Rebekah.

She was so ready. Her body was on fire with desire and her mind was empty save for what it told her body to do. She can't remember the last time she's felt anything besides fear and total isolation. Utter turmoil and confusion, but when she kissed Nik, that's not what she felt at all. No, there was elation and relief and security and relaxation. Feelings that she thought were long gone.

Caroline slips back into her shirt and rubs her face. Whatever. It's too early in the morning to be dealing with emotions right now. Is it even morning? What if it's not even midnight yet? Nik said they would leave at dawn, so how much longer does she have to wait? She's sure that once they get to a certain point, he'll ask her to leave. She can't expect to stay with them forever, can she? So this whole kissing things was just a slip-up. A lapse in judgment that will be forgotten and all will be well.

When she goes back out into the room Rebekah has taken to ignoring any and everything around her. Her lips are curled in disgust at what she's just witnessed and somehow it feels like the ultimate betrayal. Nik isn't trying to defend himself either, because he doesn't care. He's a grown man and he doesn't need his baby sister's approval on who he should go after. She's insane if she thinks so.

Caroline moves to stand beside him and he turns in her direction.

"If I crossed the line in any way," he starts to say, but she shakes her head.

"It's okay," she whispers. "We just can't do it again."

Not again. Right. If that's what she wants.

"I'm going to go outside to get some air," she tells him and she offers a faint smile that is so full of sadness and longing.

He watches her go and he hates how he wishes that his sister had just stayed missing for a few more days.

* * *

The air is thick with fog and it's surprisingly cold out. Caroline has to hug her arms to herself to get some warmth. She's not going back inside though. It can be negative twenty and she won't go back in there. She's afraid that she'll take it all back. That she'll say she wants to do it again, and this time she wants to finish it. She's afraid she'll blurt it all out in the open and she won't be able to take it back. God, why is she so hormonal?

She walks to the end of the walkway and takes the stairs down to the ground floor and just walks around the complex. Fresh air is good. It'll help clear her thoughts and take her mind off of making out with Nik and touching Nik and anything to do with _Nik_, who she knows nothing about other than him being born in Wales. What else is behind those blue eyes? What else that she doesn't know that maybe she should?

While he and Rebekah were talking and she was in the bathroom, she heard something about punishment and how he was already punished. Punished how? And for what? By who? When? Why? So many questions that she wants to ask him, but she won't for fear that he'll shut her out. It's none of her business. It's his past, not hers.

She stops walking once she gets to the edge of the road. It's so desolate and cloudy and dark. She can't imagine coming from either direction. A world of gray and black and red is her reality and she doesn't know why. Is this a reckoning? Is it some sort of Biblical prophecy? Did the Mayans predict this? Could anyone have predicted this? But most importantly, could anyone have _stopped_this?

What went so horribly wrong that this happened? That this was the end result? A complete decimation of the human race? For them to pit themselves against each other just to survive? For them to lose all sense of humanity just to get another days breath? What did they do to deserve this? What has she herself done?

However, before she can think over why, she's suddenly knocked to the ground. Her head hits the pavement hard and all she hears is constant ringing and her vision is filled with blotchy white and grey blocks. She blinks to clear her field of vision, but it's ridiculously slow and tedious. Every little movement she tries to make is a struggle and she swears she feels blood on her head.

_What just happened?_

She tries to sit up, but her head is spinning yet she can see it clearly. A straggler right at her feet, gnawing away at the thick material of her boots.

At first it doesn't seem real. It didn't just come out of nowhere. They don't do that. She would've seen it. She would've heard it.

She doesn't know whether she should scream or not, because what if there's more around and they hear her? What if a horde comes? Then it'll be all her fault. She kicks at the thing at her feet and tries to scramble away, reaching around for anything she can bash it over the head with. She's too far away from the SUV, too far away from anything she can hold.

So, maybe with heavy regrets, she screams. At the top of her lungs until her throat feels raw, she yells for help.

"NIK!"

If he doesn't hear her then she's done for. She keep screaming his name into the wind, trying to focus her eyes on the motel room that suddenly looks miles away. He won't hear her. He won't hear her and she'll die right here and he won't even know it.

"NIK! HELP!"

The straggler lets go of her feet and she manages to kick it right in the face, warding it off for a few seconds while she scrambles to her feet. She continues to shout for Nik as she runs as fast as her feet will carry her. She reaches back and feels blood soak her hand and she shivers. What if there was something on the pavement? What if it's in her system? Would she feel it already? What does it even feel like?

"Caroline?" Nik runs out of the motel room and without even thinking he hoists himself over the railing and hops down to the ground.

He sees Caroline slowing her paces and clutching the back of her head with a pained expression on her face. He spots the zombie making its way closer and closer to Caroline, its pace not slow nor fast. Moderate. He pulls out the .45 out of waistband and takes the safety off before firing straight at it. Caroline shrieks as the bullet flies right past her and hits its target right in the face, knocking it down.

Nik catches up to Caroline and takes her face in his hands, but she winces.

"My head is bleeding," she pants. "It pushed me and I hit it on the pavement and I don't know if there was something on the concrete, but if it was then it's in me and I'm going to change so Nik just look please just look!"

He turns her around and pushes everything she's said out of his mind. She's not infected that way. No. She won't change on him. He won't let her. She's just paranoid. That's all.

There's a small abrasion on the back of her head. It's a tear, a little deep and a small amount of blood is coming out. Other than that it looks fine, but how would he really be able to tell? He spins her back around and feels up and down her arms, searching for any cuts or bites or anything, but she's telling him that it only got her boots which are completely trashed.

_"What were you thinking?"_he asks her, squeezing her shoulders so hard she whimpers.

"Let go of me," she says. "You're hurting me!"

His eyes bore into hers, mirroring the horrific close encounter that she just had. If he hadn't heard her... God, she's so stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid girl! He lets her go and she exhales breathlessly, clutching at the back of her head.

"Go back inside and apply pressure to it. Tell Rebekah I said to wrap it up for you."

She thinks to protest, to say that she can take care of herself, but after what just happened it's not a pretty strong argument. "And where will you be?"

Nik narrows his eyes down at the girl. "None of your concern. Now go back to the room like I told you."

Caroline grumbles under her breath and tries to keep up the intimidating gaze contest with him, but he never falters. He's dead serious. If she doesn't get a move on, then he'll throw her over his shoulder and lock her in that room with Rebekah until he feels like letting them out. But, sadly, it doesn't have to come to that because Caroline stalks away angrily and tromps up the stairs. A string of curses fall from her lips before the door finally slams shut and suddenly all there is is silence.

Nik stands alone in the motel parking lot holding the .45 in his right hand and surveying the area. He looks down at the, well, dead _again_zombie only a few feet away and wonders where it came from. Caroline had to have seen it. Or heard it. Something. They just don't teleport.

Looking up and down the road, he sees nothing but a heavy mist. Like the clouds have came down from the sky to settle on the ground. He has no idea where that straggler came from. But regardless, it's only a sign that it's time to leave. If one came so easily, then that means a dozen could come just as quickly.

Maybe he's jinxed himself, however, because on his way back to the room he figures out where it came from. Just beyond the property is a forest. And that's the origin. Where they filter in like droves. Like moths to a flicker of light. For a moment, he's completely paralyzed. It's nothing like the kitchen in the cafeteria back at the high school. It's nothing like the swarm at his siblings' estate. It's bigger. A mass. It's a goddamned army of the dead. And they're so quiet. No breathing, no hissing, no snarling. Nothing. Just moving. Complete silence as if they're in a daze. Children, teenages, adults, elderly; all there with blood stained mouths and clothes. What a waste of humanity.

He exhales and relaxes himself. So this is how it ends, he muses. In this way.

Not a fucking chance.

He goes back to the SUV and pops open the trunk. A big green case sits flat and he opens up the top, marveling at the beautiful sight of a dozen M67 frag grenades lined up in two rows of six. Now this is what you call genuine beauty. He tucks away the .45 in his waistband and takes a frag in each hand. He's never done this before besides in those shitty video games that Kol was always playing. And in reality, Nik isn't a soldier. He isn't in a battalion, but he's armed like he is. Soldiers protect, and what is he doing out here? Risking his life for those two blondes most likely arguing back and forth in that room. So, just this once, he can be a soldier.

He runs at them as fast as he can and pulls a pin off the first one and hurls high above his head and into the horde. Maybe 20 meters. 25 at most. They all stop for one split second and suddenly their attention is drawn to that little green bomb rolling around in the grass. Nik runs to the front of the motel and leans against the wall.

"Three, two..."

* * *

It sounds like an explosion.

It sounds like an earthquake.

It sounds like how she always imagined the world would end.

The ground shakes, she can't stand up on her feet, she's ducking underneath the small table, and Rebekah is trying to fit under the bed.

"What the hell is that?" Rebekah screeches. "_WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO NIK_?"

But Caroline's head is pounding and she can barely make out Rebekah's words. All she knows is that she won't stop screaming and she herself cannot stop it either. Then, all of a sudden, everything stops shaking.

"D'ya think it was an earthquake?" she hears Rebekah ask, only she's not really asking it. What else could it have been? And to think that things couldn't have gotten any worse.

But with earthquakes, there's always an-

"AFTERSHOCK!" they shriek in unison as the floor beneath them begins to shake again.

So this is how it ends. Under a table with a split in the back of her head and a guy she may or may not like outside most likely hurt, or maybe the earth has literally opened up and swallowed him up.

In this way.

Not a fucking chance.

She scrambles up to her feet and latches onto the door handle. Her knees keep knocking together and her head is killing her, but she's going out there. He saved her life, she'll save his. Maybe she's being stupid. Reckless. Whatever. Does it really matter at this point?

* * *

There's a lot of smoke in the air. Smoke and clouds of dirt. There's a ringing in Nik's ears, like unpleasant church bells. He creeps back to the side of the building and sees nothing but blown up corpses. The forest is covered in dark gray and he can barely make it past that. Did he seriously wipe out an entire horde with two frags?

Time stills in this moment. It's like he's just won a battle. An entire flock of stragglers decimated by his hand. Yet this is only a small victory in an all out war. There will be more and it will never end. Ever.

"Nik!"

Caroline.

She descends the stairs with as much grace as she hit the pavement with. Her eyes are wild and curious, searching the land for any sign of him and any inclination of what the hell just happened only moments ago.

"Wait for me!" Rebekah calls seconds behind as her feet clunk against the metal. "Nik!"

He steps out in front of stairs and catches Caroline's eyes. She almost visibly relaxes as if she can breathe again. He looks untouched. Okay. Perfect.

Rebekah bounds past Caroline and quite literally flings herself at Nik, nearly knocking him to the ground.

"What were you thinking staying out here by yourself?" she spits, jabbing him hard in the chest. "Have you gone mad? Rotting in that cell knock you off your rocker?"

Nik winces as if she's just slapped him right across the face. She immediately regrets saying it. Some things are just off limits.

Caroline pretends not to notice what she's heard, so she breaks the silence and asks what's happened. Was there an earthquake? Did he get hurt?

Nik says no. No earthquake. Just a couple grenades and a few dozen blown up zombies. He tries to make it sound funny, but she's much too nervous to laugh. No jokes today.

Rotting in that cell...

"Why isn't your head bandaged like I told you?" Nik questions Caroline, bringing her back from her daze.

What was he in a cell for? Like prison? What?

"Uh..."

He accepts this as an answer because he knows she must've heard what Rebekah has said. In all honesty, he's surprised she hasn't figured out more. It isn't like his family past is one big secret, but he'd rather not think about it. It's not something that you just bring up for general conversation. Or any conversation for that matter. If he wanted to explain why he's been in prison for ten years, then he would've said so. It isn't important any longer. Not anymore.

"We need to leave," he states coldly as he moves past her. "Now."

Caroline turns around and watches him until she can't see him past the top of the stairs. She presses her lips together and tries to remember just how she even got into this. Zombies, a cramped bathroom, head injuries, nightmares, and the drama amongst three people. This wasn't how the world was supposed to end. There was supposed to be big explosions and planes falling out of the skies. There were supposed to be random volcanoes coming up from the ground and tidal waves and tsunamis. The ozone layer was supposed to break apart completely and the moon would come hurtling to the earth and push it closer to the sun until it burned up into nothing but space junk to be sucked into a black hole. That was how the world was supposed to end.

"Don't ask him anything," Rebekah suddenly whispers, but her tone isn't bitter. No. It's pretty gentle. And soft. "Some things we just don't say."

"You're the one who started it," Caroline points out.

She narrows her eyes. "Slip of the tongue." She shrugs casually. "Besides, I'm his sister, and you're just..." She grimaces. "A trollop."

"Trollop," Caroline laughs. "Newsflash, sweetie. It's the 21st century, and the only trollop I see is you."

Caroline smirks, feeling proud of herself. She starts up the stairs back to the room to properly wrap up her head. Not the best comeback, but it's a start.

"At least I can keep a man."

Her hand is fire on Rebekah left cheek. It's a sharp slap, a hard connection of skin against skin. Just one word puts the rhythm in Caroline's hand and Rebekah is clutching at her burnt crimson face.

"The next time you want to talk about shit you've only heard about," Caroline hisses, "you better make sure that I'm dead."

She totally means it.

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**A/N: **Bad news first: I don't know when I'll be updating again. I move in to university on Friday (scared out of my mind lemme tell ya) and this week is just going to be hectic with packing and last minute things and what not. Sigh. I don't want to say hiatus because I'm really going to try to update one more time before Friday. I'd really, really like to do that. Especially since you kind of know what's going on with Nik now, and the rest will be explained in the next chapter.

And this is the part where I realize I have no good news. Awkward. Anyway, thanks a bunch guys for your support. I didn't edit this at all and it's like almost 2 in the morning so like, there are probably mistakes, but I'm too sleepy to look for them. Okay well until we meet again, loves ;)

P.S. "We just can't do it again." Psssh as if.


	9. wash these sins away

Chapter Eight: wash these sins away

It's a long, bitter two days.

No one speaks much. Caroline has taken to the backseat to lay down while Nik drives and Rebekah rides shotgun with an actual shotgun lain across her lap and pointing out the window. Apparently shooting a gun is just like archery (of course Rebekah is skilled in archery. of course.), but Caroline doesn't know how true that is. She should probably learn how to shoot. It can't be too hard, right?

They don't argue. They don't make snarky remarks to each other. Caroline thinks some silent agreement has taken hold and now there will be peace to some extent. At least, she hopes that this is the fact. She's quite tired of fighting, to be honest. It doesn't solve anything. What's happened in the past is where it should be. In the past.

So it's quiet. Spine-shuddering silent. When she looks out the window, there is nothing but dilapidated towns and beaches. There are carcases of animals on the roads and the usual dead body strewn across in parts. She's been desensitized to death by this way. All of them have. It's not shocking and it isn't scary. It's the norm.

When night falls, Nik parks the SUV in a parking lot outside of an old playground. He's driven around the town for an hour or so, but there weren't any signs of stragglers. Either they all moved on once they realized that there was nothing to eat, or this place was just abandoned. It wasn't in disarray as a lot of the towns they've been in. In fact, it's pretty nice. Ridgeview, it's called. Ridgeview, Maryland. Right on the Chesapeake.

The moon is high in the sky and the stars light up the atmosphere and if they think really hard about it, then they can just pretend for a few seconds that nothing is wrong in the world. That it's just a normal night under the stars.

After they eat their dinner of canned vegetables and the last half of their bottle of water, Rebekah reclines her seat back and turns on her side.

"If anyone wakes me, then I'll purposely get bitten and come after you," she says rather seriously.

Nik smirks. Three minutes pass and her breathing has gotten so quiet he can barely make it out, so he does what any loving brother would do: he jams down hard on the horn.

Rebekah shoots up in her seat and a slew of curses exit her mouth as her hands slam against the dashboard. Caroline snickers and snorts from the backseat and Nik is laughing so hard there are tears budding in the corners of his eyes.

"Both of you can rot in hell!" she snarls, her eyes flaming. "See if I care." Then she falls back asleep just as soon as she did before.

Lovely girl, really.

"If we get attacked because of that," Caroline whispers from the back and leans up so that she's right next to his ear, "then I'll be expecting you to sacrifice your life for my safety."

Nik chuckles. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

He looks at her through the rearview mirror and watches her relax back into her seat. The white bandages cover over her forehead, making her seem to be worse off than she actually is (_"It's really not that serious, Nik. It doesn't even hurt anymore. And look! It's not even bleeding!" "Precaution, love. Precaution." "Seriously?_") and the weight she's lost is evident in her cheekbones. She's not yet frail, not so weak, but not really strong. Maybe in her mind she can take on the world head first, but in this state...not a chance.

"Come on," Nik says all of a sudden as he opens the door. "Let's take a walk."

Caroline raises an eyebrow. "Are you high?" she asks genuinely, but suddenly she's so intrigued that her hand finds itself tugging on the handle.

He shuts his door quietly and opens up Caroline's. "If by high you mean high on life, then you are absolutely correct."

"I think you mean high on death."

Nik pretends to frown. "Whatever happened to the optimistic cheerleader I met?"

Caroline shrugs. She doesn't think she's ever been optimistic a day in her life. If she has been, then it's all for show. Her personality was never truly genuine. It was the only way to stop herself from ever being truly miserable. When her father finally told her mother that their marriage wasn't working out because 1) he had an epiphany that he just didn't find vaginas appealing any longer and preferred something similar to him and 2) the fact that Liz was clearly wearing the pants in their marriage just didn't feel right. That woman was a tough cookie.

Which was why Caroline never cried in front of her. Liz was understanding and she was a great mom, and dad from time to time. But with her erratic work hours and trying to keep Mystic Falls safe, Caroline somehow took a backseat in all the mess. They were never really close (as far as mothers and daughters usually are. Looks like Elena Gilbert beat her in that department too, even if she is adopted.), but they shared a mutual dislike of Bill Forbes and basically anything to do with ponchos. Yes. Ponchos.

Then, at this moment as she crosses the playground with Nik, she realizes she's never stopped to wonder where her dad might be. Does that make her cruel and wicked? A bad daughter?

"Because of this," Nik offers, breaking her out from her daze.

She looks down at his hand and the folded up piece of paper in it. She takes it and unfolds it slowly and suddenly her eyes catch sight of possibly her worst photo ever. In it she looks completely washed out and covered in sweat in her warm up clothes. What was she thinking when she scheduled their team picture for that day?

"Why do you keep a picture of high school cheerleaders in your pocket?" she deadpans. There are literally several things she could've asked, but that's the one that boils to the surface.

Nik doesn't even know how to respond. Why does he have it? He has Rebekah so there's no point in keeping a photograph of her.

Caroline narrows her eyes and feigns disgust. "Dirty. Old. Man."

"I'm twenty-nine!" he defends.

"I think you mean forty-nine," she retorts and then she takes off. She probably shouldn't be running anywhere, but it makes her feel alive. The salty bay air expanding her lungs, the stars and the moon her only source of light, the dirt pathway her only navigation; it feels human.

She doesn't even realize how loud she's laughing until he catches up to her and he's so winded it sounds like he's going to collapse any minute. His fingers clasp around her right wrist and he pulls her backwards, making her lose her balance and topple right in to him.

It's so cliche, Caroline muses. But she'll take it. She likes the way it feels. To be so close to someone alive and not worrying about whether she's going to die in that right moment. When she looks in his eyes that are so strong, but clouded with secrecy and muddled thoughts. It's what Rebekah let slip.

She told herself that she wouldn't ask him about it. That she wouldn't pester him or anything, but over the course of the last two days, she asked him once or twice. Hinted at it.

_We should be honest with each other_, she had told him while they were scouting through a department store._ About the big and little things_.

He had looked at her with such scorn and aggravation. How dare she? Was this her way of being subtle?

_Or not_, she'd tried to say. _None of my concern, right?_

He didn't even respond.

How dark could it have been? What could be so bad that he didn't want to talk about? What did he do? Rob a bank? Kidnap somebody? Who really cares? She just wants to know. Besides, it isn't like curiosity is going to kill the cat.

"Why were you in prison?" she asks abruptly.

Nik pulls away from her and his face contorts into something somber. And to think that he figured he would be able to evade it until forever after. But then again, what's really the point in hiding it? Partially it's because he himself doesn't even want to come to terms with it, although there's another part of him that is so proud of what he did. He was the saving grace, the redemption, the hero.

"And don't say it's none of my concern," Caroline says. "Even if it's true, I told you about myself, so why don't you do the same?"

First of all, he never asked her to tell him anything. She was the one who blurted everything about being second choice and all that. So he doesn't owe her anything. If anything, she owes him. He's saved her life, what, three times?

"Why don't you trust me?" she asks as she sits on a swing they've neared. It creaks as she rocks back and forth, her feet just brushing the woodchips at the bottom.

"It isn't about trust," he snaps. She winces. "I don't like to think about what I've done. Why can't you understand that?"

"Because the world is ending! What difference does it make? Do you want to die without ever letting everything out? Have that fester in your heart?"

"There is nothing in my heart that's festering!" The vein in his neck rises under his skin and his face turns to crimson. He's done his time. He doesn't want to think about it anymore. Ever again. Why can't she just understand this?

"Then what is it? Why won't you tell me? What is so bad that I cannot under any circumstance know?" Her voice feels raw. Like she's swallowed a bucket of hot sauce. Her blood curdles under her skin and she could just slap him just like Rebekah. Here she is, generally concerned about him. If he can't trust her, then why is she even here? It isn't like she has anyone to tell. As far as she knows, everyone she knows is gone. Dead.

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I don't have anything!" she screams as she hops off the swing. She shoves him so hard that he stumbles backwards. There's a forest fire in her eyes and no amount of water is going to put it out. "_What am I supposed to care about?_ What else is there, Nik?"

Because she cares? No, that's wrong. No one cares. No one has ever cared. But she wants to know? She so desperately wants to know and pretends that she'll just accept him like it's nothing. Like she's so forgiving. So he'll tell her and she'll call him a monster-_how could you, you sick literal bastard_-and then she will go back to hating him because that's what they all go back to doing. It's natural and he doesn't even mind it anymore. The years of self-loathing he's put himself through, the years of being the other object of brutality from a hefty hand and a glass bottle; he can handle little Miss Caroline Forbes hating him during the apocalypse. This will be nothing.

"I killed my father," he says so casually that he even does a little shrug. _Oh, didn't you know? I just shot him while he was sleeping_.

Caroline stares at him, wide-eyed with her mouth opening and closing like a fish. Did he just say he killed his father? What?

"I don't..." she says, her voice so low she can barely hear it herself. "What do you mean?"

"I don't think I can be much clearer than that," Nik laughs, rubbing the back of his neck. "You wanted to know...you cared to know. Regret it already, love?"

She can't tell if he's just nervous or he generally finds it funny, but that's not really what she's focused on. She's trying to figure out why. How. When. For what reason was he so angry that he killed his father? It seems so foreign. She isn't particularly fond of her dad, but she would never intentionally hurt him. She was a part of him. She wouldn't be in the world had it not been for him. How could you hate your father so much that you killed him?

"He was a means to an end," Nik sighs.

_What the fuck?_ "And the end being?" she practically screams.

"Peace."

"Peace," she repeats slowly. One word. One syllable. Peace. And how chaotic was his life before this? How unpeaceful was it that it justified murdering a man? Murdering his own father?

"And you felt vindicated?" she scoffs.

"It was never about vindication or...or justification." He looks right past her as if in some type of trance. "I never tried to acquit myself for anything. You see, Caroline, the difference between me and any other criminal is that I don't have any regrets. I could go to sleep at night and not feel a hint of guilt. I still can and I always will, because what I did was the right decision. Had I been given a choice, then maybe I would've chosen something less violent so I wouldn't scar my younger siblings, but we can't change the past, can we?"

Clouds cover the moon and the stars don't seem to twinkle as proudly as they have before. Nothing seems as bright as it used to be up until this moment. Caroline's heart thumps in her chest. The realization that she's been riding in a car with a murderer crashes over her. At any time during this whole thing, he could've easily disposed of her. Maybe as easily as he did with his own father. And if he didn't care about him, then he certainly doesn't care about her.

He trails his gaze back to Caroline's startled face. Her afraid, angelic face. She isn't angry, she isn't upset; she's just confused. Heartbroken for this man who she does not know because no one should ever die from their child. That has to be the ultimate betrayal.

"_Why_?" she asks and she's surprised how heavy with grief her voice is. "Whatever it was, did you really have to kill him?"

He seems so cold just standing there, rigid and stiff. What if she just touched him? Would he push her away? What if she just took a step forward? Would he take that gun in his waistband and end her right there?

"My father...Mikael was his name..he..." Nik stops, unsure of what to say. It's such a long story and he's never told anyone about it personally. Everyone always just knew. His siblings knew obviously, and even with all the court dates and whatnot, Elijah was the one defending him, saying all the right words to give his brother the lightest possible sentence ever.

"_There was a significant amount of turmoil in our household. My father being the main factor in it all_," Elijah had said. "_He was never fond of Niklaus because he was an illegitimate child. Not my father's._"

"Technically, I'm not his son," Nik finally says. "My mother had an affair some time after my brother Finn was born and it continued for a few years until she found out she was pregnant. My father found out when I was-" Nik closes his eyes and thinks back to the day when it all came out. How old was he? Five? Six? He had just came in from playing football with those Pierce boys and it was time for supper. Nik came in through the kitchen door, covered in dirt and grass stains when Elijah came out of nowhere and quietly snuck him upstairs and covered his ears. But that didn't work. Mikael's anger still seeped through the cracks of Elijah's fingers. Through the crease underneath their bedroom door.

Mikael said spiteful things. Hateful things. Corrosive words that stung when they hit you. They tore through flesh. They were daggers in your heart.

_"I want that bastard out of this house immediately!"_

_"He's our son, Mikael! He's only a child!"_

_"Did you think about that before you fucked that man behind my back? Did you, Esther?"_

_Silence. There voices are faint, drifting upstairs through the vents and through the hallway, but Nik can hear it even though he doesn't want to. He doesn't understand what it means. Elijah says it doesn't mean anything. That adults fight sometimes and it's nothing to worry about. They aren't talking about him even though his name is constantly mentioned. It's another Nik._

* * *

_"Father doesn't love me," Nik decides one night. He's seven and this distaste forms in his mouth for the first time. He doesn't like it and wants it to go away. Please just go away._

* * *

_"No matter what you do," Mikael tells him when he's nine, his breath smelling of a fatal mix of gin and vodka. How do you? "You will always be an eternal mistake, boy. A walking failure."_

_"Leave him alone, Mikael," Esther pleads weakly. "He hasn't done anything."_

_Mikael turns his glare on the woman covered in black and blue bruises. He laughs. Hasn't done anything? "He was born, Esther. That's more than enough."_

* * *

"He was awful," he goes on. "He was a drunkard...abusive. He hit our mother in front of us before. Then he tried to go after Bekah, but my brothers and I stopped him."

Caroline has on her brave face. The face she wears when she doesn't really know what to say so she just sits there and keeps her eyebrows knit together and her lips pursed. It's a good thing that they've moved to a bench because she isn't sure she would be able to stand up anymore after all this.

"Why didn't you tell someone?" she asks. "A relative? The authorities?"

"They would've split us up," he says instantly as if it was never, ever an option. And it wasn't. Together always and forever. "My real father moved to Northern Ireland before I was born, and they would've shipped me there to him. I don't even know what he looks like."

"But how do you know? They might not have, Nik. You never took the risk."

"It wouldn't have been a risk. Neither of my relatives had room for five children and my mother was emotionally unstable to take care of us any longer."

Caroline nods as if digesting all of this. She doesn't even know what to ask anymore. She should be comforting, but he doesn't need any comforting. He just looks ahead and continues to tell her everything and she'll listen. She'll listen forever if she has to.

"One night it got so bad Eli took us to a hotel." He smiles. "The looks on the clerks face when they saw three boys with a toddler stroll into the lobby with no adult supervision was priceless. Of course they didn't give us a room, but we rode on the elevator up and down until we fell asleep."

"Does Rebekah remember?"

He shakes his head. "Not Rebekah. It was Kol. He was only three. My mum had still been pregnant with her."

After everything that's happened to his mother, Caroline can't even imagine how she would have the strength to let that man touch her in a provocative way. How could she let him do that to her? And at least two more times after Nik? How could she ever even have the utter power to do that?

"When did you do it?" Caroline swallows.

Nik turns his head and catches her gaze. She's a great listener. Maybe she does care, he thinks. Maybe she's different.

"He was exceptionally pissed on my eighteenth birthday. So much that he could not form a complete insult without losing focus. He stumbled around a lot. It was funny actually," he laughs. "This man full of rage and hatred fumbling around and tripping over his feet. Then he hit my mum with a broken bottle of whiskey. He'd never hit her so hard that she actually lost consciousness, but she did. And you know what he said once he realized what happened?"

Caroline shakes her head, almost afraid to hear the answer. Whatever it is, it's going to be bad.

Nik sucks in a breath and fishes around in his pocket for another cigarette. He's gone through four already just with recollecting all these memories he's stored away into a corner of his mind. He lights it and takes a long drag, before blowing it out.

"Rebekah hates cigarettes," he says as he regards the thin stream of smoke floating off at the end. "Says it reminds her of him."

He takes another drag. "Anyway, he said 'this is your fault' and then he laughed at me. Literally laughed at me. I think that may have been the breaking point. The, what do you call it, the straw that broke the camel's back. I helped my brother's get my mother in bed and shortly after Mikael passed out as well. Right on the sofa with a bottle of bourbon clutched to his chest. So I...I," he swallows. "I went upstairs and into his study where he kept a pistol in one of the drawers. It was already loaded as if it was...summoning me to it, yeah? I picked it up and it was the lightest thing ever. I thought it would feel like an anvil or something similar, but no. I carried it in my hand and stood right in front of him. Put it between his eyes..." those cold, heartless eyes "and pulled the trigger."

They sit there in total silence once he says those words. Minutes pass. Maybe an hour passes. Doesn't really matter. Time isn't important any longer. Once it's up, it's up.

Caroline's mind is blank. She's not the type to offer consolation, but the type to be consoled. She never knew what to say to Elena when she found out she was adopted, she didn't have a single word to offer Bonnie when she found out her mother didn't want a single thing to do with her. But they had words for her. They rubbed her back and wiped her tears as they slid down her cheeks. (_"Yeah, your dad sucks so much, Care," little eight-year-old Elena said with two missing teeth. "But you have us." "Yeah," Bonnie said while she donned one of her many costume wigs. "We'll be best friends forever."_) And then as they got older, it was always _I'm so sorry_ and_ it'll work out in the end, sweetie_.

But really, the most honest thing, was saying nothing at all.

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**A/N: **You guys! You don't know how grateful I am to your response. I made time to update for you guys because you're that awesome. Seriously. I went out on Tuesday with my friends for like the last time until like Thanksgiving (my creys!) and we ended up going to my friend's college because she had some last minute stuff to work out before she starts, so me and my other friends went to the library and I got some writing done while I was waiting. It was pretty great. Um it's 1 in the morning here and I've got a shitload of things to do later on (I have not even begun to pack oops) so we'll see how this college thing goes. Thank you guys so much! I will try to update as soon as I have time to write, sweethearts! You rock!

P.S. did anyone see that picture of JoMo that everyone was freaking out about on tumblr? because I didn't see it and I was highly upset! D:


	10. you got me doin' dirt

Chapter Nine: you got me doin' dirt

They watch the sunrise.

It's not meant to be romantic or any type of bonding activity whatsoever; it's just a thing that happens. Neither one of them wants to go back to the vehicle and sit there in awkward silence as Rebekah slept on, snoring her worries away into the darkness.

So they sat at that bench and watched as the darkness unveiled the light and it was beautiful. A sight like that almost made her remember that nature was still a gorgeous sight to see, even if it is marred by ugly walking blemishes.

"Did you ever think that it would end this way?" she asks him.

"Well, the zombies are a surprise," Nik snickers. "I was expecting more of a catastrophic tsunami that flooded the entire world. Something a little more dramatic."

"I wanted volcanoes." She grins. "I don't know, just this huge cataclysm. But there would be these spaceships that would take us to the moon or Mars or something. So we'd all be saved."

"Someone has watched one too many John Cusack films."

"It wasn't my fault." Caroline rolls her eyes. "My friend Elena rented bad movies on Saturday nights, and 2012 was one of them. I thought it was a comedy."

"Are you telling me that it wasn't?"

In this moment, it seems hilarious. She comes to the conclusion that she's tired. Extremely tired. They haven't slept at all during the night. She was afraid that if she closed her eyes then he would leave. Nik wasn't afraid, but rather so awake that he couldn't take his eyes off of her. She genuinely cared like no one else ever has before. She genuinely wanted to help him.

She said never again, and he respected that. He respects it. He does. But when she looks off into the distance, her eyes the shade of turquoise and teal, he can't hold himself back. The temptation to just take her right where she sits, touch every bit of her flesh with his fingertips and mouth.

He doesn't even think before he acts, which he never really does anyway. Impulse, impulse, impulse. He turns her towards him and steals away the longest kiss he can get from her. Her breath feels robbed from her lungs as their lips remain locked together, but she's not complaining. Not at all. She does the farthest thing from it actually.

Caroline moans quietly when Nik's lips travel along her jawline and his hands are underneath her shirt, grazing against the skin of her back. Goosebumps rise on her skin and her face and entire body grows warm with want. A need so desperate she'll do anything to fulfill it.

She pushes him off and switches positions so that she straddles him to the bench. Her hands move over the fabric of his henley as their lips connect again for a brief second before she's arching her back and he's kissing her right where her hearts beats like a racehorse. His fingers work furiously behind her back, permanently screwing up the already too small bra she's wearing. The clasp breaks apart and she lifts her arms to remove her shirt and the offending undergarment. The cool air hits her skin and makes her shiver, but the way his hands feel on her bare flesh warms her from her toes to her fingertips.

His eyes rolls all over her body, drinking in every detail he can get. Her hair falls in tumbles of curls over her shoulders, stopping just above the soft curve of her breasts. And the natural lines of her abdomen that give way to her clothed hips that just beg to be set free. She's beautiful, she's a siren, she's a _woman. _In the sunlight she is wild and on fire, a creature so exquisite she cannot possibly be tamed. Her eyes mirror the seven vices and her skin feels like fire, scorching his lips when he tastes her again.

"_Oh_."Caroline sighs when she feels his tongue roll over a nipple. Her breath hitches in her chest while his left hand kneads the flesh around her right breast. She shuts her eyes tightly when his teeth pull gently at the hardened bud. She threads her fingers through his hair and tugs hard at the short locks as a slew of curse words fall from her lips like a sailor.

"Nik," she whispers, her voice laden with lust and fear and worry. Not now. Not yet. "We can't."

"We can, love," he says right back because they can. They will. He knows she wants it just as bad as he does. She wants to writhe underneath his body or whatever position she's in. She wants to feel that wave of euphoria crash over her like she's never felt it before.

His fingers work at the button of her jeans, but she's shaking her head yet not saying a word. Maybe if she just gets it out of her system then she won't have this craving anymore. This unrelenting need to feel all of him consuming her. But what if it doesn't stop? What if then she just wants more and more and more?

Her thoughts are muddled when suddenly she feels his hand cup her underneath her pants. She raises her hips off his lap and locks his strong gaze, biting down hard on her lip when he slowly inserts a finger inside of her slick canal. Heat wells in her chest and she groans as he pumps inside her, in and out, in and out. His thumb strokes her clit and earns a complacent sigh from her as she starts to rock her hips against his hand. She grips Nik's shoulders tightly, digging her nails into the fabric of his shirt and right into his skin. The way he looks at her, his eyes big pools of blue, giving her the most conscientious gaze makes her whole body quake. The way his fingers move diligently inside of her, a motion she'd never before felt in such a way, makes her scream his name so loudly she's afraid some invisible person might hear. Some invisible person will see how easily she's falling apart on a park bench with this man giving her everything she's desiring with his hands and lips and tongue.

And then, all at once, she's screaming out in ecstasy as her climax overthrows her. She clutches his hair and he watches her face the portrait of euphoria and pleasure and vibrance and warmth. So secure, so instant, so _fleeting. _

"Nik," she mutters, leaning into his neck. He wraps his arms around her bare back, a thin sheet of sweat clinging to her skin. "If we ma-"

The sound is so shocking that they don't respond when they hear it. A loud crack in the air, just across the park. Just across from where they are.

"Rebekah," they say simultaneously.

Caroline scrambles to her feet and slips back into her shirt and buttons her jeans, disregarding the fact that she feels like a cheap slut. What the fuck did she just do?

Nik is already running towards the sound, his lungs pumping like crazy in his chest.

_Please god. Please, please, please._

Just a little lapse in judgment, a little bit of temptation, the desire to ravage Caroline until she couldn't even say her own name; that's all it took for this to happen. This of all things:

His sister standing on top of the roof of the SUV, the shotgun in her hands, bringing it to eye level and firing out a bullet at a crowd of walking dead surrounding her. Her hair is all over her face, but he can see the determination etched across her face. She's not dying today. Nope.

Caroline catches up with him, flustered and out of breath, and her eyes widen at the sight of infected clustered around Rebekah. They try to climb up the front of the car, but she blasts the gun right through their skulls.

_What do we do?_

But before she can even ask Nik he's running again and has his .45 in his hands and Caroline feels completely and utterly useless. What does she have? Nothing. Why didn't she ever get better equipped? Seriously?

But there must be something she can do. The two of them can't possibly take down all those stragglers. One of them is bound to run out of ammo, especially Rebekah. And even though she doesn't particularly care for the girl and through all the death threats and death wishes, she doesn't really _want _to see her eaten alive.

Nik is perfect at close range. Long range is a task, he figures after that whole ordeal in the cafeteria. Although, miraculously he saved Caroline when she was a lost cause outside of the house. So in dire straits, it must be a 50/50 chance. But right now he doesn't have the ammo for risks or chances.

"_Where the fuck were you?" _Rebekah screeches when she sees him. _"Going to fetch breakfast?"_

"Doesn't matter," he snaps.

"The fuck it does!"

Caroline watches them from the hill, shoot and bicker, shoot and bicker. It's a formula, but that way they're not covering nearly as much ground as they could. Caroline's trying to figure out where the hell they even came from. Two dozen stragglers don't just come out of thin air. There has to be a gateway in or they were hiding or something. Jesus Christ. They could've snuck up on them while her and Nik..._shit. _

So basically, she decides, this is kind of her fault. Right? Because she was there and she was willing and she let him and didn't offer a word of complaint.

If anyone is going to get hurt today, then it's going to be her. It has to be her. She won't allow anyone else.

"_HEY!" _she shrieks and runs toward them, flailing her arms high above her head. She must be insane. She must be crazy. She must literally be asking to die today or something, because her sudden and stupid plan to be bait kind of works way too perfectly. They turn around and stop working at the SUV and Rebekah and Nik, and they see her. Instantaneously, they start running. And by running, it literally means running.

_Shit, shit, shit. _

She doesn't know where she's going, nothing seems like the right way. Somehow she's going to end up in a dead end and that'll be the end of it.

_Run, run, fucking run like there's a sale at Forever 21!_

Her feet pound against the pavement, grass, whatever is on the ground. She can hear them snarling and hissing behind her, smelling like dead fish and skin on fire. Tears prick at the corners of her eyes because no one is going to help her and she'll die right here in Ridgeview, Maryland; a peaceful town by the bay.

Nik is trying his best at taking them down and so is Rebekah, but it's really no use. They're so far away. A distance so large it seems like such a lost cause. He could throw a frag, but what would the point be if Caroline dies in the blast as well?

He doesn't know what to do.

Caroline dives into a tunnel that she's neared and rests against the concrete walls. She can't catch her breath, her head is starting to throb painfully, and her vision is starting to blur. She didn't even get to say goodbye to Nik.

She screams and starts to run backwards when the stragglers find her again. They run at her in droves, the bloodlust clouding any bit of humanity they had. She breaks down as she tries to jet away from them. She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't get to say goodbye. She never gets to say goodbye. Why? _Why, why, why?_

Headlights break her field of vision. The world seems to stop spinning when the large SUV drives right up to her. The back door opens and the person in the passenger seat throws something out the window.

"Get in, Barbie!"

Caroline never gets to say goodbye, but she also can't say hello.

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**A/N: **I smell troubleeeeeeeeeee

If you didn't catch the poll results, then 'Mausoleum' won by 5 votes.

See you guys soon!


	11. and we don't belong here at all

Chapter Ten: and we don't belong here at all

There is an explosion.

It seems far away, a mile maybe two. But it's just Nik trying to convince himself that. It's two football fields away, American football fields. There is dark smoke and concrete flying through the air and crashing right back down. It is relentless as it falls. It looks like it hurts.

Does she feel pain anymore?

"How…," Rebekah breathes silently a few feet away. Because right there is where the girl whose life she's made a living hell died. Right there is where the girl, headstrong yet so broken, sacrificed her life to save Rebekah and her brother.

"She isn't dead," Nik declares and he believes it. He _needs _to believe it. It _has _to be true, because if it isn't, then he doesn't know how he'll get over the guilt.

"We should leave," Rebekah voices, but she's unsure. So unsure and uncertain and sad for a lost life she didn't even like that much. _That _much.

"_We're not going anywhere!" _

She stiffens. They aren't going anywhere. Right.

"You still have me," she whispers but he can't hear it. She doesn't think it'd matter if he did anyway.

* * *

Caroline hardly has any reaction when she sees the raven-haired man sitting behind the steering wheel. She doesn't know whether to be upset, ecstatic, concerned; she just doesn't know. She just jumps into the backseat and holds on for dear life as he puts the car in reverse and hightails it out of that tunnel just in time. It's like an action movie. How the real epic scenes go considerably slow just so you can see all the detail the special effect guys put into it. _Yes. Yes! This will win us an Oscar!_

But this is no movie. There are no cameras or special effect guys or deleted scenes of bloopers. No. Just real life, watching an explosion surround her while she's in a car with people she thought was dead.

Damon and Stefan Salvatore.

"This is about the right time for you to get on your knees and kiss my feet for saving your ass, Barbie."

And even after all this time he's still the eternal douchebag.

She's not even complaining.

"How are...where did you come from?" she manages to ask. It's a general question and she figures she needs to know.

Stefan turns around and flashes her a smile, but it's not the normal Stefan smile. It's like…rude. And obnoxious.

"How about you tell us where _you _came from, huh? I can't picture you booking it all the way to Maryland by yourself."

Wow. Wait a minute. Now there are _two _douchebag Salvatore brothers? Whoa, whoa, whoa. _Now wait just a minute!_

"Stefan's trying this thing where he's not nice anymore," Damon explains, shrugging.

"That's where you're wrong, brother," Stefan says. "I never was nice."

Caroline tries to process this whole thing. Damon alive and still being a douche even after an apocalypse, Stefan turning into a douche because there is an apocalypse, them still being alive period, and her sitting in the backseat of their car when she should be zombie food.

"Have you guys been staying in a house?" she ventures.

"We have a place," Damon says, "but it's not exactly a bungalow like you may have been expecting, honey."

"Why are you always such an asshole?"

"I'm only an asshole to people I don't like," he reasons, "and, no offense, but you're not one of my favorite people, Barb."

She scoffs and crosses her arms as she sits back in her seat. "Likewise."

It's not that she hates Damon or anything, but…she hates him. He's literally the scum of the earth, the kind of guy that no one should ever aspire to be. Rude, arrogant, blunt, inappropriate. Just not a nice guy at all. And Caroline would know the best.

"You still didn't answer the question, Blondie," Stefan reminds her.

She thinks back to what it actually even was before Damon made her livid all over again. Douchebag, douchebag, douchebag!

Then she realizes it. She looks out the window, presses her face against it and all she sees is ocean or bay or whatever the hell it is. They're leaving Ridgeview. They're leaving Nik.

"STOP!" she screeches, but it doesn't have the desired effect. She braces for the brakes to jam and to go lunging forward in her seat, but the vehicle just keeps going just as smooth as before.

Damon cuts a glance at her through the rearview mirror. "If I stopped the car every time someone dramatically screams 'stop' then we'd probably still be in Virginia right now."

"My friends are back there!" she yells, hitting the back of his headrest hard. "Turn around! They probably think I'm dead!"

Stefan laughs. "Friends? Nobody has any _friends._"

"I do!" She reaches forward through the middle console, but just then Damon slams on the brakes. She falls backwards into her seat and he suddenly speeds off down the road.

"You're such a bastard! They're looking for me!"

Stefan cocks an eyebrow. Asshole. "And how do you know?"

Hm. He has a point. She doesn't know. Not really. She's just assuming. Nik wouldn't just give up on her like that. He wouldn't be so…accepting. He's probably trying to find her amongst all that rubble right now. He's probably screaming her name and cursing a god. Maybe he's even crying. Maybe.

But then, she figures, probably not. There isn't anything between them besides sexual attraction. So what she knows his past. So what he kind of knows a little of hers. So what?

Though, she likes him. She sort of really, really likes him. And the thought of not ever seeing him again is unbearable.

"You don't understand," she mumbles as her throat gets tight. "I can't just leave."

Damon stops the car in the middle of the road. A forest surrounds them, lush and green and seemingly full of life. But it's all a lie. What hides within those trees are nothing but lies.

He turns around in his seat and catches her eyes. His are so blue, so icy and clear. They're the color they were when she fell for him and he kissed her so perfectly she felt like she would spontaneously combust.

"Whoever you were with, chances are they aren't good people," he tells her. "You can stay with us, where we have shelter and enough food to ride this thing out. Or you can walk back there and stay with your cronies or whatever the hell they are. All I'm saying is that I don't want to go back there and tell Elena and Bonnie that we didn't find you today either."

Her heart sinks to her feet. Elena? Bonnie? As in _her _Elena and Bonnie? This can't be real life.

"Are you…" But she can't even finish her sentence. Just thinking about them, smiling and happy and hugging her and just breathing is enough to make her burst into tears. Her friends are alive. Her friends are alive and waiting for her. They've been searching for her.

And what has she done? Fight with Rebekah? Nearly have sex with her brother? She certainly hasn't been looking for them? She gave in. She gave up. She quit before she even began.

"Looks like we have an answer," Stefan deduces and Damon starts the engine again.

"Good decision, Barb. Teresa and Christie will be proud to have you back."

She sniffs and smiles. "Why do you know the names?"

Damon does that weird eyebrow wiggle that used to send her straight to the moon. "Stefan's ex-girl Kat, a super bitch even at five, made us play with her. I was always Skipper. Always." He shudders at the memory.

She looks out the window, at the forest slowly disappearing and transforming into a new landscape. Some place far away from where she used to be.

* * *

"We'll never find her, Nik," Rebekah says as she watches her disgruntled brother search through rubble.

But he doesn't listen. He won't ever listen. Somewhere, beneath all this mess, Caroline is buried. Somewhere she's unconscious and hurting. Somewhere down there.

Rebekah reaches out to pull him away from the scene, but he brusquely pushes her away and she starts to cry. It shouldn't have ended this way for Caroline. It really shouldn't have.

"I'll help," she breathes and she picks up a chunk of concrete and tosses it to the side.

* * *

"Welcome to Casa El Salvabenbert," Damon announce proudly as he pulls into a heavy duty garage. It's like one of those ones where trucks make deliveries to.

Stefan jumps up and pulls down the door and there is so much darkness that Caroline can't see her hand in front of her. Before they pulled into the place, Caroline saw a huge warehouse. It looked worse for wear, but apparently they were holding up just fine.

"We have water," Stefan explained earlier. "Two tanks and a water tower. Barely used. It isn't hot, so you'll have to make due with cold showers."

Showers, she had thought. What did a hot shower feel like anymore?

She follows them through a door that opens to a dimly lit hallway that smells of mildew and mold. The walls are moist and the floor is a little wet, but it isn't unbearable. It reminds her of when her basement used to flood when there was a lot of rain. Simple pains like that she finds she actually really misses.

Damon opens up a large red door and they walk through into a big storage room. They've put mattresses and covers high on the shelves and it smells progressively nicer here. Like it's been sprayed with Lysol or something.

"Home sweet storage facility," Damon sighs wistfully, holding a hand to his heart.

Caroline rolls her eyes as if to say _seriously?_

"Damon? Stefan?"

"Did you find her?"

It's like an angel's choir. It has to be the sweetest sound she's ever heard in weeks. Months. Years. Doesn't even matter how long it's been, it's the sweetest sound in the world. She wants to scream _yes, yes they found me! I'm right here! I'm alive! _She wants to crumple to the ground and cry her eyes out because she can't believe that after all this time her best friends are standing right in front of her. She wants to run away because a part of her still believes that this is merely just a dream. Just a terrible nightmare and she'll wake up and still on top of the roof of her house looking at the flames of Mystic Falls. She's afraid she'll wake up and go to Bonnie and Elena's homes and see that they aren't there again. That they either left or they're dead. She's afraid that she's going to be alone again and there is nothing worse than that feeling of solitude. Of complete isolation that you begin to lose your mind.

But they run to her. They wrap her up in their lovely arms, so warm and so small and so tight. So _unyielding_. She is saving breath that keeps them alive for just one more second. She is the light at the end of the tunnel. She is Caroline Forbes, and she is the only one in the world who can survive this thing with a smile on her face. This unrelenting, fearless girl with a head full of yellow hair. Who would've thought?

Bonnie cries, Elena cries, and Caroline sobs. Her heart literally aches and she figures that can't be a good thing. She's probably going to have a heart attack at some point in the near future, but it doesn't even matter. She has Elena and Bonnie and they have her. Maybe the sand in the hourglass is slipping through the crack swiftly. Maybe their time is almost up, but right now, she's going to keep them right here. Right now.

* * *

Nik is frustrated.

He isn't sad. He isn't angry. He is just frustrated.

Through the rubble, she isn't there. He thought he saw the top of her head, those familiar golden curls, but it turned out to just be a straggler. Cold and lifeless. No light in those bright white eyes.

"We need to leave," Rebekah tells him, and he hates the fact that he agrees with her.

He doesn't want to leave Caroline here, because she is here. Somewhere under all this. She is dead. Her heart isn't beating. She isn't smiling, yet she isn't feeling any pain. She just doesn't exist.

Nik doesn't want to think about what must've been going through her mind when she ran away. When she lured them with herself. When she literally became the bait he told her to be.

He will never forgive himself.

So he doesn't think about it as he drives. He keeps going and going and blinking and blinking. He breathes in and out, he pretends that there never was a Caroline and he didn't kiss her or tell her anything about his life. He pretends that she was just make believe, a figment his imagination fathomed up so he could be entertained.

But he can't do that. The pavement on the road ahead is mundane and repetitive and when he looks over at Rebekah he just wants her to look like Caroline. _Please be Caroline. _But she isn't. She never will be.

"Always and forever, Nik," she says, but he tunes her out.

Not always and forever. More like never and…well, never.

* * *

"How did you survive?" Elena asks her excitedly, her eyes wide and brilliant like they've always been. "I mean, were you with someone?"

Caroline nods, biting her bottom lip. She isn't sure what she should do. She's happy she's with her friends again after so long, but what about Nik? Should she tell them? They won't trust him automatically. Especially Damon.

"I was with two people," she tells her and Bonnie as they listen eagerly. "One of them found me in Mystic Falls and I've just been with them ever since."

Bonnie closes her eyes and inhales. "Thank god. I was so afraid. We rode by your house, but it was so dark and just…I'm so sorry, Care."

There's too much crying for Caroline. Too much sadness. "Guys, stop with the tears." She smiles. "I'm here, right? We're all together?"

They both nod and hug her again. This is what happiness feels like.

* * *

The rubber burns on the tires as Nik hauls ass down that road. He doesn't know where he's going, but he has this feeling. This weird fucking feeling in the pit of his stomach and the air whips past the window and the tress are just green blurs and the sky doesn't exist and…

"NIK!"

White.

* * *

"So where's Jeremy?"

Elena rolls her eyes. "He's locked himself in the bathroom. Does he think we don't know what he's doing?" she leans in and whispers.

Caroline smiles despite herself. "He's sixteen." She shrugs.

"It's still gross."

_Well, if you knew what happened on that park bench…_

Bonnie clasps her hands together. "Food! You must be hungry, right? Let's get you something to eat, Care."

Caroline grins. Dinner with her friends. All that's missing is _Bridget Jones's Diary_.

* * *

This feeling of vertigo is new. This dull pain in his back and abdomen make him want to puke. The world won't stop spinning, everything is blurry and unclear like a thick fog. But it's darkness. Total darkness.

"Bekah," he manages to say as he tries to reach over, but she isn't there.

That's what he realizes that the world is literally upside down. He's hanging upside down in the SUV, the steering wheel turning and turning. The faint smell of gasoline wafts through the air, but that's the least of his concerns. Where is Rebekah? Where is she?

"Rebekah," he tries to yell, but his voice is hoarse and nothing more but a faint whisper. He struggles in his seatbelt, trying to break free from the jammed thing, but the more he moves the tighter it gets.

"Rebekah," Nik says again more clear. "Come out, come out wherever you are. Rebekah!"

Silence has never been so loud.

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**A/N: **Don't I make you want to just hit me across the face with an axe?


	12. cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome

Chapter Eleven: cause i'm broken when i'm lonesome

She feels lost like a little girl wandering around in a grocery store looking for her mother. She can't speak, she can't move, she can't see.

She feels dead. Is she even breathing? She remembers flying and then falling and then…what? What after that?

_"NIK!" she screeches at the top of her lungs. Her brother's eyes widen in shock, fear, relief. She doesn't know, but her voice won't even work anymore. She can't find the words. _

_They say that right before you die your life flashes right before your eyes. Every small thing that you got angry about or were thrilled about all comes back to you in one split second. One moment she's thinking about the second she saw her father gets shot in the face and then next she's standing in her mother's bedroom trying to make sense of her limp body hanging from the closet. _

_This is when Rebekah realizes that she hasn't had a happy memory in her life. _

"Little Rebekah. My how you've grown."

She feels weightless.

* * *

Caroline lies on a cot on the fourth shelf right below Elena and next to Bonnie. Damon, Stefan, and Jeremy take turns keeping watch because it's never exactly safe. At any moment they could be found out. At any moment, they could all be dead. Caroline wonders if they know that they're all infected. She wonders if she should tell them.

She can't force herself to sleep tonight even though it's pretty comfortable. A pillow, blankets, a mattress, and the breaths of her friends like a lullaby. She's had a shower—considerably cold—but still. It's a shower. She even brushed her teeth with baking soda. She should've learned to appreciate the little things, especially when they're all gone.

All gone.

What about the big things?

They're still here. They were. But she left them.

"Bonnie," she whispers and the girl hardly stirs.

"Bonnie," Caroline says again. Her friend's eyes flicker open the tiniest bit and she lets out a little yawn.

"What's wrong?"

Caroline swallows. "Those people I was with...I need to...they probably think I'm dead."

"Well, it's too dangerous to go out there and look for people we don't need to, Care. If they think you're dead, then they won't look for you. Nothing to worry about, okay? Try and get some sleep."

"But Bonnie…"

"I know what you're saying, Caroline. But is it really worthy risking your life again?"

"But…"

"Caroline, go to sleep." Bonnie turns away from Caroline and falls right back to sleep, but Caroline is just getting started. She understands Bonnie completely. She understands what she'd be risking, but at this point, she doesn't particularly care. If it had been Nik or even Rebekah, she'd want to know if they were still alive. She'd want to fucking know because there is no closure in mystery. There is no closure in being kept wondering _what if_.

She climbs down from her shelf and hits the ground with a thud. She pads across the concrete to the thin hallway where they came in earlier and finds Stefan sitting by the door with a rifle across his lap.

"Don't you need your beauty sleep or something?"

She ignores his jibe. "I want to leave."

Stefan rolls his eyes. "You made your choice earlier."

"I never made a choice, Stefan. You guys practically forced me to."

"No one forced you to do anything," he sighs, already tired of her. "Why don't you go back to sleep like a good little girl."

"Who do you think you are talking down to me? Have you even heard yourself talk?

"Your tone implies that I'm actually supposed to care."

"What's going on here?"

They both turn to see a pissed off Elena standing by the door. Her arms are crossed and she's shifted her weight to one leg and she's trying her best for a death glare.

"Are you giving her trouble, Stefan? Because she doesn't need this right now after all she's been through. You try being out there on your own for, like, weeks and see how you like it if someone's being a total ass to you for no reason at all. Because I bet that—"

"Elena, stop talking," Stefan deadpans.

And she stops talking.

Caroline's lips curls up in disgust. "What the hell happened to you?"

She grabs Elena's wrist and guides them back through the hallway.

"You'll get over it," Stefan calls to them. They will. Eventually.

* * *

Broken glass, his sister missing, Caroline gone, his car totaled, out in the woods at night with one gun; Nik has been dealt a shitty hand all right.

He manages to get cut himself out of the seatbelt with a Swiss knife that was in the glove compartment and squeeze himself out of the window as if he had no spine at all. A shard of the windshield or some part is sticking out of his thigh and he's not going to remove it. So he limps around in pain, agony, searching for that eighteen-year-old girl who could be hurt or worse.

The SUV blows up as he makes it down the road. And then there is another explosion. And another. And another. It doesn't stop. All the grenades, all the pipe bombs; all of it gone. Just gone. Supplies, food, medicine, clothes, guns, ammunition; gone.

It seems so strange to be by himself after so long. After being with Caroline and Rebekah he's gotten used to company. He's gotten used to having someone around, but…maybe it's better this way. Maybe Caroline and Rebekah are better off without him. Has he ever kept them safe? Caroline nearly died twice, Rebekah hadn't even believed it was him when she first saw him.

Things that make him think. Everything he touches dies. And it's not a lie. He wishes it were, but it's not. They either die or they go away. Bye Mikael. Bye mother. Bye Finn. Bye Elijah. Bye Kol. Bye Caroline. Bye Rebekah. His family is gone and that girl is gone too.

Mikael was right. Nobody cares about this boy anymore because there's no one left _to_ care.

* * *

"What do you mean you're leaving?" Elena asks incredulously.

They've escaped to the bathroom where they sit in the dark by the lockers. Even though there's total blackness, Caroline can still see the disbelief all over her best friend's face. She just got here and now she wants to leave? It doesn't make any sense. Why would she ever want to leave? It hasn't even been a day!

"E, I don't expect you to understand, but this is something I have to do."

"Care, I can't keep watching people I love die. I can't just let you leave. Why? Why would you want to do that?"

"It's not about dying, Elena. I know what could happen, but I need to find those people. I left them and…I just _have_ to go."

"What's so important about them? What's so great that you want to leave us? I don't even know what their names are..."

"It's Rebekah Mikaelson and her brother Nik."

Elena tilts her head. Rebekah Mikaelson? As in _the _Rebekah Mikaelson? Blonde hair, English accent, bitchy attitude times ten? That Rebekah?

"Wait," Elena says slowly, doing a double take. "Are you serious? Why?"

"I was with her brother for about a day and then we came across Rebekah. It just happened."

"But you hate her."

"And she hates me, but sometimes you have to let bygones be bygones, Elena. In case you haven't noticed, we're becoming extinct."

"I know, but you trust her? Her and her brother? They could've set you up for their own gain? What if they tried to use you as bait, Care?"

Caroline winces. Well, it's not like she's just going to tell Elena that actually did happen. "We're all in this together. We have to learn to trust each other, you know? We all want to live and there's strength in numbers."

"Well, then I'll go with you. I'm not letting you leave by yourself."

Caroline bites her lip. She had a feeling Elena would say that. She won't let her come though. They aren't Thelma and Louise here. If anyone is leaving, then it's Caroline and only Caroline. Anyone else would be a liability she can't afford to have. But she knows Elena won't back off that easily. She'll find a way to come one way or another.

Then Caroline hatches a plan. She'll need a car. She'll need the SUV, but Stefan is acting as watchdog.

"Do you have a baseball bat or something?" Caroline asks.

Elena's lips part and then close again in confusion. "I think Jer might have a…_oh. _Stefan."

"Yup."

* * *

Reality drifts in and out. It seems like he's in a catatonic state, not really alive but not yet dead. Everything ahead of him are blurry, faded lines. Not sharp, but dull. He doesn't know where he's going, but he knows that he has to keep moving ahead. At some point he'll reach some place wherever that place is.

In the darkness a figure appears. Thin and fragile and tall she is. It must be Caroline. She's come back for him. He knew she wasn't dead. He knew she was alive! And here she is. So beautiful and strong and full of light. He's going to tell her that.

"Sweetheart," he says, but she doesn't answer. She just keeps advancing towards him, her hair bouncing behind her.

But then there's something strange. Something rotten. Warm skin and a smooth voice doesn't come towards him. It's a mirage. A fake. A phony.

He takes a few steps backward slowly, reaching behind him for the gun in his waistband. His hands shake as he lifts it up to aim at the monster's head. Shaking, shaking, and shaking. _Concentrate, Nik. Fucking concentrate. This isn't Caroline. Isn't her. _

What if she's one of them? It's never crossed his mind before now. What if she's out there, walking around with mindlessly?

_"If...if I get bitten, you have to promise me that you won't let me come back as one of those. You have to kill me right then and right there on the spot. Just do it."_

What if he's failed her? What if she's already turned and…

He pulls the trigger and the straggler falls to the pavement. The gunshot echoes through the forest around him and he's suddenly aware of how dark it is and how alone he is. Well then. Might as well go out with a bang.

Nik makes a sharp left and heads straight into the forest. Go big or go home.

* * *

Here's the plan:

Caroline's going to burst through the hallway and run right up to the garage door and unhinge it. Meanwhile while Stefan is moving to stop Caroline, Elena will sneak up behind him and hit him over the head with Jeremy's prized baseball bat signed by Luke Scott. But not too hard. She doesn't necessarily want to kill him, just keep him out of it for a few hours. Or days. Sassy Stefan has no place in Elena's world.

"So we're clear, right?" Caroline says once more as they leave the locker room.

Elena holds the bat so tightly and shakes her head so nervously like she's going to faint. Caroline needs this to work. She needs it to work. The part she left out was calling for Damon right when she's about to get in the car. He'll be too concerned about Elena's well-being to go after her and while he's trying to stop Elena from jumping into the getaway vehicle, Caroline will drive off into the night and back to Nik. It's a perfect plan if she does say so herself.

"We're crystal," Elena breathes.

"Crystal what?"

Maybe it's reflex. Maybe she's just scared. But suddenly that bat goes flying right into Damon's face and he falls to the ground with a loud thud and Elena's frozen in her place. Caroline's eyes are wide open and her jaw is hanging agape. Jesus Christ. What the fuck just happened?

"Is he dead?" Elena whispers slowly. She looks down at him, mortified. Did she just kill her ex-boyfriend's brother? Holy fucking shit. Elena the axe-murderer, or Elena the baseball bat-murderer.

Caroline kicks one of his feet and his head lulls over to the other side. She kneels down beside him and puts her head on his chest, listening closely for a heartbeat.

She breathes a sigh of relief once she hears the constant of his heart. "He's alive," she tells Elena. "Just um…just leave him here and…_shit_."

This is _not _how things were supposed to go. Leave it to Damon to screw up a perfectly decent scheme.

"We can't just leave him here, Caroline."

"He'll be fine, Elena. You were going to do the same thing to Stefan, so what does it matter? Don't baby out on me now."

Elena scowls. "Is it really worth it? What if he has some serious brain damage?"

"It won't hardly be enough after what he's done to me," Caroline hisses, and oh how it's the truth.

Elena looks at her confused. That's right. Caroline never told her. But now isn't the time for an intervention. Maybe another day. Another year.

"I don't know what you mean, but I'm not leaving him here. I'll go get Stefan and—"

"Elena, I love you so much, but I can't let you do that."

Caroline has no evil intentions and she doesn't think she's done anything wrong, but headbutting Elena is her best option. She grips both sides of her friend's head and hits her. Their foreheads clink together, a horrible rattling sound and Elena crumples to the floor besides Damon. Caroline blinks repeatedly, clutching her forehead as her vision goes in and out. Nobody wins in a headbutt, but really what other choice did Elena give her?

She takes the bat from her best friend's hands and sprints to that hallway and to Stefan. She has two unconscious bodies on her hands and she's going to make that an odd three. Look out, world. Caroline's up at bat.

"Stefan," she says out of breath.

He gets up from his seat and regards her with skeptical eyes.

"Elena and Damon," she breathes, pointing out in the hallway. "I think something's happened. They aren't moving."

"What are you talking about?" Stefan starts to move past her and her grip on the bat tightens behind her back.

She spins around as he moves past her and that's all she needs. Her aim is crappy though so she only manages to hit him right in the back. Stefan lets out a grunt in pain and falls to his knees, clutching at his back with both hands.

"It's nothing personal, Steffy. It's just business."

She runs to open the garage door and Stefan calls for Jeremy and Damon, unaware that his brother really is unconscious. But Caroline already has the door swung high above into the ceiling and she's getting into the SUV. The keys are already in the ignition and she starts the engine and suddenly Jeremy is running towards her, but her foot is already on the brake and she's in reverse. She locks a gaze with Jeremy, so confused and so young.

"I'll be back," she mouths. She hopes it to be true.

* * *

In Rebekah's dream there's a man. He has dark hair and a suave voice and she feels safe with him. He picks her up and carries her in her arms like she's a little girl and he even calls her so. He keeps saying she's grown so much. That it's been so long since he's seen her last. That he was afraid he might have lost her forever.

He wipes her face and cleans her skin. Her wounds burn when he rubs them with something and she cries because she's never felt pain so great and then she falls asleep again just like moments before.

Every time she opens her eyes he's sitting on the opposite side of the room that's lit by a few candles. She opens her mouth to say something, _thank you _or _who are you_ but the words never come out. Doesn't really matter, does it? Since she's dreaming.

* * *

Caroline drives past a cemetery on her way back to wherever it was she came from. It looks peaceful. Doesn't really look inhabited by anything unfortunate, which is strange because zombies used to crawl out of graves.

She keeps going, keeps herself focused on the road ahead of her. She can't think about Elena because then she'll think about Damon and Stefan and then she'll think about how Jeremy looked so confused and had no idea what the hell was going on and then she'll think about Bonnie because she definitely hates her right now. She doesn't know why she said she would ever be back because she isn't sure they'll even want her back. She's taken their only source of transportation and whatever else is in the trunk. Most likely she's not on the friendly list any longer. Oh well.

She releases her foot off the gas some once she sees fire. Pieces of a vehicle scattered across the road. Trails of fire covering them.

She slams on the brakes and parks right in the middle of the road and runs towards the scene with that bat.

_No, no, no. _

Her throat gets tight as her eyes feast on the wreck in front of her. This isn't real. She is not too late. This is not them. This is not them!

She's tired of crying, tired of feeling like utter shit and emptiness, but this…she wasn't prepared for this. She runs up and down the outskirts of the forest shouting both of their names, her voice clouded with desperation and heartache.

"Nik! Rebekah! Anyone! Please answer me!"

Nothing but crickets answers her.

"Please?"

After all that and now this. She's failed. She was too late and they're gone and she's knocked out her friends and took their car to go look for dead people. What is her life anymore? What are her choices?

"Nik!" she screams once more because Caroline doesn't give up. Caroline is strong. Caroline doesn't just stop. She keeps trying and she'll keep trying because eventually it'll be enough. Eventually she'll find what she's looking for, even if it is already gone. But she can't let herself believe that. She won't allow herself to believe that.

Then, as if on cue, a faint pop rings out from the woods. She turns her head in the direction and tries to hear it again and it rings so quietly like a murmur.

Without even thinking, she's barreling herself through those trees and towards it. Whatever happens to her happens, but this is her only lead and she'll be damned if she doesn't follow it.

* * *

Nik finds himself surrounded by stragglers. They seem to come out of the goddamn trees. It's not a horde, but they're everywhere. He can barely turn around fast enough to keep them off. It seems like as soon as he shoots one another one is coming right for him and he only has a second to dispose of it.

He backs himself onto a tree and strikes them down one after the other, but he's on his last round and things are beginning to look hopeless. He doesn't know where Rebekah is, but hopefully she isn't in pain any longer. And if she is, then hopefully it won't be for much longer. He doesn't know where Caroline is, but maybe she isn't in pain anymore either. Maybe they're waiting for him somewhere in the afterlife or wherever. But that's impossible. He won't see them in Hell.

He takes down another one and another one. They fall like dominoes, but not quickly enough. The barrel spins once more and there's only one more bullet left and three stragglers. What are the chances that he can pull a _Wanted _here? Zero to none.

He closes his eyes and places the gun to his right temple. "Cheers, mate."

"Nik!"

His eyes shoot back open and land on the figure rushing through the foliage. The stragglers stop and turn their attention to her, all bright and warm and glowing. Mercy has a name and it's Caroline.

It feels like she has the power of an actual batter in her hands when she swings it. She bashes in the head of a straggler and she subconsciously lets out a growl when it falls into the ground. She hits the other right in the middle of the face and does a one-eighty and cracks the head right off the neck of the other one. It rolls over in the dirt, caked in black blood like ink.

"Two for two." She winks. "We're officially even."

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**A/N: **Thought I wasn't going to be able to update until like Thursday night, but hey. It's Sunday night! I didn't do any of my homework (bad girl, Angel! bad girl!) and instead worked on this, so if you guys don't like it then I just might cry actual tears. Made of glass. And bleach. And rubbing alcohol. The next update might take a while because it's going to be longer and I really have to get into the books. I'm aiming for around 5000 words and yeah ;)

OMG who the hell is Rebekah with? And was that more family history? And you thought Klaus revealed everything...

Oh and you can catch sneak peeks of upcoming chapters on my tumblr, **klarolinefeels**, or just check the Klaroline tag every so often :D And if you want a playlist for the chapters, here is the link for it on my tumblr /post/29088313069

See you soon!


	13. found us drinking by the mausoleum door

Chapter Twelve: find us drinking by the mausoleum door

"What are you doing out here?" Nik questions and Caroline rolls her eyes as she kneels beside him, frowning at the shard of glass sticking out from his thigh.

"Have a little fender-bender? " She smiles. "Looks like it hurts."

"You didn't answer my question, love."

"Hm. Didn't answer mine either."

Nik laughs quietly. She still has the nerve to be snippy after all this. Wonderful. "I knew you weren't dead."

She tilts her head and bites her lip. "What if I was? What would you do?"

Nik doesn't say anything. The truth is that he would probably go insane. Even if zombies out in the middle of the forest didn't surround him, he'd probably blow his brains out without any regrets. Rebekah was stronger without him. She didn't need him holding her back. He doesn't even know where she is, and honestly, he doesn't really want to know.

"You were foolish for doing what you did," he tells Caroline and she nods. Foolish is at foolish does.

"I guess I was being a bit impulsive, but I saved your life. That's all that matters, isn't it?" she reasons.

Nik's mouth forms into a straight line. "What was that explosion? You didn't have anything on you." He can testify to that. Oh how he can.

Caroline skies her eyes and fiddles with the bat. How does she put this? "I was running and I dove into a tunnel. So I stayed there, but then they found me. So I guess I sort of just gave up a little. There was no point in running any longer, right? But then there was car and I thought it was you, but it wasn't. They opened the door and told me to get in the person in the passenger seat through something out the window at the horde. And then we were backing up…and the tunnel exploded."

"Who were they?"

Caroline swallows. "Friends of friends. They took me back to where they're staying and my friends were there. I thought they were dead."

"But they aren't."

She shakes her head.

"Then go back." Why would she ever come back for them? Those are essentially the only people she has left and she came back for him? What is wrong with her?

"I knocked my best friend unconscious for you," she says rather proudly. "If you think that I'm just going to turn around and go back, then you have another thing coming, buddy."

Nik shakes his head and tries to stand up straight and winces. Caroline moves under his shoulder for extra support. If she was him, she doesn't think she would've made it all the way to this spot with a big ass glass shard sticking out of her leg.

"When we get back to the car, I'll need to put a tourniquet on that," Caroline says. "I'm pretty sure it's too far to the left to be on your femoral, but I can't be one-hundred percent. If you want to take that risk, then I could remove it. But only if you want to."

"How do you know all this?"

She purses her lips. He's probably going to laugh, but it's the truth. "Grey's Anatomy…"

He gives her an odd look, not sure what the hell that is. Grey's anatomy…doesn't sound too good.

"It's a TV show," she says matter-of-factly. "Really cheesy, but it's…used to be one of my addictions. That and Gossip Girl."

"What?" Okay, now she's just getting weird.

"Chair is my OTP for life."

Nik is silent for a moment. "Are you okay?"

She nods happily. "I'm not the one who could be fatally wounded, you know?"

"I'm not the one proclaiming to the high heavens about a chair and an OTP? What did your friends do to you?"

Caroline smirks. "Actually, I think the question should be what did I do to them."

* * *

Rebekah wakes up and she actually feels awake. Like, alive. Not dead or dying. She feels…rejuvenated. Well, not really, but definitely rested. Her body aches a little, but she's so warm and cozy. She could just sink down into this bed with these blankets and pillows for all eternity. She starts to close her eyes again as she turns over to her side and nearly yelps when she sees the man sitting across the room.

"Elijah!"

He looks exactly as she remembers him. He left when she was still just a girl. Went to study the law abroad and he only came back for holidays. But eventually they even stopped because there was really nothing to celebrate. The last time she saw him was a year ago when he helped put a down payment on her and Kol's home in Mystic Falls.

"Quiet down, Rebekah. We wouldn't want to alert any unwanted visitors."

She blinks away a few stray tears. "I thought something must've happened to you, Eli. I should've gone to Atlanta than go north."

He shakes his head and moves to sit beside her. He brushes back the hair from her forehead and offers her a small smile. He's not the one that smiles, but just this once he figures he can.

"Where's Nik?" she finally asks.

Elijah doesn't respond. He could say that he's in the next room, sleeping or something. It would be that easy to lie to her. It would be that easy for her not to worry about the fate of their troubled brother, but it's not easy. It's never been easy and it won't ever be easy. The worst part is that he didn't even know he was there.

"Eli?" she presses. "Where is he?" She can hear herself start to get hysterical and god she doesn't want that. She doesn't want to hear the desperation that has taken so kindly a home to her throat. Not after all this. Not after she just got him back. First her father, then her mother, then Kol, and now Nik. No, no, no!

"When I found you, you were in the forest on your face covered in blood," he explains softly. "I had no idea Niklaus was with you, Rebekah. I would've looked, but you were in such bad shape."

"_What are you saying?_" Her voice feels sore; raw with emotion. _Just say that you found him. Please? Just say it!_

"Rebekah, there was a truck and it burst into flames."

She starts to shake her head. No, no, no. No! Why does this keep happening? Why does she let this happen? If it weren't for her being so easily taken, then maybe Kol would still be here. "He's gone, Elijah. They're all gone! And there was nothing I could do to stop it!"

Elijah bends over her and wraps her head in his arms, gently patting down the shortened blonde hair. He wants to ask about Kol, but he figures that his youngest brother must've succumbed to those monsters. It was a miracle that he came across Rebekah. Who knew she had so much fight in her?

"I'll never let them hurt you," he tells her. "I promise."

* * *

There's a bottle of whiskey in the trunk of the SUV and Nik smiles despite the pain in his leg. Alcohol, a man's best friend.

"I'm assuming this is for special occasions," Caroline deduces, but then shrugs. "I'd say this is a special occasion, though, right?"

"I certainly see cause for celebration." He really doesn't, but hey. It's alcohol. Nothing says _fuck this, fuck that, fuck everything _more than Jack Daniels.

"Found it," Caroline's muffled voice sounds from under things in the trunk.

She backs up and holds a big red box high above her head like its freaking Simba and she's Rafiki. She places it on the floor of the trunk and pops open the top, revealing a whole bunch of medical supplies that she has no need for. Syringes? Ew. Get them away. Inhaler?

"Are you asthmatic?" she questions.

"I smoke," he answers expressionless.

She rolls her eyes. "Sit down, smartass."

Caroline says to herself that she's a professional. She says to herself that she went to medical school and she has a doctorate and she can cure diseases and is actually a brain surgeon in disguise. She _knows _what she's doing.

She touches the shard just slightly and he winces.

"Don't be such a baby," she scolds as she slips her hands into a pair of latex gloves.

"Would you like me to stick a piece in your leg and see how you like it, love?"

She rolls her eyes yet again. "Maybe you should bite down on something so, you know…"

"Oh, great. What would you suggest?" he mocks. As if it would really matter either way. He's not gonna—"_What the fuck?"_

Caroline lets the glass go and shoots him a look. "That's why I said you should bite down on something, asshole." She unbuckles her belt and slips it out of the loops and folds it a few times. She holds it up to his mouth and he turns away.

"I'm not putting that in my—"

But too late. She stuffs the belt into his mouth, cutting off his defiance. "Eat pleather, bitch."

It's not a pretty sound. It's a muffled groan mixed with screaming and then there's this disgusting gurgling sound as she tries to wiggle the glass free. Her hands are steady and she's trying to close her ears to Nik, but he keeps breaking through. _I'm a doctor. Caroline Forbes M.D._

She can barely stomach the sight of blood, especially when there is so much and her patient just will not sit still for the life of him.

"You keep squirming around and you're only going to make it worse," Caroline Forbes M.D. advises.

He stops for one quick moment and looks her in the eyes. He says something with that belt in his mouth, but she only smirks. Well, it's now or never.

"For it's one," she breathes. "Two" Breathe. "Three strikes." Deep breath. "You're out. At the old ball game."

She drops the shard to the ground where it shatters to little microscopic pieces. Immediately she reaches for the gauze and applies pressure so hard she's a little skeptical that it might be too hard, but then again, it's never too hard. She tries to ignore Nik and everything he's doing, which amuses her because for him to act like such a hardass all the time, this one thing is the breaking point. Not zombies or his dead brother or his missing sister. No. It's a piece of glass being removed from his leg.

She looks up at him and his gaze is focused on hers, tight and full of tension. The belt still hangs from his mouth and she offers him a kind smile.

"Sorry," she says, "but look." She takes the gauze off the torn fabric and skin that isn't bleeding any longer. "Clean and sew it up and you'll be ready to go, little Nikki. What a good little boy you were."

She takes the belt away from him and he looks oh, so bitter. "It would've been better to be dead."

She glares and cocks her head back. "Stop being such a baby. Don't you, like, shank each other in jail or something?"

Nik stares at Caroline confused.

She swallows as she looks at the bottle of iodine and water. On second thought, maybe she shouldn't have taken away the belt. And then there's the matter of actually flushing it clean and she can't exactly do that with a layer of clothing covering it, so…

"I'm going to be blunt," she sighs, shifting her weight to one leg. "I'm going to need you to take your pants off."

He just looks at her. "Sorry, darling, but I'm particularly in the mood."

"You know, just because your father didn't love you, doesn't give you a right to be such a dick to people who actually care."

"Piss off. Don't act like you know me from the sliver of my life I've given you. You don't have the right."

"But don't I?" she says passively as she takes out a pair of medical scissors. Well, this kit just has everything it seems. She cuts furiously into the denim of his jeans and he tells her to back off, but she doesn't stop. "You think I don't have a right? I know what it feels like to not be loved, you narcissistic twat."

Well, she's picked up a term or two from Rebekah in high school.

"You don't know anything, Caroline. You're just a small town girl with your stupid small town hopes and dreams that mean absolutely nothing now. Where have you been? What have you gone through? Nothing."

She can't tell whether he's generally upset or he's just lashing out because at some point this was going to happen. In dire situations where you nearly commit suicide, you're going to get angry. Angry at yourself and whoever else is there. Even if you don't know what the hell you're talking about.

"I've never really been anywhere," she confesses solemnly, "but that's besides the point. You think I can't empathize with you, but I can. You think I don't know what it feels like to not be wanted, but I do. My father left me and my mother and he never called to check up on me. He went on to live his life without me and you know what? I got over it. I got over it because there were other people who loved me. I didn't have siblings like you did. I didn't have more family to turn to when I needed it. I didn't have a blood support system like you. I had two friends. Two."

_Two who I may have lost forever just to save your selfish ass._

She gulps and puts down the scissors. She opens up the two bottles and pours the water on it first and then the iodine and then the water again. Nik doesn't even flinch.

"Sometimes I got really mad because of what he did to our family," she continues, "but other times I'm grateful for him leaving. I don't think I'd ever been so close to my mom in my life. She worked a lot because it was just her, but when we did have time together it was…it was wonderful. It was like it'd been just us forever."

And now she was gone and she misses her so much.

Nik is quiet as Caroline sews up the wound. He winces a few times, sucks his teeth quietly and grips onto the edge of the trunk to stop himself from pushing her away. Even though she's being gentle—painstakingly gentle (_these fingers of hers_)—he can't get over that little needle constantly digging into his skin and pulling a fishing line through it. Over and over again. When she stops she takes her gloves off and throws them down onto the pavement and leans against the truck. Nik picks up the bottle of Jack Daniels and holds in front of her eyes.

"Drown your sorrows?" he offers.

She shakes her head. "I don't thi—" Wait. She has the perfect place in mind. "All right, but we're going on a little trip first."

* * *

Nik is not amused.

See, there's probably at least ten less creepy places she could've taken them to, but no. Miss Caroline Forbes decides that a cemetery is right up their alley. It's dark, it's giving him the heebie-jeebies, and it smells. Really bad. Like moth balls mixed with a spoiled egg.

"Why are we here?" he finally asks her, and he's at least five paces behind her limping like a fool.

"You've never wanted to camp out in a cemetery before?" Caroline spins around and asks.

It seems like the most odd thing to her. Her and Bonnie and Elena used to do it all the time. Bonnie had this insane idea that she was born from a witch bloodline or some weird shit like that, so she always said that cemeteries were basically her "calling." Who would want to talk to spirits "beyond the grave" was beyond Caroline, but she liked cheesy B-movies so whatever.

"Can't say it ever came up," he says slowly.

She keeps twirling around on her toes, the bottle of Jack Daniels in her hands swooshing all around. _Swoosh, swish, swoosh._

"Well," she replies, "there's a first time for everything, _sweetheart._"

Nik is not amused.

She pushes the door open to a mausoleum and it's so musty and eerie that she instantly feels this rush of adrenaline flow through her veins. It's gray and there are cobwebs and there's a skeleton lying in a tomb in the middle of the room yet the moonlight coming through the barred windows on the opposite side make it seem so…ethereal.

She takes off her jacket and wipes the top of the tomb off and perches herself on the edge, swinging her legs back and forth. Nik stands by the door and watches her bob her head to some imaginary tune she's cooked up. Weirdo.

"Let's play Never Have I Ever," she says as she gets down to sit in between the door. She opens the bottle and takes a sniff and sneers.

"Not a bourbon girl?" he asks and takes the bottle from her, taking bag a large swig.

"I like beer. And rum. But mostly beer." She shrugs. "You go first."

Nik tilts his head back on the wall and thinks it over. He's never really played drinking games before, but it's the end of the world. Might as well do things you never did. It's not like there's going to be another chance.

"Never have I ever slept with someone older than me," he says. It's stupid, but it's the first thing that comes to mind.

Caroline rolls her eyes. Awkward. "Pass it over, mister."

Nik's eyebrows rise in curiosity. "Who?" he questions as she takes the bottle and puts it to her lips.

She takes a small gulp and says, "Not important. Okay, uh…never have I ever been to a beach."

He reaches out for the bottle. "Really? Never?"

She shakes her head. "I always had a swimsuit, but I never got to use it."

_And how lovely that swimsuit must look._

"Never have I ever been to a cinema," Nik says.

"Neither have I," Caroline admits regretfully. Sucks because she really wanted to see Titanic 3D. "Not many movie theaters around Mystic Falls. Never have I ever kissed someone in the rain."

"No," Nik says abruptly. "We are not going down that route."

Caroline smiles mischievously. "Someone doesn't want to admit that they've kissed someone in the rain…"

"Yes, Caroline," he says sarcastically. "That is exactly why I'm no playing this stupid game any longer."

"Fine. Then we'll just drink. Drink to die, drink to live."

They go back and forth until the bottle is half-empty. Or half-full. Caroline would say it's half-full. But they keep going even after that. It burns down her throat, but it makes time stop. Nik doesn't even notice the pain in his leg anymore. He's so relaxed and this is so serene. Caroline's head is swimming and the room has a tilt to it just a little bit and she doesn't know what she's saying, but she's speaking. Blurting words out without even thinking.

"You killed your father," she laughs hysterically.

Nik laughs along with her. What did she even say? Something about killing someone. Oh well. Who cares?

"My sister ruined your life," he snorts.

"She did!" Caroline squeaks, throwing her head back. God, this is fun. So much fun. "Wait—" she raises her hands in front of her. She burps.

"What a vulgar woman." Nik shakes his head, but he's laughing too.

"Well, that's why you like me," she retorts. "Because I'm different, right? Something new? A challenge?"

"More like a pain in the arse." He grins.

"The only pain in the _arse _here is you, my love."

This little bubble of goodness they are sitting in might pop soon and Caroline isn't quite ready for that to happen yet. She takes one more swallow from the Jack Daniels and gives Nik the rest, which is only about two tablespoons. Once he's finished he throws it across the room and the glass breaks against the concrete and she thinks it's so pretty. Weird for something so broken to be beautiful.

"Do you think there's hope in Rhode Island?" she asks him. She asked him before and he said they can't go wrong and then he said he wouldn't let anything happen to her. But something did happen to her.

Nik pauses. "I think that we have to have hope that there is hope."

So, basically, no.

"Then what?" she scoots closer. "Once we get there and there is nothing but a wasteland, do we jump in the ocean and sink or swim?"

She just wants to know. Is it so bad that she wants to know how she'll die? Whether it's running away from zombies or drowning in an ocean she's never gotten to enjoy. She wants to know.

Nik doesn't answer her because he doesn't know what to say. Lately, she's been leaving him speechless. He's never had to explain so much and have false confidence than he has since she came along.

"Neither," he finally says, looking into her wondering eyes. "We'll find a boat and we'll sail to a deserted island and live out the rest of our lives there. It's a beach."

She smiles despite herself. "A beach sounds nice."

In a flurry of movement and breathing she has her lips on his and her hands in his hair and her weight against his body. She practically flung herself at him, attacking his mouth and invading it with her tongue. She presses herself closer to him as if she's trying to somehow mold into him. He grips her hips roughly and kisses her with a hunger that can never be sated.

She places her hands on his chest and he kisses along her jawline and down her neck, scorching her skin with his lips. And to think he thought he'd never feel the way her skin felt again.

Caroline breaks away and pulls her shirt over her head and tosses it to the side. Nik palms her already free breasts, squeezing and pinching at her nipples until she's sighing his name over and over again. She returns to his lips and his hands travel around to her back and cup the curve of her behind through her jeans.

"Stand up," he tells her and she does. He grunts as he moves to stand up and Caroline rushes to get underneath his arm.

"You can just sit you know," she whispers. "I'll do everything."

"And just what would ever give you that idea?" he asks, tugging on her belt loops and pulling her to him roughly.

"I don't know," she says coyly. "Maybe you should prove that you actually have it in you."

He kisses her neck all the way up to her ear where he gently tugs on her earlobe. "I'll do much more than that, sweetheart."

He pushes her down onto the top of the stone slab and she scoots farther back and works on the button of jeans, quickly slipping out of them and her panties. By that time Nik has his shirt off and it's kind of like looking at an old map. There are so many scars and marks and there's a tattoo of something written in Arabic right going down his side. Her fingers trace the lines of his beautifully flawed torso, absolutely mesmerized by the sight. What happened to cause all of these? Did someone do that purposely? Who would even want to? Why?

Her thoughts are cut short once he climbs on top of her and his length pokes her inner thigh. She sucks in a breath and runs her fingers along his back as he kisses her hard and deep, stealing away her breath with each fleeting second. She tastes like whiskey and sweetness and lust and he tastes like whiskey and frustration and desire. Her eyes are hooded with yearning, clouded by a craving so deep and vast that it burns to the inner most parts of her soul. Never has she ever wanted someone so bad, so desperately like she does right now.

His right hand reaches down in between her legs and he spreads her open with two fingers and dipping his middle finger inside. She bucks her hips and uses her elbows as support to lean up and claim Nik's mouth once more as he pumps her slowly. Her teeth tug at his bottom lip and he lets out a low growl when she bites down a little hard.

"Quit with the foreplay," she whispers, her tongue trailing agonizingly slow over his lip. "I didn't drive all the way out here just to get finger fucked again."

"Language," he says as he withdraws his hand. He sits up slightly and grips her around the waist and Caroline positions her hips, anticipation washing over her like a flood.

Then, before she can take a breath, Nik pushes into her and the world takes on a different form. She wraps her legs around him tightly, her feet locked just above his ass. Her fingernails dig into his back, leaving angry red welts in their wake. Nik moves slowly at first, waiting for her to get used to him and she does. Oh, how she does. She doesn't think there's been a better fit. Of course there's only been one other, but that's beside the point.

Nik's thrusts pick up the pace and her skin brushes painfully yet pleasurably against the cold stone slab. Rapture builds in the pit of her stomach as her eyes keep contact with his, never fading and never moving. Her whines mixed with his grunts and their breaths mingle together in a symphony that only they can hear and it's the most beautiful composition in history, it is.

"_Caroline_," he breathes as her hands get tangled in his hair. "_Sweetheart…"_

She rotates her hips to match his thrusts and she can feel his body start to shudder. Her heart beats in her chest like a steel drum and she bites into his shoulder as the feeling of him coming undone envelopes her entire being. She shuts her eyes and leans her head back on the stone and Nik rests his head just on her chest. Her fingers dance up and down the line of his back as she stares up at the ceiling in a daze. A haze forms over her eyes, an indescribable fog full of ecstasy and all things wonderful.

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?" she asks, but Nik's already fast asleep.

It's still dark when they wake up again and she kisses him slowly and switches positions with him. She lowers herself down on him and keeps her hands on his chest, feeling his heart vibrate through his skin to her hands. She closes her eyes this time and he just watches her lose herself in the moment. Watches the way her mouth moves when she's panting, how her she keeps swinging her hair back behind her, and how her breasts bounce up and down slightly. He takes notice of the way her skin is shiny and covered in her sweat and his, and the way she smells like fire and desire. And he loves the way she unravels at the top of her lungs and it's like she's the only person in the room, but he unravels with her and she bends over to kiss him like they've been lovers and friends since the beginning of time. Only if for a night the world should stop turning. Just this once.

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**A/N: ** here is your update. Not quite 5000 words, but almost. And, oh yeah,

SURPRISE! my** Banana71588 **was very enthusiastic about this chapter, so you guys really have her to thank that you got it this soon because I would've been lazy and not updated until like Tuesday seriously :P so so so very lazy

And did you check out the poster that the awesome **liar. faker **made for this? Because uhm it's pretty freaking sweet!

Once this is finished I'll get around to messaging all of you because of your support and your awesomeness :)

K bye it's like 2:30 in the morning and i have a massive headache. Until we meet again, love bugs :)


	14. you keep me on the edge of my seat

Chapter Thirteen: you keep me on the edge of my seat

"Oh…why am I still alive?" Damon groans because he's truly wondering how in the hell he isn't dead. Somebody definitely hit him in the head with an 18-wheeler and now he's living to tell the tale.

He sits up on his elbows and blinks a few times, his surroundings blurry and faded. Seriously though, what the hell happened?

"Sorry about that," a small voice comes from a few feet away. Elena. She's sitting in the corner of the storage room where they keep all their supplies and her knees are at her chest. She looks like she's been crying.

"What happened?" Damon asks her. "What did you do?"

"I got scared! You scared me. So I hit you!"

He looks at her like he just can't believe it. Her eyes crinkle in the corners and he has this half-smirk half-gape on his face. "You hit me with what? _Why?_"

Elena purses her lips and looks down at the cement floor. Well, here goes nothing. "Jeremy's baseball bat…" she trails off. "But it was an accident!" she's quick to defend. It was all in good spirits. Nothing says I Love You like a firm bat to the face.

Damon doesn't even know what to say. She hit him…with a baseball bat? Because that makes sense.

"You could've killed me," he says rather nonchalantly. But then the anger comes and there's really nothing worse than an angry Damon. "What the fuck were you thinking? _You could've killed me_!"

And now the waterworks start again. As if she hasn't already heard enough from Stefan, and now she's trapped in here with Damon while Stefan broods about his stolen vehicle. _His_.

"Dammit Elena!" Damon yells as he punches a wall and there's a horrible cracking sound followed by a string of swearwords.

Elena covers her ears and hides her face from Damon. _Don't look at me. Don't look at my SHAME! _

"And I suppose you're going to say that Barbie put you up to this, huh?"

_SHAME!_

* * *

Elijah has this cabin out in the woods. Well, technically it's not his, but the original owners had seemingly committed suicide when he went knocking on the door. It wasn't exactly like he was expecting a warm welcoming of any caliber, but uh…he was hoping for something a little more…alive. Though, that probably would've posed more problems.

After she figures she's all cried out, Rebekah asks Elijah these simple questions. Things they don't talk about are Nik and Kol. She doesn't mention Caroline both because Elijah doesn't know her and she figures the last thing he needs to know about is another death.

"We won't be able to stay here much longer," Elijah tells his sister and she frowns.

She can barely even walk and they have to leave. That isn't fair.

"This place is no longer safe. There are stragglers all around these parts."

"I can barely move, Eli," she protests. "I'm an easy target. How I managed out there without you for however long is nothing short of a miracle."

"What did I promise you last night?"

He'll never let them hurt her. But promises were made to be broken.

"Eli, I trust you, but I'm having a hard time having faith. Kol and Nik are gone. I can't lose you too."

"You have my word, Rebekah. You will never lose me. Not again."

* * *

"It'll be fun," she said. "You'll regret it if you don't," she said.

The only thing Nik is regretting is the fact that he believed her.

There's a hill in the cemetery and at the top is what looks like a manor of some type. But it's not a manor. It's a funeral parlor. So she drives up that steep mountain with mumbling some harsh words from the passenger seat, all the while Caroline has this big, goofy grin on her face like she's just hit the jackpot. Oh, this will be great.

"Mind if I do the honor?" she asks him as they stand at the front doors. She has her hands on the handles ready to push open, the same goofy grin on her face.

"Have at it."

Her smile seems to get even wider. She pushes open the door and it opens inwards with a jolt, the wood cracking. It smells like mothballs and formaldehyde. Gross.

Nik narrows his eyes. "I don't think this place has been used in years," he notes.

"Jinkies!" Caroline exclaims. "You think so, Fred?"

"Has anyone ever told you how annoying you are?"

"That's not what you were saying last night," her voice trails off, and she physically trails off as well. She darts off in one direction and her body suddenly blends in with the darkness. Her taunting voice like a whisper; an echo.

Nik doesn't follow her though. He's still kind of embarrassed after she called him out. See, these kinds of things happen when you're basically a reborn virgin after ten years in the slammer. A year had passed since he got out, but for some reason sex wasn't really the first thing on his mind. There were matters that needed to be sorted out. Where he was going to live and just how much money he received from his mother's will after she hung herself eight years prior. Sadly, Finn didn't see her before Rebekah did. Poor child.

But with Caroline, that damn temptress, he figures he lost himself in her. From the moment they met, there was some chemistry. There was this spark there that he tried to suppress, but it didn't work. It came through when he kissed her in that bathroom and where he felt her body shake on that park bench and when he claimed her as his only hours ago.

How did this even happen? Now isn't the time to be developing feelings for someone. Now isn't the time to, dare he think, fall for someone. It's more than just physical attraction; it's mental and emotional. She gets him. She understands him like no one has ever before, and she's not for the bullshit. Caroline can read him like an open book as cryptic and distant as he might be. With those big eyes of hers and that snarky tongue, she wholly understands him and not once has ever judged. That's why he likes her. Why he enjoys her.

Nik goes down the hallway where Caroline dashed off to, but once he gets to one point, there are three possible halls she could've gone down. If he were Caroline, he would choose to go deeper into the house because she's simplistic and going straight is the easiest route.

At the end of the hallway is an embalming room with two caskets on either side. It's white and sterile and Nik is starting to think that maybe it's not so abandoned after all.

He opens up a casket and his stomach nearly explodes. Jesus freaking Christ. He's never seen a truly decaying body before. Like, so decayed that the gases have tried to escape through the skin so there are big, nasty, hideous lesions all over it. He can't even tell if it was originally a man or a woman. Larvae cover the face and the clothes have been bleached a horrible crimson color, so dark it's almost seems black. He abruptly shuts it with a loud _creak! _and turns around only to let out the loudest scream he's ever done in his life.

Caroline laughs. "Did I scare you?" she teases.

His heart slows back down to a normal rate, but he still can't even speak. If he had a gun, he probably would've shot her in the face. You can't just sneak up on people like that.

"No," he says, his tone bitter.

"Aw," she murmurs as she pouts. "Someone looks like they're about to cry."

"If anyone's about to cry, then it'll be you when I tear out your liver."

She snorts. "We both know you wouldn't do that." She drops her head and looks him firmly in the eye. "You're in love with me."

Now it's Nik's turn to snort. In love? With her? Has she gone mad? Nik doesn't love. That's a foreign idea to a guy like him. Love. Bullshit. He'll say that he likes her. That's about as far as it will go.

"Yes, Caroline," he says, not even caring at this point. If she wants to believe that, then let her. "That's exactly it."

She rolls her eyes. "What were you looking at anyway?" She moves to the casket, but he blocks her way.

"Jeez, lighten up, Grandpa," she jokes.

"Funny."

_Oh. _

Caroline turns around slowly and sees a man with dark hair and receding hairline pointing a gun right at her.

He pulls the trigger.

"Bang. You're dead."

* * *

"Do we have any idea where that bitch went?" Damon yells. You'd think he'd be tired of it by now, but no. It's been about two hours since he woke up and he's been screaming his head off ever since about his might-be-broken hand and Caroline.

"I already told you," Elena says, her voice small. "She wanted to find her other friends."

"She could be anywhere by now," Stefan sighs as he rubs his back. One day he's going to wake up paralyzed and it'll be that blonde doll's entire fault. Damn her.

"She was going to come back," Jeremy adds. "She said she would. Well, she mouthed it, but still. She said she was coming back."

"And you!" Stefan barks. "You had ample time to stop her. Ample!"

"Don't yell at him!" Elena and Bonnie scream simultaneously.

"They're right, brother," Damon says quietly. "We should really be blaming Elena."

Elena's eyes widen and Bonnie clutches her side. "Whoa, whoa, whoa," Bonnie says. "This is no one's fault but Stefan's. If he hadn't been so gullible in the first place, then Caroline would still be here and we wouldn't even be in this mess."

"How about we just stop pointing fingers?" Elena snaps, her voice found. "Is it really going to solve anything if we keep shifting the blame around? We're just wasting even more time! What need to do is go out there and find her! She could be hurt!"

"And how do you expect we do that?" Damon yells. "She took our only source of transportation, Elena! We're stuck here!"

"Then we'll find another way! Since when did we start giving up? Caroline is out there and she could be hurt!"

She feels like she's screaming at a brick wall. Why don't they understand? Why aren't they trying to do something? There's bound to be another vehicle of some sort out there. They're in the middle of freaking Baltimore! There has to be another way! There is another way!

"If you don't want to go find her," Elena says through gritted teeth, "then fine. I will."

Damon rolls his eyes, Stefan just looks at her, and Jeremy is trying to figure whether he wants to agree with her and side with the Salvatores on this one.

"Then I will too," Bonnie says, lacing her arm through her friend's. "You don't want to come, then don't. We were fine without you two years ago, we'll be fine without you now."

Then, just like that, they both walk away...in the complete opposite direction of the exit.

"Honestly, brother," Stefan sighs, "if they want to leave, then so be it. It's her choice. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life keeping tabs on her."

"Well, then you're the biggest idiot of them all," Damon replies as he stalks after the two girls.

* * *

"You didn't even flinch," the man says to Caroline as he toys with his gun. Nik pushes Caroline behind his back, blocking her from the man's view.

"We are unarmed and we do not want anything you have," Nik says slowly. "Whatever you want, you have my word we don't have. Just let us go, mate."

The dark-haired man chuckles and continues to twirl the gun on his index finger, the trigger dangerously close to it.

"If I had a dollar for every time I heard that line," he muses, looking straight at Nik. "Why should I believe you?"

Nik swallows. "I'm sure we can reach some sort of compromise. A negotiation…"

"A negotiation or compromise would imply that you actually have something that I would want. Like that nice truck out front…"

Caroline gasps. No. That's not hers. She stole that from her friends. She promised to come back. "You can't!" she yells, peeping out from behind Nik. "That belongs to my friends at another camp. I can't let you just take it."

The man takes a step forward and so does Nik. "You dare so much as breathe on her and I'll—"

"You'll what?" he interrupts. "You're not the one with the gun."

The man steps to the side and Nik sets his jaw. The man has stopped twirling the gun around, but now has it aimed at Nik's chest, right over his heart. Caroline's breath hitches in her chest. He wouldn't. He pulled the trigger while it was pointed her and nothing came out. He just has blanks.

"You're bluffing," Caroline blurts. "There's nothing in that gun."

"Caroline," Nik says quietly.

"Do you believe there's nothing in here?" the man asks as he points it at her head. "Let's try it out again. Maybe you won't be so lucky this time."

"I would think twice about who choose to direct your aim," Nik warns.

The stranger smirks. "Relax, _mate_. We'll need women to replenish the earth. If anyone is dying here today, then it's you."

He squeezes the trigger and Nik's life flashes before Caroline's eyes. She doesn't think before she darts out and pounces on the man, shoving his hand away so that a bullet flies at the wall behind Nik, nearly touching his head. She uses all her weight and pushes him to the floor, struggling to get the gun from his grasp. Nik hurries over and steps on his throat, cutting off his air supply. Caroline continues to wrestle the gun away from him as he points it every which way, at her and at Nik.

Then it fires again, nearly missing Caroline, but then he stops struggling. He makes these horrible grunting noises as Nik punches him in the face with the tip of shoe still on his throat. Once, twice, again, again. Then, all at once, Nik stops and the man falls limp. His face is this hideous blue color that's covered in blood and his eyes are shot open. Caroline jumps back, startled and disgusted. Is he…dead? Did she just help kill a human?

"Well," Nik sighs as he takes the gun from the man's grasp, "aren't we a pair?"

* * *

They find out his name is Frederick. He has a wallet in his left back pocket with an ID and a few photos of his wife and children. He's a salesman at a car dealership and is certified in CPR. Oh, and he's from Mystic Falls. How convenient.

Caroline's still shaken up about the whole thing. That was a person, even if he threatened her multiple times. She's never killed a person. Zombies yes, but people? Where does she draw the line? At what point is humanity lost for good?

"He was a threat to our safety," Nik tells her, holding her face in his hands. She wishes he could make her forget or something.

"I know," she says. "But still."

He brushes his lips over hers slowly and rubs her cheeks with his thumbs and he can taste the fear on her tongue, the apprehension on her lips.

"We should go back." She turns away. "This place is creepy."

"Come." He wraps an arm around her shoulders and leads her out of the room into the stark darkness of the hallway.

"What do you think happened to his family?" she asks as they walk down the hallway.

"I don't know."

"I bet they turned so he went insane," Caroline says. "That's what I would do if it happened to you."

He gulps and stops walking. "That won't happen…"

"You can't say for certain just like I can't say for certain that I won't turn," she snaps, tears burning at her eyes. "It's always a possibility and you know it is. This thing is bigger than you. It's bigger than me. It's bigger than the both of us put together. It's only a matter of time before it happens to us!"

"Stop it." He grips her shoulders tightly and shakes her. "Stop it, Caroline. Just stop it!"

"You know it's true! That's why you're angry!" she cries.

"I'm not angry!"

"Yes you are! Where's Rebekah? Where's Kol? Where is anyone? They're all dead and we're going to end up just like them and you know it!"

Nik lets her go and stumbles backwards. It's like she's just stabbed him straight through the heart with a dagger. He can barely catch his breath. As if he hadn't already known this fact, but hearing it from Caroline was just a harsh reminder of the terrible details. She had no faith. She had no faith in herself and she had no faith in him. She had no faith in humanity as a whole. She _has _no faith.

"I told you I would keep you safe, Caroline," he chokes out. It's like his throat is so tight. Someone's squeezing all the air out of his lungs. She never believed him.

"I know what you said," she speaks slowly, her lips trembling. "I know what you said, Nik, and I want to believe you. But I can't."

She starts to walk away and for a moment he thinks that maybe he should just let her go. Just let her leave him here and that'll be the end of it. No more Mikaelsons around. They're all extinct.

But he doesn't. He rushes towards her and pulls her back and slams her against the wall, his eyes burning into hers.

"You don't trust me, fine. But I won't lose you just because you don't believe it. What's your problem?"

"I'm being realistic," she says, her mouth barely moving.

"Is that what they're calling it now? Because I call it being stupid. You were never like this before, Caroline. What happened to you?"

"This happened! My mother is dead! And Rebekah is gone! My friends are somewhere unconscious in a different city and I stole their car. And now I'm here and I almost died again! What has my life become, Nik? I don't even recognize myself anymore!"

She's hurting and she's raw and she wishes this were over. Why can't the world just explode? Why can't the sun come colliding to earth and turn them all to ash?

"And then you happened and you're still here," she mumbles. "After all this and you're still here and I don't know why."

He's the only constant. The only thing that's still familiar in this thing she calls a life.

"I don't want you to leave me."

She kisses him and it's filled with desperation and need just like the first time all over again. She feels it in the pit of her stomach, a feeling growing that expands all over her entire body until all she's feels is warmth and gentleness and understanding. There are a thousand words on her tongue, the same one that battles with his so feverishly, that just won't fall off. There are a million sensations on her skin as his fingers move under her shirt, caressing the skin of her back and making her shiver, that explode like little sunbursts all over. There are a billion ways to say _I care for you _in her eyes, so hooded and full of ecstasy when he kisses her—ways she isn't sure how to enunciate. And if she does, one day maybe, what will he say?

He hooks one of her legs around his waist and presses himself closer to her, steadily grinding against the fabric of her jeans until all he does is ache with the need to feel her around him again, to hear her voice cry his name again over and over like a chant, to expand his hands over her skin and explore every inch of her flesh like he'd never seen it before.

"Nik," she says, her chest rising and falling frantically.

"Caroline," he says, sucking right on her pulse point.

"No, Nik! Nik! Run!" She pushes on his shoulders and gets down on both of her feet and darts in the opposite direction. He looks at her confused. Is this a joke?

"Zombie!" her voice calls from the distance.

Nik turns around slowly and sees Frederick staggering towards him, saliva dribbling from his chin. Nik pulls out Frederick's gun from his waistband and points it at his forehead, ready to take him out. He squeezes the trigger, but nothing comes out.

The zombie looks at him and Nik swears that it smirks.

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**A/N: **But zombies don't smirk so that's not a plot twist or anything. Just a hallucination kids.

Sorry this is shorter and I took awhile. Sorry, sorry, sorry! Don't hurt me!


	15. running away and hiding with you

Chapter Fourteen: running away and hiding with you

There's always a scene in a horror or action film where an extra or perhaps a main character just freezes and stares their imminent death right in the face. More often than not a train is about to come ground them into the pavement or some creepy guy with a mask and machete is about to slice their head off. Well, it's sad to say that that's not all an exaggeration. People actually do that. They just stand there like their feet are super glued to the floor. And they stand there right up to the last second; between that one millisecond that it takes for those strong undead jaws to snap shut like a starving shark, Nik has disappeared down the hallway like a ghost.

He weaves through the halls; unsure of what direction he's supposed to go in. In part he's trying to find Caroline, trying to hear the constant sound of her pounding footsteps, but they've disappeared now, covered by the sound of his rapid breathing and his heart beating. He looks behind him and notices that Frederick isn't following him; he doesn't even know how fast that damned thing can go. Can it run? It wasn't running before, just lunged, which must be every zombie's go-to move.

* * *

Caroline has no idea where she is. She turned around once she realized that she basically just left Nik for dead, but apparently she didn't take such a straight route on the way to her unclear destination. She tried to retrace herself, but she only journeyed deeper into the funeral parlor's maze and all the little rooms that were so secluded. Who knew a funeral home could be so complex? There are bedrooms and studies and television rooms and rooms with just books. There are rooms with chemicals and more caskets—empty caskets (they were open), and wilted flowers. Well, if this isn't the epitome of death then she doesn't really know what is.

She leans against a wall in the dark hallway just to catch her breath and set her mind right. Basically, if something happened to Nik, then she would've heard him screaming somewhere off in the distance. At this point, she isn't too concerned. He's fine.

After she's caught her breath, she breaks back out into a sprint. She makes a left and then a right and then another right, but she's pretty sure she's going in circles once she darts past the same potted plant for the fourth time. She pants and attempts to catch her breath when suddenly something grabs her from behind and covers her mouth. She lets out a muffled scream, begging for help, until it starts to shush her.

"It's okay, it's okay. It's me. It's okay. You're safe," Nik whispers quickly. He removes his hand from her mouth and spins her around to face him, her face flushed with exhaustion and worry. She could literally just faint right now.

"Sorry I ran," Caroline apologizes. "Not my best decision."

"Well, if I had died then it would've been for a noble cause, I suppose."

She bites her lip. "Yes, saving the damsel in distress. My knight in tattered clothing."

She moves to plant a kiss on him, but then the realization that a zombie is wandering around looking for them hits her. Well, that sucks.

"Here." She grabs one of Nik's hands and pulls him into one of the emptied bedrooms, but it's not like _that._

She locks the door and helps Nik push the bedpost against the door and then the dresser. Basically, they move everything they can in front of it. This even includes the pictures of dead people with makeup that hung on the walls. Once they've finished, Caroline settles her head in between the crook of Nik's neck and breathes deeply as she looks over his shoulder at the window. Well, there's a way to escape, but no tree. Jeez, what she wouldn't do to climb a tree right now.

"We're going to die," she states matter-of-factly.

"If I had a pound for every time you doubted that we would live…"

"This is serious, Nik. We're trapped!"

"We were trapped at my sibling's home, we were trapped at the motel, and we were trapped at the park. Sweetheart, you should really start to look on the brighter side of things. It's much more appealing on this side, I'll have to say."

She rolls her eyes. "Seriously? You can continue to be a sarcastic little shit some other time. This isn't funny."

He glances away from her and attempts to wipe the snarky grin off his face. Never works in the face of all things Caroline. "I wasn't laughing." He's totally laughing.

"You are!"

The door moves. They both freeze and fall silent. This feels like the first night in her room, all by herself, curled up on top of her bed as the nightstands fell. The tears flowing down her cheeks as she begged it to stop. She remembers the way it screeched and shrieked.

A wail.

A plea for help.

A hunger.

Oh how she remembers it so clearly. Like the back of her hand.

The door slams against the bedframe and Caroline's knees feel like they will collapse from underneath her. She doesn't understand why she's so nervous though. She's been in this same shit for weeks. She's run away from dozens of zombies in the past. Hell, she took down three single-handedly with a motherfucking baseball bat? What's one going to do?

"I have a plan," she says, breaking away from Nik. She rushes over to the door and pulls on the end of the bedpost, trying to break the wood away. Nik comes to her side and pulls at the same piece, but it doesn't even crack.

"The drawers," he says. "Pull the drawers out the dresser."

She gives him a curious look. And? What the fuck are they going to do with that? Stuff Frederick in one and then push him back into the dresser? Good one, Nik.

But he doesn't wait for her to do it. He just pulls them out himself and drops them to the floor, stomping on them until the nails give way and there is nothing but thick boards of wood.

"Isn't really good for long-distance," Caroline points out, as she weighs a piece in her hands. "But it's durable."

"And that's all we need, love."

She helps him move the bedframe away from the door, her heart thumping in her ears. Really? They're going to do this? Just open the door and let god knows what happen?

Yup.

Nik places a hand on the doorknob and Caroline nods her head. _Do it_, she mouths.

Caroline screams before anything happens. She screams before she even sees anything. Which is weird because she doesn't see anything. There isn't anything there. It's like the horrible creature just gave up and went on his merry little undead way.

"What do we do now?" Caroline ponders aloud.

Nik pokes his head out the door and looks up and down the hall, but there isn't any sign of the monster. Still, he can't be too sure.

"Just stay close behind me and you'll be fine," Nik mutters. "Keep your eyes and ears open."

He takes one step out into the hallway and Caroline grips onto the waistband of his jeans with one hand and holds her board with the other. She has to keep her eyes open, keep look out just like him, but all she wants to do is close them and smother her face in the back of his shirt and turn back the clock. Why did she ever think that coming in here would be a good idea? She should just keep her mouth shut for now on. It just gets her into trouble.

Slowly, they stalk down the hall. Her pulse feels as if it's going to come bursting through her skin and her eyes are going to fall out of her skull from how wide she's got them opened. Wide and only sucking in nothing but darkness. She tries not to panic, but this has never happened before. She's never been lost like this before. At least she knew her way around Mystic Falls and had the comfort of her roof to look forward to every night, but this? This is horrible. This unknowing, daunting feeling in the pit of her stomach; it's making her sick. And she's pretty sure that Nik feels it too. He doesn't know where he's going, but he won't tell her that. Just keep going and hope for the best. It's better than just standing around. Besides, it's two against one. They can take out one angry zombie. They can and they will.

"We already passed this," Caroline whispers into his shirt and her voice trembles. That's the same broken mirror she saw two minutes ago. She knows.

"No, we didn't," Nik responds, even toned.

"I remember."

No. She's wrong, isn't she? They're going the right way. This is correct. Just a little more and it'll be the front door and they'll be riding away like Bonnie and Clyde. Caroline doesn't know what she's talking about.

Then again, maybe she does because their surroundings are starting to look awfully familiar. Maybe he should turn into a doorway or something. Maybe he came from one of those. Or maybe he should just turn around and retrace their steps. Yeah. That might work.

But now, something happens. Slowly, he feels Caroline slipping away. Her hand, so small and delicate, falls away from his waist and a ghastly howl escapes from her throat. Her body bounces back, her board drops, and Nik clasps onto her arm for dear life. But the monster pulling her back is so strong even he's having a hard time keeping her close. She has her eyes shut and the utter fear in her voice and on her face is enough to make him want to completely shutdown.

Frederick has his disgusting dead arms all over her arm, pulling at the fabric of her shirt, stretching it out of shape, and pulling at her arm, tugging it so hard she's afraid it'll just rip off. Caroline tries to pull away from him, move her body towards Nik, but the zombie keeps tugging and Nik keeps pulling at her and it's a tug-of-war and it feels as if she will tear in half and no one will win.

Make it stop, she pleads, only she can't even speak. She's screaming in her mind, _stop it stop it stop it! _But it doesn't. It hurts and suddenly there's a horrendous _pop _in her ears that's louder than her screaming. A numbing sensation engulfs her entire body that quickly morphs into an agony so unimaginable she starts to disappear into herself.

As if noticing a change, Frederick loosens his grip and lunges for her full force, but Nik pulls her away, picking her up and running as fast as he can away from it. Caroline's limp arm dangles lowly, her dislocated shoulder poking disgustingly through her top. She must be in shock because she isn't moving, isn't speaking, barely even breathing. She blinks, but doesn't acknowledge anything. She doesn't respond as Nik talks to her, tells her to snap out of it, she'll be fine, that he'll fix her. She just looks straight ahead blankly, her eyes listless and dull. Why can't he ever protect her?

_"I know what you said, Nik, and I want to believe you. But I can't."_

She was right not to. But he'll make it right this time. He'll get them out of here and help her just like she helped him the night before and all those other times. But he has his doubts, especially since she's so unresponsive and the pain is marred all across her face like a scar.

He comes across a set of stairs after he's entered a room that opens to a narrow hallway. Nik goes as carefully and quickly as he possibly can, trying to keep her arm steady. He needs to set it back in place quick before any more damage is done. He descends them and makes a sharp left turn only to see a tiny flicker of light at the far end of the hall. It's a door and a tiny sliver of the outside world is peaking through. Freedom at last. Caroline's head lulls to the side as he gets closer and closer to the exit, Frederick only feet behind him, his grunts and howls getting louder and more ominous by the second.

Nik reaches for the door, but the handle doesn't move. He kicks it in and it flings open all the while Frederick claws at the back his shirt, tearing at the fabric of his shirt. But Nik presses on, pulling away from the hideous beast gnashing its teeth and getting to the outside. This must be the backyard because there's an open field with overgrown grass and model gravestones. Vines covered in thorns tangle around the stones and across the walkway, but Nik pays no mind and continues ahead looking for any sing of an exit. A gate, a fence; something. But everything is covered in ivy and thorns and thickets of twigs and sticks and bushes. Frederick has gotten himself tangled up one of them so at least it's occupied for the time being trying to break free and failing with flying colors. Nik finds a soft spot that doesn't have too many vines on it and sets Caroline down gently and examines her arm. He's never set a dislocated shoulder back in place before, and he's pretty sure Caroline hasn't either. He isn't completely sure how to do it. He's seen it done, looks like just a twisting motion and then sort of just jerks back into the socket on its own. God that must hurt.

"Don't touch it!" Caroline suddenly screams and Frederick screeches at the same time. Nik almost reels in surprise at her sudden outburst and now the tears are pouring down her cheeks and she can't even breathe. "Don't touch it, please! Just leave me!"

He laughs. "Leave you? You must be mad." He touches her arm and she lets out an ear-piercing shriek. It's a pain so severe that it engulfs her entire being. It encompasses her mind and she can't think of anything else besides the fact that her arm is technically not even attached to her body right now. What in the actual fuck did she do to deserve this?

"I have to reset it," he tells her. "I'll be honest with you, Caroline, it's going to hurt badly, but you have to deal for the time being. It'll be over soon."

She knows he's right, but she can't find it in herself to allow him to do that. It hurts so much, she can barely breathe, and she can barely move an inch without the pain shooting up and down her spine. But she has to. He has to do this.

"Quickly," she gasps. "Just do it."

Nik nods and bends her elbow. Caroline chomps down hard on her bottom lip, determined not to scream, but little muffled noises still erupt in her throat. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on last night where the only thing taking over her mind was how her hips matched with Nik's and she literally teetered on the edge of the earth. She can focus on that, not the feeling of her joints or ligaments or whatever it is that's grinding together. Something sliding and she can hear it in her ears and it's like a nail going down a chalkboard. She bites her lip so hard she draws blood and if she bites down any harder than her teeth are going to go straight through to the other side.

Then suddenly, a loud pop fills the air and she her mouth opens wide as a scream bursts from the deepest part of her soul. She gasps for air and turns over to the other side and clutches her shoulder, but Nik pulls her to her feet.

"We have to find a way out of here," he says looking back at the zombie almost out of his obstacle. "Come on!"

But then abruptly, Frederick is loose and running towards them, his jaws widening as his feet pick up momentum. Nik takes Caroline's hand and runs as fast as he can, but she's so slow and exhausted from the discomfort that he practically drags her along. Her feet get caught up in the vines, her shoelaces matted on the thorns, and then she's falling to the ground on her hands into a thicket covered in thorns and other unpleasant things. Blood covers her palms and Frederick closes in, ready for the kill. She looks up at him, but there is no fear in her eyes. No surprise or shock. Time seems to freeze as she watches it, looks into its translucent eyes, and somewhere in her heart she feels a tug. This tiny ounce of compassion for it. It doesn't know any better. It just wants to eat. It's just instinct. A killer instinct, but what else is there? He didn't choose this. None of them did, yet they all have to suffer. And for what?

In a split second, Nik throws himself at Frederick and they tumble to the ground, rolling back and forth as it hisses and bites the air repeatedly. Caroline tries to untangle her feet from the mess of thorn, but every time she moves she gets stabbed again and she can feel the blood soaking through her jeans. She feels helpless just watching from the distance, but what can she honestly do besides get in the way?

It's a battle reminiscent of the black-haired zombie in the cafeteria. Only the terrain was filthy linoleum instead of thorns and sticks. The undead creature digs his fingers into the skin of Nik's neck trying to rip his flesh, but it has no fingernails so it just leaves ugly purple bruises and broken blood vessels. Nik uses his weight and pushes it on to its back and wraps his hands around its throat, banging its head against the ground over and over again, but it seems to do nothing. It still grabs at his torso and foams a sickly yellow puss from its mouth and sputters inky blood onto Nik's hands and arms. It feels like acid, or it's all in his head. It's all in his head. It's not burning his skin. It's not turning him. No no no. He's just imagining it. All of this time has made him crazy. It's just—

Caroline's scream fills the air after a crack in the wind silences the monster. Nik instantly lets go and scrambles backwards, his breathing shaky and erratic. His heart is the most deafening it's ever been and he can't get his thoughts together. What just happened? _How _did it happen? God? God is that you? You're actually here?

"I see it's still my job to get you out of trouble, Niklaus."

_Oh. _

"Elijah."

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**A/N: **I just really love cliffhangers sorry not sorry.


	16. the storm is coming soon

Chapter Fifteen: the storm is coming soon

"Are you going to continue to stare at me or are you properly greet your brother?"

Caroline's eyes dart from the man with dark hair to Nik to Frederick lying on his back with a hole straight through the side of his skull. What's going on?

"How did…" Nik starts to say, but then he stops himself. He's at a loss of words. His brother? Is he seeing things? Is this a mirage? Is he dead and this is the dream he gets as his soul descends into Hell?

Elijah? As in his brother Elijah? Caroline vaguely remembers his name when Nik was telling her about his past. He's alive? Well, obviously, but this must be surprising. _And the plot thickens._

"Thought I was dead, Niklaus?" Elijah says from the other side of the bushes. He slings his shotgun over his left shoulder, the end pointed to the sky and scans his eyes over to Caroline. "Who is this?"

Nik gets to his feet and goes over to Caroline, helping her up out of the thickets as gently as he can.

"Caroline," she answers, keeping her gaze locked with Elijah. "You saved our lives. Thank you."

Elijah regards her with skeptical eyes. Not really his brother's type of woman. Too pale and too...blonde. Nothing like Tatia, rest her soul.

"What were you doing in there? Did you have a death wish?"

Caroline looks down. Well, she guesses it _was _her fault.

"Doesn't matter," Nik finally says. "Her arm needs to be in a sling. Quickly."

Elijah scans the area that the two of them are stuck in, trying to figure out a way out. The only way is to go back through the house and hopefully find the entrance. He tells them that he'll come through and find a way to the backyard and then he's gone.

Caroline holds her arm tightly, afraid the slightest movement might cause it to really fall off this time. She rests her temple against Nik's shoulder and feels him stiffen underneath her.

"You should be happy," she encourages. "Your brother is alive."

"This isn't exactly the time for rejoicing. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," she says. "Are _you _all right? You almost got…you know…"

"So did you."

"Yeah, but you dying would've been in vain."

"In vain?" he asks, his eyes burning into hers. "How would it have been in vain? You could've gotten away."

Caroline shakes her head. "I wouldn't have even tried." She means it. Not only would she not have made it out of that house, but she wouldn't have even made it past Frederick. She would've stood there and allowed him to feast on her. She wouldn't even scream. She would have closed her eyes and welcomed it, guided by the possibility of a better life after death. Or maybe nothing after death. She would just stop existing and that would be better than this earth. Death was better than a world without Nik.

"Why would you ever even think to say that?" he asks her seriously, because he can't figure why she would just give up when she has so much potential. She's young and she's a fighter and she's strong. Caroline doesn't just…

Caroline would think it because it's true. She thinks it because she can't imagine going back and fighting through an apocalypse without him and his face and his dimples and his remarks always there. It was horrid when she was with her friends. So horrid she had to do physical harm and run away from them just to make sure he was all right. And through all this time of having each other's backs, listening to his confession and watching his male bravado shrink down into a portrait of a ten year old who only cared about keeping his siblings safe, something has ignited inside her. A spark, a firework. It explodes in her chest, spiraling through her insides and making her weak in the knees. The ground she walks on shakes, her body quakes, and she feels the safest when he's touching her or even just a few inches away. This is…

"Nik, I—"

"Looks like I've found you," Elijah says as he walks through the backdoor.

Before thinking, Nik picks Caroline up and carries her bridal-style to the doorway Elijah is standing with his gun.

"Any day now, children," he calls. "We have an angry sister with a broken femur and a purple face—"

"What?" Nik nearly yells. "What—you have Rebekah?"

"Well, I won't for long if you don't get a move on, Niklaus. She's waiting."

Rebekah is alive? His bratty, bitchy, one-of-kind baby sister is still breathing somewhere? God.

"Where is she?" he demands.

"If you would be quiet and follow me, then you'll see," Elijah states, calm and poised as ever. "Come along."

Nik follows his older brother through the maze like house, making a turn every few feet. They walk in silence, and Caroline closes her eyes and buries her face in the crook of Nik's neck wanting to say the words she would have had Elijah not come back. But maybe it's not the right time. Maybe that's why Elijah came when he did; to stop her from saying something stupid. Because, honestly, it was stupid to even think it.

They make it outside and there is, surprisingly, an RV parked right beside the SUV. Caroline tries to mask her astonishment, but just when she's about to voice her opinion, Nik speaks up and does it for her.

"Where the bloody hell did you get this from?" he asks, so amazed that he almost drops Caroline.

Elijah continues towards the vehicle and swings open the door, jogging up the four steps. Nik trails him and sets Caroline down and lets her go in before him.

"Well, look who it is," Rebekah croons from her relaxed position on the couch. She eyes Caroline, and then flits her eyes to her brother. "We thought you dead, Nik."

He stares at her, his eyes taking in her broken self. She looks horrible. Worse than when he first saw her at the motel. He can tell that Elijah has tried his best at making her noticeable, but really, if she hadn't been speaking, he wouldn't even recognize her. He probably would've thought she was undead. One of Bekah's eyes is swollen shut, black and blue and purple. Her bottom lip is busted, she's got a bandage covering her nose, and her right leg is in a splint. She tries to smile, but it's broken and he can see how much it hurts her to even breathe.

He goes to crouch down beside her and she tilts her head, her right eye shining brightly.

"Eli thinks one of my ribs is broken," she sighs, her eye rolling. "But think he's overreacting. I'm just a little sore."

"You really shouldn't speak, Bekah," he advises.

"I'm fine. Really, Nik." She looks over his shoulder and catches Caroline staring at them, but she instantly looks away.

"Caroline, is it?" Elijah says to her and she nods her head. "You hurt your shoulder, correct?"

She nods again.

"Come with me."

Rebekah watches them go into the bedroom in the back where Elijah has stashed all of his first aid supplies, which isn't much. He patched herself up as best as he could and Rebekah said she could barely feel a thing, but that was a lie. She felt like she was dying, and she still feels that way. What if she is?

"Where did she come from?" she asks Nik, but there is no malice in her voice. No contempt or hatred. She just genuinely wants to know.

Nik glances over in the direction of his brother and Caroline and sees him pressing on her shoulder. She flinches and will twitch every now and then, but then she smiles at Elijah and suddenly Nik knows she's fine.

"She came back for us," he finally answers his sister.

Rebekah doesn't respond to that. To think that her rival, her _enemy_, had died trying to save her and her brother. That kind of light doesn't burn out that easily. Of course, she'll never say this. Not even to Nik.

"I thought I lost you," she changes the subject. "I thought I lost myself. And then Eli came and saved me. Miracle, isn't it?"

"I am sorry, Rebekah." He catches her off guard and for a moment she isn't sure what he's talking about, but then it ignites in her chest like a wild fire.

"What were you thinking?" she spits. "Driving like a maniac! And the car exploded? Bloody hell, Nik."

"I wasn't thinking," he tries to explain, but Rebekah silences him.

"I could've died. _You _could've died. Were you so blinded by your love for that girl that it drove you to the edge?"

"I don't love her—"

"Bullshit," Rebekah spits. "I see the way you look at her. Where did you disappear to when the monsters attacked the car?"

Nik swallows and looks away.

"_Where were you?_"

He looks her dead in the eye, watches her eyebrow twitch and her mouth form into a straight line. She…she doesn't know what she's talking about. She isn't in his head. She's just angry and saying whatever pops into that little head of hers. It isn't working, Rebekah.

"Then don't answer me," she says. "It's only confirmation."

"It confirms nothing," Nik sneers.

"But doesn't it?" laughs Rebekah, sitting up in her seat. "You just don't want to be alone. I'm not enough for you, am I? You had to nearly kill us just so you wouldn't have to go a day without your _precious _Ca—"

"Enough!"

No. Oh, she's just getting started. She's been living in horror for the past however many fucking weeks it's been, she's cried her eyes out for a brother she blames herself for dying, she's nearly died by the hands of one brother yet she cried until she could barely breathe. She's been hopeless since Elijah found her; she's been dead on the inside since he told her about the SUV bursting into flames.

So she asks, and she smiles so tenderly, "Have you fucked her yet? Is that the reason why you so desperately need her? Maybe you don't love her; you just want to screw her. Is she entertainment?"

"Rebekah, are you mocking Niklaus again?" Elijah asks jokingly as he comes into that part of the RV with Caroline. She has a makeshift sling made out of a bed sheet and her face is serene and peaceful.

Nik gets up from his position and exits the trailer, Rebekah's words and her presence too much for him to even consider. Maybe she's right. Maybe that's why he can't be around her, because she can see right through him. _You just don't want to be alone. _He isn't alone.

The door slams shut behind him and Caroline starts to follow him, but Elijah tells her she should rest. He'll deal with his brother and Elijah has this face and voice that makes her not to want to say no to him. He's a true gentleman, noble and he seems trustworthy enough. She wonders what Kol was like? And Finn? Whatever happened to Finn?

"Rebekah," she says to the girl strewn across the couch, a frown upon her face. "Nik told me what happened to your family."

Rebekah rolls her lone eye and scoffs. "If you wanted to express sympathy, then I'm afraid you're eleven years too late."

Caroline purses her lips and sits down beside Rebekah. "What happened to Finn? And your mother?"

"Why do you care? Are you just starving for dirt on us? You already have my brother, what else could you possibly want?"

"I don't have anyone—"

"Do you ever listen to how stupid you sound when you speak?"

Caroline stiffens. "You know what, Rebekah? Never mind. I don't care. I'm trying to be your friends, understand you better, but you don't even let anyone in. It's the end of the goddamn world and I risked my life coming back for you—"

"Don't feed me lies," Rebekah hisses, her blues flaming. "You didn't come back for me. You couldn't give less of a shit had I been dead. You came back for my brother and that is the _only_ reason, Caroline, and you know it."

Caroline throws a hand up and gets up, beyond done. Now she knows why Nik stormed off in a huff. "You are ridiculous and you can sit here and seethe in your hate for me all you want. You can believe whatever helps you sleep at night, but if you honestly think with all your heart that I only came back for Nik, then you're even stupider than I originally thought. Asshole."

Caroline disappears from the RV, leaving Rebekah there to think over what she's said. The thing is, Rebekah has no regrets. She knows she's right. She knows that as soon as Caroline walked out of that bathroom in the motel, she had already lost him. She was the one who was alone. She's lost Matt, and she actually fancied him a bit. He was sweet. She's lost Kol, and while he was a handful, he was her brother and her best friend, almost like her twin. She's lost her mother and she's lost her father. Finn ran away and never came back. She's lost everyone. But is anybody listening? Because she's built up this protective wall around herself and won't let anyone knock it down. She won't let herself become vulnerable. She does not cry anymore. She is no little girl anymore who lost her mother too soon. She is just Rebekah Mikaelson, and she is alone.

"My brother informs me that you know of a safe house," Elijah explains to Caroline once she steps out into the sun.

"Yes, but I don't know whether the people occupying it will be friendly with me or not," she replies solemnly. She can't imagine how they would just welcome her back with open arms, especially with strangers, but she's still friends with Elena, right? That has to count for something.

"It's worth a try, Miss Forbes." His voice is smooth as silk and Caroline can just see Elena faltering by him. "We pose no threat."

"If Caroline doesn't think it's safe, then we should just keep moving to Rhode Island," Nik says. "The sooner we get there the better."

"Rebekah is in no shape to continue traveling at the moment. Neither is Caroline for that matter. I don't have enough supplies to support all four of us, but if what Caroline says about her friends isn't true, then we have to give it a chance, Niklaus. It's for the best."

"For the best? What's for the best anymore?"

"Hope is for the best," Caroline says. "We can try. And then, if they don't want us in, we'll just continue on our way. It's worth a shot."

"Do what you want," Nik responds. "I don't care anymore."

Because he really doesn't. They either make it to Rhode Island and the possibility of a safety, or they don't. They probably won't, he figures. It's only a few hours of driving, but eventually they'll run out of gas and they'll have to walk the rest of the way. And with Rebekah playing the role of the bitter little girl who can't even walk; he isn't exactly sure how that could end well. It won't.

"I'll give Nik directions," Caroline explains to Elijah. "And you can follow behind us. It's not that far away from here, maybe a half hour."

Elijah nods and tells Nik to drive carefully this time, to which Nik tells him to shut the fuck up. Nik and Caroline gets in the SUV and start down the paved road of the cemetery and the RV follows behind them. Caroline tells him to make a left once they get out and to keep driving straight for a bout five miles until they come to the second exit. For the most part, they don't say anything else to each other. Nik doesn't let the emotions show on his face and Caroline doesn't either, rather, focusing her attention on the lack of life outside her window. Shades of gray mix with shades of blue and those mesh with the bleak outlook of the possibility of never making it to Rhode Island. She wants to remain positive, but it's hard.

And then she starts to think about Rebekah and what she said. It wasn't true. It's not true. She came back for Rebekah just as much as she came back for Nik. There was no favoritism in it. Rebekah was a life, a human life, and Caroline wouldn't just forget about that.

"Rebekah thinks that I deliberately tried to do harm to us," Nik speaks suddenly and Caroline blinks confusedly.

"What?"

"The car accident. She thinks I purposely meant to crash." As the words leave his lips, he starts to question whether it's true or not. Had he? No. He wouldn't…never…would he?

"Did you?"

"No," he snaps. "I mean, no." _I don't think. _

"We all have those thoughts, Nik," Caroline tells him gently. "It's just a matter of giving in to them."

"I wasn't thinking that way," he protests. "Why would I…"

"I've thought about it myself a few times over the weeks, how easy it would be. No more suffering or pain, right? And, you know, I would go through with it if you weren't here. I would—"

"Caroline, don't."

"Nik, listen to me!" She shifts in her seat and takes in his profile, so masculine and sharp yet soft and angelic like. Her heart rate picks up just a little and she feels it flutter in her chest. Somehow he makes her feel safe. Somehow there is no catastrophic apocalypse when he's so close and so tangible.

"I—" Caroline starts to say, but then stops. She what? She, dare she even say it, loves him? It's been such a short time together and now isn't the time to be falling in love with anyone, but she can't deny the way he makes her feel on the inside and out. "I care about you," she chokes out and she watches his jaw clench. "And I won't ever leave you. I promise. I swear on my heart and my mother's grave that I will never leave you again."

He stops the car abruptly and Caroline jerks forward in her seat. An undead little boy, probably six or seven, walks out from the shoulder and balls up his tiny little gray fists, beating on Caroline's window. His eyes are wide and hopeless and hungry, his tongue is hanging out desiring to taste life—Caroline's life. He beats his fists against the window, _let me in let me in_, and Caroline sees it again. That spark of humanity, that last little sliver of a beating heart. His face is clean, or as clean as it's going to be. He hasn't eaten anything since he turned. No blood, no grime. He's out here all alone, abandoned and starving.

"This will never be over," Nik says, staring at the boy trying his hardest to get in but so weak. Oh, so very weak. "We'll keep running and eventually we'll just give up. You know this, Caroline. You can make all the promises you want, but—"

"You said you would protect me, didn't you?" She puts a hand against the glass and the boy presses his face against it, his eyes white and like little pearls. She hopes he didn't die alone.

"I can't even protect myself, Caroline. You were right not to ever trust me."

"No." She shakes her head. "I was wrong not to believe in you. You've gotten me this far, Nik. I wouldn't be here without you."

She leans over in her seat and kisses the corner of his mouth, but he doesn't respond to her. She sits back in her seat sadly, looking back at the undead boy. He's started to give up, just like Nik.

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**A/N: **Sorry I took so long! Really sorry about that, also about this filler chapter. Might be my least favorite chapter so far. Um this is ending soon and I already got a theory as to how this is going to end on tumblr. Kinda made my day a little bit. Anyway, hopefully I won't take so long for the next chapter, but I'm not sure! Also, if you aren't already, please read my dear friends' fic **So Long, Lonesome** and **Paradise for the Lost**. They are my favorite fics at the moment. Thank you guys for your continuous support! Love you so so much!

P.S. a storm is _definitely_ coming


	17. don't feed me violence

Chapter Sixteen: don't feed me violence

Baltimore is surprisingly empty. Caroline hadn't really stopped to actually notice just how much of a wasteland it is, but now as she navigates Nik through the decrepit city she starts to wonder just what happened. Cars without engines or tires and most likely siphoned gasoline are parked by the sidewalks or just stopped in the middle of the roads and streets. Convenience shops and department stores are broken into, their resources cleaned out. Liquor stores are empty, not a drop of alcohol left. Shame too, because she could really use another drink. They all could.

"We're close," she says to Nik as they pass by a collapsed train bridge. She remembers glancing at the train in the dark, how ominous it looked and wondering if anyone was on it.

"There," Caroline tells him, sitting up in her seat as the cement covered building comes into view. She instructs Nik to drive around the back of the building where drop-off is. Slowly he approaches the metal overhead door, apprehension pumps through Caroline's veins, and then suddenly one of their tires is blown out.

"What—"

One of the back windows shatter and Nik forcibly pushes Caroline down in her seat as far as she can go as he attempts to duck beneath the steering wheel, but this car isn't that big so his head is still in clear view.

"And these are your friends," Nik whispers hoarsely.

"They must not know it's me," she says, reaching for the handle. "I'll just go out and—"

"So they can shoot you? Love, I don't think you unders—"

But Caroline is already dragging herself out the vehicle. She lands roughly on her shoulder and fights back a scream and just slithers herself across the pavement. Everything is closed up, the few windows on the top level are boarded up. She can't pinpoint where the shots are coming from, but she'll bet everything that it's definitely coming from Damon. He's a douche, but he wouldn't exactly murder her because he was pissed. It wasn't like she did anything to him. That was all on Elena. Sort of.

* * *

"What are you doing, Barbie?" Damon asks himself. He sets down the sniper rifle and continues to peek through the boarded window, the sliver of day peeping through into the small box filled room.

He watches her walk around aimlessly, and her mouth is moving, but he can't make it out. And then someone else comes out of the car, _his _car, and this guy is just as mouthy as Caroline and he grips her arm and starts forcing her back into the car. Damon laughs.

And he thinks that's the end of it. They will leave, not get far with a busted tired, and goodbye Miss Forbes and stranger. But no. Some reason he's failed to notice the RV that pulls up a few yards behind his SUV. The man that shoved Caroline in the car turns around and starts jogging towards the vehicle and the side door bursts open as a dark-haired man comes out with a megaphone and a duffle bag.

Uh.

He shoots up out of his seat, grabs the sniper, and darts out the room. Megaphone? Big no-no.

* * *

"They're looking for a war," Elijah tells his younger brother as he opens up the duffle bag. A rather large, mutant of a gun lays in it and Nik tilts his head at it.

"XM25 CDTE," Elijah explains, dragging a finger along the eyepiece. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

"Where did you get a grenade launcher? They made these especially to ship off to Afghanistan and Iraq. How did…"

"I don't think that's important," Elijah says as he picks it up. It's heavy but feels so lovely in his grasp. Nik takes the megaphone from off the ground and watches as his brother kneels in front of the RV, loading in the rounds. "If they think they can beat me, well, they can't."

Nik grins as Elijah looks through the eyepiece at one of the boarded windows. He scans over the others ones, searching for an open spot where a shot might've came from. There's a small split in two wooden boards and he figures that must be the location, but he can't see anyone behind it.

"Chances are that if I shoot through the overhead, it'll go through and we'll have clear entry. The thing is, we don't know what they have. They could have a whole arsenal, which I don't have."

"As long as we each have a gun each, then we should—"

"You can't just kill my friends!" Caroline barks.

Nik twists his head around and grimaces. "Caroline, get back in the car."

"Stop bossing me around," she retorts, the fire burning in her eyes. "I can make my own decisions. They're my friends and if I'm the one who confronts them, then it'll be less hostile." She looks past him at Elijah and narrows her eyes. "Blowing the place up isn't going to do anything but make them angrier. Not to mention all the noise it would cause."

"Noise won't be a problem once we get in and get out, Caroline," Elijah tells her. "These are not your friends anymore. There are no such things as friends in this world any longer."

Nik nods solemnly, refusing to look at her. It's the ugly truth. They can't trust her "friends" and they can't trust them.

She sets her jaw and her eyes flick over Nik's face, how he purposely avoids her strong gaze and instead turns on the megaphone. He walks away from them, starting towards the building like he's on a mission. Caroline follows after him swiftly, shouting a string of swears, and Elijah gets back into his position.

"Anything goes wrong, don't hesitate," Nik yells back to Elijah.

"What do you think you're doing?" Caroline continues to reproach, but Nik ignores her. "Answer me!"

Instead of answering her, he brings the megaphone up to his mouth and without any hesitance he shouts, "I think you're going to want to let us in!"

"Who the hell is this jackass?" Jeremy asks as he peeks through one of the tiny window slits at the top of the overhead. "Is he crazy?"

"They have Caroline," Elena says warily. "What if she's hurt? Damon, we have to let them in."

Damon scoffs and shakes his head. Unbelievable. "She knocked you out, Elena. _You _knocked _me_ out. You have no say in anything."

Elena's frown deepens and she turns her distaste towards Stefan, but he just tells her to shut up.

"She's our friend!" Elena yells, her voice breaking. "Just let her in! She's desperate!"

"We open the door to her and we open the door to them and whatever the hell they have," Damon hisses. "One of them could be bitten and then we're stuck in here with a monster. You want to turn, Elena? Do you want to die today?"

Her mouth straightens into a line and her jaw clenches. She brings her hand up quickly to smack him, but he stops her, grasping her wrist tightly.

"_Don't ever do that again_." His voice is dripping with venom and laced with anger. His ice blues, clear and reflecting Elena's frightened face, burn through her corneas and straight into her soul.

"Go into the back," he says, his eyes darting to Bonnie. "Both of you."

He drops her wrist and Elena tries to play it off like she snatched it back, but everyone knows that's not the case. Even Jeremy doesn't say anything because as it turns out, if it weren't for Damon, none of them would even be here. Damon is always right so don't even question his methods. It's kept them alive this long.

Once they're gone, Jeremy asks what the plan is because so far, there isn't one. They've got a raging lunatic shouting at them outside through a megaphone, they've got a neurotic blonde yelling at him, and there's a guy hid behind an RV aiming something at them. Seriously, this day has just gone bananas. Actually, everything has gone bananas since Caroline showed up. Of course, of course. It should've been expected. She does have a track record of gloom and doom.

"How about an exchange?" Stefan suggests. "And by exchange I mean we just hand over Elena and Bonnie and call it a day."

Damon half-smirks. "They want supplies, Steffy. Things we can't afford to give away. If we shoot them, then we'll have rotting bodies outside and who knows what that'll attract."

"Exchange me," Jeremy interrupts. "Me for Caroline. Or just me. I don't care. I'm sick of staying in this place—"

"Jeremy, be quiet," Damon tells him and reverts his attention back to Stefan. "Like I was saying—"

"Anyone would want more manpower," Jeremy continues. "Maybe it's a drawback and strain on supplies, but maybe if you gave me at least a box full then we could be on our way."

"Do you ever think before you speak?" Stefan asks, dumbfounded. "Nobody wants a whiny sixteen-year-old on their team. _We _don't even want you, but we have to deal with you."

Jeremy blinks slowly, swallowing down the horrible taste in his mouth as Stefan and Damon continue to ignore him. They don't think he's an asset? Maybe he's not. Maybe he is just there, taking up space. _Expendable._ But riddle him this, if it weren't for him taking out that straggler in Richmond with his bat, as it was just about to bite Damon who wasn't paying attention, how is he taking up space? How does that equal not wanting to be dealt with?

Well then.

With no regrets on his mind, Jeremy unlocks the overhead and slides it up, the metal clanking against the ceiling. Damon rushes over and tackles Jeremy to the ground, the both of them rolling out onto the pavement of the lot. Stefan watches from the safety of the building, in shock at the two of them throwing blows at one another and completely disregarding the strangers that have began to invade. He reaches around and withdraws his 9 mm from his waist, ready to shoot.

Caroline throws her head back in exasperation and lets out a torturous groan. _Why, why, why?_

She starts after Nik who's already jogging past Damon and Jeremy tussling on the ground. Blow after blow lands on Jeremy's face and Caroline doesn't know what caused this to happen, but she manages to land a kick in Damon's lower back and suddenly Jeremy has the upper hand as he rolls Damon onto his back and gives back what was given.

She smiles confidently.

"Hello. I don't believe we've met," Nik greets Stefan, all manipulative smiles. "I'm Nik."

Caroline rolls her eyes. He wasn't so smooth with her.

"Let's skip the formalities," Stefan says, still pointing the gun directly at his forehead. "What do you want?"

Nik grins and takes another step towards Stefan. "What would any man want in this situation? See, the lovely Caroline—," he glances back at her and she waves sheepishly in a don't-hate-me-please sort of way, "—informed us, my brother and I, that you had a safe house of the sorts." He looks up, does a slight walk around as if he owns the place.

Caroline is mystified. _How do you even…? There's a gun pointed at you…I don't…I can't even…_

"We're just looking to ride this catastrophe out in as much safety as your group is in," Nik continues. "Now you could let us in willingly, or this place can just…_explode."_

Stefan's eye twitches as he locks a gaze with Nik. "You'd die."

"I have no problem in sacrificing myself for the lives of my siblings. You on the other hand, Stefan I presume—"

"Say another word and I swear to God I'll slit her throat."

Caroline hadn't even noticed, too concentrated on this strange interaction between Nik and Stefan. So calm and cool. And then there's a knife at her throat and Damon's behind her and her first thought is that she brought this on herself. Damon already doesn't like her, so her coming back was basically a death wish.

Nik turns around and Stefan lowers his gun, astounded at this visual. Is Damon serious? What could this possibly solve? But then he sees it. How rigid this guys goes as he watches Caroline struggle in his brother's grasp. Her eyes never once leave Nik as a single tear slides down her cheek. Damon's are a wildfire, driven by madness and the coursing rage hallowing out his soul. No morals, uncaring; like Stefan himself at this point. He figures in a world such as this one they have been given, compassion has no place. It is replaced with Darwin ideologies, "survival of the fittest", and Caroline is not the fittest. She is merely a ploy in all of this; a little blonde distraction. But he can't ignore the brevity of silent exchanges between these two people he's only figured are strangers, yet he's wrong.

"Let her go," Nik manages to say evenly, but the tightness in his throat says otherwise. It's so close to her skin. All it'll take is a little pressure and she'll be gone.

Stefan comes up behind Nik and locks him in a chokehold, his forearm just on his windpipe as Nik struggles to keep his eyes open and on Caroline and fight Stefan off. And things are going wrong. Elijah isn't supposed to hesitate. He can see this happening, right? Blow this place up, take Rebekah, and leave. _Leave, leave, leave. _

"Please stop," is a shrill cry from Caroline as the world starts to fade to black.

_Why didn't I tell you, love?_

* * *

Murmurs and whispers and mumbles and mutters from a different room swim into Caroline's ears as she stirs from her dreamland. She was running in circles in a forest, screaming for someone whose name she can't remember. She just knew that she had to find them and quick before it was too late. But then it happened. She was bitten. Her feet were grabbed and ground swallowed her up, teeth tearing into the artery on her neck. And all while this was happening, she wasn't crying for herself. She wasn't screaming as the life started to slip away from her body. No. She was crying for that person she kept chasing and chasing; searching and screaming for. It was the thought of leaving them behind that killed her. It was the thought of not being able to say those three words that she'd wanted to say for as long as she could remember. _I love you. _And she really does.

Maybe it wasn't a dream. It was a nightmare. There's no room in this hell and there's no room in the one she fathoms up.

Her head lulls to the side and in the opposite corner of the room is Nik, unconscious with his head drooped low. Instantly she moves to get to him, but she can't. Her arms are bound behind her back, tied to a concrete beam. She struggles to break free to no avail, her shoulder still weak from the dislocation earlier in the day. Is it still that day? How long has she been out for? Why was she out? What'd they do to her?

"Elena," she calls weakly, her tongue feeling like sandpaper. "Elena…Bonnie…"

_Anyone…please? _

The distant chattering stops and Caroline lets out a quiet sob as she slides down onto the cement even further. They've left them in here to rot. They've locked her and Nik away to starve. To turn into savages just so they can shoot them in the head and call it compassion. These are supposed to be her friends. Why do this? Why do this to her? She only wanted to help.

* * *

When Nik comes to, disoriented and his head pounding, Caroline's head is resting heavily on his shoulder. She looks peaceful, calm. He gently shakes her, but she doesn't respond. She's deadweight and when he nudges her slightly she falls over to the side, the side of her face smacking against the cement flooring.

_No…_

"Caroline…sweetheart, wake up…Caroline…" He rolls her over onto her back and that's when he sees the long red gash running across her throat

_No no no. _

"Caroline."

_Say something, love. Make a noise. Anything. Caroline. _

But she doesn't. He shakes her, pulls her into his arms to shift some of his body heat towards her, but she doesn't wake. She's cold and already fleeting and he's warm and still constant. His heart beats for hers in its silent absence, willing it to restart. He pumps at her chest, _beat dammit beat!_, blows oxygen through her mouth only for it to come out through her throat. She wasn't meant to leave this way. No, not like this. Something more valiant or something less painful. She's supposed to go in her sleep, not gasping for air that her lungs fail to accept.

So Nik just holds her, strokes back her hair, curses that bastard who dared to even touch her. He curses himself for not being able to protect her. He curses Caroline herself for being so naïve and wanting to come back to this place. _You stupid, stupid girl._

But then, suddenly, she's here so he drops her. Moves away from her. She's moving and her eyes are wild, white, and aware. Her blue lips open and close, her teeth chatter against each other, and her arms are disoriented as she tries them out seemingly for the first time. It's like watching a rebirth, a new life form entering the world with no knowledge except an insatiable hunger.

But Nik is a fool for thinking she's here. She's gone. This thing, this monster hissing at him and gnashing its tiny white teeth is not Caroline. Its skin, alabaster and just like cream, is thin and stretches with every movement.

She can't get to him quickly enough, her legs are wobbly and she's uncoordinated with every step, but she has to get to him. She can smell the blood underneath that skin, and just the flesh alone is driving her mad. If she can just sink her teeth into it, tear out as much as possible and savor the taste as it slides down her throat.

She needs it. Give it to her. _Give me. _

She lunges at Nik, but he holds her off even though her fingers dig into his arms, her nails piercing into his skin. Maybe it's all over just from this little split second, but he'll kill her before he lets her taste a drop of blood. She's raging, angry, and starved as he shoves her into a wall.

_This isn't Caroline. This isn't her. _

It's a monster and monsters do not feel. They do not care. She can't recognize that it's him, blinded by this ravenous yearning for raw flesh and nothing less. He tells himself that hitting her over and over again, bashing her head into the wall repeatedly—it isn't Caroline. She can't feel it. But with this face and this head of soft curls it's hard to believe. But he can't stop. The sound of her skull cracking again and again against the concrete wall, the image of her darkened blood staining the gray and brain matter splattering out onto his hand and him entirely.

And Caroline is dead again but he can't stop. Her body falls to the ground, yet he can't control himself as his foot kicks in its head again and again; consumed by this rage and hopelessness, this desperation that eats him from the inside out as the face slowly becomes nothing more but red and black. And now he's alone, a dying man as the cuts she's given bleed down his arms, her fleeting legacy on his skin and flowing through his bloodstream. How much time does he have before he's the very thing that he's killed time and time again?

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**A/N: **Aw shit double update!


	18. show me how to be whole again

Chapter Seventeen: show me how to be whole again

"And what do you suggest we do? They either stay in there, or all of you can leave. We're gracious enough to let you stay here because of your sister, but your brother and Caroline—"

"I can deal with my brother, but there will be a problem with seclusion."

"Seclusion my ass. You came here and threatened to blow us up—"

"After you shot at my brother several times—"

"Our turf, our rules."

Damon and Elijah have been going back and forth, back and forth for the past hour and a half. Maybe two hours. Who's really keeping time? Damon doesn't want to be anywhere near Klaus or whatever the hell his name is, and he definitely doesn't want Elena or Bonnie near Caroline. That girl is as two-faced as they come. The last thing he needs is for this group to get any weaker than it already is, and the fact that out of the sliver of goodness in his heart, he's taken in an injured Rebekah Mikaelson and her narcissistic older brothers. Sad because she would be pretty if her face didn't look like a boxing glove. And out the _goodness_ of his heart, he doesn't tell her as much.

Elijah is pushing that they all be together, there is strength in numbers, and he can control his impulsive brother. That being locked up in some storage room when they're already in a storage _facility _will do nothing but make the matter worse and when they finally let them out then-

Yada yada yada, Damon gestures with his hand. Why in the world should he ever trust him? No offense, dude, but your family brings terror and doom wherever you go. Yeah, Damon's heard the story from a drunken Kol many a night at the Mystic Grill. Now, had Damon known he had such a hot little number for a sister, then maybe he'd still be alive. Oh well. One less mouth to feed.

_"My brother shot my father," Kol snorts. _

_Damon grimaces. He's not even twenty-one. Why are you here?_

_"And then a few years later, my mother hung herself."_

_Damon's mother died a few months after she gave birth to Stefan. He doesn't remember her much, but his father always spoke ill of her. Blamed her death on Damon, _"she named you Damon because you're a demon. And you killed her."

_ "That's…pretty fucked up."_

_Kol smiles and swings a drunken arm around Damon while Damon simultaneously tries to peel him off. _

_"Oh, darling you have no idea."_

"We split time," Stefan says, stepping in between the two. "Or we split it in half. There will be a division line, a designated time for bathroom breaks. The bare minimum for social contact."

Elijah agrees, but Damon is reluctant. He doesn't trust the guy. He seems like the guy who will shake your hand, give you his word, but then twist it around so it benefits himself and only himself. Oh Damon knows. He definitely knows.

But he shakes Elijah's hand anyway, with a smile. He'll sleep with one eye open if he has to.

After they work out their extensive agreement, Stefan leads Elijah to the other side where Caroline and Nik are being held, but before they disappear completely Elena runs after them, grasping onto the back of Elijah's shirt. He spins around and looks at her curiously, taking in those big doe eyes and that long dark hair. Maybe he's become a bit biased with the situation they're all currently in, but she is _striking. _

_Where have you been hiding, sweetheart? _

"Hello there," he says and Elena shivers.

Oh jeez. _Don't look at me that way, mister._

"Could you tell Caroline that Elena said she forgives her…and she misses her? Please?"

Elijah tilts his head, surprised and slightly moved at her tiny request. Her voice is so small, reflecting herself, and her face is so thin and tired. Still, she's a wonder. This Elena.

"Certainly."

Elena lets out a breath and offers a kind smile. He doesn't seem that bad. What's the big deal? He has great hair. How could you _not _trust him?

"Thank you," she responds as she starts to back away. "Maybe we'll see each other later…" Hopefully…

_Maybe, Elena. Maybe._

* * *

Nik jolts back into reality, his nightmare a little too real. He bangs his head against the beam he's tied to, but the pain doesn't even register once his eyes lie on Caroline and her meek smile.

"Hey," she says and it's the sweetest thing not to hear a horrible gurgling hiss. "Scared me for a moment there."

"Where are we?" He glances around and the only light is from a lantern hanging in the middle of the ceiling.

"I don't know."

"Why did they bring you here?" he narrows his eyes.

"I don't know."

"Did they hurt you?"

"I don't know, Nik!" she snaps. Can they not play Twenty Questions? It's seriously the least of their problems. "The last thing I remember is when you passed out. After that, everything is gone."

Nik shuts his eyes and leans his head back on the beam. "Elijah…"

"Don't blame your br—"

"If he had just done what I told him to do, then we wouldn't be in this mess."

"No," Caroline states matter-of-factly. "If _you_ hadn't been such an impulsive dick and let me do things my way, then we wouldn't be in this mess. I know these people, you don't!"

He dismisses that first comment. "Oh, I'm sure, Caroline! And please, do go into _gruesome_ detail as to how your stupid idea of approaching a completely daft buffoon shooting at you with your _soothing _words would work out. I would honestly love to hear this!"

Caroline presses her lips together tightly, fighting down the lump that's welled up in the back of her throat. She could scream, she could cry, she could break out of these ropes and go strangle him again. How dare he? How _dare _he? As if his way was so much better? At least she most likely wouldn't have had a goddamned knife at her throat. The more civilized approach she was sure would have been better then threatening to obliterate them all.

"You think what I did was stupid," Caroline muses, "or rather what I didn't do, then I want to hear you justify just why your plan was so much better. Because now we're tied up as prisoners because of _your _impatience. You can't just waltz in and step up to the Salvatores. It doesn't work like that!"

"They're merely _children_," Nik retorts.

"Children?" Caroline laughs. "They sure overpowered you, huh?"

He rolls his eyes. "I was distracted."

She scoffs. "Oh yes. Distracted. Why do you _always _have to prove you're the alpha male?"

"I don't have to prove anything, love. I _am _the alpha male."

Again, she scoffs. What an arrogant, narcissistic, egotistical prick. God help her. Why didn't they separate them at least? She'd rather gauge her eyes out than have to sit here and look at him with his _alpha male_ bravado. Now is really not the time for this nonsense.

Nik tries to free himself of the ropes, but it seems that the more he tugs at the binds, the tighter they get around his wrists until his skin feels raw.

"It's no use," Caroline comments. She would know. She's been trying, to no avail, ever since she woke up. "We'll just have to wait."

"Wait for them to kill us? Sweetheart, I'd rather not."

"Maybe they will." She shrugs and groans. "Head games are Damon's forte. Waiting isn't an exception, I suppose."

Nik eyes her curiously. "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

She shakes the thought from her head. Nothing. It means absolutely nothing so she tells him as much, but he doesn't believe her.

"Whatever you're hiding from me I'll find it out," he warns and she smirks.

"Good luck with that."

The sound of metal scraping the floor stops Nik before he can respond to her remark. Light from the hallway seeps into the room as two figures step in.

Stefan and Elijah.

"I'll set up the division line right now," Stefan explains to Elijah. "This room is also yours and we'll bring Rebekah over when she wakes up. Remember, you gave your word."

"And I always keep word, Stefan."

Stefan nods and leaves him in the room with Caroline and his younger brother. They don't say anything to each other whilst he unties the ropes, freeing them. Caroline lets herself out the room and walks in the direction she thinks the rest of them might be in, but if Stefan's serious about this division line, then is she not allowed to cross it? She's one of them too, isn't she? Why wouldn't she be?

Elijah explains to Nik what's going on, and unsurprisingly, Nik doesn't take it too kindly. First of all, his sister is in their "territory" and they're doing God knows what. If she's drifting in and out of consciousness like she's been doing for the past twenty-four hours, then the best place for her is to be with her last remaining family members; not some strangers. If something happens, then what? Those are possibilities he isn't willing to risk.

"I'm going to get her," he says briskly, but Elijah snatches his arm and twists it harshly.

"You'll do as I say from now on, Niklaus," Elijah states calmly, this haunting ease in his gaze. "And when I say that Rebekah will be fine where she is, I expect you to not question it."

He lets Nik go and Nik snatches himself away, stalking out of the room and away from his brother. Perhaps he does owe Elijah after what he's done for him in the past and following his instructions for a little while is simple really, but he can't trust those people just as much as they can't trust him.

* * *

Caroline's been fingering the long white strip of tape that divides the warehouse in half. No one is visible on the other side and she wonders if she steps over that they'll just know and Damon really will slit her throat this time. She still doesn't know whether she's allowed or not, but she figures that Stefan would've said something when he came earlier. Will she ever see Elena and Bonnie again? Who is she going to talk to? They're her only friends and she betrayed them for a guy. What happened to chicks before dicks?

She remembers the last time she saw them before the world changed. She was starting to get over her breakup with Matt (oh, whatever happened to poor little Matt?) and the fact that she saw him didn't bother her anymore. So the three of them all went out to the town's only restaurant and hotspot, Mystic Grill. Everyone seemed to be there since a mildly famous band that originated in Mystic Falls had booked a free show that night. Elena had grabbed them a table on the platform behind the pool tables and dartboards, giving them a perfect view of the stage, the very same stage that Caroline had stood on where she sang and dedicated a song to Matt, her cheesy, high school romance. What a world.

The girls had danced until their feet hurt, sipping on cherry coke and rum thanks to their fake IDs even though everyone had to have known since they celebrated graduation not even a month ago. It was a fun, carefree, girl's night. No boys, no drama, no romance. Just dancing and music and alcohol and memories.

Now that she thinks about it, it seems like a lifetime ago. She can't remember what the music sounded like, she can't even remember what the rum and coke tasted like. She just knows that she was happy, they were happy. Rebekah was there too, hanging around Matt while he was on his break. In the tiniest little second, Caroline thought to herself,_ they look happy _and they did. Did Matt ever look at her that way? Smile so hard it looked like his lips would split? Did she ever glow so fantastically that it reflected on his face? This weird, effervescent light of purity and youth and sin? Did she ever cause that? She didn't think she did.

But there's no use in thinking about it now, right? It's done. Over. The past. Matt is probably dead. She's accepted it, moved on from it, and it doesn't bother her. He was good guy who just couldn't bring himself to end things with her even though they were so obviously going downhill. He didn't kiss her like he used to, didn't say I love you as much anymore, and didn't skip lunch to make out in the back of the school anymore. Caroline completely ignored these facts and when you willingly choose to ignore all the signs, that's when your heart gets broken.

She rolls over to her back, her fingers never leaving that tape and all the possibilities that are on the other side. There's Elena and her warm embrace, just like her mother's used to be. If Liz wasn't home, then Caroline could always count on Miranda Gilbert to be her second mother. And there's Bonnie who she could always go to for advice about the most trivial of things. But maybe that's what Caroline's friendship with her friend's always was. Just a big triviality. All of that time and energy means nothing now.

"Your friend Elena approached me," a voice says from the distance.

She glances over and sees Elijah walking towards her slowly, his hands in the pockets of his black pants. The sleeves of his white dress shirt are rolled up to his elbows, showing the sinewy strength of his arms. _Hm. _

"What'd she say?" Caroline finds herself asking. That she hates her? She never wants to see her again? She's a disgrace?

"She forgives you," he says, sitting down beside her. "And she misses you."

"Oh."

And there is silence until Caroline can't handle it and her chest seems to collapse as the cry takes over her entire being. This isn't how life was supposed to be. Why does she have to question whether her friends still love her or not? Why should she have to? Why is she here in an abandoned warehouse with monsters roaming the earth? Why can't she just go back to Mystic Falls, go back to the night it all started, and let that zombie get her while she was still in her house? Why can't she? She misses her mom. She even misses her dad. She misses simplicity and nail polish and crying over shitty romantic comedies with Ben & Jerry's. She just wants to go back to that for one moment, one second, just to taste it. Savor it. Drink it in again and again until she drowns in it; this overwhelming feeling of happiness and effortlessness, instantaneous and evanescent.

"You really shouldn't cry, sweetheart," Elijah tells her as he lifts her hands away from her face. "You're alive, are you not?"

"But I don't feel it," she mumbles. "Just because I'm breathing doesn't make me alive. There's nothing left for me to live for, Elijah. "

Elijah studies her for a moment, taking in the lines tired lines of her face. The crinkle in her forehead and her reddened nose and darkened eyes. She's the epitome of a struggle and a young life too far gone to be redeemed.

"You're a smart girl, Caroline," he tells her. "And if you really believe that, then you wouldn't be here, would you?"

She twists her face up in confusion. "What do you…"

But he's already walking away.

* * *

Three days pass. It seems like three years. Caroline doesn't know when the sun is up and doesn't know when the moon has appeared. She goes on the way her body reacts, but that's unreliable because she's always tired. Everyone is always tired. Damon stopped by the day before yesterday and gave Elijah a box of food and supplies. A few pillows, some medicine, no weapons. Damon didn't even pretend to acknowledge Caroline, and she didn't want him to either. Damon didn't pretend to acknowledge Nik either, but that was expected.

Rebekah keeps to herself, never moving until Caroline has no choice but to give her a sponge bath. Rebekah doesn't object though. She even says _thank you _after the first time. But then when Rebekah thinks that everyone is asleep, she can be heard lowly whimpering until she finally falls into a light slumber. But Caroline hears her and her brothers hear her.

Nobody ever talks about it.

Several times Caroline wants to say something to Nik, apologize or something even though she doesn't know if she did something wrong. Both of them are at fault, to be honest. But tensions are high; Caroline has her way of thinking what's for the best and Nik has his. Sometimes two rivaling personalities clash, especially when they're so completely different. Or maybe exactly the same.

After they eat canned fruit for dinner, Nik stalks off for the shower room and Caroline fumbles for an excuse as to where she's going when Elijah questions her.

"Just to walk around," she tells him.

"Oh, I'm sure." He smiles softly.

Whatever. Honestly, Caroline just wants to talk to Nik. That's it. Make things right, come to terms with what she's been feeling for the past few days because it's literally been eating her up inside every time she has to look at him. They all sleep not even yards away from each other, and when she hears his breathing turn to low snoring, she remembers that she has to tell him. Now or never.

When she makes it to the showers, the water is already running. The water isn't freezing, she remembers, but it's still cold. Not even lukewarm. And there is hardly any pressure from the showerhead so water just spouts out. She walks in, closes the door quietly behind her, and stands outside his shower stall.

What does she say? How does she say it? She hadn't thought about this part.

"Damon and I," she says and the water suddenly shuts off. "We…we used to date…or something like it."

"And this is your never have I ever, I'm assuming," he says.

She nods even though he can't see. Why is she even telling him? To give him another reason to hate Damn? But everyone hates Damon, so it doesn't even matter. Damon hates Damon.

"I was drunk and young and…he noticed me," she sighs, hugging her arms and smiling stupidly. "I was naïve and let him take advantage of me. Nobody knows but us…and now you, I guess…"

"Why are you telling me this, Caroline? I don't care." Nik turns the water back on Caroline stiffens.

Bullshit.

"I'm telling you because," she swallows, "because I thought that you would want to know. Aren't we supposed to be honest with each other?"

He laughs. "Well, in that case, thank you for your honesty, sweetheart. I really appreciate it."

Her lips tighten and her face turns red. She didn't come here to fight more. No.

"You can pretend that you don't care, but I know you do! I _know_ it. You can't just not feel, Nik. You have to because I've seen it. You can deny it, push it away all you want, but—"

In a flash she's pulled in, her body pressed against the cold, wet wall. Nik's hands are tight and unrelenting around her arms and his eyes are burning right into her soul.

"But what, Caroline!" he yells, his voice the loudest she's ever heard. He drowns the running water out and she turns her head, suddenly so embarrassed and ashamed.

"I know," she chokes out. "You care. You care about Rebekah and you care about Elijah and you care about _me_. And that's why you crashed the car, Nik. I know! I know you care and you care too much and—"

"Stop it."

"—you think that no one else does, but I do, Nik. I do. If I didn't then I wouldn't—"

"I said stop it!"

"—have come back for you! Nik, I love you! Why can't you just see that and accept it? I don't want to fight with you anymore when we don't even know how long we have left. I just want to—"

Her words are lost when he presses his lips against her. Nik convinces himself it's because she's talking too much and she's too loud and she's not making any sense, that she looks completely gorgeous when she's crying and her hair is wet and that's why he kisses her; because she's just this stupid girl with her emotions who doesn't know anything about him and his "feelings" or love.

"—stay with—"

She can't even breathe as Nik's lips devour her senseless. She leans her head back as they go along her jawline and then lower, his tongue rolling over her pulse point again and again. She wants to finish her thoughts, stay with him forever, but she can't when he steals her tongue once again. She still tastes of pineapple and peaches and innocence and he swears she'll be the thing that puts him in his grave. He's a devil, a demon, and she's an angel; purity embodied into flesh and bone and soft skin. She's redemption and salvation and everything he needs and wants, but doesn't deserve.

He lifts this flimsy little shirt she has on over her head and she shimmies out of her shorts and underwear that don't even fit her. He raises one of her legs over his hip and thrusts into her quickly. Her fingers dig into his back, a scorching reminder her nails in his arm in that horrendous nightmare, but he shoves it out of his mind as he pushes himself deeper and deeper until she's moaning his name shamelessly.

He shuts her up with his mouth once she starts saying those three words again; dreaded and terrible lies. She doesn't love him. She loves the idea of him. She loves the way he makes her feel when he touches and kisses and when she thinks that they're one person like right now. It's lust, it's a deadly sin, and it consumes her. It floods her thoughts as his fingers graze over her nipples and he palms her breasts, making her sigh wistfully with ecstasy.

She rests her head in the crook of his neck and brings up her other leg, wrapping herself tightly around his waist and never wanting to let go. Her back hits the wall repeatedly; her fingers are threaded tightly through his wet hair and her teeth gently nip at his skin when he hits her _oh right…there _and she moans so loudly she's sure they can hear her on the other side of the building. But she doesn't even care, because suddenly her skin is covered in this tingly sensation, from her fingers to her toes. And Nik kisses her ferociously as her orgasm overwhelms her, sending her to the stars and back.

But Nik isn't finished and he could look at her and hear her say his name with lust coating her voice all day long, so he thinks he will. He lets her down and her head is still swimming and her body is glowing, covered in sweat and water. He spins her around, pushes her against the wall and his hands travel to her front, over her hips and in between her legs. Her hips jerk forward as his fingers trace over her folds before dipping into her already slick center. She bites her tongue as he moves in and out of her, her walls getting tighter and tighter the quicker he moves. The heel of his hand rubs repeatedly against her swelling bud and with a few more movements of his fingers she's coming undone again.

Nik's lips ghost over her shoulder and his hands kneed her supple breasts as she whispers that phrase again, but he's too lost in her to even notice. His brings his hands down to her hips, his fingers sinking into her skin, and enters her slowly from behind. She sucks in a shaky breath and arches her back, reaching behind her and latching onto his hair.

"Nik," she whines as he pushes further into her. _Yes this. Again and again._

She's a goddess and her skin is on fire as his lips brush over her back and her hips move against his. Her heart sounds like it'll beat out her chest and she doesn't think she can yell any louder because her throat feels so raw. In her ears, his groans are like a lullaby and his breath is so close to her skin, melting her all over like an ice cube.

"I love you," she whimpers.

"I know," he says gruffly, his stubble brushing against her back as he pushes into her once more. Again. One more. "Caroline," he groans as he rides her out. His body shudders and he holds his arms against the wall, enclosing Caroline in this strong trap. He rests his head on her back, his breath jagged and broken as her hips breaks away from his.

Caroline twists around slowly, her face flustered and blotchy. She slips her arms around his neck, drawing his head closer to hers until their foreheads bump together slightly.

"I mean it," she whispers, her lips brushing over his. "I love you, Nik."

She's so happy she can say it. She feels to free and unchained.

But Nik won't. She doesn't expect him too either because she knows already. She doesn't need verbal confirmation right now; because it's already so strong in just the way he looks at her and says her name.

_"There's nothing for me to live for, Elijah." _

_"If you really believe that, then you wouldn't be here, would you?"_

This is her reason. Nik.

.

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.

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.

.

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**A/N: **Kids, we're going on hiatus. I have midterms, papers due, compositions, essays, an interview, and scheduling my classes for next semester. Basically, I'm up to my neck in college shit and I hate it, but I have to get used to do it, don't I? Long, exaggerated sigh. Until we meet again. Any questions, message me on tumblr at **klarolineshowersex**, but then I'll most likely be **klarolinefeels** after the 6th, so after that go to the second url. Catch ya on the flip side yo!


	19. and everything feels so different now

Chapter Eighteen: and everything feels so different now 

"We're running low," Damon announces to their small group.

Elena's head snatches up from being buried in her knees and Bonnie's eyes slowly peel open as she sits up from her cot. Damon drops a crate down in front of him and the contents rattle inside. A few jars and cans, a few bottles of water, a few pill bottles and cough syrup. They barely had anything when they got here, but now after two months of merging with Klaus, Caroline, Elijah, and Rebekah, supplies are really dwindling. And with September coming to a close (put another X on the calendar, summer's on its deathbed), they don't nearly have enough food to make it through winter; maybe not even autumn.

"What do you mean, Damon?" Elena asks weakly. God, she's tired. So tired.

"We have one more crate of food aside from this one and it's not even half-full. We would've had more if we hadn't—"

"But we did," Jeremy interrupts.

Damon narrows his eyes, trying to ignore him. When he beat him so hard that he passed out that day, Damon and Jeremy aren't on the best of terms. Stefan urges that his brother stay away from the Gilbert boy, but there's only so much space to give each other.

"So what do you suggest we do?" Bonnie asks.

"We either have to go out and scour more or we're going to have to relocate," he explains, running his hands through his hair. "Most likely we won't find shit out there, so you might as well get your things together. We can't stay here."

"But maybe we could search first," Elena says, hopeful. "It's so dangerous out there and we haven't left here in months, Damon. We can't just pick up and go without any knowledge of what we're getting into, right?"

Damon leans against one of the concrete walls of the large room, dropping his head and exhaling. He wants to answer her questions, wants to be right like he always used to be, but right now he has nothing. His hands are empty. Do they risk losing someone in going out to search, or do they just leave and keep on moving?

He doesn't know.

* * *

Caroline isn't pretty.

She looks at herself in the mirror and it's so depressing that she starts to sob, but tears don't come out. Malnutrition is a bitch and it shows. Her hair thins and falls out in clumps. She can't even tie it back without a bald spot showing. And her teeth, well they just fall out. When she coughed two weeks ago, one of her wisdom teeth rattled around in her mouth. She quickly rinsed her mouth out to get rid of the blood and threw the tooth down the drain. She never told anybody because what if she's dying? What if that's a sign? She's thought about telling Rebekah now that they aren't exactly enemies (she isn't the worst of company once you get to know her), but she was afraid. So Caroline hides her secrets. When one falls out, it goes down the drain. She doesn't even let Nik kiss her anymore. Just quick pecks here and there, in the shower or when one of them is about to fall asleep.

She loves him dearly, but she's ugly and she knows that he can see it. It's taking a horrible toll on her and it seems like it's only her. Rebekah still seems radiant as ever, but her hair is also thinning. Caroline bets she still has her teeth. And even though the thinning in her is obvious, Rebekah looks gorgeous, while Caroline feels like a walking skeleton with her hollowed cheeks and sunken eyes.

"They're leaving," Rebekah announces as she limps into the bathroom. Her leg never healed properly since it wasn't in a proper cast and there really wasn't anything they could do about that.

Caroline looks up from the sink and into the mirror at Rebekah, a cross expression spread across her face.

"Who's leaving?"

"Nik and Elijah. Apparently, we're running low on supplies and the Salvatore brothers believe the best thing is to search the city for anything."

Caroline knits her eyebrows together. "And they were just going to leave without saying anything to me?" she asks angrily as she runs past Rebekah.

It doesn't take her long to get to the pair just as they're about to cross over the worn strip of tape that still hasn't been lifted, but apparently today there are no rules.

"Were you not even going to say goodbye?" she yells. Elijah is the first to stop, but he knows that she's not particularly talking to him.

"I'll tell them you're on your way," he tells his brother. "Make it quick."

Elijah leaves as Caroline makes her way across the way floor to Nik.

"You're overreacting," he tells her, but not looking her in the eye. "We'll be back by sundown."

"And how do you know?" she snaps. "Y-you don't know what's out there. What if you get hurt? What if you don't come back? Then what do I do?"

He takes her face in his hands and draws her up to look him in the eye, hers no longer full of the brightness they once were. But she's still beautiful. Maybe she doesn't think so, but she is. She's gorgeous and radiant and full of light.

"I'll be back, Caroline," he tells her, his voice even. But the truth is, he doesn't know. He's incredibly nervous. If they had just kept going months ago and didn't come here, then he'd be fine. He would be used to fighting for his life, but being secluded in this warehouse, knowing that there was close to zero chance of ever being discovered, it made him disillusioned. One day he was going to have to go back out there, leave Caroline and his sister to fend for themselves, but he didn't bet on it being today.

"You say that, but—"

"Do you trust me?" he asks her. "Because if you do, then you'll let me leave and I'll come back for you, Caroline. You have to trust me on this. Take care of Rebekah while I'm gone."

"And who's going to take care of me?" she asks because she's sick and weak and just _please don't go. _

Nik draws her closer and places a light kiss on her chapped lips. "You're strong, love. You'll be fine."

Will she? She deosn't think so, but before she can say anything else he's jogging away and her face feels frozen from his lingering touch. He'll come back. He has to. He will. She trusts him.

* * *

Damon has a map of the city and he's sketched out where they should split up, where they will meet up in case of emergency, and where they'll meet up when it's time to leave. Baltimore is a big city; over ninety-thousand square miles with nine regions. The Salvatores will take Northern District while the Mikaelsons search Central District, by the harbor. They will meet up at the east boundary line of Northern, the Alemada, to leave and at Inner Harbor for emergency.

"Are we clear?" Stefan asks one last time before they split up. He twists the knob on his and Damon's walkie-talkie to make sure the signal is clear and urges Nik to do the same. "We don't use these unless absolutely necessary. Fill up those backpacks with as much as you can—"

"I'd appreciate it you wouldn't speak to us as if we were five, Stefan," Nik hisses.

The younger Salvatore narrows his eyes and spins on his heel, walking across the Alemada into Northern District. Damon soon follows, his axe heavy in his hands. Once they're gone, Nik and Elijah head South to the harbor. Elijah holds the map and navigates their way through the side streets and alleyways until they finally get to the harbor area that's cleared out of every since boat that was ever docked. It's a pretty pathetic sight to behold, really. Nik told Caroline they would get a boat and sail to an island, but he just said that to give her hope. Who's to say that a deserted island won't be worst than the rest of the world? Who's to even say that it'd be deserted? What, with everyone fleeing the country…

"I have a plan," Elijah says suddenly.

Nik turns his head slightly to the side as they walk down the street, never wanting to take his gaze off of what's in front of him. You never know what might jump out.

"A plan like what?" he says quietly.

Elijah swallows and looks around just to be sure. The Salvatores are nowhere near here, but just to be safe. He even turns off the walkie for added measure.

"We dispose of the Salvatores once we meet up and when we go back we get rid of their little clan. After that, we take their remaining supplies and continue on our way."

Nik chuckles slightly. "I admire your callousness, brother, but Caroline would never forgive me. I can't—"

"You've noticed how ill she is," Elijah states. "She won't make it much longer in these conditions. Neither her nor Rebekah. Not to mention us."

It's true, Nik thinks to himself. Caroline's state has gotten weaker in the past weeks. She tries to cover it up, he notices, but she doesn't do a very good job. She doesn't smile as much anymore, she turns away when he touches her face or attempts to kiss her, and she doesn't have much to say these days. It's as if there's a secret in her mouth she doesn't want him to see.

"And your solution to all of this is to get rid of the Salvatores and their group?" Nik asks slowly. They could do it. It's definitely plausible, possible. Out here in the middle of nowhere, no one can witness anything. We take what they've gathered and pick up Rebekah and Caroline and carry on their way. Of course, Caroline won't be too happy, but eventually she'll get over it. She has to, right? She's gotten over him leaving her in that tree; she can get over the deaths of her friends. Eventually. Besides, better them die than her or Rebekah.

"I only wish we would've done this months ago," Nik sighs as they continue on their way. They've neared the famous Renaissance hotel, right on the harbor overlooking the bay. It doesn't look like it's been touch, but Nik knows not to judge a book by its cover.

Him and Elijah burst through the front doors, breaking through the glass and surely alerting anything that's lurking. Elijah flicks on his flashlight and points it straight ahead as they make their way through the extravagant lobby. Even though its daytime and the sun seeps in, it's still dimly lit. Without any electricity in this place, it's just like an attic.

Elijah hops over the front desk, searching through the under cabinets for a master key to the hotel rooms and suites. He lays his eyes on a bright red box, a glass window in the front of it. He slips it of the ring and smashes through the glass with the butt of his pistol. Reaching in, he pulls out a card key and a single metal key, slipping them into one of his pockets. They make their way to the stairwell where there are no windows. Nik goes back and drags a chair to keep the door open for easy escape if need be.

"What are the chances we make it out of here alive?" Nik asks slowly, squinting as looks up into the dark abyss above them. How many floors does this place even have? Twenty? Thirty? Too many.

"Won't know until we get there," Elijah says as he takes the first step; the first step of probably a thousand.

* * *

"They're gone," Caroline tells Rebekah once she goes back to their side.

The girl is slumped against the wall, her eyes reddened and cheeks flushed. Caroline is used to hearing her cry at night, but she's never seen it before. She always pictures Rebekah as this strong, invincible woman who won't let a little thing as an apocalypse ruin her day, but it is. It's ruining her life. And Caroline figures that Rebekah must think she's still strong herself and that talking about it won't do anything. It's not going to stop it from happening, right? So what's the point?

"I'm sorry," Rebekah suddenly says, wiping her face with the backs of her hands. "For everything I said and did to you. I'm sorry. I don't expect you to forgive me—I wouldn't forgive me—but I just had to tell you."

Caroline tilts her head to the side, confused at Rebekah's sudden confession. What brought this on?

"I just…I don't think they're going to come back," Rebekah admits weakly and the tears fall from her eyes again. "I say goodbye to my brothers every night before I go to sleep because I don't know when one of us isn't going to wake up. And I know I'm not the most deserving of love or friends or—god—family, but I'm scared. I'm scared, Caroline."

Caroline drops to her knees in front of Rebekah and offers her arms out to her. Caroline can't even remember whatever Rebekah said to her and she doesn't even care. It doesn't matter. That was months ago. It's in the past. She's let it go. All is forgotten and forgiven.

But Rebekah doesn't accept her embrace. She shakes her head and looks away, biting her lip. "I'm an _awful_ person," she laughs angrily. "I should be dead. I should've died, not Kol. I'm not cut out for this, Caroline."

"Stop talking like that!" Caroline scolds. "You're here for a reason, Rebekah. Why don't you see that?"

"The reason being? Nothing of importance! Nik doesn't even care about me anymore. It was always me. Not Elijah, not Finn, not Kol. Me! And I ruined it because of what I said to him…because I let my jealousy and my hatred for you consume me."

Caroline takes Rebekah's hands in hers and squeezes them tightly. Rebekah's hands feel so much smaller than her own, so much more fragile. Maybe it's a portrait of Rebekah herself. She's not as strong as Caroline thought she was.

"Your brother cares about you," she tells her. "I don't know what you said to him, but it doesn't matter. You weren't there when we went to your house that first day we met. He was desperate to find you, Rebekah, because he loves you."

Rebekah laughs bitterly and snatches her hands away. "I nearly died because of you. As soon as there was a chance you might've gone, we get into a car crash. And did he look for me after you found him? No. Because he had you and that's all that matters, isn't it?"

Caroline swallows. It's not all that matters. Rebekah didn't see the look on Nik's face, hear the strain in his voice once he realized that Rebekah was being held with Damon and the others. He wanted her here with them…with him.

"Before you lured the monsters away, where were you two?" Rebekah asks, her gaze penetrating. She remembers waking up and neither of them being beside her. The keys weren't in the ignition and just a few yards away stragglers were coming towards her. It was nightmare. She's fought a few of them on her way after Kol died, but she preferred that she didn't have to.

"We were…" Caroline starts to say as her mind flashes back to that day. Hopefully, it doesn't show on her face. "We talked…about your father."

Rebekah rolls her eyes. "That's what you told me on the RV, but I don't believe you. The both of you are just going to keep milking that lie until it runs dry, yeah?"

"Well, it's true." Partially. She doesn't need to know the other half. It's none of her business. "It was bad timing, okay? But we came back."

"And if you had been not even a minute late, then I would've gotten what I deserve." Rebekah smiles. "But you know what, Caroline? It's okay. Because if something happens to me, then at least I know that he has you. You can do things for Nik that I'll never be able to do, and I understand. I know."

Caroline glances off to the side, away from Rebekah's burning gaze. She doesn't know how to respond to that. It's not that Nik cares about her more than Rebekah because that isn't true at all. Family above all. A few weeks ago he'd told her about how close him and his siblings were during the days of his father's wrath. Always and forever, he had said to her. Rebekah came up with it. _We remain together. _

"Rebekah, nothing can compare to the love of a sister," Caroline tells her slowly, choosing her words. "Especially you. I would never, ever be able to repair the damage that would result if something were to happen to you. Ever, Rebekah. But you could. It's different with you. It'll always be different with you. Don't ever say that you don't deserve to be here. You have every right, Rebekah. Every right."

Rebekah's hands quickly go up to her eyes, attempting to hide any more tears from coming out. Why did she spend all this time hating Caroline? She's not bad, really. God, she was so stupid. How can she even bear to tolerate her after all the dirty things she's done to her? Said to her? And now she's giving her a pep talk about how much her brother cares about her? Really?

"Oh," Caroline remembers. "And I guess if we're apologizing and whatnot, sorry I slapped you."

Rebekah's lips curl into a sheepish grin as she stifles a laugh. "That was a pretty hard slap."

Caroline smiles softly and moves to sit beside her. "In all fairness, you were a total bitch."

Rebekah shrugs. "I get my temper from my father."

* * *

Damon and Stefan aren't so lucky with gathering much. Every house they've gone to has been looted; a few have been occupado with undead families ("It's a baby, Stef. A baby monster." "Just get rid of it…"). It isn't like they expected much to be here to begin with, but it was worth a try. Maybe a shot in the dust, but what was the worst that could happen?

They continue on their trek, wordless and silent. Every now and then a straggler wanders out the woodwork, screeches and runs towards one of them, but Damon shuts them up with a steady swing of the axe like a lumberjack. There is no room to waste ammo with their inventory. If you can kill it without a bullet, then please do so.

But then there are times when there isn't just one straggler. There isn't just two or three. There are maybe five or six and they appear out of the blue it seems. Damon rolls his eyes and sighs, whipping out his magnum from the holster he's snatched up along the way. There's so way he get up close and take them out without getting bitten.

"I'm getting too old for this," he comments as a shot rings out through the street.

"Twenty-five going on eighty-five." Stefan grins.

"And nineteen going on ninety-nine, brother."

* * *

They don't know what's awaiting them on each floor, but that's a risk they have to take.

On the first floor there is nothing. The rooms are empty, mini fridges cleaned out, not a single survivor. On the second floor, they find a candy bar and a few bars of soap. On the third floor…nothing. It's a vicious cycle. A few rooms are homes to dead employees, maids and kitchen staff. They've hung themselves in the closets, on the curtain rods, but they're still alive. Their necks have worn from the ropes, separating their heads from their bodies, but there's still a head snarling and hissing.

Elijah suggests they put it out of its misery, but Nik just wants to advance. It isn't their job to help escort the dead to the other side. They are not angels of death or Thanatos; just two men trying to make it through the rest of their lives for Rebekah and for Caroline. On the fourth floor, there is trouble in room 408.

They could easily shut the door and pretend that nothing is there, but when you're quite literally starving and the only thing you have in your pocket is a Twix and you can't even have that, then you take chances. There are five of the zombies stuffed into this room. They look like a family, but neither of the brothers is sure how exactly they died. There is no way they could've gotten bitten and there aren't any gunshot wounds. They look untouched.

Nik is the first to enter the room and takes the first straggler out with his switchblade, piercing it through the top of the skull. Elijah gets the next one, slowly and steady as he plunges his sickle through the back of its head and yanks it forward roughly, the end of the weapon shooting out through the forehead. Nik takes out the other two the same way as the first and Elijah kicks the last one through the balcony doors, its body flipping over the railing and to whatever fate meets it on the ground.

Nik wipes his blade off with a bed sheet and Elijah does so with his sickle and hands. He eyes a few empty pill bottles on the nightstand, a couple pills lying out beside them. Only three. Elijah sighs and picks up one of the bottles, shaking his head after reading the label. Nik opens up the snack bar to find bags of chips, cans of soda, and water bottles in sets of four. He stuffs them all into the backpack as Elijah scoops up the remaining medicine and wanders into the bathroom, finding a bottle of cough syrup and an unopened First Response.

Elijah hopes—he really hopes—that there will never be a reason that they have to use this in the near future, but he picks up the test anyway and puts it in the pack. Christ, but what if that's partially the reason she looks so ill? Because she isn't retaining everything she eats? It's all going to a…fetus. For God's sake no.

"Are we done?" Nik calls to him bitterly. He's so done with this day. It's been too long, he isn't one hundred percent sure that his sister and Caroline are still safe, he has zombie blood all over him and it wreaks, and the fact that this whole dispose-of-the-Salvabros plan is in the works is just giving him a headache. He's going to have to deal with Caroline's yelling and her whiny little friends and that's enough to make him want to fling himself over a cliff.

Elijah emerges from the bathroom, zipping up his pack and nodding. He should ask, shouldn't he? He already sort of knows the answer, but still.

"Do you…when you're with Caroline…"

Nik's eyes narrow. "What are you asking me and why?"

Elijah downcasts his gaze and hitches the backpack over his shoulder. "Is there any chance she could be pregnant?"

His younger brother's eyes widen. He can't believe what he's hearing. Is Caroline pregnant? What? How could…no. No, she isn't. Why would he even…what could possibly even spark that idea? If she was, then she would know. _He _would know. She'd tell him. Wouldn't she? _Wouldn't she? _

"I would know."

"But you don't," Elijah says slowly.

Nik grits his teeth. "_I would know._"

They are not having this conversation right now. No. _No. _Nik storms out of the room, shaking his head furiously and muttering under his breath. He doesn't even bother to use the key at the next room (well, Elijah has it for one). He kicks at the door in frustration, hearing a few stragglers on the other side. His thoughts are just a big blur of gray as Elijah shoves him out of the way, knocking him to the floor.

_Caroline is not…she isn't_! She hasn't even had morning sickness…that he knows about. But he knows she's been hiding something from him. Could this be it? It can't be. Not her. Not now. No no no!

"We'll sort this out once we get back to camp," Elijah states, slipping in the key. He blinks. "For now, you need to pull yourself together. Our time is running out."

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**A/N: **Someone was supposed to die in this chapter, but being as I don't like long chapters I didn't write it in. So it'll definitely be in the next chapter. So ye were warned. And thank you for waiting. You guys are awesome!

And speculation about Caroline? Is she just ill or is it something else? :O


	20. i never imagined you dead

Chapter Nineteen: i never imagined you dead

"Hey."

It's one word. One syllable and it doesn't mean much of anything but an informal means of greeting another. It's so casual and familiar that Elena does nothing when she hears it. She has to hear it again just to register the voice. It's been so long. Too long. Sometimes she thought that her friend was dead. She had no way of knowing. It was easier to think that way. It was always easy to believe that someone was dead than having any hope whatsoever. Damon and Stefan could've killed them all and Elena wouldn't have known. They could be one of those monsters, and Elena would just be here, silently mourning for her friend.

But when she sees Caroline again, her frame thinner than she remembers, and her cheeks slightly gaunt, skin paler than usual. She's kind of a ghost.

"You shouldn't be here," Elena says weakly, but she's so happy that she is. So happy and so frightened. Caroline shouldn't look like this. She shouldn't be in this mess. She doesn't deserve it.

Caroline takes a step forward and Elena shakes her head. "N-no. They'll find out."

"No, they won't."

"Jeremy."

"I already talked to Jeremy, Elena. I just want to see you."

Elena's eyebrows knit together and she stuffs her hands in her pockets, backing herself into a corner. It's so dark in this room and the only source of light is a lantern by the doorway that flickers across Caroline's skin. She's a phantom, a walking tragedy. Elena is weak herself; thin, considerably more pale. When's the last time she's been out in the sun? Her eyes have grown so accustomed to the darkness that if she were to see daylight again, she could very well go blind. Elena may be all these things, but Caroline is terrible. It appears as if she were to hug her, that she would just break in half.

"I miss you," Caroline whimpers, her face—her soul—breaking into a thousand pieces. "I miss my best friend."

Elena's lower lip quivers and she tries to suck it up. She's not going to cry. No. She has to be strong. There are no more tears. Oh, but she can't help it. Caroline dashes over to her and in a split second her thin arms are wrapped around Elena's neck tightly, threatening to never let go. Elena's arms lace around Caroline's back, tugging on her tighter than before. Tears roll out of both of their eyes and incomprehensible words leave their mouths. Caroline's had Nik to give her what she wanted—that closeness and intimacy—but what she really needed was a friend. The girl she'd grown up with, the one who she shared secrets with and cried over Ryan Gosling with. She missed her so much.

"I'm sorry," Caroline tells her. "I'm so sorry for doing that to you."

Elena breaks away from the embrace and shakes her head and sniffs. "Don't apologize, Care. I don't care. I understand."

"No, Elena, I—"

"Forget about it, Caroline. It doesn't matter anymore."

Caroline wants it to be true, but she's not sure. Her actions had consequences—consequences that she's still paying for. It will always matter.

* * *

Stefan and Damon barrel through the neighborhood in a flurry of swings and gunshots. Bullets strike through the air—perfect headshots—Damon's axe hacks off heads right at the base of the neck and Stefan's knife thrusts below the chin and he twists it, twists it until anything inside that head is shredded to bits. Damon grins proudly every time another straggler falls to the ground by him or his brother's hand. They are weak, really. What do they have? Teeth and maybe fingernails? Most of them are so rotted they can hardly walk properly.

Zombie-slaying aside, they've gotten lucky to a degree with supplies. There was a pharmacy that hadn't been totally cleaned out. It seemed as if everyone just grabbed what they figured they needed, so the only things that were allergy medicines and nasal strips. The Hallmark section was completely stocked, though. Stefan grabbed a few birthday cards because even though it's an apocalypse, everyone should have a birthday. Elena's already passed a few weeks ago, Stefan told him. Well, he thinks it did. By the change in the weather it has to be close to October, if not already. Exactly how much time has passed?

"What kind of cake should we get?" Stefan asked. "Do you think Elena would prefer a single-layer or one with zombie blood filling?"

Damon just looked at him. "You're not funny."

And that was the end of the conversation. Damon didn't like talking about Elena. She was a touchy subject. Even though technically he never had her or was ever close to getting her, the pain of "unrequited" love tore through his heart like a sharp blade. He supposes that maybe he deserves it. Or, rather, doesn't deserve her considering all he's done to Caroline. Well, Elena doesn't know, but still. Maybe it was karma and oh, what a bitch she is. Actually, maybe that's what this whole thing is. Bad karma.

They never set a time for when they were going to leave, but as the sun is just beginning to get lower, Damon figures it's time they leave. It won't be such a good idea to be out in the dark. They haven't gathered much so he hopes the Mikaelsons fared better. He speaks into the walkie telling them to head back to the Alemada. Damon waits for five seconds because talking again. Stefan's face contorts into something worrisome yet highly annoyed.

"Get to the Alemada. Over," Damon hisses bitterly.

He gets nothing but dead air. Stefan runs a hand through his hair and looks around. It's getting dark. Shadows are appearing on the streets from the houses and trees. They need to leave. Now.

"We'll zip over to Inner Harbor in case they're there," Stefan whispers quickly. "We just need to get out of the open. Who knows what's still lurking around here?"

Damon stuffs the walkie back into its holder angrily; hitching the axe over his shoulder and storming off down the street.

"When we find them, I'm going to rip out their hearts and feed it to them. Then we're getting the fuck out of Baltimore."

* * *

The higher Elijah and Nik went, the worse it seemed to get. Apparently, this place didn't do a very good job at evacuating—if they even attempted it. But then again, maybe everyone decided staying inside would be the best option. Oh, how wrong they were. Just about every guest room and suite they enter is occupied by undead. Most of them look as if they just starved to death, afraid to venture out of their rooms because of the unknown.

Nik kills with his head on something else entirely. He's brutal. Ruthless. These are not humans. These aren't even monsters. They're just…puppets. Marionettes. They have no freewill, controlled by a murder and bloodlust. And as he drives his knife through their skulls or stomps their heads into the carpet, black brain matter splattering everywhere, there is no remorse and there is no sympathy. Maybe, in a way, he has subconsciously become one of them. He can't think of anything besides this anger in his chest, clouding out any other emotion he's ever felt. This rage pumps from his heart and through his veins. This fury. This _wrath. _He doesn't know whom he's angrier with: himself or Caroline.

_Goddammit if she knows something and never bothered speaking up! _They could've done something about this. They could've given her something or…just dammit! And what if she is pregnant? There's no way she'll be able to carry it full-term. And however long she gets—however far along she already is—there will still be a dead baby inside her that needs to be surgically removed. And just exactly how are they going to do a fucking D&C?

His head is pounding just thinking of all the possibilities. God, if he had known all this shit was going to happen between them, then he would've left her in Mystic Falls where he found her. He should've left her in that tree and kept on driving. What an idiotic decision to turn back! He could be in Rhode Island by now doing whatever the fuck they're doing there. Living. Not fighting for survival like a goddamn hyena in Africa. Jesus. He's not cut out for this. Him? A father? No. No, no, no! Nik can't even imagine. He'd be horrible. Terrible. There are people put on the earth to be parents; Nik is not one of them. He isn't nurturing or loving or good. He does not…he does not care. He's a monster, undeserving of any _blessing _of a child.

He is corrosive.

Toxic.

_"You're a bastard; a twisted little cretin. You're the product of a whore!" _

"Niklaus," Elijah calls from the end of the hallway.

Nik looks up and at him, noticing him yards away. He must've been in a daze. They'd gotten to the twelfth floor—the last floor (those stairs looked ridiculous okay?)—and then what? Jeez, he's starting to go a little mad.

He jogs down to Elijah who has the walkie-talkie in one of his hands.

"The Salvatores are ready to head back," he says coolly. "Are we clear on what we discussed earlier?"

Nik doesn't even care at this point. He's so done with this shit. Honestly, he'll kill anything that looks at him funny.

"You lead," Nik says, plastering a smile on his face. Sometimes he thinks he's actually the devil.

* * *

All the streets look the same when you don't know where you're going. Night falls fast in the city and the salty bay air is thick in the breeze. The Salvatores creep stealthily through the neighborhoods, trying to find their way back to the Alemada. Fortunately, they've gotten in contact with the Mikaelsons, but when they all meet up, they're so dead. Beyond dead. Damon didn't like them from the get go, but now this is just all the more reason to get rid of them. They were doing just fine in their small group, or, rather as fine as they were expected to.

"We made a wrong turn somewhere, Damon," Stefan whispers. They step into a side alley in-between two houses and hide behind a dumpster. It doesn't appear to be occupied by any undead.

"We just have to retrace our steps and—"

"In the dark, Damon? We have to find someplace to hole up for the night."

Damon shakes his head, looking over the dumpster into the empty street.

"We'll head back the way we came and go in the opposite direction. We're not staying out here, Stefan. Do you know how stupid that is? We have a camp that's _protected _by Jeremy. Think a little bit."

Stefan shakes his head. Jeremy isn't _that_ incompetent. Kind of a goof, immature, but Stefan knows how much he loves his sister. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. They just need to trust the boy. Give him a little bit more credit. Don't get him wrong, Stefan was more than happy to rip his head off after that whole letting Caroline leave and then letting them back in, but he's got heart. He's not a coward.

"Let's go," Damon says. "We don't have time for bullshit, Stefan."

Stefan remains silent and just shakes his head. If he doesn't go, then Damon will go without him and two is better than one. He still thinks that they shouldn't be out here. They need to find a place to stay at least until the sun comes back up. Draining the power from their flashlights while trying to find their way back to the Alemada when they don't have many batteries isn't a very wise decision.

So he follows Damon because he's his brother and he's all he's got. Maybe they don't have the most conventional of brotherly relationships, but he wouldn't trade it for anything else.

* * *

Caroline, Elena, Bonnie, and even Rebekah have girl talk. They don't talk about zombies or when they think one of them will expire next. They talk about music and celebrities and Glee and how they'll never get to see the last season of Gossip Girl. They tear up as they remember watching the season finale of Grey's Anatomy where Lexie died with a smile on her face. Rebekah doesn't really understand. She didn't watch much television. She wasn't allowed to as a child so the habit just stuck.

"I bet in Rhode Island they'll have electricity," Caroline muses.

"And hot water," Bonnie adds.

"Don't forget a shopping mall." Elena smiles.

"A beauty salon." Rebekah absent-mindedly twirls a piece of her yellow hair.

"And hopefully hot guys," Bonnie sighs, resting her chin on her elbows.

A grin spreads across Elena's face. "Rebekah's brother is kind of hot." She remembers Elijah and his hair and that suave air about him that made her all tingly inside. She was like a giddy child when he said _hello there_. Swoon.

Rebekah's face twists into something gruesome. "Please spare me the details of how you find my brother attractive."

"Which one?" Bonnie asks excitedly. "Aren't there two? I only saw the tall, dark, and handsome one."

_"Can we not?"_ Rebekah asks with her jaw clenched.

Caroline smiles sheepishly. Nik hasn't been across the line. Only Elijah. She wonders what her friends would think if they ever got the chance to see him. Hmm.

"Of course there are two," Elena announces proudly. "Caroline's screwing the other one, actually. Probably."

"Elena!" Caroline screams. "I am not!" When Caroline lies her voice becomes ten times higher. She can't help it. It just happens. She clears her throat and tries again. "I'm not." Nope. Still about an octave too high.

"I can't believe I have to listen to this," Rebekah says, covering up her ears.

Bonnie cocks her head to the side and smirks. "Is it good?"

"Oh my god can we please talk about something else?" Rebekah begs. Pleads. She doesn't need confirmation for something she's already suspected. Please just drop it.

Meanwhile, Caroline is as red as a lobster and if she doesn't get out of here then she might puke from embarrassment all over everyone. She really needs to work on becoming a better liar.

* * *

They've quite literally been walking forever. Elijah and Nik have finally made it back to the Alemada, back to the SUV, but Stefan and Damon are nowhere in sight. Elijah attempts to walkie them, but neither of the brothers responds.

"Maybe they're dead," Nik inquires." Hopefully they're dead."

"Well, that won't be any use for us if we don't have the key," Elijah deadpans. "We'll just wait. Be alert and wait."

Waiting is something that Nik is an expert at doing. Ten years in Belmarsh prepared him for such an activity. There isn't much to do in a cell besides wait. He collected the letters that Rebekah sent him over time, never opened a single one. They sat in the corner of his cell; stacked up in neat little piles in between the books Elijah sent him every few weeks. He must've read them about ten times each. He even began to memorize _Insomnia_ by Stephen King, which did nothing to help his sanity.

"You need to start thinking about what might happen with Caroline," Elijah says softly. "If it's true."

"What happened to discussing this once we get back?" Nik retorts.

"You don't need to take your frustrations out on the wrong person," Elijah advises calmly. "Caroline will be even more devastated than you once you confront her. It's never too early to start thinking of solutions to this."

Nik spins around on his heel and glares. "There is no solution," he spits. "You want a solution? Kill her. Put her out of her misery before it even begins. That's your solution."

"Niklaus—" Elijah reaches out for his brother, but Nik snatches himself away.

"We're not bringing up a child in this world," he says, his throat tight. So tight. Constricting. "We can't."

"We can," Elijah replies, dropping his gaze. "You just don't want to. It's fear."

"What the fuck do you know about fear? Don't pretend like you _know _me! Where were you when Mikael beat Mum so bad she was in the hospital for two weeks? You didn't see how afraid she was of him. Where were you?"

Elijah opens his mouth to speak, but—

"You weren't there! You ran away just like you always did!"

"Niklaus, keep your voice down," his older brother advises, but Nik isn't listening. He can't hear him. Everything he's wanted to say to his brother is bubbling to the surface, overflowing at the top and spilling over. Elijah is covered in gasoline and Nik is just about to set him on fire.

"You're a liar!" Nik barks, his voice raspy and hoarse and thick. "You _lied _to me! You left and everything fell on me. _Everything!_ I was fucking fifteen, Elijah! Fifteen!"

What is this feeling? What is this sudden emotion that stabs Nik in the gut over and over where each sharp pain is more terrible than the last? Why is it all coming back to him now?

There are times that Nik chooses not to remember and for good reason. This is one of those times. Or years. Elijah was supposed to protect him. He was supposed to stay there and never let him get hurt again, but he left him. He left him to fend for himself against that man who wasn't even his father. He left Nik there to protect himself and his mother and his younger siblings. Elijah left as soon as he could. He wanted nothing more than to leave and never look back, try and forget that house and those people he was forced loyalty to.

There are times that Elijah chooses to forget. This is one of those times.

"You don't know anything about fear, Elijah," he spits, looking away and wiping his face. And when he says it, he means it. Elijah didn't have to go to sleep wondering if he wouldn't wake up in the morning. Elijah didn't have to wake up and be greeted with a plethora of insults and slurs. "Do you know how hard it was trying to reach you once Mikael was gone? You didn't even tell us you left the UK."

"It was much more compl—"

"Bullshit," Nik hisses. "There were no complications. You wanted to forget we even existed. What happened to family above all, Elijah? Because I was there when neither you nor Finn were."

Elijah looks like a dog that's just been kicked in the stomach and then stomped on. What does he say? He can't deny it. He can't run from it. It's all in his face. Maybe he thought that helping pay for Kol and Rebekah's house had atoned for his absence. Or maybe it was already done when he put his best case to get Nik's prison sentence to the least. And if not, then it surely had to have been saving Rebekah from the side of the road and Nik just as a straggler was about to bite him. Had he not done penance?

"Niklaus, I'm—"

"I don't care." Nik mutters. "I really don't care about what else you have to say. Rebekah may choose to overlook it, but I won't."

* * *

Neither of the Salvatores is sure exactly how this happens, but they turn down the wrong street and there is a horde of undead. They're surprised they didn't notice them earlier, but there must be at least a hundred of them. They crowd the small street, their attention caught when Damon suddenly skids to a stop.

Stefan takes off running first, gripping his brother's arm as he goes. The faster the brothers run, the wiser the swarm gets. This is it, Damon thinks. This is how it ends. He can't run and shoot quickly enough. They don't drop as fast as he would hope. It doesn't cause any roadblocks for them. They run over each other, determined to feast on the Salvatores. They can smell their fear; their utter terror. They can hear how their hearts are pounding and how their lungs fight to expand and contract.

Damon stops running. He freezes and so does Stefan. The younger Salvatore looks at his brother before tugging on his arm, but Damon is unrelenting. He slips off his backpack easily and gives Stefan his gun. Glancing back, they're so close. They either keep running and neither of them makes it, or one has at least a chance. Even if it's not a big one.

And it's an easy decision, Damon concludes. He'd give up his life for Stefan time and time again. They aren't the best of friends, but if he had to choose between his life and Stefan's, he'll pick his brother's every time.

"Take care of yourself," Damon tells him and Stefan's eyebrows knit together.

Stefan swallows and takes in what's happening. No. No, no, no. "Damon, stop it. Come on!" He starts to run again, but Damon doesn't. He looks at him sadly, his eyes reflecting the life they once had. There's a childish innocence still there. There's a love—a strong bond—for his brother. There is care and friendship and nostalgia.

"Don't do this," Stefan says, his voice breaking. They're almost here and—"Damon please!"

"Tell Barbie I'm sorry, will ya?" Damon smiles and that's the last time Stefan sees his face.

Damon runs towards the undead, tears prickling at the corners of his eyes. He lived his life as the villain, but he sure as hell can die a hero. The teeth that tear into his skin, rip him apart, isn't when he screams. The hands and fingers that peel his flesh and muscle from his body isn't when he screams. He screams when he realizes that he didn't tell Stefan to apologize to Jeremy too.

Then he screams no more.

_Goodbye, brother._

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**A/N: **Sigh. I'm going to go cry now. Wish me luck on my finals this week even if you hate me, please? Thank you!


	21. you're losing your light

Chapter Twenty: you're losing your light

Stefan is a zombie.

Well, metaphorically speaking. He trudges through the lone streets of Inner Harbor, trying to make sense of what the fuck just happened and why. It could've gone down differently. They could've dodged into a house and…and what? Wait until they knocked the door down and infested that place too? Still, there had to be have been something he could've done. Damon wasn't supposed to go out that way. He wasn't supposed to…

"Goddammit!" he cries out. "Dammit dammit dammit!"

Is this what they were referring to in "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Because if so, then that can't be true for Stefan doesn't feel stronger by any means. He's actually considerably weaker. He cries and he doesn't regret it because he's alone and he should be the one that's dead, not his brother. Stefan was always the one looking out for him, trying to keep him out of trouble. Why did he stop? Why did he let the fucking tables turn on him at the last minute?

Stefan doesn't know where he's going. He's lost al sense of direction, not that he had any to begin with. The only reason he keeps walking because if he stops then Damon would have died in vain and he has to honor his final wishes. He has to apologize to Caroline, for what he's not entirely sure, and he should throw Jeremy into the mix just for safe measure. Damon's atoned for his sins. Sacrifice is the ultimate price.

He's bitter and angry and heartbroken because he didn't even get to say goodbye. He didn't put up a big enough fight, did he? He should've run like hell in front of Damon so he would've been the one. Damon could've gotten away and led their group to safety. He was the only reason why they were there. What's Stefan going to do without him? His plans never work. Elena is going to die. Bonnie is going to die. Jeremy is going to die. Everyone is going to die because of his stupidity and weakness. But Damon wouldn't have just given up his life if he hadn't any faith in his brother. There was a reason and even if Stefan can't see it now, it'll come to the light soon.

Somehow he finds his way back to the Alemada. He doesn't know what time it is, but it's incredibly dark and if he squints then he can partially make out two figures sitting on the hood of the SUV. He fishes the keys out of Damon's backpack and he almost starts to hand them over to the left, but there's nobody there.

Right.

The Mikaelsons don't do anything as the boy approaches. He's alone and they figure only the worst. Stefan unlocks the doors and he slides into the driver's seat, tossing him and Damon's bags into the passenger seat. He should be sitting there, not driving.

"If you had just answered your walkie the first time…" Stefan trails off. If they did, then they wouldn't have gone the way they did. If they did, then…

Elijah blinks slowly, putting the pieces together. _Oh_.

"There was—"

"Don't bullshit me," Stefan snarls, starting the engine. "When we get back, I want you out of my camp. You take your sister and you get out."

How can he be expected to house the people partially—no fully—responsible for his brother's death? How can he be expected to function?

* * *

When the girls hear metal clink against the ceiling, they know they've returned. Elena and Bonnie are the first ones out, their feet pounding against the cement floors. Elena just wants to make sure Stefan and Damon are safe while Bonnie just wants to see what this other brother looks like. Caroline helps Rebekah off the ground and together they hobble to the entryway where Elena is sobbing and Bonnie's trying to appease her. Caroline doesn't yet know what's wrong, but heart is already about to explode from anxiety and if she doesn't see Nik within the next two seconds then—

She breaks out into a sprint as soon as he emerges from behind the back of the truck. He isn't looking at her, but past her. She flings herself at him, looping her arms around his back and squeezing as tightly as she can. She's waiting for him to hug her back, pat down her hair, say anything.

He doesn't.

She unlaces her arms from around him and as soon as she does, he walks away from her.

"Nik—"

"Caroline, why don't you and Rebekah head to the back," Elijah says to her as he steps to her side. "There are a few things we need to discuss."

Her face is the portrait of confusion as well as her emotions. Discuss what? Do they know something? Oh god, did Nik get bitten? That must be what it is! He's been bitten and he's trying to push her away! Make her hate him! She's seen this done before. Well, better luck next time.

She runs after him, tears already burning at her eyes. He's dying and he wasn't even going to tell her? _Seriously?_ How could he? How could he even have the nerve to—bastard!

"Why did you leave him?" Elena screams, dropping to her knees. Bonnie goes down with her, but she isn't crying. She has a sad expression glossed across her face as she rubs Elena's back. Stefan keeps pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair frantically. Maybe Elena's right. Why did he leave him? He should've gone with him. Brothers who fight together die together.

"Elena, I—"

"No!" Elena shrieks, jumping to her feet and beating him in the chest. "You don't get to say anything! You left him! _How could you leave him_?"

He presses his lips together tightly, shaking his head slightly. Please just stop. He knows. He knows and he doesn't need her berating him for it.

"I hate you," she shouts. "I hate you! I hate you! I hate you!"

"E, come on." Bonnie begins to pull her away but the brunette won't stop spitting venom. How could he? How dare he? She will _never _look at him the same way!

* * *

Rebekah is limping after her brother as fast as she can, calling out for him. She wonders what's wrong, why he isn't speaking at all, but he completely ignores her existence. Her eye twitches in disbelief.

_Who do you think you are? _

"Nik!" she yells again. "Answer me you arse!"

"Nik!" Caroline screams as she runs past Rebekah. When she catches up to him, her face stained with tears, she latches onto his shirt. He spins around, his face the portrait of anger and hopelessness.

"Don't touch me," he growls. "Don't ever touch me again."

She's reeling backwards at his words and his tone. She's falling out of favor and falling out of grace. Her hands are slipping off the rock as she's in a downward spiral to the jagged bottom. And she doesn't understand why he won't reach out his hand to help her.

"What's going on?" Rebekah asks quietly, her gaze going back and forth between her brother and Caroline. "What did you say to her?"

"Keep your nose out of others affairs, Rebekah," Nik says brusquely. He begins to walk away angrily. He's furious. He could hit something. He could hit somebody. He could kill somebody. This is what Elijah tried to warn him about; this urge to hurt anyone who speaks to him.

Caroline's lips quiver and a deep frown appears in the middle of her forehead. No. He can't do this to her. She won't let him. He isn't allowed.

"Stay here," Rebekah tells her and Caroline tries to understand just what is going on.

He doesn't have the right to speak to her so bitterly. He doesn't have the right to become to enraged with her when all she did was wait for him, unaware and afraid if he would safely return. He isn't bitten. He's not dying. This is something else entirely and she'll be damned if she just stands here and takes it. She isn't like his mother. She won't stand by idly and get what's handed to her. She's a better woman than that.

Rebekah trails behind him, fury in each limp. The blood that pumps through her veins is laced in venom, drowning in rage and disappointment. Nik wants to make an enemy? Two can play at that game, _dear brother_.

"Is this your go-to move?" Rebekah taunts. "Flight? Run away when you can't handle the pressure anymore? Is that it? You take the easy way out, not caring who you hurt in the process."

He doesn't stop, but she can see his shoulders tense.

"Go on!" she continues, her voice becoming more bitter with every syllable. "Push me away! Push Caroline away! For what, I don't know! But you don't need any reasons, do you? You push people away because you can! You're pathetic!"

Nik freezes. _Pathetic._

"Maybe everything that Mikael said was true!" She stands tall; placing her hands on her hips and keeps her chin raised. Her shoulders are straight and she is not a little girl anymore. She will not take orders from little boys anymore. "You are an impulsive, selfish little _boy_! You are no man, Nik! Men don't hide behind masks and shut off their humanity! You are a fool!"

He turns around slowly, his face contorted into pure hideousness. Heinous and monstrous he is. His steps to her are shockingly slow and deliberate, on point and leaving behind maddening heat every time a foot leaves the ground. When he stands before her, his breathing is erratic and his eyes are wild. For him not to be Mikael's son, he certainly takes after him.

Rebekah swallows and takes another step forward. "What are you going to do? Hit me? Look me in the eyes and hit me, Nik! Become what you've always despised!"

Rebekah is unrelenting in her words. They are bullets dipped in acid piercing through his skin and becoming embedded in his organs. She is an axe cutting him off at the knees and she's the one kick that tortures his spine. Her eyes are wet and she looks at him with pure defiance. She isn't scared. She's tired. She doesn't know what's going on with him, why this is happening, but now isn't the right time to take out his frustrations on Caroline. All she's done is be good to him. Rebekah won't allow it.

"Enough!" Elijah's voice is the eye of a hurricane, two miles away from hitting the shore. And then suddenly he's on shore, destroying the coast. He's Katrina and Nik is NOLA, unprepared and tragic. Elijah's fist connects with Nik's nose, eliciting a loud crack. Elijah could feel it break. Nik falls backward, his hands covered in the blood gushing from his nose. His blue eyes darken—flecked with rage—glare up at his brother in astonishment. Shock. He tastes blood in the back of his throat.

"You are _not _the only one in this predicament, Niklaus!" he hollers, the veins on his neck protruding under his skin.

Rebekah's never saw Elijah lose his temper before. She shrinks back a little, a slight pang of fear evident in her breathing. She shrieks as Nik kicks Elijah off his feet, bringing him to a harsh fall on his back. He scrambles over to Elijah, delivering a hard blow to his face. Rebekah screeches, telling them to stop. This is not the right time for a feud. A brawl nonetheless! But they don't listen to her. It is like screaming at a brick wall.

They fight like rabid dogs at each other's throats. At one point Elijah gets the upper hand, but then Nik flips him over and suddenly a wave of fists are cast down on Elijah. Elijah's face is black and blue and then he's over Nik, straddling him and pounding down brutally on him. His nose must be irreparable at this point and his right eyebrow splits as well as his lip. His fingers wrap around his younger brother's throat tightly, squeezing and aiming to crush his windpipe. What gives him the right to think that they aren't in this together? It is not Nik's decision. He can be angry—frustrated—all he wants, but this is no way to go about it.

"Stop it!" Rebekah cries as she digs her fingers into Elijah's shirt! "Stop it! _You'll kill him_!"

"What makes you think this only affects you?" Elijah roars and he lets go as Rebekah continues to pull on him. "We're in this together, Niklaus! Get that through your thick skull!"

Nik rolls over to his side, coughing and gasping for air. "You are not part of this," he chokes out. "This is between me and Caroline."

"What about me?"

Caroline's voice is a tremble, soft yet laced with strength. She's a phantom standing at the far end of the hall, a white strip in the darkness. She takes a few more steps closer, blinking and never once taking her eyes off her Nik. What about her? Is that why he's so angry? So determined to push her away?

"What about me?" she asks again.

Elijah stands up, brushes his clothing off, and pats down his hair. He offers a hand out to Nik, who rejects it and gets up on his own accord. To be honest, he didn't want to face this. He didn't want to face Caroline and have this talk because it's so much easier to just ignore it. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it? But he can't just sweep it under the rug as much as he would love to. He can't be selfish with this. Not with her. And if she really is having a baby, then solutions need to be made because there's no way Caroline will live through that.

He approaches her slowly, his face covered in blood and bruises. She tilts her head to the side, worry for him and herself reflecting in her eyes. She purses her lips and readies herself for him to speak, but he just stares at her as if she holds all the answers. As if she would know anything.

"You've lost more weight than anyone else," he starts. Facts should go first, right? "You're sick and—"

"I'm not sick," she protests. She's not. She's hid it so well. There's no way anyone can know.

"I don't know what you are, sweetheart," Nik continues, putting his hands on her shoulders, "but you're not well. Caroline, is there…is there any chance you might be pregnant?"

The world stops spinning in this second. Nothing makes sense. Nik is speaking in a different language. Her vision is blurry and she fades into herself. How could he even think that? Why? No, no it's not a possibility! There can't be! She's just…she's just ill. She skipped her period last month and this month, but that's just irregularity because of her diet. Right? She's been irregular before. Her cycle just needs to reset or something. This doesn't mean anything at all.

"Why would you say that?" she asks. Demands. She's livid, a fire-breathing dragon. She knows her body. She's just malnourished. There isn't a baby. She isn't pregnant. _"How could you think that?"_

"If it's possible, then we need to know," Elijah interrupts. "I found a test and brought it with me. It'd be for the best if we found out as soon as possible."

"But I'm not pregnant!"

"Just take the bloody test," Nik says tiredly. The more she fights it—the more she denies it—the more he believes it to be true. And if he doesn't get confirmation within the next thirty minutes then he might go insane.

"And then what?" she whispers. What if she takes the test and it's positive? What are they going to do? Kill her? Leave her on the side of the road? "What if I am? What're you going to do?"

Nik swallows and looks back at Elijah. Neither of them have a plan. Stefan has kicked them out and rightfully so and the idea of taking over this place doesn't seem important any longer. They have nothing. What is the point? So they'll keep driving to Rhode Island. They'll keep driving and there will be a safe place. But all the wishes and prayers do not make dreams become reality.

"We'll figure it out," Rebekah voices. "We always do, don't we?"

* * *

Caroline feels like a prisoner eating her last meal before she's shipped off to die. She may have very well signed her death sentence months ago and even if no one wants to say it, she knows it for a fact. What are the chances that if she is pregnant, she'll make it through this? And how will she ever give birth? None of them are doctors. What do they know? What if she going to do, deliver the baby herself? _Grey's Anatomy _didn't prepare her for this.

She paces the bathroom until she's counted every white painted cement slab in it. The lantern is her only company. The lantern, the fire flickering back and forth as she moves, is fast fading just like her sanity. She eyes the pregnancy test lying on the edge of the sink, wondering how long it's been since she put it there. She couldn't just hold it in her hands and anxiously look at it every two seconds. It's only supposed to take a few moments, but she's been pacing for at least ten.

What does she do? What if it's true? She doesn't want to know. She'd rather not know. Just let it be a mystery. If she is, then she just is. She can't stop it. It doesn't matter either way, does it? It isn't exactly like she can just go down the street to the local clinic and get it terminated_. Oops! Didn't mean for this happen! Better get rid of it! _No. There isn't a way out of this.

She picks it up and sucks in a deep breath. She thinks of Nik and how he'll react if it's true. He'll be angry, disappointed. He'll hate himself and he'll hate her. She's a distraction. She's a woman. A temptress. His life would have been better if they hadn't met. He would have his sister and possibly his brother had she not been so curious that day; so curious and so alone.

She's to blame. This is her fault.

Their worries are confirmed and she lets it casually slip from her fingers. It slaps to the cold floor and Caroline does as well, anguish sweeping over her entire being. She sobs silently, covering her mouth with her hands. She lies on her side, bringing her knees up to her chest. She closes her eyes and pretends to disappear just like the fire has.

_"You're beautiful, you're strong, you're full of light." _

All candles fade and the wick withers until there's nothing left.

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**A/N: **More people will die. Yes. Plural.

In response to _ilovetvd_: if a woman has a miscarriage after the first trimester, then she'll get a D&C to get the fetus removed because at that point it cannot be expelled from the body naturally.

AND JUST HOLY SHIT THAT MID-SEASON FINALE OH GOD KLAUS WITH THE SWORD AND JUST OH GOD I'M A GHOST WHOA.

**P.S. **please listen to the TFD playlist. here's the link on my tumblr ohsaintniklaus

**post/37922601494**


	22. didn't i, my dear?

Chapter Twenty-One: didn't i, my dear? 

"Rebekah, check on her, will you?" Nik tells his sister. He would barge into the bathroom himself, but he isn't sure how he would handle himself.

She disappears behind the door quietly and that's the end of it. Nik leans up against the wall and slides down to sit, resting his head against the cement and closing his eyes. It shouldn't have taken this long just to find out, so either she didn't take it yet or she's stalling. The sooner she gets it over with, the sooner they can move on to wherever that may be.

"We'll make it to Rhode Island," Elijah says, "and if Caroline is pregnant, we'll see if they have any way to end it before it progresses too much. And if not, then we'll have to make sure she has the best pregnancy she can possibly have."

Nik drops his head and settles his gaze on his brother siting across from him. When they were kids, Elijah seemed to know all the answers. Elijah had all the plans. He took them places and tried to distract them. He was the protector, always shielding Nik when he could. It wasn't enough, however. It was never enough.

The door to the bathroom swings open and Rebekah steps out with a blank face. She doesn't say anything—doesn't have to say anything—the answer is clearly written.

"She um…," Rebekah starts to say. "She should try to get some rest. She's pretty weak." Rebekah walks as swiftly as she can away from the scene because she herself cannot even bear it. When she walked in, Caroline was just lying on the floor with her face in her hands and Rebekah just knew. She didn't know what she could say that would appease her so she just took the pregnancy test, looked at it once, and then crushed it into the floor with the heel of her shoe as if that would erase the truth.

"You need to talk to her," Elijah tells his brother. "You're the only one who can—"

"No," Nik says. "The last thing she need is me right now." He gets up and brushes off his pants, starting off the in the opposite direction. "You get her together and I'll get the RV ready."

Nik figures that him not being there with Caroline will prevent him from saying anything to her that he'll regret. He doesn't even want to look at or see the tears on her face. Just thinking about it does nothing but make him angry and upset and if he doesn't leave this place soon then he could seriously go on a killing spree.

On the other side of the building, Elena is still sobbing and Jeremy is holding her in his arms to no avail. Stefan has disappeared into himself and he doesn't look good and Bonnie is just there, wondering whom she should go to. She's friends with Elena, but she's also friends with Stefan. He just lost his brother and from what she can gather Damon sacrificed himself for Stefan, but Damon's never exactly been saintly.

Nik goes past them and into the room where they keep all of their weaponry. Bonnie eyes him suspiciously and goes after him.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks, her eyes glazing over all the guns and ammo.

He doesn't answer and instead gathers up what's theirs and hitches them over his shoulders and holsters two magnums into the waist of his pants. He'll have to make a second trip. He turns around to leave the stock room, but Bonnie stands there with her hands on her waist.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asks again. "You can't take those."

"Sweetheart," Nik sighs, "I don't know you which will make it so much easier for me to shut you up. If you value your life, then I suggest you step aside."

Bonnie purses her lips and stares daggers at him. Who does he think he is? Excuse?

"They're not yours," she says. "You aren't even allowed in here. Put them back."

_Put them back. That's cute._ She caught him on the wrong day.

"Bonnie, what are you doing back here?"

Nik and Bonnie turn to see Stefan, his face tired and his eyes bloodshot. "Get back out there with Elena and Jeremy."

She purses her lips and gives Nik the stink eye before following Stefan's orders.

"Is that all you brought?" Stefan asks tiredly.

"There's more, but I'll be back to get it," Nik informs him. He starts to walk out of the room, but then stops. He turns back around and Stefan's face is blank. He's so gone. Like, really gone. If people have souls, then Stefan's must've left with Damon.

"You should come with us to Rhode Island," Nik suggests. "If there's even the slightest chance of a refuge, then staying here won't—"

"I'd much sooner swim in a pool of my brother's spilled blood, but thanks."

Ouch. Well, he tried.

* * *

Caroline says there has to be something they can do. She says that there is someway to stop it. If they have to kill her, then do it. She'll die if it means not bringing a baby to this world. Her life doesn't even compare to that of a newborns.

Elijah tells her to calm down and that getting upset will only put more stress on her and might result in something terrible. Caroline reads between the lines and figures that means miscarriage. But it wouldn't be the most horrible thing, would it?

"I'm sorry," Caroline mumbles through tears. How many times has she apologized for this? More than a dozen times.

"It is not solely your fault, Caroline. It's not even a fault." Elijah tells her, but she keeps tuning him out.

It is her fault. It's all her fault. Every little bit of it. She initiated this whole thing ever since the motel. She was the one who kissed him first. Her, not Nik. She was the one who wanted to get closer and have a better understanding of him. She was the who kissed him in the mausoleum, told him she'd take care of everything. She wanted to feel something. Anything other than pain and resentment. She practically seduced him and Caroline has never thought of herself as a seductress before. It's not in her nature, but how it is. What was she thinking? Oh that's right. She wasn't.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" she asks, backing herself into a corner. He must hate her. It's the only reason why Elijah is here and not him. He's so angry with her—he's so disgruntled that he'd probably kill her where she stood. And she wouldn't fight it either because death is a better fate than what's to come.

"My brother loves you, Caroline," Elijah says. "And if there is one thing I know about my brother, then it is that he will never hate you."

Caroline shakes her head adamantly, gripping her hair tightly. Maybe some more will fall out and she'll be utterly undesirable. What is her life? It has no meaning. Someone just end her right now. She's absolutely horrid. How did they put up with her this long? She's _so_ very stupid. God.

"Can I just—can you just give me a minute?" she asks Elijah, but he shakes his head.

"You're not being left alone, Caroline. Not in the condition you're in."

"Pregnant?" she screams. "That condition, right?" She sinks down to the floor again, wanting to ball up and for them to just leave her here. Seriously, they should keep on to Rhode Island and not ever look back. Just drive until they are so far gone that Caroline is nothing but a distant memory—a distant, dangerous, reckless and careless memory. She's a tragedy, isn't she? It seems wherever she goes hopelessness follows. Her mother is dead, her father is probably dead as well, Rebekah and Nik nearly died because of her, and Damon's death is indirectly because of her choices. If she had never brought them here, then they would have supplies. They would have food and he'd still be alive and and—

"Caroline, it may seem like a disaster at the moment," Elijah says softly, crouching down in front of her, "but in a few days our lives may be better than they have been. And in the chance that it is—better—then you have to look at this as a blessing. We don't know how little the human race is. We'll have to repopulate eventually."

She laughs darkly. "That's what you're thinking of right now? The human race?"

It's such a preposterous thought. She could die because of this pregnancy and he dares speak about the fate of humanity. Who the hell cares? She's watched people die. She's killed someone. Most likely, they're not going to make it through this one way or another. Sooner or later they're all going to die. Whether they get trapped in an alleyway by a horde or they starve; death is inevitable. In the back of her mind, she doesn't even think there's any safe haven in Rhode Island. If she had anything left to bet, then she would put it all on the table that there's nothing there. Nik told her they would find a boat if there was indeed nothing but a wasteland, but that seems like a dim chance. Everyone takes a boat in an apocalypse. Everyone wants to get as far away from disease as possible even if that means in the middle of the ocean.

They and everything is hopeless.

* * *

When Nik has the RV all packed up and he starts to head over to the other side of the camp, Elena and Jeremy stop him. The girl's face is stoic, but he can still see the tears stained on her cheeks and how much the color has drained from her face. No longer olive skinned, but just a ghostly white. Her younger brother is much more revealing in his emotions. He shakes and puts on the guise that he has to hold it together for him and his sister, but he's not fooling anyone.

"We're coming with you," Elena speaks first, but she's very unconvincing from that quivering lip.

Nik grins. Oh really? This girl and her imp of a brother think they're tagging along? No. That's so absurd it's almost funny. Almost.

"No," he simply says and turns back to continue on his way.

Elena's hands ball into fists at her sides and she mashes her lips tightly together.

"We can pull our own weight," Jeremy calls.

"Don't care," Nik responds over his shoulder.

"We're Caroline's friends!"

"Really don't care."

Jeremy is out of excuses as he drops his head, stuffing his hands in his pockets. Elena, on the other hand, won't give up so easily. She storms after him, brushes past Nik and breaks out into a furious sprint. She can't stand to be in this place for another moment. It weighs her down like a ton of bricks. Just seeing Stefan…imagining him leaving his brother for dead…how can he? She doesn't give a damn if he "sacrificed" himself or whatever—she would never leave Jeremy by himself. No one ever deserves to die alone.

She scouts out the rest of the group and comes across Rebekah who's leaning up against a wall, resting her head against it with her eyes closed. Her arms are folded tightly across her chest and her mouth rests tight-lipped.

"Where's Caroline?" Elena blurts.

Rebekah's eyes peel open and she slowly turns her head towards the girl. "She's not taking visitors at the moment."

"Rebekah," Elena snarls, "_tell me where she is_."

Rebekah tilts her head and steps up to Elena. "And I said she's not taking any visitors," Rebekah repeats slowly, her voice low and menacing. It's in her blood; the Mikaelsons have perfected the phenomena of speaking as a sadist. It's that voice that makes your skin curdle and makes you visibly wince. For such a sweet and innocent looking girl, she's utterly frightening.

"What have you done with her?" Elena asks quietly.

"I've done nothing," Rebekah hisses. "None of us have. She needs her rest."

"She was fine two hours ago."

"And two hours later she isn't." But she's never been fine, truthfully. Not for a while now; it just took them a substantial amount of time to figure it out.

Elena crosses her arms and drops her head. "You're leaving and I want to talk to my best friend."

_Leaving? What?_

"What are you saying?"

"That's why your brother is readying the RV, right? Because you're leaving."

_What? _They aren't leaving. They don't have a reason too. Besides, they would've told her. She can't go back out there. It's been so safe here. There haven't been any problems and there's no risk of ever being discovered. They can just stay here forever, can't they? Those talks about Rhode Island and shopping malls and boys were just her dreaming. It would never be a reality. This is their reality; this place and its gloominess.

She brushes past Elena and heads toward where her brother may be and Elena goes in the opposite direction. If something's wrong with Caroline, then she needs to know what and why it's happening. Yes, she's thin and sickly looking, but they've all been eating just about the same amount of food. There's no reason for her to be so weak when Elena doesn't even have hunger pains. Or maybe she's just gotten used to them.

She catches Elijah striding out of the bathroom, his head low and shoulders slightly slumped. She ambles over to him; twisting her hair into a ponytail and then taking it right back out again. She can't help it and it's truly horrible because she doesn't exactly know _why_ she can't help it.

"Elena," he greets when she stands before him. He straightens up. "It's been awhile." How long exactly since they first met? Two months? Has it really been that short? Seems like centuries.

"Yeah," she agrees and offers a soft smile. "I hear that you're leaving."

"The circumstances are a tad bit complex at the moment," he tells her vaguely.

"Complex like what?" she ventures. "Because maybe I'm going out on a limb here, but something tells me that it has to do with Caroline. And I won't let you take her anywhere without me."

"I admire your dedication to your friend, Elena, however—"

"I'm coming with you guys. I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to go insane."

He tilts his head and boldly brings a hand to the side of her face. She turns away from him and hardens her gaze.

"Tell me, Elena, is it because you're afraid you'll go mad or is it because you can't bear the company of Stefan? Because he's a stark reminder of what could have been prevented?"

She swallows, but doesn't let her gaze waver. It's true, she concludes. It has nothing to do with loving Damon or whatever—no it's the fact that he had to go the way he had to. It's the fact that he was torn to shreds while Stefan ran away and did nothing. That's what kills her repeatedly. She knows that wounds heal over time, but how much time can she afford in this place? She'll literally drive herself bonkers.

Elijah should tell her how he played a role in Damon's death, because he did. Stefan was right. If they had picked up the walkie-talkie—turned it back on after his stupid little plan—then he'd still be alive. Maybe. But they would have gone through with the plan, wouldn't they?

"My reasoning has nothing to do with it," Elena explains. "I'm going with you. Me and my brother."

"And your other little friend?"

"She doesn't trust your brother." She shrugs. "Does she have reason not to?"

"At this point, Elena, it doesn't matter." He tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and she presses her lips together, glancing off to the side. "Caroline's in the restroom."

Elena doesn't think before she breaks out into a sprint past the man, determined to get to Caroline and tell her the "good" news and find out what's wrong with her. When she bursts into the room, the scene hits her like a ton of bricks. There's broken glass everywhere, like an explosion went off. And there's blood, splashed across the shards of glass like a crude painting.

"It was an accident."

* * *

"How dare you not tell me we're leaving?" Rebekah demands when she finds Nik. He's leaned against one of the walls in a corridor, smoking and it's so dark she would've walked past him had it not been for the stench of tobacco.

"You'd be surprised, but informing you on every single detail isn't exactly on my list of priorities."

"And Caroline isn't?" she counters, knocking the cigarette from his hand. "Is that why you had me check for you? Because she's not a priority."

"Rebekah, be a good girl and get your things together," he says nonchalantly, pushing himself off the wall. "It's time to leave."

"Stop pushing me around!" she shouts. "Ever since we met up that's all you've done! Push, push, push! As if I am some weak little girl!"

"But you are, Rebekah. You let go of Kol."

She takes a step back. "What…"

His eyes widen. "You didn't hold tight enough, did you? Maybe if you had just stayed in town for just a little while longer, then he wouldn't be dead."

Rebekah visibly shakes. Is he…is he serious? "That's not my fault."

"If memory serves correct, that's not what you said before."

She doesn't need to think about it before she smacks him. Loud and hard and it makes her hand sting with hurt.

"I thought you were dead," she sniffs. Her heart feels like it will pop like a helium balloon. "I thought you and Elijah were gone. I thought I was the only one left and you say this to me? I mourned you, Nik! For days I was on my own, lost and confused and you shift the blame to me because you're too proud to admit how badly _you've_ fucked up! You don't even make sense!"

She slaps him again and oh, she wonders how she ever got cursed with such a horrible person for a brother. She could just kill him. How dare he? And he has no words for her. She hits him and punches him and screams in his face and he does nothing to stop her. She thinks that her father was always right. Nik is a bastard. He is a monster and he's terrible and she hates him. She hates him with every fiber of her being and her entire existence. Kol's death ate her up for days, weeks, and he brings it up again just to blow it in her face? As if she hadn't tried her best not to stop it. If there was anything she could ever be able to take back, it was that day. No, no. Rebekah would go even further back. She would stop them from ever leaving England in the first place. And she won't stop there. If she's undoing everything, then why can't she just prevent Mikael and Esther from ever meeting? This torturous family doesn't deserve to be alive and breathing—what remains of it. Mikaelsons. What a name. What a cruel, vicious name.

"That's quite enough," Nik says, stopping her right hand before it connects with his cheek again. "I told you to get your things together. Don't make me say it again."

Rebekah's lips curl in disgust and she snatches her wrist away. "I hated myself for what I said to you months ago," she hisses, "but I don't anymore and I don't know why I did. You'll always be the selfish, impulsive, possessive arse you've always been. And for that, you've lost me. Forever."

* * *

"How was it an accident?" Elena screeches as she dashes over to Caroline, dropping to her knees as she takes in the gashes on her hands and arms. "What were you thinking?"

Caroline shakes her head, at a loss of words. She was just so angry and the mirrors were there and she was so ugly and she swear she saw herself laughing in her reflection and—

"Keep them elevated," Elena yells, peeling off her shirt. She wraps her shirt around Caroline's wounded skin and helps her to her feet, helping her out of the restroom. She calls for help as apologies tumble from Caroline's lips and she knows she really fucked up this time, didn't she?

"Caroline, come on," Elena urges, pulling her along, but Caroline's feet are made of cement. She doesn't want to move; just wants to stay here and rot. Bleed out and wait as the light begin to fade from behind her eyes.

"It'll get infected!"

"I don't care," Caroline, scoffs, shaking off the shirt from her arms. She looks down at her arms, covered in crimson and tiny fragments of glass embedded in her skin. It's sad, really. In the beginning, when all of this started, she remembers crying on her bed, silently screaming as that ravenous creature tore at her door, wanting in. And she was strong then. She put on layers of clothing and fetched herself a weapon, squeezing out her window and climbing atop her roof. And she didn't just stay there and watch as Mystic Falls burned. Caroline went down into the streets, trying to find some help or someone that needed help because maybe she was hopeless and a lost cause, but that didn't mean everyone else was too. Yet through her journey to find someone—anyone—it ended up being just as hopeless as her life. Everyone was gone. They were dead. Because she was so alone, there hadn't seemed like a better time to do herself in. As far as she knew, everyone she knew and loved was dead.

But she couldn't. She kept on fighting to survive because that's what her mom would've wanted her to do. That's what her friends would've wanted her to do. She was going to survive this and stick up her middle finger to the world because it was ugly and she was the last pretty thing in it. However, over time, she grew weaker. She became more unstable and more desperate. More selfless. Selflessness didn't make you a hero; it just made you stupid. Caroline knows that better than anybody.

And now she's pregnant. It's like she's cursed or something. Born under a bad sign.

"I'm pregnant, Elena," Caroline mumbles.

Elena stops shaking off the shirt and her breath catches in her chest. "What?"

"I am pregnant," she says again, clearly and enunciating every syllable. "You know, with child?"

"I know what that means, Caroline. I just…just come with me so we can wrap this up, please?" Elena tries to change the subject because the sight of blood is making her sick to her stomach. It isn't like Caroline is going to die from a few cuts, but if it gets infected then she could very well get sick and what are the chances that'll end nicely? Elena doesn't even want to think about a baby. Not right now. Maybe later. Or never. How does Caroline even know? That's not something to just go around blurting based on silly little assumptions.

"Why do you think I broke the mirrors, Elena?" Caroline asks. "I'm a dead woman walking."

Elena's face contorts into confusion. When she joked about Caroline and Nik earlier, she was joking. That's it. Joking. But to find out it's actually true and this is the result…

"Walk and talk," Elena finally says, holding the shirt underneath her arms. "Just walk and talk."

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**A/N: **there will be a few lighter moments coming up soon. maybe a few laughs, some fluff, some actual hope...Klaus will stop being a douchenozzle after awhile. i didn't take it too far, did i? well i did, but like you know...

and I changed my tumblr URL again. now I'm **klausshummingbird** and you should go listen to the TFD playlist at **post/29088313069**

will try to update sooner this time! blame it on my current addiction to Supernatural D:


	23. i never thought they'd get me here

Chapter Twenty-Two: i never thought they'd get me here

Elena's eyes say not to yell when she finds Elijah. He doesn't say anything, rather, picks up Caroline and dashes to the RV where his brother has packed up most of their supplies.

"I can walk just fine," Caroline mutters under her breath.

"Of course you can," he says," you just choose not to."

She rolls her eyes. And so what? Is she not capable of making her own decisions? What, because she's pregnant now? She has to be extra careful? Because she's now an even bigger liability? Moments ago she was terribly sad and depressed; on the verge of suicidal, but now…now she's just angry. Livid. It takes two to tango so why is she dealing with this by herself? Where's her partner in crime? Is his ego too bruised that he simply cannot bear to face consequences for their actions?

Caroline doesn't express her distaste verbally. Silently she seethes, not even wincing when Elijah plucks out bits of glass from her skin and then cleans off her wounds with alcohol. She sits with her brow furrowed and her lips pressed into a tight, firm line as Elijah wraps her arms and hands in clean bandages, murmuring how it's still not her fault and that it never was. He says that his brother will get over it. He's in a bad place because he wasn't expecting to bring up a baby and in this world nonetheless. He will get over it. But when? Elijah doesn't say.

Caroline knows that different people have their way of dealing with things. Like when her parents got a divorce. While Caroline wallowed in her pity for a bit, her mother kept herself occupied with her work and with Caroline whenever she could. Eventually, Caroline moved on. Liz moved on. They both seemed to bounce back from the turmoil that was their family and that was it. Bill was rarely ever mentioned aside from a quick joke here and there, expressing their mutual dislike for the guy. They dealt with Bill's absence differently and moved past it, but Caroline can't seem to point her finger on how this pregnancy will work between her and Nik.

Is it an obstacle for them? Is it merely just a hurdle they have to leap over for the next few months? Scratch that, years? Because raising a child doesn't just stop once the kid can form a complete sentence. It doesn't end when one of them teaches it how to aim and shoot to kill. It won't ever end. It's a never-ending journey; a journey that they will never be prepared for. Caroline doesn't want to have a baby either and she probably will never be over the shock and terror of it all, but if this is what she has to do, then it's time to woman up. It's time to deal with it.

She always knew something was wrong with her in the back of her mind. Some mornings she woke up and rushed to the bathroom, claiming that it was something she ate and didn't agree with her. That's what she believed, honestly. How was she supposed to know that a baby was growing inside her, making her wretch a couple times a week? It was malnourishment, she thought. Her body was rejecting everything she ate for some reason. In a way, she had accepted this as a way of slowly dying. It was a cruel and unusual punishment for sure, but these things happened. It was karma. She'd done enough bad things in her life to deserve this, hadn't she? Wishing death on Matt and Rebekah for weeks sure seemed like a good enough reason.

"I vote Nik off the island," Rebekah sings as she shuffles into the RV, two boxes stacked on top of each other in her hands. "He's finally lost it. What happened to you?" she asks, watching the strange scene in front of her.

Caroline shrugs. "I got in a fight with some mirrors. They won."

Rebekah's eyes go wide. "Christ, Caroline! Were you trying to…you know…" she doesn't dare finish that thought. It's too gruesome to even say.

"No, I—no," Caroline tells the three of them because it's much easier than saying _yes_. "I just wanted to hit something and I saw my reflection…"

The peanut gang sighs, but they don't believe her for one bit. However, it's best not to question her any further while she's still vulnerable.

"What's this about our brother and an island?" Elijah asks, opening up the boxes that Rebekah has brought.

She flops down on the miniature couch. "He's so fucking delusional that he's blaming Kol's death on me." She crosses her legs tightly at the knees and leans her head back. What she wouldn't give for a beer right about now. "I think he's so afraid of becoming our father that he's completely bypassed the fact that he already has."

"Niklaus is nothing like Mikael, Rebekah," Elijah defends.

Rebekah leans over, resting her elbows on her knee and cradling her chin in her hands. "But isn't he?" She looks to Caroline. "He blames this pregnancy on you. That's why he won't see you." She looks to Elijah. "That's what Mikael used to do to Mum. When something went wrong, it was her fault. Her's or Nik's. And Nik has grown up blaming Mikael for everything, yeah? And this time, we replace Mikael. We're Nik's scapegoats."

Elijah shakes his head. "Niklaus is just under stress like we all are. He just needs time, Rebekah. Give him a chance. He didn't mean it."

She scoffs and throws her head back in humorless laughter. "Oh no, Eli, he meant it. You didn't see the look in his eyes." They were wild. Animalistic. Primal. Monstrous. "He believed every word of it."

Caroline swallows and drops her head, stopping herself from running her bandaged hands through her thin hair. This isn't good, she thinks. Not good at all.

"We aren't leaving our brother here," Elijah states firmly. "I don't care what he said to you, Rebekah, but you must get over it. He's our brother and we remain together."

Rebekah shakes her head in protest. "He is no brother of mine," his sister snaps. "And if you had any sense for yourself, then you would agree with me."

An awkward silence passes between the two. Caroline gazes back and forth at them whilst Elena stands awkwardly by the door, trying to figure out whether she should just leave or not.

"Where are we going anyway?" Caroline asks, breaking the silence. "No one's told me anything since you got back. It's the middle of the night anyway. You can't be serious about leaving right now."

Elijah rubs a hand across his tired face. "We're being kicked out."

Caroline tilts her head. "Stefan?"

Elijah nods.

"Well, if you explain our situation then—"

"It isn't that simple, Caroline," he cuts her off. "There's…it's more complicated than you think."

She purses her lips "Care to elaborate?"

"No." Elena is standing by, her ears eager to listen, so he won't say another word about it. If she is in fact coming along with them, then it's best that she doesn't know the truth yet. Maybe not ever. "Either way, the sooner we leave the better. If at night, then so be it. It'll be day by the time we make it to Rhode Island."

"But traveling in the dark? Elijah, it'll be much safer to just leave in the morning. We don't know what's out there."

"She's right," Rebekah adds. "We'll need our rest if we'll be traveling for however many hours. There could be roadblocks and we'd have to find detours…"

"I know the risks, but—"

"Maybe I can convince Stefan to let us stay for a few the night," Elena speaks up. "He'll do it if I ask." She doesn't wait for a response and just trots off, an agenda on her mind.

Once she's gone, Caroline questions Elijah on what he's so firm on hiding, but he doesn't let up. Caroline doesn't need to know either. What happened outside in the streets of Baltimore will stay there. He won't bring it up again. He won't even think about it. To take his mind off of the matter, he starts unloading the boxes Rebekah has brought and placing the supplies in cabinets and storage bins. They don't have a lot: a few bars of soap, four rolls of toilet paper, a half-filled container of disinfectant wipes, and some bandages and alcohol. For food they have ten bottles and a few cans of vegetables, beans, and fruit. They just might starve out there. But Elijah tries not to think that way. It could be worse—so much worse. Positive thoughts make for a positive outcome.

The door to the RV bursts open and Caroline's eyes light up, expecting to see Elena with good news, but that's not what it is. It's the complete opposite actually. In walks Nik, his eyes honing in on her and her bandages and she swears she sees something tick in him. Like a bomb just went off on the inside and it's only a matter of seconds before he explodes in front of her. She hugs herself in a feeble attempt to hide them, wishing that she had changed her shirt; to somewhat hide the bandages and pretend that her own blood isn't smeared across her chest and abdomen.

"We need to talk," he says and Rebekah hops up.

"You're not saying a word to her," Rebekah tells him bitterly. "You can take your sorry ar—"

"No," Caroline interrupts, standing up. "It's okay, Bekah." She turns to Nik and bites her lip, pointing to the door. "Outside."

* * *

She hadn't thought about what she was going to say or how she was going to say. Actually, she didn't really know _what_ to say. She doesn't owe him an apology. If she owes anyone anything, then it's herself. She should apologize to her body for letting this happen. She doesn't owe Nik anything. Not at all.

"What did you do?" he asks her, grabbing her arms. He turns them over, fingering the bandages that are so tightly wrapped around her skin.

"It doesn't matter," she responds, snatching them away and hugging herself again.

"_What did you do?_" He's trying to be menacing, but she's dealt with Nik and his temper tantrums for over almost three months now and she's not going to be so easily swayed this time. How about what did he do? Could nothing be the answer? While she cried and hated herself, where was he? Making his sister's life a living nightmare? Feeling sorry for himself?

"Whether you choose to believe it or not," she begins, shooting back the same venom and glare, "the world doesn't revolve around you. So maybe for once in your life, you can stop acting like such a selfish little prick and take some responsibility. You can hate me all you want—I don't really care—but what you're not going to do is place all the weight on me."

Nik parts his lips to speak, but Caroline won't let him. She's fired up—angry and heartbroken. She loves him _so much_—she would literally do anything for him—and this is how he repays her. As if she is so disposable and nothing of importance? After all they've been through, the tears and honesty and consolation—it means nothing to him now? Because of a tiny slipup?

"Did you ever stop and think that maybe I wanted to see you when I found out?"

"Wasn't what you needed," he says.

"And who are you to decide what I need, Nik?" She throws up her hands, completely at a loss. What, now she can't make her own decisions? Since when? Who came to this conclusion?

"Caroline, if you would just shut your mouth for one sec—"

"I'm through with listening! That's all I've been doing since we've been together, Nik! Follow, follow, follow! Listen, listen, listen! I'm done! Finished! We're doing this my way from now on."

Her way? Ha. Funny. Hilarious. "We did things your way by going to the cemetery and almost died, Caroline. Or did you somehow manage to forget?"

"But we didn't, did we? Because your brother came and saved the day just like he's always been doing."

"Don't make this about me," he snarls.

"Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't realize you wanted to talk about someone other than yourself!"

What happened between them, Caroline asks herself. They were at such a good place—a loving place—and this happens. She wants to take it back and he would do anything for it not to be so, but right now in this moment, neither of them knows where they stand. There is anger and irrationality and rashness. Nik is so desperate to put this at the back of his mind—wishing it weren't true and for a time machine to magically appear in front of him—and Caroline only wants to move forward. They are here and there is no sense in bringing things to a stalemate.

No, it hasn't even been a day since they found out. Yes, it will take time to adjust, but she can't think of a better time to start. What did she say to him when they first met? If they don't stick together, then neither of them will survive? It applies not just out in the world running from zombies, but for this too. Neither of them will make it if they don't work together on this. She's willing to give up having him as a "boyfriend" (which sounds sort of weird to say when referring to him) or whatever he ever was to her because there isn't time for romance. There never was to begin with and it was stupid to let it get that far. For now, everything has to be about the baby. There is no Caroline. There is no Nik. There is only a baby and whether one or both of them survives through this, all differences must be put aside for the child. Always.

But Caroline will always love him. There's not a thing he can do or say to her to stop that.

"Stefan said we could stay for the night," Elena's voice rings as she nears with Jeremy close behind, "but as soon as dawn breaks we have to leave."

"There is no _we,_" Nik says, his face twisting into anger.

"She's my best friend and if she wants to come," Caroline growls, "then she's coming."

"To have more mouths to feed? To put your life in more jeopardy than it already is?" Nik honestly doesn't get her. She wants to bring along her "friends" who left her in town? They didn't search for her. They saw a chance to leave and they took it, disregarding the fact that Caroline could have been stranded or hurt. All of this and Caroline just dismisses it as if it's nothing?

But Nik doesn't say anything after that. He chooses to hold his tongue and walk away, bearing the largest chip imaginable on his shoulder. If Caroline wants to bring along a few children with them, then so be it. At this point, he is apathetic towards any and everything. What is the point anymore? He's been fighting to live practically since birth. There's only so much fighting a man can do before they just give up.

* * *

Caroline never got to say goodbye to her mother nor her father. She didn't get to say goodbye to her friends before they left her in Mystic Falls and she didn't get to say goodbye to Nik and Rebekah before the tunnel blew up. Caroline doesn't have any experience in goodbyes. It is quite a foreign thing to her. Before, she always wished that she could have gotten to say them—recite the final words she would've said—but now that the situation is right in front of her face, she doesn't know what to do. It's strange.

The sun has just begun to crack and Stefan has hoisted up the overhead door. Elijah is behind the wheel in the RV with Nik in the passenger seat and Rebekah inside somewhere. Elena hugs Bonnie first and tells her good luck. It's not a tearful goodbye, though. All the tears have been cried and friendships must end. It's time for a different phase of life, a change of scenery. Elena's been stuck in this place for what seems like years and even if the world outside has gone to shit, nothing can compare to the feeling of sun on her skin. And if there is a chance of a better life somewhere in the North, then she'll go for it.

Bonnie doesn't want to go. She likes Stefan and doesn't want to live with the fact that he's rotting away in a warehouse in Baltimore because everyone has left him. He has no family left, she has no family left; what other reason does she need not to stay? Here Bonnie is safe and there is food left for her and Stefan at least for another week. They can find nourishment somewhere else, she convinces herself. She's smart and Stefan's smart; they'll figure it out.

Caroline hugs Bonnie tightly and tells her how much she loves her and that they'll see each other again one day because they most definitely will, but they both know they won't. Maybe if there's a heaven or hell or wherever they end up in the afterlife, but in this life? Not likely. Tears prick at the corners of Caroline's eyes and she almost thinks to inform Bonnie about her newfound discovery, but it's probably for the best that she doesn't. It won't change anything for the better—perhaps make them worse and more painful.

Stefan pulls Caroline aside before they're about to leave and Caroline watches Jeremy give his emotional goodbye to Bonnie and he's shaking and it takes literally every ounce of self-control in Caroline not to cry along with them, but then she remembers that Stefan is here and his face is solemn and he's saying something about Damon and she wants to pass out.

"What?" she asks because literally everything Stefan says is gibberish.

"I don't know what happened between you and Damon," he repeats slowly, "but he wanted me to tell you he was sorry."

"Sorry." It's weird on her tongue. It tastes like saltwater taffy dipped in peanut butter. Damon…sorry? Damon Salvatore…_the _Damon Salvatore…sorry? No. Sorry for what? Leading her on and treating her like certified dirt? Sorry for that? Oh, that's sweet. It's nice and thanks but no thanks. She was fine without an apology and she'll be fine without it for the rest of her life.

"Take it or leave it," Stefan remarks flippantly. "I don't care either way."

She forces a smile. "Thank you…Stefan. Take care of yourself."

Stefan forces a smile right back, but it's weak and lopsided. "You too."

Caroline waits by the door of the RV for Elena to join her. They link arms when she comes over, her face droopy and dim. They watch as Jeremy kisses Bonnie slowly and surprisingly she doesn't pull away. Then Stefan talks to him for a moment before they part with a firm backslap and Jeremy joins the two girls.

In the RV, Jeremy heads straight to the bathroom and locks himself up. Caroline takes a seat beside Rebekah on the couch and leans her head on Rebekah's shoulder and Rebekah bops her head against Caroline's. They both frown, looking out the window as they peel out of the facility and onto the parking lot and finally onto the road.

Elena begs Jeremy to open the door, but he says no and that he'll be out in a few minutes. She slides down and sits in front of the door and buries her face in her hands, thinking of her parents. What would Grayson and Miranda say to her if they could see her now? Would they still think she's strong and independent like they always said? Would they call her a woman and praise her sticking it out this long? Would they be proud of her for protecting Jeremy? She likes to toy with the idea that they do.

* * *

Elijah and Nik make a game out of the stragglers. Well, it's not really a game, but when there's one on the road then Elijah makes a point to run it over and crush its head with a tire. I-95 is infested with the creeps as well as empty cars with their hoods up and tires missing. They both get a kick out of it when the RV bounces up and down as it rolls and pulverizes another zombie into the pavement. It's at this time that the brothers realize that this is the first time they've laughed together in more than ten years. Perhaps even longer. It's a scary thought because something so morbid should not bring joy and entertainment and guttural laughs out of them, but it does and suddenly the laughter is gone and replaced with awkward silence that neither of them is willing to break so Elijah just keeps driving. He doesn't purposely hit zombies anymore and Nik gets up to take a leak, avoiding it altogether.

On his way to the bathroom, he notices all three of the girls curled up on the small couch sleeping soundly. Caroline is at the helm of the ship, her head resting on the hard armrest and her hair covering her face. Rebekah leans over and hugs Caroline's waist, burying her face in her side or back when she turns her head while Elena has her back to Rebekah's back and is squished between her body and the back of the couch. It looks uncomfortable, but they don't seem to mind. Why didn't they just use the bed in the back? It's big enough for three people.

He passes Jeremy sitting at the table, twiddling his thumbs and Nik almost says something to the pitiful looking boy, but he decides against it on the basis that he couldn't care less. Once he gets to the bathroom, he stands in front of the mirror and leans over the sink. He doesn't really have to take a piss, so he'll just stand here and muse over how fucked up everything is. It's one of those days where he wishes that he'd just died in that car crash, or maybe rotting in prison. It's one of those days where he wishes he'd just hung himself because this is simply pathetic.

He's going to be a dad. Dad.

"I'm going to be a dad."

It doesn't even sound right when he says it. It's disgusting. What a heinous word for him to ever say about himself. Doesn't describe him at all. Dads are…dads are supposed to be loving. They're supposed to be accepting and supportive and someone you can always go to in your time of need. They have to always know what to say and protect you to the best of their abilities. They're supposed to make sacrifices and be unselfish. Nik is neither of those things. He is Mikael's son whether it's by blood or not. He will never be worthy enough to own the title of a father because he has no idea how to become one. He will be a fuckup like he's always been. He's the black sheep and no one should ever look up to the person who shot their own father in cold blood.

How dare he spread his venom by creating offspring? And with Caroline? Sweet, good-natured Caroline? Nik is evil for doing what he did with her. Because of him—because of his choices—she will have to suffer. They are on the road to a destination they do not even know exists and she's two months pregnant and ill because of it. Because of him. He doesn't deserve a sweet little thing like her. She didn't know what she was getting into when she got into that car that fateful day. She was whirled into a world that was worse than being on her own. She was strong enough to carry on without him. All Nik did was bring her down and this baby only proves it further.

It's then that he realizes that it's not her fault. It's his. But he's always known this, just chose to ignore it because everything is always his fault and it's like he can't do anything right. What do you when you were born a failure at life? What options do you have other than to take out your frustrations and faults on other people? Shifting the blame to someone else to lessen the blow on yourself. He's a lousy person, really, and oh how Nik knows it. Every vitriolic name that Mikael spat from that malevolent tongue of his are all true. Ever single one of them.

The RV stops to a halt and Nik falls back into the fall, bumping his head and swearing. He stumbles out of the bathroom and sees Jeremy trying to gather himself off the floor. Nik steps over him and sees the girls in a tangle of limbs and they're screaming because Caroline is pregnant and she just fell.

"I'm fine," Caroline says repeatedly, rejecting their hands. "It wasn't even that hard of a fall."

Nik helps her up anyway and then he heads to the front of the vehicle, yelling, "What the fuck, Elijah?" _We have precious cargo_, passes through his mind, but now is not the time to try and be funny.

"We blew a tire," his brother states calmly, but his hands on the steering wheel say that he's anything but calm. "We have one spare tire," he says. "One. We're not even out of Maryland yet."

Nik crosses his arms and looks back at the girls and Jeremy, huddled closely together and pestering Caroline whether she's okay or not.

"And how long until we reach—"

"The better part of six hours," Elijah interrupts, "and that's assuming the highways are clear the rest of the way."

Nik has no time for this bullshit and says as much when Elijah gets up and heads to the back for a gun. One tire? And no telling what shape the ones currently on are in. Can they get a good day just once? That's all he wants. One day. One.

"Have a little faith, Niklaus," Elijah says, patting him on the shoulder. He turns around to face the rest of the group. "Out,"—he points to the door—"everyone out."

Elena and Jeremy shuffle behind Elijah as they exit and then Rebekah trudges slowly, her face grim. Caroline follows her, but then stops and goes to Nik. What she said earlier was…she was angry. She didn't mean it, to be honest. She doesn't know about half the things Elijah did for him and it wasn't right for her to assume.

"About earlier," she begins, concentrating on her feet, "it was…we're both upset and…"

"I know," he deadpans and he doesn't even look at her.

What is she even trying to say? Is there a point to it? He doesn't want to make up and he doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Why is she even trying?

She laughs humorlessly and shakes her head. If this is what he wants, then she won't stop him. "Never mind, Nik. I get it." With that, she heads outside to join the group.

What is that she gets, Nik wonders. That he's not worth her time? Or that she regrets ever meeting him in the first place?

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**A/N: **I tried, guys. I tried. This might be worse than the filler chapter I gave you a while back. Sigh.


	24. someday i promise i'll be gone

Chapter Twenty-three: someday i promise i'll be gone

The sun is bright and high in the sky and Elena loves it. She soaks it up and extends her arms out, feeling the heat on her skin even though the air is a bit frisky. Caroline takes her hands and shows a toothy grin and they twirl in circles like when they were little where they got so dizzy they would collapse to the ground in a fit of giggles only to get right back up and do it again and again. But they stop before the dizziness sets in and just lock their hands tightly together and swing—swing, swing all their worries away. Rebekah joins them and they're a tripod, a string of arms and hands spinning around and around in the sunlight.

Nik looks on in exasperation. It's not directed at them, at least not entirely. They can have fun if they want, but how is that even possible when they are stuck out on the road? They don't have a confirmed destination yet they're smiling? He doesn't understand. He helps Elijah get the jacks out from underneath the RV and then the spare tire and wheels it over to the front of the vehicle while Elijah brings over one jack.

"I don't think we should've left Bonnie," Elena says as they continue to spin.

"We didn't," Caroline reasons. "She wanted to stay."

"You think she'll be okay?"

"It's too late to think about that, wouldn't you say?" Rebekah interrupts, breaking away from their circle. "We've all had to say goodbye to someone at one point in all of this. What difference does one more make?"

"Way to be optimistic, Rebekah," Caroline remarks, folding her arms across her chest. "We haven't even made it to Rhode Island yet and you're talking like we're going into the abyss."

"Maybe we are," she replies nonchalatantly. "We won't know until we get there. _If _we get there."

"What's gotten into you?" Elena snaps. "We're all in this together and there is no need to act like we're dying. We aren't. We _won't_ so stop being a bitch about it."

"How foolish of me!" Rebekah exclaims, throwing her hands up in a fit. "To be realistic in a time like this. What a bitch that makes me out to be!"

"Keep your voices down," Jeremy tells them. "We're on the side of the road and there's no telling what's in the woods over there."

The girls instantly silence.

"Jer, why don't you go see if they need help with the tire," Elena suggests and her brother rolls back his shoulders and trudges away disgruntled.

"Let's not fight, okay," Caroline says. "It's not good for us."

"Or the baby," Elena adds.

"And if we just keep that in mind, then we'll make it through this." Caroline's trying to be the girl she used to be in high school; all smiles with a cheerful and upbeat attitude. It was her signature. She was a cheerleader and cheerleaders didn't go down without a fight. Cheerleaders didn't give up, pregnant or not. It was in her blood and no apocalypse would stop her from raising her child in the best possible way imaginable. And if there were nothing in Rhode Island, then goddammit, she'd make something in Rhode Island. She'll be damned if the Forbes line ends with her.

* * *

Neither of them have ever changed a tire on a vehicle so large and the whole process is anything but clear, but with the three of them they manage to get it started. Jeremy positions one of the jacks at right back wheel while Elijah positions the front one. Together they elevate the RV until the wheels are freely spinning and Nik takes a wrench and loosens the lug nuts. They replace the old tire with the new one without much difficulty, yet somehow something always seems to go wrong. However, it's not them; it's the girls.

An ear-piercing shriek rings out through the road, echoing far and wide. The three of them turn around to see a straggler gripping Elena by the hair, trying to pull her from her seated position on the metal highway barrier. Caroline tugs at her arms whilst Rebekah bounds over the barrier, picking up a stray branch and hitting the straggler with it repeatedly, belting out a battle cry that drowns out Elena's pleas for help.

The men flash over to the scene hastily. Nik and Elijah pull out their guns from the waistband of their jeans while Jeremy follows after them with his signed bat, slightly cracked from when his sister hit Damon over the head with it.

"Bekah, move!" Nik barks, readying his aim.

"Don't waste a bullet," she hollers back, finally getting a clear spot and thrusting the end of the branch right into the side of the straggler's head. She yanks it out, the body thuds to the ground, and Elena runs into Jeremy's arms, screaming her head off and shaking madly.

It just came out of nowhere. They were just sitting there and suddenly she was being pulled on, yanked from her spot and tugged closer to those widening jaws. Her life flashed before her eyes and all she could think about was leaving Jeremy behind; how alone he would be without her. He'd already been forced to say goodbye to their parents and Elena couldn't even think about what would happen if he had to say goodbye to her as well.

"Next time don't be a hero," Nik tells Rebekah and she rolls her eyes, placing her hands on her hips.

"Go to Hell." She steps over the barrier and saunters off towards Elijah, her face twisted into fury that shows no signs of ever dissipating. _Don't be a hero_, he says. She'd rather be a hero than a villain with seemingly no logical reasoning at all. That doesn't make her stupid.

Caroline is still pretty shaken up, the thought that it could've been her scaring the living daylights out of her. Seriously, she was so close. Maybe if her hair had been just a little longer then the straggler would've chose her. And she can't die right now. Not yet at least. She has to carry this baby to full-term and stay with it for at least a few years. Watch it grow up a little and then, god forbid, if something happens, then she'll be ready. She'll have died with her child having the knowledge of knowing what a loving mother was like.

It's pretty morbid to think about it, she figures, but it's only realistic. High hopes, but low expectations. Who is to say that there will ever be a cure for any of this? And even if there is, everyone's who has turned is a goner. They are vicious monsters; they can't be stopped without a bullet to the brain. Once you're dead, you're dead. There is no reverse switch; take a pill and abracadabra, you're cured. Once your heart stops beating, once the white has taken over your irises and each breath is forced and all that can be heard is a raspy grunt; that's the end. It's the terrible and ugly truth and even if there ever will be a cure, nothing will ever be the same. It will take centuries-millennia to repopulate the planet…if there is even a planet left that's worth repopulating.

"Are you all right?"

She turns her head slightly, guided by surprise _sincerity_ echoing in Nik's voice.

"Fine," she answers, short. "You care?"

"You think I don't?" he asks, stepping in front of her. "You really think that low of me?"

She scoffs. "Nowadays, Nik, I don't know what to think. So yes. Yes, maybe I do."

The last thing she wants to do is get into it with him again. It's literally like speaking to a brick wall. Yes, this situation is not ideal and neither of them want to even think about it, but while she's trying to be a woman and step up to the plate, he's still in denial. There's only so much more time before she starts to show, before he can pretend that she isn't when she clearly is; and then what is he going to do?

"Perhaps if I hadn't cared then I would've left you in that abandoned town a long time ago," he retorts.

"Yes, because we all know how big your heart was and how you never put my life in jeopardy or anything."

"You think I wanted this, Caroline?" he says a little too loudly.

She takes a step back. "That's besides the fact, Nik. You're angry with me as if I'm the only one at fault. As if I…as if I planned this out. Why would I want this for us, Nik?"

"I never said you did."

"Then stop acting like it! I'm not the enemy here! Stop looking at me like you can't stand me—like you're disgusted by me!"

Nik swallows. She does not disgust him. She never could…never will. You can't exactly be disgusted with someone you're in love with. It doesn't work like that. But maybe that's the problem. Because this is so new—it's so strange and foreign to him—he doesn't know how to properly handle it. How do you love someone when you don't know how?

"We need to get back on the road," Elijah interrupts, clasping a hand on Nik's shoulder. "With all this noise we've made, stragglers are probably on their way."

Yes. The road. It'll be nice to focus on something else other than Caroline, wouldn't it? It will be nice to look at the road and hit zombies again, wouldn't it? It would be nice to forget about the little problem in the back of the vehicle with blue eyes and a broken smile, wouldn't it? But there he goes making it about him again.

"We'll continue this later," Nik tells her and she purses her lips.

"I don't think there's anything else to discuss here." Because there really isn't. Caroline is tired. She's done with all this tension and madness. She just wants to get to their destination and hopefully the refuge will be big enough so that she never has to see him again. That's what he wants after all, even if he won't say it. And, hey, maybe that's what she wants too. Maybe that's what they need. Separate ways and all that.

* * *

Nik and Elijah switch between driving shifts. Twice they've had to pull over and map out a different route because of roadblocks and the pavement being too destroyed to drive on. Three times they've had to stop, get out, and clear through a tiny group of stragglers because risking the safety of the RV with that many zombies wasn't a risk they were willing to take.

It is five times that Caroline misses a shot.

It is five times that Nik loses his temper until he finally snatches the gun away from her, demanding why she's even outside to begin with.

It is five times that she controls her hand and doesn't smack the jackass out of him.

It is five times that Elijah has to pull his brother away and tell him in a hushed voice that if he doesn't stop acting like an "erroneous imbecile" then he will leave him on the side of the road and not think twice about it.

It is three times Caroline excuses herself and pukes in the toilet and cries because everything is falling apart and she has absolutely no control over anything anymore and she knows she said that she wouldn't blame herself any longer and she would try so hard for this baby, but it's close to impossible when she feels like she has no one and it's actually true because no one, and she means _no one_ understands. Elena tries, she really tries to offer some comfort, but between still moping around about Damon and Bonnie and possibly regretting her actions concerning Stefan, she is no help. And Rebekah is too angry with her brother to do anything, so Caroline deals with it by herself like she's always been doing.

It is four times that when she reclaims her seat beside Elena, Nik looks back and makes eye contact with her only to look almost immediately away. And Caroline does too because it's really not even worth it anymore, if it ever was.

Numbers. They are just digits that Caroline has counted off in her head, on her fingers. At the end, she'll tally them all up and see just how many times her and Nik drifted further and further away from each other until there was nowhere else to drift.

"Eat." Rebekah shoves a half eaten can of peaches and a fork into Caroline's hands. "You need to keep up your strength and afterwards you should go lie down."

Caroline sighs, stabbing a slice of peach with the fork. "I'm fine. Elijah said we're almost to the border now anyway. I can stay up until then."

Rebekah sits down across from her at the table, blocking her view from trying to stare at the front of the vehicle. "Sitting here and thinking over my brother does nothing but put stress on the baby."

Caroline jabs the peach into her mouth and chews angrily. Baby this. Baby that. What about _her_? Oh that's selfish of her, isn't it?

"Speaking of which," Rebekah continues, tapping her fingers on the table, "have you thought about names?"

"It's been less than a day," Caroline deadpans.

"I know!" Rebekah defends, raising her hands. "I thought that perhaps it would soothe you a little bit. Bounce ideas back and forth, yeah?"

"We don't even know what it's going to be," Caroline replies, shaking her head. They don't even know if it's even going to make it to full-term.

"Either way, it's always a fun activity, don't you think? Baby names." Rebekah's eyes glance towards the ceiling as she thinks back to secondary school. She'd gotten her first boyfriend and fallen madly in love with him after about a few hours. Oh, yes. When Alexander Harvey asked her to the cinema on a Friday night and kissed her right long and hard and sloppily on her front steps (only to have her moment cut short since Kol thought it was funny to open the door up and snap a picture of their lip lock...it still haunts her to this day), she was smitten. And the thing was, it seemed that Alexander was smitten with her as well. They did everything together; began to plan out their future, where they would get married and how many children they would have and their names, what careers they would have and where they'd live. Rebekah had cheated herself into this fantasy world where she would run away with the love of her life and leave her dark past behind her, the same past that she'd never told Alexander about.

He began to grow suspicious when she never invited him inside her house. She had nothing to hide and that was why she couldn't let him inside. She wasn't embarrassed of her parents because she had no parents to be embarrassed of. They were dead, her older brother by two years didn't take anything seriously, her other older brother had been in prison for the past four years, and her eldest brother helped pay the rent for their flat even though he was in uni still.

She called it off once Alex began asking too many questions that she couldn't answer. Not many people knew about the Mikaelson family, and what they did know, it wasn't exactly anything to write home about. Abusive father? Happens all the time, nothing new here. Psychotic mother? Who honestly cares?

And when Rebekah realized how broken and irreparable her family was, she realized how unfit she was for Alex. He came from a loving home. His mother always made her favorite meals when Rebekah came over; his father always let her watch whatever she wanted on the television during her visits. He had several younger sisters and an older brother who was opening up his own business. See, they were complete. They were happy. She wasn't. She was the piece of the puzzle that was put in the wrong jigsaw box. It was more disappointing that she hadn't figured it out sooner.

"What did you have in mind?" Caroline asks.

"Adriana," Rebekah spouts off instantly. "My best friend in primary school was named that. She gave me a Barbie for my birthday one year and my father thought I stole it."

"What'd he do?"

"Threw it away and said I couldn't be friends with her anymore."

"Why?"

"My father didn't need logical reasons for doing what he did." Rebekah smiles sadly, almost distantly. Mikael was an illogical person altogether. There was nothing she could do about it. "Anyway, for a boy, what about Andrew? Or Alexander? Oh, or how about Adam?"

"What's with the A names?" Caroline questions.

"They have a nice ring to them, don't you think?" Rebekah winks. "Now finish eating and go take a nap, please?"

Caroline rolls her eyes and stuffs another peach in her mouth. "Remember when we were mortal enemies?"

Rebekah slides out of the booth and turns on her heels. "The best stories always start out with hatred."

* * *

The dream she had at the motel didn't prepare her for this one.

Caroline wakes up in her own bed. It's so dark in her room that she can't even see her hand in front of her. It's so dark that she wonders how she's so sure that it's her room when she can't see anything, but she just _knows_.

She swings her feet over the edge of the bed and her toes touch down on the cold hardwood floor. Her heart pounds in her chest for a reason she doesn't know, and when she stands completely up, she hears crying. Crying like a baby or a small child.

She blinks and places a hand to her heart in an effort to calm it. _Everything's okay. This is just a dream, Care. You just have to find a way to wake up._

It's a slow task to find her way over to the door, but when Caroline does, she opens it slowly. The crying becomes louder as it travels through the tiny crack in the door and it soon is the only thing that fills her eardrums. At the end of the hallway, there's a bright yellow light from a room, but it's not her mother's room. She doesn't recognize it at all really. The closer she gets to it, the better she can make it out. It's a bedroom, but not one she's ever seen before. There's a double bed with a green comforter and what look like flat as paper pillows.

And there's someone in it. Under the covers she can just make out a person's frame, but something is telling her not to look. Maybe it's the fact that the closer she gets to it, the louder the crying gets. It's so loud she can't even think clearly. There's no source of it either. There is nothing else in this room aside from her and this bed.

"Don't look."

Caroline's breath catches in her throat as she jumps, startled by the sudden intruder. She doesn't even need to look to know who it is.

"Mom?" She turns around slowly and sure enough, there stands Sheriff Forbes in the doorway sporting her uniform. Caroline's eyes begin to water and her whole being begins to shake. Her mom, right here, alive and breathing and even if it's only a dream she'll take it. She bounds towards her, eyes clouded with tears, and just when she's about to throw her arms around Liz, she disappears.

"Mom?" she calls out bewildered.

"Don't look."

Caroline spins around and Liz is beside the bed now, and it's only then when Caroline noticed the dead look in her eyes. It's a blank stare as if Liz is programmed to repeat the same phrase over and over again. And it's weird because her voice drowns out the constant crying. The wailing that seems to hit Caroline right where it hurts.

"Don't look," she says again. "Don't look."

Caroline's fists ball up at her sides and she dashes over to the Liz apparition only to have her vanish again. Liz reappears on the other side of the room, in the corner this time, and she's not wearing the uniform. No, she has her nightclothes on from the night she died.

"Don't look," she repeats.

Don't look at what? What can't Caroline look at? Can she not look at her mom? Is that it? Or…

"Why can't I see?" Caroline asks slowly, taking a step towards the bed. "Who's under here?"

"_Don't look_."

"Tell me who it is!" Caroline demands, stomping down her foot.

"Don't look. Don't look."

"Is it Rebekah? Is it Elena? _Who is it_?"

Liz spasms, like a hologram that's been touched. She fades in and out, her orders of not to look sounding robotic. Why can't Caroline look? Who is it? Why can't she just know? She doesn't want to see so just tell her!

The crying is a deafening mixture with Liz's warnings and Caroline thinks to shrink into a ball or bang her head against a wall. Why can't she wake up? This is overdue. Just let her wake up. She takes it back. She doesn't want to know who it is under those covers. She doesn't want to see because it's probably not Rebekah nor Elena. It's neither and it's neither Jeremy nor Elijah and that only leaves one more person and she doesn't want to see it!

But maybe she has to. This is the only way she'll be able to wake up. Just because it's a dream doesn't make it a reality, right? She reaches for the top of the covers, her fingers gripping the comforter tight as her hand trembles violently.

"Don't look," Liz says again, her voice nothing more than a high-pitched screech.

"Mom, I'm so sorry I left you," she sobs. If this is the last time she'll ever say it, then why wouldn't she? It doesn't matter if it's technically not her mom, because she never got to say it. She never got to tell her how sorry she was and never got to say goodbye and now she's sorry for this because even when Liz is dead and gone and nothing more than a vision, she still wants to protect her daughter from the worst part of her life. "_I'm so sorry_."

Caroline throws back the covers, her face covered in tears and her thoughts already in a set state of mind, but she was wrong. It was supposed to be Nik under these covers, not her.

Caroline jolts awake, heart pounding in her ear and sheet of sweat covering her skin. She bolts upright, taking in the small bedroom in the RV that isn't even a room at all. She buries her face in her hands, attempting to calm herself down and determined not to have a mental breakdown even though it's most likely going to happen. What did that mean? Why did it even happen? How could she even see herself…dead? And her mother? And the crying? How does she even begin to make any sense out of it?

She doesn't.

She'll just ignore it like she did the first time. Caroline will pretend that it never happened and that it means nothing and move on with her life and _oh. _They aren't moving anymore. They've stopped.

She rushes out of the bedroom and into the main part of the RV only to see that no one is here. She bounds down the few steps and out into the outside world where it smells like smoke and fire and brimstone and whatever else Hell must smell like because surely this is where they've chosen to park.

"Flee for rural," Jeremy reads the spray-painted words on a wooden sign at what they believe to be the entrance to the refuge.

Everything is burned to the ground. Everything. The metal skeletons of tents stand limply; shells of buildings are covered in ash, broken and barely recognizable; trailers are turned over or torn into pieces as if ripped apart by some divine intervention. The only sign of them knowing that this is the place because every sign leading up to it said this is it exactly.

They've driven past it, looking for someplace else because this _can't be it. _The signs had to be wrong. There's supposed to be a refuge, a place for them to live safely at least for a little while. There was supposed to be food and shelter and other survivors, but instead they get this: a wasteland. They get their own valley of death.

"This is wrong," Caroline deduces. "You guys made a wrong turn or something. Let's go."

"There is no wrong turn," Elijah states calmly. "This is it."

"Well, you're wrong," Caroline protests. "Let's just get back in and drive around some more."

"Rhode Island is but so big, Caroline," Nik snaps. "Where else do you think it's going to be? The signs said Providence. We're _in _Providence."

Elena goes over to her and wraps her arms around her shoulders tightly, nudging her to rest her head on her shoulder. "It'll be okay," Elena says. "We'll be okay."

Caroline pushes her away, shaking her head. "Y-you're wrong! There's somewhere else! W-why would it just be gone? You're all wrong!"

"Overrun? An outbreak? The reasons could be endless," Rebekah says.

"Stop talking like this is the place!" Caroline yells. This isn't the place! This isn't what they've been dreaming about. This is not the refuge where she was going to raise her child and maybe get cured and no no _no_! This is not happening to them. This is not happening to her! Not after all this time!

"This is not the place," she says one last time and turns back around to go back to the RV. "We're wasting time just standing here! Come on!"

Once she's gone, the rest of them continue to gaze at the decrepit location they're standing in. There's no place else and they all know it. There is no more hope, if they ever even had it. They'll die out here, on the road, maybe by a bite or from starvation. Either way, they won't make it. They won't make it and nothing has ever seemed more hopeless than this.


	25. but keep the faith, love

Chapter Twenty-four: but keep the faith, love

Elijah, Nik, and Jeremy scour the area for survivors and supplies, but they come up with nothing. Everything is ruined. Nothing is left for the taking.

"We should find a cliff to drive off of," Jeremy suggest rather seriously. "It'd be quicker than waiting it out."

Elijah and Nik turn around to face him, both wearing opposite reactions.

"The boy has a point," Nik says.

"We aren't driving off any cliffs and we're not waiting anything out," Elijah says. "We only have to keep looking, find a few survivors, and everything will be all right."

Jeremy scoffs and shakes his head. Unbelievable. Elijah's even more delusional than Caroline. Survivors? There aren't any survivors, and even if they are then they're nowhere near here. They all saw the sign. Rural. Country. Everyone's probably fled to Kansas and the Midwest and further south. Perhaps they even passed some along the way and didn't even notice. Maybe Mystic Falls really was their best bet after all.

"Then what do we do, brother?" Nik ponders aloud. "Because I don't particularly see us ending up anywhere but dead either way."

Elijah straightens up his posture and tilts his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. "You seem to be forgetting you have a child on the way."

"Yes, a child who would've had a better chance of survival in a protected camp."

"Listen to yourself, Niklaus," Elijah says bitterly. "Have you gone so completely daft that you've lost all sense of hope?"

Hope? What hope? There's never been any hope. "You think I'm crazy, Elijah, yet I'm not the one constantly spouting off whatever nonsense plants itself in my head. Perhaps you should start thinking a bit more realistically."

"Realistically?" Elijah questions. "Or are you just too afraid—"

"Too afraid to what?" Nik hisses, cutting Elijah off.

Jeremy gulps from the almost palpable tension in the air. He's witnessed Damon and Stefan come to blows many a time even before the apocalypse happened. Most of the time it was over his sister where Damon had managed to cross the line or say something out of turn and Stefan was always willing to take it outside because he cared so much about the Persian rugs. Yeah. The rugs. If it was one thing that the Salvabros could agree on, then it was to not get the rugs dirty. Mary bought them after all.

Elijah narrows his eyes and cocks his head to the side. It's not even worth it, to be honest. It's like talking to a brick wall. There isn't a point anymore and he isn't exactly sure if there ever was one to begin with. He brushes past his younger brother, bumping hard into his shoulder, almost as a dare for him to make a move. Because if he does then Rebekah isn't here to stop Elijah this time.

* * *

She remembers in the mausoleum when she asked him if there was nothing when they got to Rhode Island what they would do. He had told her, his breath laced with whiskey and his eyes dreamless and blurry, that they'd find a boat and sail away. He told her that it would be a beach. And she believed him too. Yes she did. Oh, how she did. Caroline believed him because it sounded nice and it was a dream and what was the point of being alive if you couldn't even dream anymore? She believed him because, even if he hadn't thought much of it and only said it to appease her, it was threaded with every inch of hope in his entire being. She believed him because when he told her, he looked her clearly in the eyes and said they would not sink. She believed him because he was saying they wouldn't become just another statistic like the rest of the world. They were going to make it, one way or another, and if Caroline can just continue to hold onto what he said all those months ago, then she can make it. They all can make it.

"This is far from the beauty salon I envisioned," Rebekah sighs, lifting her legs and crossing them on the dashboard of the RV.

Caroline leans back in the passenger seat and turns her head sideways, smiling. "It's out there; we just haven't gotten to it yet."

Rebekah rolls her eyes and Elena falls on her back from her seated position in the middle. "Your optimism is killing me, Caroline," she moans. "I know we were getting on Rebekah about it earlier, but that was before. We're _here_ now. We didn't have a plan B. Or C."

"Who says we don't?"

Rebekah and Elena both shoot her a look.

"Just think about it," Caroline begins to explain. "We have so many options here. We can either look around some more, which is logical. We can also go inland like the sign said. There are probably more scattered around with more information, you know? This might not even be the place."

Rebekah groans and rolls her eyes. Not this again. She had thought Caroline had gotten out of the denial stage, because this was most definitely the refuge. Well, what was left of it. After Caroline had stopped pacing the RV and the boys had went out to scour the area, Rebekah and Caroline had managed to get her to sit down and take a breather. All that pacing and stressing and overthinking wasn't going to do anything but hurt her in the long run. So Caroline relaxed for, like, ten minutes and now she's back to her old refusing-to-believe-it until the end of time self.

"And even if there isn't another refuge or camp somewhere, we can always head to the shore," Caroline continues. "We can drive along the coast and search through all the beach towns. We can find a boat and sail out to an island or something."

Elena sits up on her elbows. "We'll run out of gas long before we even make it to Maine," she states. "Don't get me wrong, Care. It's nice to dream and have hope, especially since…you know—" her eyes glance down to Caroline's belly, "but what are the chances? Of course, we'll do everything to keep you as safe we possibly can, Care. You come first in this, but right now…"

"Would you quit being such a Debby Downer? Jesus Christ, Elena! I'm going to rip my hair out," Caroline exclaims.

"We'll decide what to do when the boys get back," Rebekah concludes. "There's no point in getting your knickers in a twist."

"That was the most British sentence I've ever heard in my entire life," Caroline laughs. Yes, laughs.

* * *

Elijah, Nik, and Jeremy return about an hour later with nothing more than what they left with, but it's not hopeless enough to sour Caroline's mood anymore than it already is. The three of them enter the RV, empty-handed and silent. Elena instantly gets up hug Jeremy, annoying him with questions that he's okay and that they didn't have any close calls. He should be used to it by now. Ever since their parents died over two years ago, Elena had gone into maternal overdrive. Technically, they had been placed under the care of their closest surviving relative, Miranda's much younger sister Jenna. However, Jenna wasn't the most practical guardian you could ask for so Elena took over most of the time, mirroring Miranda in everything she did. She became a helicopter mom, always hovering over Jeremy and even giving a Yes or No to who he could date.

_"Vicky Donovan?" she asks, disgusted. "Really, Jeremy? You want to date a druggie?"_

_Jeremy collapses on the couch, rubbing his face in his hands, not even bothering to get out of this lecture. It isn't even that he is asking her for permission, because if he wants to see Vicky, then he damn well will. He just doesn't like keeping things from Elena because she'll find out eventually. By telling her, he figures that her wrath would be that of Eleos than of Lyssa. _

_"You come home smelling like pot just about everyday, Jeremy," Elena goes on, exasperated. "And you tell me that you're hanging out with Vicky Donovan? She's not even your age! She's, like, twenty and you're, what, fifteen?"_

_"Sixteen. I'm past the age of consent and I really don't need your permission to do what I want."_

_"You know, just because Mom and Dad are gone doesn't mean you can just break every freaking rule in the world, Jeremy!" she hollered. "I'm trying to be responsible and I only wish you wanted to do the same."_

_"No, Elena. Just because Mom and Dad are gone doesn't mean you get to control my life!"_

And six months later, Jeremy wishes nothing more than to be back on that couch arguing with Elena over Vicky Donovan.

* * *

"Where will we go?" Rebekah asks Elijah as he gets back behind the wheel. She slides into the passenger seat, ignoring Nik's spoiled child glare from a few feet away.

Elijah pulls out the map from beneath the radio console and flips it open a few times until it's completely expanded. "We either keep going North, or we try our hands at going West. We don't have many options here, Rebekah." His fingers trace over a few exes Nik crosses out as Elijah was driving earlier. If they turn around and retrace their steps so to speak, they'll find a few farmlands in Connecticut. They hadn't stopped to check if there was anything worth taking, but from the looks of it they looked pretty much abandoned, which only leads him to grow even warier of the idea that everyone at this camp ran away to some farm or the rural. He figures that at least some people would be there, but along the way the appearance of any survivors was completely zero.

So, at this point, he's just taking a risk. Taking a chance and, really, that's all he's been doing this entire time.

"What do you think?" he asks Rebekah and she sits back in the seat, propping up her legs on the dashboard and crossing her arms. She looks out the window and huffs, rolling her eyes. Hell if she knows.

"Coast," she answers absentmindedly. Caroline said it earlier and if that's what she wants, then why not? It's not like it can actually get worse at this point. "We go along the coast…north…and maybe find a boat."

Elijah looks at her blankly. She's lost her mind. "A boat?"

She merely nods. "I've never been to the ocean before."

He smiles at this and for a split second, she catches a glimpse of the Elijah who bandaged her cuts and scrapes when she fell off a swing or landed on an unseen rock at the bottom of a slide when she was four.

"Very well," he settles, starting up the engine. "To the ocean it is, sister."

* * *

Because Rebekah is in the passenger seat, laughing over something with Elijah, and Elena and Jeremy are sitting at the table speaking in hushed tones, that leaves Caroline and Nik with the couch. Honestly, one of them can lie down, but Caroline refuses every time he tells her she should.

"I've slept enough today," she says, her voice not giving anything away. She won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that she's enraged and disconcerted. No, because he should know and expressing her emotions anymore won't even matter anyway because he's a douchenozzle who doesn't give a shit about her anymore, and probably never did to begin with so there's that.

"How about _you _go lie down?" she suggests, cocking her head and her voice still even. "You've been doing _so much _today. You know, bitching and moaning must take an _awful _lot out of you."

Nik scoffs and shakes his head. Unbelievable. She's really unbelievable. Is this her best shot at being spiteful?

"You're acting painfully immature," he laughs.

"Sorry, but in case you haven't noticed I have a life growing inside my uterus that I'll be forced to push out, most likely without any anesthesia, in a matter of months so I think I can afford to be a little moody. You on the other hand, not so much."

Nik doesn't have a comeback for that.

Caroline smirks. "That's what I thought." She wants to stop talking now; wants to pretend that he's not here and she can't hear him breathing or feel the warmth radiating not even a foot away from her. One little bump in the road and she'll bump right into him and she most definitely doesn't want that. Not when she's angry and so super pissed that he's so super pissed with her for seemingly no reason at all because it's not like Caroline _planned _to get pregnant. Like this was all an elaborate plan to tie him down and then get married so she could get better tax refunds. This isn't a fucking episode of Maury or Jerry Springer. No, it's the motherfucking apocalypse and there is an actual human in her abdomen, taking all her nutrients like a goddamned parasite and she's still getting shit for it. It's been like over a day now. She's moved on and Nik should too.

"If we get somewhere and it's a camp or village," she says, not really thinking, "I think we should separate." Because it's what he wants and it's what she wants too.

He cuts a glance at her, trying to read her expression but she's not giving anything up. Did he just say what he thought she said?

"What are you saying?"

She presses her lips tightly together, closing her eyes and exhaling slowly. "I don't know how I can say it any clearer."

He stares at her completely dumbfounded. Is she serious? She can't be serious. "You want to keep my child away from me?"

Caroline shrugs. "You don't want her, him, whatever it is anyway. What difference does it make if you're there or not?"

"No," Nik tells her. "Not a chance. You can't do that."

"I'm pretty sure I can do whatever I want," she states matter-of-factly. "The rules don't apply anymore. I just want to be as happy as I can be, Nik. You can't be happy. Ever. You have so much…anger and resentment towards everyone, especially this baby and me. I don't want to be around that and I most definitely won't raise a child in that setting."

"Oh, as if you could ever survive without me," he retorts. "You wouldn't even be here had I not taken you with me."

"So why did you?"

she questions, tilting her head. The more she thinks over it—remembers that day—she figuratively offered him nothing. He could've just left her there after he drove off the Mikaelson estate. But he didn't and she doesn't know why, but sometimes she wishes he did just leave her.

Before Nik can even begin to fathom up an answer, the RV stops. Elijah comes out from the front and crouches below the kitchenette sink, reaching for the two gasoline cans.

"We could use a fill-up and this might be the last gas station for miles," he explains, "I'm not entirely sure if this place has diesel, but it's worth a shot."

"Jeremy and I could scope out the store," Elena says, springing to action.

Elijah finds himself smiling softly. "Yes, well perhaps you should stay here with Caroline while Rebekah, Niklaus, and Jeremy go inside."

Elena shakes her head. "I'm going with my brother."

"I admire your concern, Elena, but—"

"Come on, Jer!" Elena calls, cutting Elijah off completely. He finds her initiative more endearing than annoying.

Nik gets up and follows Elijah out of the RV while Elena and Jeremy follow after. Rebekah comes over to Caroline and sits down beside her, a solemn smile playing across her lips.

"I heard," is all she says. "And I totally understand why you would want this, if we ever were to find a refugee camp, but—"

"It would be for the best," Caroline mutters.

"But would it be what you want?" Rebekah asks.

Caroline chews on her lip and twiddles her thumbs. "What I want is to go back to the way things were; where it was just us three and you kept giving me the evil eye. Things were simpler two months ago."

Rebekah can't argue with her there, but she happens to like having a friend. "Just think about it again. Nik is an arse, but as much as I want to hate him…I can't."

* * *

Elena's pretty handy with a gun, which is a surprise. She's only shot it once, a zombie that seemed to come out of nowhere as she rounded an aisle, but it was a perfect headshot and Jeremy swears that if this were a 360 game that his sister just unlocked an achievement. She laughs hysterically like she can't believe she just shot a gun, but then the pain sears through her shoulder from the recoil so her victory is quite short-lived. It was epic, though.

Jeremy is the first to go to the back of the store where the inventory would be kept, but he doesn't find much of anything. Nothing except…

"Guys," he hollers back to the group.

Elena is the first to appear and then Nik and Rebekah right behind her. "What?" Elena asks quietly.

Jeremy points his flashlight down to a large square box in the floor. It looks like a manhole or something similar since there's a handle over the top of the lid, yet no one moves to even try and open it.

"Well," Rebekah inquires, "who's going to be the brave one?"

No one says anything.

"Fine," she states, pushing past Nik and bending over in front of the hatch. She grips both hands on to the handle, twists and pulls with all the power from her back. It opens within second, an eerie silence looming over the room as the creak from the door comes to a stop. Jeremy flashes the light down the hole to see a ladder that looks more like stairs as it goes down a slight angle and each step is more protruded from the wall. When he flashes the light directly down the hole, he doesn't see a bottom.

"That isn't creepy or anything," Elena laughs nervously. "Maybe we should just go back."

"And risk everything that could possibly be down there?" Nik asks in disbelief. "Are you mad?"

Elena rolls her eyes and crosses her arms, shifting her weight to one leg. Honestly, what did Caroline ever see in this guy? Yes, you don't need to get drunk to sleep with him, but that's about it.

"Move over," he says to Jeremy. "I'm going down."

The three of them watch as he finds his footing and begins to descend, holding his thin flashlight between his teeth.

"Shout if you see anything," Rebekah tells him.

He mumbles something incoherent, but it was most likely snark.

There's an uncomfortable silence that settles among them as the sound of Nik's shoes hitting the metal comes to a stop and when Rebekah calls for him and he doesn't answer she wants to die.

"Nik!" she yells down the hatch, but she still gets no answer. Panic arises in her chest as she looks back to the Gilberts and then to the tunnel. "Get Elijah," she orders. "Something's wrong."

"Rebekah," Nik's echo sounds, seeming to be miles and eons away.

"What's going on down there?" she shouts back, peering as far into the dark depth as she can without falling. "_Nik, answer me!"_

"You won't believe this," he yells and there's this weird sound of elation in his voice that is the strangest thing Rebekah has heard in years. "You won't believe this!"

Rebekah looks back to Jeremy and Elena who are hugging and just all smiles, laughing maniacally as if they've just won the lottery.

"I don't…" Rebekah starts to say.

"Don't you get it?" Jeremy asks her eagerly. "It's an underground shelter. People have them built for hurricanes and tornadoes. Or even apocalypses, but still! It's a shelter!"

Rebekah blinks slowly, suddenly feeling woozy and like she'll pass out any moment. Actually, she thinks just might do that.

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**A/N: **One day you're all just gonna be like "You know what? No. Fuck you, Angel. Fuck you and your story that you can't even keep up with because you're a lazy little shit EUGH!"

But I have reasons this time! First of all, this story is actually really draining. There's so much angst and darkness with the last couple of chapters, and once I publish it I'm just like "Wow I feel like rolling off a cliff now bye"

AND TVD is also really annoying me to no end. I've switched fandoms and everything like I just can't take it anymore. So when I open this up in Word, I just get so angry and I couldn't bring myself to write it.

AND my favorite band in the whole world broke up in March and they like saved my life and their music helped me plot out a great deal of this story so I'm still pretty much in a funk about that tbh

BUT I think it's safe to say I won't be taking anymore abrupt hiatuses. I'm so close to finishing this I can just taste it! Which is why I need baby names! Give me your best boy and/or girl names and I'll name the baby my favorite!

Thank you so much and hopefully I'll see you soon!

Oh and you can officially count this as happy times for at least the next couple of chapters whoops ;)


	26. this is the road to ruin

Chapter Twenty-five: this is the road to ruin

Nik isn't a praying man, but if he were then this would be what he prayed for. For a while he can't even say a thing. He's completely rendered speechless at what lays before his very eyes. Of course, he's known that shelters like this existed, but he had no idea that they would quite literally just walk into one. Especially one such as this that doesn't even look like it's been used.

"I'm coming down!" Elena shouts down the hatch, but it barely registers with Nik because they've finally caught a _fucking break_. He can hardly contain himself as he goes deeper into the shelter, passing a room that must be designated as the living room judging from the seating arrangements and the television.

_Does it work? There must be a generator, right?_

On the right white shelves of the entertainment system sits a mini fridge and a microwave, and, much to his surprise, there is an actual clock on the microwave. A clock as in an actual working clock, which means electricity is running through it, which means there is a generator somewhere and _holy fucking shit_.

But he doesn't linger over it. Past the living room is what much resembles a crossroads. Straight ahead is a room with eight beds, four built into each side of the pipe. Whoever had this thing built was really preparing for the apocalypse and it's a shame that they never made it here.

_Oh well._

On the right is a dining area with six chairs around a rectangle table. He laughs at the fact that whoever owned this place tried to design it a little bit with the crappy flower prints crudely placed on the "walls" and the powder blue rug across the laminate wood floors. In the left pipe is store, where shelves upon shelves of imperishable goods and bottles of cough syrup and pills amongst other medical supplies are.

Nik blinks rapidly, unable to even comprehend the amount of sheer gold they've struck. This can't possibly be real, he concludes. He is just waiting for the moment where his eyes shoot open and there's a zombie gnawing on his arm.

But he doesn't wake up. No, instead he just gets Elena's shrill squeaks of excitement and disbelief behind him and he's never wanted so badly to hit a woman aside from this moment. Just one of those nice backhand slaps where you draw back and will send her flying. Yeah that'd be nice, but Elijah seems to be fond of her for whatever reason (he really does not see the appeal) and he'd probably be kicked out of their group.

"How is this even possible?" Elena asks aloud, but she's not even talking to him as she brushes past him and ventures further into the storage area.

"There's a bathroom back here!" he hears her say. "And an actual shower!" Wait for it. "With actual running water!" And. "It goes hot!"

Elena shuts off the water quickly, not wanting to waste anymore than she has already and goes further back, which makes her wonder when does this place end. She doesn't have to go far to find that answer out, however; because to her right is an escape hatch. It's a large metal door at the end of the long pipe that seems to run at least forty yards. It doesn't seem like it'd be a quick escape by any means, but there must be a reason it's so far away from the rest of the shelter.

When she returns to the main part, Nik is on the opposite side, past the living area and the ladder where another door opens up to reveal what must be a master bedroom. She peeps in and sees him standing, facing the wall with his head drooped low. She almost begins to question what the matter is, but her words fall short once she sees a crib.

Elena steps fully inside the room, checking it out in all its wonder. Yes, it's the master bedroom, but also a nursery. A nursery. There is a changing table directly next to the wall and a high chair and walker in the back corners. There are little toys and stuffed animals placed on the shelves underneath the changing table and it's so sad because it's never been used when it was made so specifically and genuinely for a baby that never made it. It's so damn depressing that they've stumbled onto this gold mine and can't even truly be happy because there are dead people who would've been living here. There would've been a family here; a happy and healthy baby to walk around in its walker and cry because it was teething.

And it's sick to think that they're taking it. They just came in here and they are going to rob it because they were the lucky ones, weren't they? Even when it didn't appear so, they made it this far and it's too late to go back now.

"I'll go back up," Elena says, relief settling over here as she leaves the room and her hands grasp the ladder. It's too much. It's too heavy.

* * *

Caroline paces the trailer back and forth, chewing at her bottom lip and the inside of her cheek. Someone should have come back by now. They've been gone for awhile now. She's tempted to open the door and peek out to see if Elijah is still filling up since she hasn't heard any movement going on lately. What if something happened? She did hear a gunshot, but that was probably nothing to worry about. Oh god, can't someone just come and get her? Stress isn't good for a pregnant woman!

Should she venture out? Just to check? She'll be as careful as can be, but if someone catches her then there will be probably be a reckoning from Elena and Rebekah. But…

"Caroline!"

Rebekah.

"What's going on?" Caroline asks, confused. "Where is everyone else?"

Rebekah smiles wildly. "You'll have to see for yourself."

Caroline tilts her head. "I don't follow you."

"That's why you literally have to _follow_ me," Rebekah says, rolling her eyes and gesturing with her hands. "Just come on. We haven't got all day!"

Reluctantly, Caroline follows the girl out of the RV, looking both ways up and down the road. Coast is clear. No zombies. Rebekah holds the door open to the gas station and Caroline walks through, carefully trying to evade stepping on the zombie blood flooded on the floor. She spots Jeremy, Elijah and Elena in the back room, crowded around some big hole in the ground to which Caroline instantly thinks is an ill placed manhole.

"I don't get it," she observes. "Is there like a sewer or…?"

"Not at all," Elijah replies, the corners of his mouth tugging up a little bit. "Caroline, it seems we've walked right onto a underground survival shelter."

Caroline's eyebrows knit together in confusion and amusement. Does he mean like one of those things she's seen on that show on the military channel Jeremy used to watch? Seriously?

"Unoccupied?" she asks, dumbfounded because this can't be possible. Good things don't happen to them!

Elijah nods his head and even in the dimness she can see the smile on his face and Elena is soon embracing her so tightly she's afraid she'll snap her in half.

"Care, this is happening," she mumbles. "This is really happening! We have food and…and a _shower_!"

So many thoughts are rushing through Caroline's head that she can't even separate them. She just may quite literally drown in her thoughts. This is just too good to be true. Really, she won't believe it until she sees it. And she expresses as much and Elena lets her go and Elijah goes down the hatch before Caroline ("_If you slip, I will catch you," he says to which Caroline scoff and says, "My stomach isn't even protruding.")_

Once she gets to the bottom of the ladder, her jaw drops in wonder at the place. It doesn't even seem like a shelter. It seems like a home. It _feels _like home. It is literally everything she could've asked for right now in these circumstances. Forget a boat! They have an underground home with plenty of food and a freaking television for crying out loud.

Caroline is like a five year old, practically running through the shelter and touching everything in wonder and awe as if it were the first time she had ever seen a mattress. It's amazing, really. Some excruciatingly rich person could afford something like this…so extravagant and have it stocked so abundantly. If she believed in fate, then maybe this was destined to happen to them. Maybe after all the terrible crap they've dealt with for the past few months, losing Damon, Stefan, Bonnie, and Kol—this is their mercy. This is the little piece of heaven they've gotten to keep. But for how long?

* * *

Rebekah decides that she is making dinner tonight. And it will be a feast fit for kings, but poor kings that rule over nations with populations of fifty. Which is why Elijah decides for her that one box of Suddenly Salad is enough for the night. Yes, they have a lot of food but rationing is still a thing. If they actually eat like kings, then they'll be out of food before they make it to spring.

Rebekah crowns herself the Shelter Mother because she sees herself as the most fit and stable to deal with everyone's turmoil. Everyone, except, well, Nik, but that's different. She also believes she should be in charge of water, food, and energy consumption because Elijah "doesn't know what he's talking about." No one really objects because they really have no idea what Rebekah is even going off about; they just know she's really excited and it's understandable. She has a bed and there's a mirror and she can wash her hair and clothes and isn't that every girl's dream who is put into this situation? Elijah definitely won't let her be in charge of what gets eaten and used, though.

The clock on the microwave reads 9:34 p.m. once they've all finished eating Rebekah's "delicious" dinner. She's proud of it and mostly everyone is smiling and it feels so natural and weird because when was the last time this happened? When there were genuine smiles and laughter?

"First thing in the morning we should drive around," Elijah states, breaking the fun times. "We should find what could be of eventual use to us. We might be well stocked now, but two months from now we could see our supplies dwindling."

"Elena stay here with Caroline while the rest of us go," Rebekah adds, turning to face her. "No offense, but I'm a far better shot than you. You nearly just grazed that straggler at close range earlier."

"Right," Elijah interjects, "well we'll need to map out a route. Department stores will most likely be looted as well as full of stragglers so we should steer clear of them, but target small off the road shops as we see fit. Gas stations, drug stores, convenience stores, et cetera."

"While you're out, then Elena and I could take inventory," Caroline suggests. "Check and see how much food we have and calculate how much we'll need to ration each day."

"And the water jugs," Elena says. "Underneath the floorboards. They're everywhere and I'm sure we've not discovered all of them."

Elijah grins softly. "Brilliant idea, Elena."

Rebekah gags. _It definitely wasn't that brilliant. Calm your boner, Eli._

After going over the details a bit more, most of the gang decides to go to retire for the night. Jeremy, and Rebekah go in the back, with majority of the beds, but Elijah insists that Caroline take the master bedroom along with Elena. She says she doesn't need it, but Elena won't pass up the chance to sleep in a roomier bed and to stay up and gossip because even though there are literally only three other people in the world she could talk shit about, she's not going to pass it up.

Reluctantly, Caroline trudges into the bedroom with Elena in tow and the door shuts shortly thereafter. Elijah spares no time in laying it on his brother.

"Tomorrow, you will stay here with Caroline," he says, sharp. "Not Elena."

Nik scoffs. "Not a chance."

Elijah throws up his hands in exasperation. "Niklaus, it's like you don't even _want _to fix things with the girl. It's as if you don't even care."

"Did it ever cross your mind that I don't?" Nik asks, narrowing his eyes.

Elijah sighs and looks down at the table. "You're a terrible liar," he tells him, resigned. "Even when we were younger, you were the worst at lying. You were even worse than Kol. Remember Tatia?"

"Don't."

"You told me you had no interest in her and I knew you were lying because of how you looked at her as if she placed the stars in the sky, but…I guess I didn't care. Did that make me selfish?"

Nik swallows. "No. It makes you human."

"You speak of being human when you've become such a monster to the woman you love and is having your child? That's very peculiar…"

"Either way," Nik concludes, "I'm not staying here. We have nothing to say to each other."

"And what if someone finds this place and they aren't exactly friendly? You can't possibly expect Caroline and Elena to defend themselves, can you?"

"Fewer mouths to feed."

Elijah regards him for a few seconds, watching the dead and empty look in his younger brother's eyes. Something is broken. It's broken and he doesn't think he can fix it. How could say something so cold and heartless and with such conviction? It's as if he weren't even human; he's a different kind of monster. It's sad, really, that it has come to this. He didn't use to be so empty and such a shell. Elijah can still remember his smile, bright as day, on Christmas morning in 1989. He'd been on his best behavior for three months since he first saw a scooter flash across the television screen and he wrote misspelled letter after misspelled letter to Santa because he had to have it. And on Christmas morning it was there, resting beside the tree along with the other children's gifts.

But now that smiles is gone and just replaced with darkness. A sad half smile tugs at Elijah's lips as he says, "It is such a hollow little life that you lead, Niklaus." And he heads to bed.

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**A/N: **Are you there, shippers? It's me, Angel.

No more excuses. The jig is up and I can no longer deny it. I take so long updating because 1) I'm so tired of writing this 2) I don't care about Klaroline or TVD or "The Originals" anymore and 3) I really hate the original characters in general aside from Kol (no, I don't regret killing him off). Either way, my personal bias for the characters will have nothing to do with the ending, whether it be happy or sad. I've had the ending planned out since I wrote the prologue, and, honestly, the ending was the reason I was so excited to start this.

I'm not going to say "Oh I'll update next week!" because I probably won't. I'm not enthused about this anymore and I was _this _close to abandoning this fic the other week, but I owe it to you guys to finish. I owe it to you because even though I'm a sucky person, a lot of you guys have been there for me for over a year now and I really love you and your support and I know everyone says this, but I have the best readers because I throw these plot twists at you and you don't leave and THAT is dedication. I had no idea how much you guys would support the baby twist (oh this is so ironic now, isn't it?), but most of you did and I'm so happy and I hope I can wrap it up nicely for you.

But let me reiterate, _**how I feel about KC does not effect what happens at the end of this story**_. I feel like if you don't understand that, then if I write a happy ending then it'll be just to appease you guys and if it's a sad ending it'll be because I hate Klaus and decided to off him out of spite. I wouldn't do that to you guys and I wouldn't do that to myself. So please, if you get nothing else out of this ridiculously long author's note, just know that.

Now, I will really _try_ to update soon(er), but no promises. I've not written this story since I last updated in April and that was actually the last thing I wrote aside from EML. I've not written in nearly two months, so if this is shit then I sincerely apologize. I really, truly hope that you can forgive me for treating you guys so poorly when all you've been is nice to me.

Anyway, if you want to know what I based the shelter off of, then use a search engine and type in "atlas survival shelters" and there will be a website with pictures and stuff and..._thangs_. I'm not entirely sure how the electricity works, but I imagined there must be some type of generator? Don't quote me on that, though.

There will be a lot of domesticity (yay domesticity!) coming up and yes, Nik and Care will make up soon. And question, does anyone fancy Jeremy x Rebekah? I don't particularly ship it, but if enough of you want I could squeeze a little bit in before shit hits the fan :O

And thank you for the name suggestions! I'm loving them so keep 'em coming! Y'know, I kinda got excited a bit more about this as got to the end of this note...hmmm...

Thank you for your continuous support!**  
**

-Angel


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